24

Onyx is NOT a Most Excellent Kitty

Gypsy: It looks like someone wants to turn the Belleville Three into the Belleville Two.

Angel: What do you mean? We’re finally getting along. I haven’t hissed at you in a long time.

Gypsy: Not you. Onyx. She’s acting like she wants to break up the team.

Angel: She has been acting a little weird, even for her. I thought when Blondie got home she’d disappear upstairs. But she’s been sleeping on the freezer or the bag of paper towels.

Gypsy: She even comes out for breakfast.

Angel: Yeah, and she doesn’t even eat wet food. She’s got Mom trained to give her treats in the morning.

Gypsy: Did you see what happened this morning?

Angel: You mean sitting in the sink?

Gypsy: Mom gave her a bowl of water in the sink so she would stop licking the faucet. Like she’s too good to share with the rest of us.

Angel: She’s not used to sharing. She used to stay in Blondie’s room all the time. She had everything to herself.

Gypsy: She’s giving up a pretty sweet deal. She was always treated like she was better than us.

Angel: It’s strange that she’s started going outside too. She’s been an indoor kitty her whole life. 

Gypsy: It’s pretty rude, if you ask me. Blondie spent her time away missing Onyx, and now Onyx is pretty much ignoring her.

Angel: Can you believe that she got out last Friday, and no one realized that she wasn’t just being anti-social? In the past, there would have been a massive cat hunt until someone found her.

Gypsy: Yeah. She had to come back herself the next day. Blondie was pretty frantic looking for her.

Angel: In the humans’ defense, she got out when it was dark and no one saw her leave. It’s been crazy around here. 

Gypsy: And the small humans still need some training. The big humans know to close the inside porch door before they open the house door, but the little humans can’t see to get it coordinated when they come home.

Angel: And it takes forever for them to go in or out. One little human opens one door and keeps it open while the other one comes in. They don’t seem to understand they are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Gypsy: Yesterday, one of them opened the door and went outside by himself when Mom drove up. Onyx was right behind him. Mom and Blondie had to track her down with treats. And she was really crabby when she got back in.

Angel: She is fast. And persistent. This morning Mom had to hold her back when our human brother went out. Twice.

Gypsy: Mom gave Onyx treats right before she left so she’d be preoccupied.

Angel: That’s a pretty good trick. She’s used it on Sarge too.

Gypsy: He’s not as dedicated to getting out as Onyx is.

Angel: I think Onyx is kinda dumb. It’s starting to get cold. Why would she want to go outside?

Gypsy: Agreed. The warm stuff is inside. And so is the food.

Angel: I wonder if she’s still Blondie’s favorite. She’s getting to be pretty high maintenance. She’s always been pretty annoying to the rest of us cats. Now she’s trying it on the humans.

Gypsy: Probably. She still has the small humans, and they are extremely high maintenance.

Angel: Good point. Onyx probably just enjoys seeing the humans chasing after her.

Gypsy: We are the only two who haven’t tried to escape this fall. That has to be good for our House Cat ranking.

Angel: Excellent point.

34

Gypsy Katt: Humans are So Annoying

        

Hello. It’s me, your stressed-out dilute calico buddy. I’ve had a really rough week.

Onyx: Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? After all, I’m the one whose human is still missing. And no one is letting me outside to track her down.

Gypsy: That’s your idea of stress? You’ve gotten out a few times. It’s not my fault if they keep bringing you back in.

Onyx: I almost made it the last time. If I’d just made it under the porch in the back yard, I would have been free.

Sgt Stripes: Free to do what? You’ve never lived outside. You have no idea what’s out there.

Onyx: I need to find my human.

Snoops: Be careful. Some of the birds out there would just think you’re a tasty snack.

Onyx: Ugh. I hate birds.

Sgt Stripes: Some of them are rather tasty.

Angel: I agree. Especially the chicken-flavored ones.

Gypsy: Can we get back to me, please? I had a bad week.

Sgt Stripes: What happened?

Gypsy: Well, someone (looks at Onyx) stole my humans just as I was finally getting back to normal after the trauma of being down a human.

Onyx: Don’t look at me. You decided to move into Blondie’s room after she left.

Gypsy: Only after you moved into Mom’s room.

Onyx: I was lonely. You should have shared.

