The Great Kibble Caper

April 13, 2024 | cat9984

Snoops here. Something nefarious is going on around here. And I mean to get to the bottom of it. Back in the good old days, Kommando and I got morning canned food and a never-ending supply of kibble. It was pretty pawsome. But some of you might remember that our new housemates took a fancy to our food and tried to eat it themselves. I’m talking about the humans, not the new cats.

So Mom tried to feed us early and take up our wet food when the small humans were around. It was pretty rough for awhile. If we didn’t eat our canned food when it was put down, it just disappeared. No more leaving a little for a mid-morning snack. And the never-ending kibble was only available at night. Not even close to being never-ending.

It was rough, but we adapted. We made Mom give us treats in the morning before she left for work. Fortunately, the small humans never got a taste of our treats, so those were pretty safe. And Kommando didn’t like to have the same treats every day, so we got a good variety. If she got bored, I’d get her treats after she walked away. It was actually a pretty sweet set-up.

Then, sadly, Kommando crossed the Rainbow Bridge to the Big Kibble Bowl. Mom and our human brother took the opportunity to re-assess the situation. Our human brother saw some kind of report or study or something that said how much kibble a cat should have by weight. Next thing we know, he’s saying that me and Sgt Stripes were getting too much kibble and he wanted to do something called “portion-control”.

We thought we were starving. And how dare he say that we were eating too much! Now I’m sharing my canned food with Gypsy every morning. But something weird is going on with the kibble. They keep one bag upstairs and one bag downstairs. Downstairs, I share with Angel. But I don’t think she really eats much. Upstairs, Sgt Stripes and Gypsy share a bowl, and our human sister has a community kibble bowl for Onyx and the other two cats up there.

But we’ve all been talking about it. The humans say they are filling the bowls daily. But the bowls are pretty much always empty. And we’re hungry.Our human brother insists that we are getting enough to eat. But if he’s feeding us enough, why are we always hungry?

You might remember that a couple of years ago, Kommando solved a mystery in The Big Catnap. You can read it here and here. So I tried to think like Kommando. But it made my brain hurt. She was a sweet kitty, but her logic eluded me sometimes.

I decided to talk it over with Sgt Stripes. The humans are convinced that he was Kommando’s nephew. (Kommando and his mom looked a lot alike. And they may have both been dropped off on our property at the same time.) He said that he wasn’t taking my kibble. He said everything seemed to be normal in the bowl in Mom’s room. He and Gypsy were sharing pretty nicely. But the community kibble bowl seemed to empty pretty quickly sometimes.

Hmm. So the two bowls that were out in the open were losing kibble. That means it wasn’t a cat doing it. Unless somehow Angel was getting out at night and raiding the other bowls. Probably not. Even if she could get out of her room, the door to the upstairs is always shut. Except when that small human leaves it open. But Sgt Stripes and Gypsy try to come downstairs when that happens. And that usually alerts our human sister to go up and close it.

Think. Think. We’ve ruled out the cats and the adult humans. That only leaves the small humans. And they’re not eating our food anymore. But wait…

The smallest human is always looking for something to fill the containers he carries around. I mostly avoid him. He actually pets pretty well, but he is kinda loud and runs around a lot. But let me check it out.

I got near to him and he offered me the measuring cup he had. I sniffed. It was half full of kibble! I am reporting this to Mom immediately! Something must be done. We’re on starvation rations,, and he’s stealing them. She needs to fix this now!

Sgt Stripes Interviews Zak the Yak

March 30, 2024 | cat9984

Yak Yak Yak. He cant stop talking - isnt he cute : r/Eyebleach

Long-time readers may recall us writing about Yak Express, the delivery service we use in Cheeeland. We’ve been noticing that deliveries are slowing down a bit. We sent Sgt Stripes to find out what is going on. Here is his report’

Greetings! It’s Sgt Stripes here, and I have a rather exciting interview to share with you.

Back in 2022, Onyx and Thunder illustrated the difficulties in the feline world that the yak shortage presented. I’ve noticed that there is still a rather severe shortage of many goods, so I decided to dig a little bit into the yak world. After much mewling, purring, swiping with claws, and being excessively adorable, I managed to secure an interview with Zak, one of the top managers of Yak Express!

