Tag Archives: football

20

Thanksgiving Presentation at Critter Cove Elementary School

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Shelter Dogs and Cats Receive Special Thanksgiving Feast • The Catnip Times

Ms. Celeste: Good morning, class! Today’s the day that we start your presentations on foreign cultures. I’m excited to find out what you’ve learned about groups who are different from you. Timmy Tortie, you’re up first. What will you be talking about?

Timmy: I’m going to talk about human Thanksgiving.

Susie Siamese: You mean when they go to those buildings and talk to God?

Timmy: No. It’s a big day at the end of the month of November here in the U.S. They get together with their family and friends for dinner.

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Ralph Raccoon: Why?

Timmy: A bunch of them came over from the other side of the world a long time ago. Apparently, the people who were already living here invited them to a big dinner. Or helped them learn how to grow stuff. Or didn’t kill and eat them. Or something.

Jimmy Wolf: So they get together to help each other as a way to commemorate?

Timmy: No. Basically, they get together and they eat a lot. Some of them talk about stuff they’re thankful for.

Susie: My Mom used to live with humans. She didn’t really like Thanksgiving. She said it was really loud. The turkey was pawsome, but the people yelled a lot.

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Timmy: Some things I read said that people get really stressed out because they have to spend time with their weird family members. I guess you can’t just invite the good ones. And sometimes humans drink stuff that makes them act silly and say stupid things.

Belinda Bear: Why do they do that?

Other Children: Humans are weird!

Ms. Celeste: What else can you tell us about human Thanksgiving, Timmy?

Timmy: Sometimes, they march in parades or watch other humans march in them.

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Ralph: What’s a parade?

Timmy: It’s when a bunch of people walk down a street. Sometimes they do tricks like dancing or riding a bike. Some play instruments or sing. And some ride on platforms that they call “floats” even though nothing is floating.

Tony Tabby: That is super weird.

Ralph: Do they sing and dance about thanking someone or something?

Timmy: Not as far as I can tell.

Ralph: So what’s the point?

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Timmy: Santa Claws comes at the end of the parade and the humans welcome him back.

Susie: That can’t be right. Santa Claws comes on Christmas Eve. He’s busy getting ready before that.

Timmy: Don’t worry. It’s not the real Santa Claws. It’s just some human who dresses up like him. They don’t look realistic at all.

Jimmy: I’m getting really confused. What does Santa Claws have to do with Thanksgiving?

Timmy: According to Catepedia.com, the humans like to see Santa Claws so they know it’s time to start shopping for Christmas.

Jimmy: Couldn’t they just use a calendar?

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The class laughed, but Jimmy looked confused.

Timmy: It’s hard to explain why humans do things sometimes. Someone started doing the Santa thing a long time ago, so now it’s what they call a tradition.

Jimmy: So human Christmas kinda of starts at the end of Thanksgiving?

Timmy: Kinda. They do a lot of shopping that weekend.

Tony: That is really bizarre. They get together to eat a lot of food. Then shop.

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Timmy: One other thing that a lot of them do on Thanksgiving is watch American football. It’s a game with a bunch of men on one team running around trying to keep the other team from reaching the end of the field.

Susie: What does that have to do with giving thanks?

Timmy: As far as I can tell, nothing. Some humans just like to watch other humans play-fight. It gives them something to do while they’re waiting for all that food to cook. And it keeps them out of the way.

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Susie: It probably gives them something else to argue about.

Timmy: That’s really all I know about Thanksgiving. It sounded a lot more promising before I did the research. I think it’s a pawsome idea, but it could use some work.

Susie: Yeah. Maybe the animals should take it over and show the humans how to do it right.

Ms. Celeste: Susie, that’s a wonderful idea. Let’s have our own Thanksgiving.

Next week: The Critter Cover Elementary School Thanksgiving.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

18

The RHCCC: Homecoming Game – Part 2

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Cute cat with a football helmet on. | Cats, Pet holiday, Pet costumes

Where we are: Miki’s son Steve is the backup quarterback on the Crabapple Cove High School football team. He led the team to one victory before returning to backup status. It’s the middle of the game before Homecoming, his team is down 28-3, and the coach has just put him into the game. You can read Part 1 here.

Steve ran out to the huddle and called the play. They slowly moved the ball down the field and eventually scored. The defense came back to life and stopped the other team. Eventually, Crabapple Cove managed to pull out a 34-31 victory. Steve was ecstatic. He was sure he was going to be the quarterback for Homecoming.

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Steve: Mom! Did you see that? I went into the game, and we won!

Miki: I’m so proud of you, Steve! Great job!

Giselle: Congrats, little brother!