Gypsy: Shared what? You took over the bed. Besides, I didn’t really like it in Blondie’s room. The top of the bookcase was nice. And the food delivery was adequate. But I only stayed a couple of weeks. You could have moved back in.

Onyx: Nah. I need humans. Besides, you moved into the bedroom next door.

Gypsy: I do like Yam’s room.

Onyx: Who’s Yam?

Gypsy: You know. Young Adult Male.

Onyx: I never knew that was his name.

Sgt Stripes: Wait a minute. That’s my human. His name isn’t Yam.

Gypsy: It is to me. Besides, you never use those drawers under his bed. They are perfect for hiding from the little humans. And right across the hall from the kibble, water, and litter box.

Angel: Then you should have stayed there.

Gypsy: I would have, but I got kicked out. Yam had a guest and shut the door. It really was an unpleasant weekend. Both Onyx and Sgt Stripes were up there. And so were the little humans.

Angel: So what? That’s the way it used to be before the big tabby took over downstairs.

Sgt Stripes: I have a name, you know. And I didn’t take over anything. You kept watching me while I ate and intimidated me. Mom had to find me a place on the counter so I could eat in peace.

Angel: You are a drama llama.

Snoops: You two do need to get along a little better. At least Sarge and I can share space without hissing all the time.

Gypsy: Hello! This is supposed to be about me. Between you guys feuding and the small humans, my nerves were shot.

Onyx: Here’s the real drama queen.

Snoops: Be nice, Onyx. Gypsy went through a lot before you guys got here. And things have been very strange lately. Where did you go after Yam’s room?

Gypsy: I tried Mom’s room. But since it’s the spot for Storytime while Blondies’s gone, that wasn’t a good choice. The boys stress me out.

Sgt Stripes: They’re loud. But they do give lots of treats.

Gypsy: I really don’t like loud noises or being touched if I don’t ask for it. They make me very nervous.

Angel: Did you finally find a spot?

Gypsy: I did. I found a drawer in the filing cabinet in the study.

Angel: So why are you out here instead of your new spot?

Gypsy: This is where the annoying part of humans comes in. I can get the drawer open by myself on the outside, but it closes on its own.

Snoops: So you were trapped?

Gypsy: Sort of. The humans didn’t find me for two days.

Snoops: They were worried about you, but you kinda have a history of hiding when you get stressed out. They thought you were hiding in the basement rafters again.

Gypsy: Whatever. I cried a few times but no one came.

Angel: That’s probably because the other drama queen (looks at Onyx) talks non-stop sometimes.

Gypsy: I guess Mom got worried. She was going room-to-room calling my name. She thought she heard something, so she got our human brother to listen. He figured out where I was. I was really thirsty and hungry, but no lasting damage.

Snoops: We saw you got extra food and water.

Angel: And everyone came out to see what the fuss was about.

Snoops: That story had a happy ending. Why was it a bad week?

Gypsy: That was the perfect place to hide. I went back there after I’d eaten and drank. I thought I was set for the night.

Onyx: Let me guess. You were dumb enough to get trapped again.

Gypsy: I was just settling in for a nice nap when Mom opened the drawer and made me get out. Then they put a big box in front of the drawer so I can’t open it.

Sgt Stripes: They were trying to keep you safe.

Gypsy: They knew it was my hiding space. They could have checked on me every few hours.

Sgt Stripes: You’re right. I guess they’re not so fully trained after all.

Ed Note – We would like to apologize to all of our bloggy friends. We have been living in chaos for a few weeks now and have fallen behind reading other blogs. We are in the process of catching up. In addition, we have not been able to access some blogs that are sent on Jetpack. (It’s very weird. We can read some on our computer, but others are only accessible on the phone.) We thought it was  a Jetpack issue. It’s actually a Chromebook issue. Please bear with us as we sift through everything.

20

New Year’s Resolutions, Cat-Style

Greetings. Snoops here. Apparently humans do something called Making New Year’s Resolutions this time of year. I don’t really understand why Wednesday is going to be a different year from Tuesday. I think it has something to do with using up all the pages on the calendar.

Of course, cats are perfect so we don’t need to make promises about exercising every day or drinking less coffee. And some cats are less perfect than others; they just can’t see where they need to improve. So we decided to help each other identify slight flaws that could be worked on. Each cat came up with one suggestion for every other cat.