Sgt Stripes: Zak, thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me!

Zak: The pleasure is mine, Sarge… may I call you Sarge? Although I have to admit, I wasn’t thrilled when I heard you threatened to harm one of my call center mice.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think I necessarily threatened any harm on Lunch…

Zak: …her name is Michelle.

Sgt Stripes: Oh. Whoops. Sorry, I had sort of assumed that her name had something to do with her purpose in life.

Zak: Uh, no. And that’s not the real issue we had, she was more upset that you wanted to use her for something called “Pounce Practice”?

Sgt Stripes: OH! Oh, no, that was all a big misunderstanding. You see, Pounce is a game! My favorite game, actually. I play it with my cousins Onyx and Gypsy a lot! And with the humans in the house. Everyone loves Pounce!

Zak: Oh. Well, while I can appreciate that, Michelle saw it as a threat. She feared she may be crushed, and possibly even consumed, if she were forced to play.

Sgt Stripes: Oh no! I would never hurt anyone. I just get really, really enthusiastic when I play Pounce. Please pass along my apologies to her.

Large hairy yak carrying load close up, ... | Stock Video | Pond5

Zak: I will do so. So, what can I do for you today?

Sgt Stripes: Well, I don’t mean to come off as rude… but your employees seem to really have gone downhill in quality. I understand that there was a pandemic- and that greatly impacted much of the workforce- but now, as we’re returning to a sense of normality, I notice that we’re still short on a lot of cat merchandise. What’s up with that?

Zak: Could you possibly list some specific items you’re seeking? I seem to remember signing off on a rather large shipment on Fancy Feast wet food… I had to get my 3 strongest yaks for that one. It set us behind for days.

Sgt Stripes: Hopefully it negatively affected the dogs and not other cats.

Zak: I’d have to review my records.

Sgt Stripes: I’ve primarily noticed a protein shortage. We haven’t been able to find vole anywhere! At first I was heart set on getting whole, fresh voles. Then I decided I would settle for any sort of vole- ground, chunked, frozen, even canned. But there was nothing to be found!

Zak: Couldn’t you just go hunt some in your yard?

Sgt Stripes: NO! I have PTSD from my days on the street. I want to be able to log onto Mr Google and use Mom’s credit card to order vole directly to my door. Might you know when this will be possible?

Zak: Well, unfortunately, not any time soon.

Sgt Stripes: What?!? But I’m starving over here!

Zak: You are?

Sgt Stripes: Yes! And on top of that, we’ve noticed several other shortages: luxury litter boxes, heated beds, extra fluffy blankets… are you meaning to tell me that Yak Express may no longer be able to supplement the needs of felines world wide?

Zak: Well, not necessarily. However, as I’m sure you know, it’s been a lot rougher starting our economy up than we’d anticipated. We lost a fair number of yaks during the dark years, and there just aren’t that many options for replacements.

Luxury self catering cottage with swimming pool in the grounds of a Monastery on Loch Ness - Fort Augustus | Vrbo

Sgt Stripes: Can’t you just post on social media that you need yaks and give them some extra grass or something?

Zak: Not exactly. See, our yaks have to be able to carry at least 200 pounds, walk for up to 30 miles per day, and swim with loads. A lot of the yak applicants are either too small or not physically fit enough to get hired. The illness affected a lot of our yak’s, too, so we had many medical retirements.

Sgt Stripes: Can’t you just hire the undesirable yaks and give them lighter loads?

Zak: Unfortunately not. Safety and work regulations prohibit that.

Sgt Stripes: What if I look really cute and purr at the guy in charge? I’ll even let him play with my elusive red dot!

Zak: I don’t think that’ll make a difference…

Sgt Stripes: What if I give head bonks? I’ve been known to knock people over with how powerful they are!

Yaks In Indian Himalayas Facing Threat Of Climate Change, Says Study

Zak: Do you really want to knock over a yak?

Sgt Stripes: Oh… no, probably not. Darn. But I really, really want my vole back!

Zak: Well, that’s the other issue. There’s been a lot of rules put into place as to what we are and are not allowed to transport. Living creatures, such as vole and mice, did not make the list due to safety concerns and training requirements.