She didn’t want to tell him that the cheerleaders had been talking about how weird it was that the defense had suddenly improved so much once Steve was in the game. The rumor was that Steve’s friend Kyle had thought Steve deserved the starting job. Kyle had convinced some of the other guys to not play as hard as they could for Chad.

By Saturday afternoon, the rumors had reached Steve.

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Steve: Mom, people are saying that I wasn’t really that great. It was just that the defense wasn’t trying in the first half. What should I do?

Miki: You need to talk to Kyle and find out what he said. After all, the defense did improve, but the team didn’t score a touchdown in the first half and that didn’t have anything to do with the defense.

Steve: Good point, Mom. A bunch of the guys are getting together tonight. Maybe I can find out what’s going on.

Steve went over to Joey’s house where several of the players were hanging out. When he got there, the guys started cheering. But Steve was too upset to enjoy it.

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Steve: Kyle, people are saying I didn’t deserve to play. You guys were just throwing the game to get me in.

Kyle: What difference does it make how you got in? We needed you, man. Chad was not having a good night.

Steve: We’re a team. Everyone’s supposed to play their best.

Joey: What makes you think we weren’t playing our best?

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Steve: The cheerleaders said that Kyle got the defense to slack off so Chad would look bad, and I’d get to play.

Lyle: That’s dumb cheerleader talk. We can’t make Chad look bad. We don’t even play at the same time.

Joey: Nothing seemed to be going right in the first half. We just got back on track after halftime. Coach made some adjustments, and they worked. Nothing to do with Chad really.

Kyle: He did have a really bad night. But that’s not on us.

How Cats Play

Steve went over to see Chad on Sunday.

Steve: Hey, Chad. How are you?

Chad: Hey. Guess I handed you the starting job Friday night. I stunk up the place.

Steve: It wasn’t that bad.

Chad: I couldn’t get my head in the game. Guess the pressure got to me. Think I should just quit the team?

Steve: Why would you quit?

Chad: Coach told me after the game that I wouldn’t be starting anymore. At least for a while. Didn’t he talk to you?

Steve: No, I didn’t hear anything. Neither did anyone else. I’m really sorry. I thought we made kind of a good team.

Chad: I don’t know what I’m going to do. I really thought I was better.

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They were tossing the football back and forth while they were talking. As they move further and further apart, Steve had an idea. Chad agreed to talk to Coach with him about it the next day before practice. Coach signed on and made an announcement at practice.

Coach: I have decided that Steve is going to be our starting quarterback at Homecoming this Friday. Chad will be backup. But they have come up with an idea for Chad to get more playing time than the usual backup. They have designed a couple of plays with Chad playing wide receiver that we are going to work on this week. Hopefully, they will be a secret weapon against Beagle Bay Friday night.

The team cheered. Chad was a popular player, and the others wanted him to succeed. Practice went well all week. The school was somewhat surprised to see so little drama from their “quarterback debate.”

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Friday night was clear. The Homecoming floats surrounded the field. The stands were full of cheering fans. Chad and his girlfriend were announced as King and Queen at halftime.

Crabapple Cove had scored a quick touchdown on the first play of the game, but neither team had scored since. Coach was holding off on his special plays for the second half. He gave a fairly short talk after the halftime festivities.

Coach: Great job so far guys! Chad’s going to be going in as wide receiver for the second half, and we’re going to try to catch them off guard on the first play. Keep your heads in the game and win this thing!

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As they ran back onto the field, Steve and Chad bumped chests, grinning. The huddle broke, and Chad went deep. Steve threw a perfect spiral into his arms. Chad raced into the end zone for a touchdown less than a minute into the half. Beagle Bay looked stunned.

Steve and Chad were close to the perfect team for the rest of the game. The offensive line protected them well, and the game ended in a 28-3 victory. By Monday morning, they were both football stars.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

17

The RHCCC: Homecoming Game

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Miki’s son Steve was the backup quarterback on the Crabapple Cove High School football team. He usually got to play for a few minutes at the end of the game, but didn’t have much experience. He came home from practice one day really excited.

Steve: Guess what! I’m the starting quarterback on Friday!

Giselle: What happened? Someone teach pigs how to fly?

Steve: Very funny, sis. Chad has to go out of town with his family, so I get to play.

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Miki: That’s wonderful, sweetie. I hope those big cats don’t hurt you.

Steve: Mom! That’s why I have big cat protecting me. I’ll be fine.

Giselle: Are you sure you’re ready? The last time they let you touch the ball, you dropped it.

Steve: That wasn’t my fault. Ralph fumbled the snap. Even the coach said he messed up. It was the last play. We would have done better the next time.