Angel

Gypsy: You still need to apologize for all the food you stole from me when we were together in the sunroom. You could offer to share your food with me.

Onyx: You seem to be spending a lot of time on my human’s lap. I think you should resolve to spend more time finding somewhere else to lounge.

Sgt Stripes: You were really nice to me. We even hunted together. I think you should try harder to play with me. I think we could be buddies.

Snoops: I like you best of all the invader cats. But I don’t like to eat all of my food at the same time the way you guys too. You could try not to eat my scraps until you find out if they really are scraps.

Gypsy

Onyx: You should stop sleeping in the plants. You smell like dirt.

Sgt Stripes: You’re my favorite of the invader cats. You should spend more time with the rest of us. We could be best friends and spend lots of time playing.

Snoops: You seem really nervous a lot of the time. You should find something that will help you relax. Maybe some catnip tea.

Angel: You need to get over what happened in the sunroom. And stop trying to steal my breakfast.

Onyx

Sgt Stripes: You kinda seem to have a bad attitude. Like you think you’re better than the rest of us. Maybe you should try meditation or something.

Snoops: You kinda mess up the rhythm of treat time. Maybe you should try flavors other than dairy. Mom always has to get out a separate bag for you.

Angel: You think you’re better than we are because your human came with us. You could willingly share her once in a while.

Gypsy: You seem a little arrogant. You should try hanging out with the cats sometime, not just with your human.

Sgt Stripes

Snoops: I am the empress kitty here. Quit pouncing on me.

Angel: You’re a really nice kitty. I like it when you just hang out with us. You should try to get your exercise somewhere else.

Gypsy: We were buddies when we were both upstairs. You should try to do more shared naptimes. It’s cold now. Work on getting a cuddle buddy.

Onyx: I don’t really know you. Maybe you could stop eating all those revolting flavors of treats so they only buy the good ones.

Snoops

Angel: I think you should resolve to find a new napping buddy now that Kommando is gone. I volunteer to be your new partner.

Gypsy: You seem to be really tense sometimes, just like me. I think you need to find a new napping spot. And maybe take some vitamins.

Onyx: I don’t think you understand my esteemed position in my previous household. I think I am due more respect here.

Sgt Stripes: You need to chill out and relax. Sometimes you look and sound really mean.

Cats On New Years Calendar Art Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Free New Year Clipart - New Year Graphics

20

OMC!! Our World is Upside-Down

 

Sgt Stripes here. I’m helping Mom type the post, and I am not a happy cat. We’ve been invaded. And apparently it’s of indefinite duration. I’m a very chill dude, and most things don’t bother me. (Although I do wish the lady cats liked me more.) But my furs are totally ruffled.

The blonde woman is here with her two screaming children. And they’re staying in MY room. And they keep bringing more stuff. Pretty soon there won’t be room for me. Of course, I don’t really want to be in there with them anyway. I’m trying to decide whether I should take up residence in Mom’s room (that’s where my cat tree is) or my human brother’s room (it has the best cat TV).

It’s me, Snoops. For once, the man-cat is right. We’ve been overrun. It appears that our human sister is back for a while. And she brought the small humans with her. We were really mad at her when she left, but at least she’s family. The two little ones are just a problem.

They run around the house and make a lot of noise. And they want to TOUCH us. We are very selective about who we let touch us. And the list does not include anyone under four feet tall. And it does not include anyone who screams or cries. (We make an exception when Mom cries – we just don’t let her rub her face in our fur.)

Kommando Kitty here. And they keep trying to eat our kibble. NO ONE is allowed to touch our kibble. Snoops takes care of any mouse who tries. And the big humans yell like it’s going to hurt the kid. We have excellent kibble, and we do not want to share it with a couple of little humans who don’t even understand the proper way to bathe.

Speaking of which – all humans smell weird, but little humans smell extra weird. Apparently they haven’t been litter-trained. So they have that on top of the weird regular human smell. And they eat funny stuff too. Nothing good to share with us cats. I’m really not seeing a lot of positives in the current situation.

Snoops again. And it may get worse. I overheard our human sister saying that she misses “her” kitties. I think she’s referring to the pests who relegated us upstairs a couple of years ago. I certainly hope that she’s not planning on having them visit again.

Sgt Stripes – More lady cats? That would be scary. Although, maybe they would be nicer to me. It would be better than having any more small humans running around.