Sgt Stripes: I said I’d take canned vole.

Zak: I’m not sure that’s a common commodity here… but I will make note of it.

Sgt Stripes: Thank you! But if we can’t fix the vole shortage, could we maybe discuss getting the other items plentifully replenished?

Zak: Well, I can talk about prioritizing the needs of our feline customers over other customers. However, there have been several complaints about that already…

Sgt Stripes: Eh, it’s okay. They’ll get over it. I really, really need a fluffy blanket. The one I have keeps getting stolen by Onyx and her human.

White-Tailed Deer | Mississippi State University Extension Service

Zak: …noted… However, I’m not willing to make any promises. But I and the other yaks will do our best.

Sgt Stripes: Purrfect! Meanwhile, I”ll keep my eyes out for suitable employees for you. Do you happen to take deer? We seem to have a lot of those around here.

Zak: Not for the type of transportation needs you have.

Sgt Stripes: Okay, well, what about mini humans? I have two that live with me I’d be willing to rent out.

Zak: No. Our smallest yak is bigger than them combined.

Sgt Stripes: Oh, well. I guess I’ll keep looking. Maybe I’ll find a moose who needs a job.

Zak: That would be lovely.

Sgt Stripes: Well, I really must go, I’m due for a nap in 3 minutes. But I want to thank you for your time and hard work, Zak.

Zak: Thank you for the interview, Sarge! It’s been a pleasure meeting with you.

Sgt Stripes: Hey, you look big enough for Pounce! Want to try it?

Zak: Uh, no thanks… Oh, look at that, I really must go… I need to transport some TidyCats. Bye!

And there you have it, from the Yak himself! Take care, and if you see any vole, be sure to grab it up for me! (I’ll have my humans send you really cute photos of me as payment!)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Gypsy Katt: Front and Center

March 23, 2024 | cat9984

Hello. I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Gypsy Katt. I go by Gypsy, although Mom has called me Gypsy Rose a few times. I moved here with my other human Mom and the two little humans. Originally, I was staying in the sun room with my sister Angel. But Angel kept eating all of the food and I lost a lot of weight.

The humans got worried and decided to bring me upstairs to live with Onyx (my other sister) and Sgt Stripes. At my other house, I was kept separate from the other kitties because they thought I was too territorial. Here I can roam around the entire floor. Sgt Stripes and I get into the occasional tiff, but nothing major.

I really like it here. There are four adult beds plus two toddler beds and only three cats. Nobody tries to eat my food. Mom (the one who lived here before) lets me sleep with her at night. Sgt Stripes and I share the kibble bowl and fountain. Onyx kinda keeps to herself. This is the best place I’ve ever been.

When I moved in, there were two downstairs cats: Snoops and Kommando Kitty. As you know, Kommando went over the Rainbow Bridge last month. Apparently, the original set-up was the Snoops bonded to the older male human, and Kommando bonded with Mom. Now, unfortunately, the older male human and Kommando are gone. Snoops is now Senior Cat in the house, so all the hmans give her cuddles and pets. But Mom’s pretty sad about what happened to Kommando.

So I decided that since I don’t have a human, and she doesn’t have a cat, I should apply for the position of primary cat to Mom. I checked with my old Mom, and she said that she was pretty bonded with Onyx. So I asked Snoops how I would go about becoming Mom’s new cat. (Don’t worry about Sgt Stripes; he’s connected with the other male human here – his human brother. And Angel’s buddies with the little humans.)

Snoops wasn’t really sure how humans and cats bonded; it just seemed to happen. But she gave me some questions to see if it might be a good fit.

What is the #1 house rule? I know this one! No eating family members. Apparently this also applies to using teeth when playing.

How much time each day do you spend cuddling with your current human? I never really had my own human. I like to lie next to Mom when she’s reading in bed or using her computer. I don’t have much experience as a lap cat, but I’m trying to get used to it.

How do you feel about human snuggles and hugs? Umm. I wasn’t really hugged before. It seemed a little uncomfortable the first time I was hugged. Mom called it “kitty cuddles”. I wasn’t really a fan. I could probably learn to live with it.