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Steve was right. He played well on Friday, and the team won. It was the first time they had beaten Sutters’ Bay in five years. By Monday, Steve was a hero at school. Chad came back to find out that he had competition for the starting position.

Chad: It’s not fair! I only missed a couple of days. I’m better than he is.

Coach: Maybe yes. Maybe no. Steve’s been working hard, and he looked good on Friday. I want to see both of you side-by-side for a couple of days. Homecoming’s next week. We need the best guy for the job.

Chad: Fine. But it won’t be him.

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Chad and Steve were friends, but the competition was fierce. They each wanted to start against Kingston on Friday to showcase their skills. Steve was excited about his chances. He couldn’t stop talking about it when he saw his girlfriend Diane.

Steve: Can you believe it? I could be the quarterback for Homecoming!

Diane: That’s great, Steve! Do you think that would make us more likely to be on the Homecoming Court? I’d really love to be Homecoming Queen.

Steve: You’re not going to be Queen. We’re not seniors, remember? They always pick seniors.

Diane: Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’d still be nice to date the starting quarterback. When do you find out?

Steve: Coach said that he was going to watch both of us this week and decide on Thursday who gets to start on Friday. That will determine who plays at Homecoming.

How Cats Play

Both boys worked hard all week. The team looked better than it had in a long time. Finally it was time for Coach’s decision. At the end of Thursday’s practice, he gathered the team.

Coach: I’ve been watching closely, and I think we have two great quarterbacks. For tomorrow’s game, I’ve decided that I want to go with experience; Chad will be starting.

Steve’s heart sank. He had been sure he’d won the job. Now he was supposed to go back to riding the bench. He showered and left, dejected.

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Steve: Mom, this is so unfair! I worked really hard! I should be starting tomorrow.

Miki: I know. Did Coach say anything about whether you’d get to play?

Steve: Not really. He just said that Chad was starting. I left as soon as I could. I don’t even want to go tomorrow.

Miki: I understand it’s really disappointing. But you have to go back. You’re still part of the team, and they need you. You can show that you’re a leader by doing whatever you can to help them.

Steve: I guess.

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Steve showed up the next night and cheered for Chad and the rest of the team. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be helping. By halftime, Crabapple Cove was down 28-3. The team went into the locker room silently. Chad sat with his head down while Coach tried to rally their spirits.

Finally, Steve stood up.

Steve: Guys, c’mon. You’re better than this. Don’t let Kingston walk all over you. We beat Sutters’ Bay last week, and these guys stink compared to them. I know you can do it. Let’s go out there and roar!

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The team looked at him like he was crazy. But Steve kept talking and finally they started nodding. The team walked back onto the field with their heads high.

Then Chad was sacked on the first play of the second half.

Coach: Steve, put on your helmet. You’re going in.

Next week: Can Steve spark a comeback and win the starting position for Homecoming?

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

12

Confessions of a Football Junkie

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(Warning: If you are not American, this post will probably make very little sense. And almost certainly not be humorous.)

It is true. The pacifist kitten-hugger is also a fan of arguably the most violent mass-marketed sport in the United States. In my defense, I started to like it before field mikes let us hear all the crashing and crunching.

I blame my father – and the University of Michigan.

My father came from the tough male – delicate female mold that was really the only model available when he was growing up. So we didn’t have much in common.

I decided when I was in junior high school (roughly equivalent to middle school these days), that I would listen to football games with him on the radio. Yes, back in those days, there were only three major television stations.

Alas, every football game between every two schools in the nation was not available for public consumption. If it had been, I probably would have been overexposed to it (like Led Zeppelin) and never wanted to watch it again.

Because it was radio-centric, every team had its own dyed-in-the-wool announcer. Dad was a University of Michigan fan, so we had Bob Ufer. Bob Ufer bled maize and blue. They practically shut down Ann Arbor when he died.

When Michigan scored a touchdown, Bob would blow the horn from General Patton’s jeep. What more manly sound could there be?

So it became our Saturday ritual in the fall from that point forward. Bo Schembechler (the Michigan coach) came to my high school to recruit one of our players. Obviously it was a highlight – I still remember it.

Guess what? I went to the University of Michigan. So we didn’t even have to change teams. We could still enjoy Ohio State and Michigan State losing.

One problem. The team was really bad for a few years. During the glory years of “three years and a cloud of dust”, the rest of the country had adopted a new technique. It’s called the forward pass.

And Michigan had recruited quarterbacks who didn’t seem to realize that 1) you had to throw the ball far enough and accurately enough to reach the guy who’s supposed to catch it, and 2) you only throw it to guys wearing the same colors as you are. It was painful, but I was hooked by this time.