26

How a Cool Cat Stays Warm

You may remember Thunder, the most outspoken of the kitties who own our human sister and her family. She’s back to offer her tips for surviving the winter as we live through its unending stay.

Hello everyone, Thunder here! To those who may not know, I’m a Michigan kitty, and that means we have yucky, cold weather for a good part of the year. After watching my humans freeze (that lack of fur must suck!), I decided to share some tips on how to stay warm, no matter what the temperature!

Have your human get a bed warmer (and make sure they leave it on)! Mom got one for Christmas, and it’s guaranteed to warm paws and tummies even on the coldest nights. Share your bed with more than one person? Sunbeam makes one with dual sided controls, so everyone can be comfortable! 

Curl up on any available fabric. If you aren’t lucky enough to have a 24/7 bed warmer, any fabric will do. This includes blankets, towels, clothing, and the sofa, amongst many other options. While they may not radiate heat, they’ll act as a soft and cozy insulation. 

Sit near the heating vent. If it’s on a wall, sit right up against it. If it’s on the floor, lay directly on top of it. This may not be the most comfortable option, so kitties with sensitive furs, be careful if choosing this option. Don’t worry if your human complains at you- how often have they allowed your food dish to run out?

Cuddle up with your humans. Humans heaters have two benefits- they’re extra warm, and in cold weather, they don’t like to move much; this means disturbances should be at a low. Make sure they’re wearing comfortable sweats, or even a blanket for the maximum experience. 

Utilize your furry siblings. Much like your humans, your cat (or dog) siblings are a direct heat source- and fur is bound to be more comfortable than skin! However, if your siblings are like mine, and seem to think social distancing applies to cats as well as humans, it’s best to avoid this measure.

Grab any available sun spot. Sun spots may be less common in these months, so if a sun spot appears, grab it (bonus points if the sun spot falls on a nice soft blanket or bed).

Try to spend the majority of your time in the warmest room in the house. Most humans seem to heat one or two rooms more than the others. In our case, it’s the kitchen, and the Human Kitten’s room. Plan your day so you spend most of it in the warmest spot. 

Showers may be wet and tedious- but the steam will make a nice warm pocket of air that you can lounge in for a couple of minutes. Just make sure you don’t sit in the actual tub until it’s dry- unless you’re a water loving kitty. 

Dryers are warm and rumbly when in use- make sure that your human keeps the top of the drying machine warm, and take a 45 minute nap when it’s in use. It’ll even stay warm for a couple of minutes afterwards, so there won’t be a rush for you to find a new spot right away. 

Image result for cat with toys meme

Humans have to cover their paws when they go outside. While these paw covers are great to play in, and possibly even hide your favorite mousie in, they track in all sorts of goop from the (not so) great outdoors. This includes clots of snow and ice. Not only are they cold, but they’re also wet! What a horrible combination! As we all know, humans are a bit clueless, so try to keep their shoe tray clear (an occasional toy or furball is fine). You also may need to put some of your larger, bulkier toys just inside the door frame- when they trip, or jump to avoid them, not only will you get some entertainment, but it’ll also remind your human to remove their gross paw coverings. After all, a warm house starts with a dry house. 

Bulk up- the larger you are, the warmer you tend to be. Your humans spend hours away each day, working hard for money. That money is made for you. And what better expenditure than cat food? Eat as much as you desire- any extra winter fluff will fall off when cat TV returns in the spring and you can chase the birds and squirrels again. 

Winter is brutal- remember that your happiness is top purrority. Stay inside if at all possible, and stay safe and warm. Nap often, and remember cat approved weather is on the way.

Furs and purrs,

Thunder K. Katt

27

Cat Etiquette for Humans

If cats could talk and do human things. | Funny cat pictures, Funny animal  memes, Cats

Fellow Felines: Please forward this post to your human.

It has recently come to our attention that there are some common human gaffes regarding how to interact with your cat. We know that you mean well, so we are here to help with a little advice.

cat teacher Memes - Imgflip

When your cat talks to you, learn what they are saying. It is annoying to wait while you ask about wanting to be let into the room, wanting cuddles, wanting food when it should be clear that we want you to move your stuff from our favorite cat tree.

How Do Cats Hunt? | Hunting Strategies & Techniques in Domestic Cats

If you see us chasing a mouse, don’t scream or try to help. That only startles us and gives the mouse a chance to get away. We will ask for help if we need it.

Lolcats - slippers - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words  on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

If we are relaxing in your slipper or using it as a sled across the floor, don’t tell us you need the slipper. We know it’s your slipper and you need to learn how to share.

Help, My Cat Eats Too Fast! 7 Ways to Slow Them Down - The Catington Post

If we are eating, do not make loud noises or insist on getting something that is in a space where we eat. Even if we do not jump (which you find hilarious for some reason), it is rude. You don’t want us on the table when you eat; give us the same courtesy.

There's An Actual Scientific Study Into Cats Playing Video Games

Don’t start playing with us to stop a couple of minutes later because “your show came on”, your phone dinged, or some other lame reason. We like to play, and want to do it for a while.

Why Cats Like to Sleep in Bed With Their Humans

If we are laying on “your” blanket or “your” chair, do not just dump us on the floor. Most likely, we were asleep. It is rude to wake someone up like that. After all, we are members of the family.

Cameras and Cats — Five Trends That Make Computer Vision Interesting Now |  Upfront Ventures

Do not insist on taking our pictures constantly. Particularly if you think we are doing something funny. Those pictures always end up on the computer, and your friends laugh and make fun of us. Sometimes we just like to chill and not have to worry about the paparazzi.

Nice job captain graceful! Have a nice trip? See ya next fall? -  Cheezburger - Funny Memes | Funny Pictures

Do not laugh at us if we slip or miss a jump. We are still tons more graceful than you ever will be.

We hope that you have found these tips helpful. Please talk to your cat if you have any questions.

Cute cats Archives - iHeartCats.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

12

Is Sammy Squirrely? – Part 2

Image result for squirrel on computer

Where we are: All during the fall, Sammy had been acting oddly. Rather than working with the other squirrels to get ready for winter, he spent all his time on the computer. His friends and neighbors think he might be losing his mind.

It was a hard winter. It started snowing in November and didn’t let up. Soon it was higher than the squirrels. The families relied on the nuts they had stored in their trees for a long time. Finally, it was time to go out and get the nuts they had buried in the ground. It wasn’t easy.

Image result for squirrel in snow

Sarah: Three squirrels in my class missed school today. They had to go hunt for food.

Peter: There were five gone from my class.

June: This is the worst winter I can remember. I’m glad we built our nest in such a huge tree and were able to fill it. Spring is almost here, so we should be OK. Especially since your cousin was nice enough to send us all that food for Christmas.

Image result for christmas nuts

Peter: My new favorite nut is the pecan.

Sarah: Those were pretty yummy. But I liked the dried fruit.

Sammy: We need to do something nice for Joey in the spring. Living in Georgia is good for food, but we can think of something.

June: I wish we could do something to help our friends.

Sammy knew it was time to see if his idea worked. He was extremely grateful to Princess ERin for telling him about the Global Peanut Positioning Satellite (GPPS). It was a little odd that a cat would be so helpful, but it sounded useful.

Between the GPPS and the data he had collected, he should be able to find the nuts the family had buried.

Image result for squirrel in school

Sammy: We can share the nuts we buried last fall.

Peter: If the other squirrels could find their nuts, they wouldn’t be hungry. How can we find ours?

Sammy: The project you were all laughing about last fall should tell us where the nuts are.

Sarah: Do your really think it will work? That would be wonderful.

 Sammy: There’s only one way to find out. I’ll go load my data into the positioning system.

Image result for squirrels eating

Sammy leaves the room to work on the computer. He finally comes out when June calls him for dinner.

Peter: How’s the system coming Dad?

Sammy: Pretty well. It looks like all of the data transferred. Now we have to wait for the next sunny day.

Sarah: Why does it have to be sunny?

Image result for squirrels in sun

Sammy: The way the GPPS works is to get the position of the nuts from a satellite in the sky. It has to be sunny for the information to get to us.

Peter: OK. Whatever. Let’s wait for the sun.

The next few days were overcast. Finally, there was a good day.

By that time, the neighborhood knew about the experiment. A crowd gathers to see if it would work.

Sammy: OK, here we go. No promises.

He calls up the first location. The GPPS gives him directions to the nuts. The other squirrels follow him as he tracks the nuts.