Finally Bo recruited a kid named Jim Harbaugh. You may have heard of him. If you watched any sports at all during the weeks around Christmas, you would have seen a never-ending crawl at the bottom of the screen showing the progress the University of Michigan was making in hiring him as the new head coach. (It even annoyed me.)

But long before he (or bottom-line crawls) became ubiquitous on TV, Harbaugh dragged University of Michigan football into the modern age.

It was scary at first. We had learned to (metaphorically) cover our eyes when a Michigan quarterback tried to pass. Luckily Harbaugh’s arrival coincided somewhat with Michigan football being chosen for TV coverage on a fairly regular basis. So the football looked pretty good when it went national.

Harbaugh ushered in a new era of Michigan quarterbacks. The ones that somebody actually wanted to draft into the NFL. You may have heard of one of them: Tom Brady.

Of course, they made Brady back up the brilliant Drew Henson for a while. The reason you haven’t heard of Drew is that he only lasted a few games before the coaches realized he wasn’t very good.

Time goes by. Life is good. I married a man who knew the difference between holding and interference. So we added him to our Saturday afternoon tradition.

Two coaches ago, Michigan decided they needed a change. A non-“Michigan Man”. As far as I can tell, a Michigan Man is a guy who has coached with/played for/been somehow associated with Bo Schembechler. At least that’s what I read in the press.

The first new coach forever antagonized the loyal by not understanding that there is a blood feud between Michigan and Ohio State. Seriously, how can you be a good college coach if you think your fans hate all opponents equally?

So after six or so years of bad coaching, bad recruiting, and bad games; the alumni have spoken. (Always follow the money.) We have a Michigan football hero with college and pro coaching experience. Successful coaching experience. (Except that time he lost to his brother in the Super Bowl.)

Obviously, Jim Harbaugh is going to usher in the new Golden Age of Michigan football. Or at least make it better than Michigan State football. That has been so embarrassing.

(Be grateful. When I started this post, I was going to overwhelm you with my technical knowledge.)

Pro football? I love the Lions. Have been following them for years. Think Stafford, Johnson, Bush, and Tate are pulling things together. But it’s hard to create a story arc around a team whose motto should be, “Wait until next year.”

But they were robbed in the Wild Card game last Sunday.

 

2

The Return of the Evil Tree Spirits

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My love affair with the trees begins anew every spring. The buds arrive just in time to keep me from going crazy from the ice and snow (most years). All summer long, leaves sit on the ends of the tree branches, looking beautiful and giving shade. At the end of the summer, they are stunning in their different colors. Then the evil tree spirits arrive and turn them into nasty, spiteful dead leaves.

With some leaves, it starts while they are still on the trees. Those are the leaves that never turn a bright shade of yellow; they’re sickly yellow with brown spots. When the rain and high winds come, they attack the roads and cars. The roads get slippery. They hang onto the cars and need to be pulled off, one by one.

The others make it to the ground, still looking festive. If you rake them quickly, they even make attractive piles. They crunch under foot and remind us of cider and football. These leaves may be more evil than the others because they lull us into thinking that even on the ground, they are beautiful.

Then you try to rake them. You pull all of them into a pile, look around, and realize that you have missed a few. You rake those few and notice that another part of the lawn has leaves on it. You put those leaves out back for mulch or winter dens for the critters or whatever. You go in the house feeling satisfied at a job well done. Then look out the window and see more leaves. Some meticulous homeowners rake every day, generally during their first year of home ownership.

One year, you decide to wait until all the leaves are down before raking. This option does not work. They are never all down. Or by the time the rain takes down the last of them, you have lost all interest in going out into the cold to rake leaves. You are getting the snowblower ready. Besides, how much damage could they do if you leave them until spring? Hint: if you leave a lot of foliage on your grass over the winter, you may not need the mower in the spring. You may need sod.

We don’t have many neighbors here, but back when we lived in the city there was the problem of the mysterious appearance of leaves on the lawn after raking. A lot of leaves. More leaves than any of our trees could have possibly shed. We were left with unpleasant thoughts about our neighbors: they were dumping their leaves on us. In their defense, it was usually a case of raking on different days and the wind moving the leaves.

But I have heard stories of blower wars, with no one willing to actually rake up or mulch the leaves. More evil tree spirit mischief. I’m sure the spirits were laying the groundwork for the snow spirits that make snow appear on the walk after it has been shoveled.

The final indignity is the few leaves that remain on the tree, blowing in the wind all winter. They are reminders of the love affair gone sour. And I know they are laughing at me.