Sammy: The first nuts should be here. Peter, you and your friends dig down and see what you find.

Image result for squirrels digging for nuts

The young squirrels quickly burrow through the snow and the hard ground. Just under the surface, they find a large stash of acorns.

The squirrels watch in amazement and applaud.

Dan: I admit it, buddy. I thought you might have gone off the deep end. But this is incredible.

Kelly: June, you’re married to a genius!

Sammy blushes in embarrassment.

Image result for squirrels at desk

Sammy: It’s just a little technology, not genius.

Dan: Whatever. You’re set for the winter.

Sammy: We were already set. These are for you folks.

The other squirrels look at Sammy. They go back to thinking he had lost his mind.

Sammy: I’m serious. We have enough nuts. We have piles like these all over the place. We want to share them.

Image result for squirrel with acorn

Kelly: How did you get so many nuts?

Sammy: We probably don’t have any more than your family gathered, but ours are buried in piles instead of one by one. Besides, I have an excellent team of hunters. (He looks at Peter and Sarah.)

Kelly: Are you sure you don’t need them?

June: Absolutely. We’re set for the rest of winter.

Sammy: Dig in. We’ll get the rest of the nuts later and you can divide them up. Next year, we can track everybody’s nuts and won’t worry about starving.

The hungry squirrels devour the nuts in the first hole and take the rest home. Luckily spring arrives before the acorns are gone.

Image result for squirrels in sun

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

8

How Does That Make You Feel?

I’ve been hearing an ad on the radio about therapy for cats who don’t get along. They don’t go into a lot of detail, so I’m not really sure what it’s all about. I’ve never been through any type of couple’s counseling, but I have quite a bit of experience with the individual type.

Maybe cat therapy would sound a little like this:

Therapist: So ladies, why don’t you tell me a little about yourselves?

Princess: Well, I was living happily with my humans until one day that (points at Cleo) shows up at the doorstep. She’s all mangy and smelly. She starts crying pathetically. So do the humans close the door to keep out the smell? No. They start feeding her! Next thing I know, she’s got a bed next to mine and I’m supposed to share my toys with her.

Cleo: I lived in a house with a lot of other cats. One day someone came with cages for all of us. I ran away. But it’s really hard living on the street. I kept trying to find a new human. Finally I met my new family. They’re wonderful! They fed me, they took me to the doctor and the groomer, and they let me stay in their house. It would be perfect if it weren’t for Her Highness over there.

(They look at each other and growl.)

Therapist: So what I’m hearing, Princess, is that you were an only cat and now you have a housemate. How does that make you feel?

Princess: What do you think? (Aside to Cleo – How much did Mom pay for this guy?)

Therapist: You don’t sound happy.

Cleo: That’s just how she talks. She always sounds kind of grouchy.

Therapist: What about you, Cleo? Are you afraid of Princess?

Cleo: I’m the one from the streets, remember? Why would I be afraid of her? (To Princess – He really doesn’t know much about cats, does he?)

Therapist: I’m sensing a little hostility from both of you.

Princess: We’re cats. We’re in a strange place. And you smell weird.

Cleo: And you talk weird.

Therapist: We’re here to talk about you, not me. Let’s focus.

Princess: OK, I don’t like having another cat around the house. It’s hard sharing the humans.

Cleo: It’s hard being in a new house.

Therapist: Good! We’re making progress!

(Both cats look at him and hiss.)

Princess (in cat): Why do humans always think they are the center of everything?

Cleo (in cat): I know. Even Mom and Dad do that sometimes.

Therapist: Now ladies, you were just started to explore your relationship and now you’re hissing and crying at each other.

(The cats look at each other helplessly.)

Princess: You don’t smell as weird as you used to. Maybe if I helped you groom, you’d be OK.

Cleo: I’d like that a lot. Sometimes I miss the other cats.

Princess: That way we could sleep together if it gets cold.

(Cleo starts to purr.)

Therapist: You’re making a lot of progress. I think we need to run through some practice scenarios. (Looks down) Oops, guess that will have to wait for the next session. Time’s up.

(Opens the door.)

Therapist: They did very well for a first session. I think in a few months they could be best friends.

(The cats look at each other. They start coughing. After a minute, each hacks a hairball onto the shoe closest to her.)

Therapist: Or maybe we’re done here.