What time does your day usually start? I like getting up with the sun. Mom usually gets up at 6a for work, so I’m trying to adapt to that. It’s weird, though. Apparently, there are days when she doesn’t have to work and sleeps later. I think I have a better alarm system. My tummy wants food at the same time every day. We’re working on a compromise.

When do you sleep at night? I really love having a regular bed. I go to sleep when Mom goes to sleep. She has a tummy warmer (she calls it a bed warmer). Sgt Stripes and I love the tummy warmer at night.. I usually don’t move much at night.

What kinds of human food do you like? I don’t think I’ve had human food. But I really like cat food with fish and chicken, so I would probably like that.

Why do you think you’re the best candidate for this job? I’ve never really had a human, so I don’t have any bad habits to break. I think I could get better at the cuddling stuff with some practice. There’s a human with no cat and a cat with no human. It just makes sense.

Snoops said that she would present my answers to Mom and let me know what she says. Keep your fingers crossed for me,

Sgt Stripes and the Great Vole Hunt

March 16, 2024 | cat9984

Sgt Stripes here. I love being an indoor kitty. I have humans to take care of me and lots of windows to look out. I have plenty of toys and can pretty much get tummy rubs on demand. I even have an electric tummy warmer. (Mom calls it a bed warmer.) But there’s one thing that has taken a little getting used to: the food.

Back when I lived outside, I had to hunt for food. We live in a pretty open area. Mom has two acres and there’s forty acres on the lot next door. I didn’t have much trouble getting what I needed. (Don’t tell Mom, but I got a few treats from the neighbors too.) I was attracted to Mom and my human brother because they put kibble out regularly. It was a nice contrast to my diet of field mice and voles.

When I came inside, they tried to feed me kibble and wet food. I love the kibble, but the wet food tasted really weird. I didn’t like it. I kept trying to tell them that I really wanted a vole, but they never seemed to understand. I asked Mr Google to find me some vole-flavored food, but I didn’t have any luck. All I could find was ways to get rid of voles. I don’t want to poison them. If I poison them, I can’t eat them.

Right now, I’m eating mainly kibble. Occasionally, I’ll have some chicken and tuna stew and some treats, It’s not that I don’t like my kibble, but it gets a little boring. I’d really like something fresh. My human brother gave me goose one time. That was pretty tasty, but I really don’t like human food (except ice cream).

I talked to Snoops about it. She lived outside for a while before she ended up at the shelter. She understood what I meant. She says that’s the main reason she occasionally eats the mice she catches. It’s a flavor that none of the canned foods can match. We don’t really understand why there are vegetables in some cat food, but no mice or voles.

I tried eating a couple of the mice I found upstairs. (It’s one of the advantages of living in an old farmhouse. It’s easy for mice to get in.) They were pretty tasty, but they really didn’t taste like the ones I had outside. Snoops says it’s because of what they eat. Apparently the humans aren’t really good about keeping all the food in the pantry locked in airtight containers. It has come to their attention that mice love sweets. On occasion, they’ve eaten large (for a mouse) quantities of chocolate chips and baking chocolate.

I guess I prefer grass-fed mice and voles. There have been a few mice since I came inside, but no voles. I saw that one of the pet stores around here has voles. I tried to talk Mom into buying a couple, but she wouldn’t do it. She won’t buy any of the fun animals: no mice, no voles, no gerbils, no hamsters. So I’m kind of stuck.

I think Mom feels bad because I don’t like wet food. I think she’s tried every flavor they make. I don’t want to make her feel bad; it’s not her fault that cat food doesn’t come in the really good flavors. Maybe I could write a letter to the cat-food companies and suggest they try something different.

In the meantime, I’m going keep living the good life and eating kibble.

Cats and Spring Fever

March 9, 2024 | cat9984

It’s been a very weird winter here in Southeast Michigan. The humans here have hardly complained about the weather at all. Not much snow and warmer than usual temperatures for the most part. It doesn’t really matter all that much to us cats, although no melted snow on the carpeting has been nice.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t been warm enough for the humans to hang out outside, so we’ve been cooped up with the toddlers for weeks. I think they might be getting on everyone’s nerves. Mom’s been talking about something called Spring Fever. We thought she was just making up a name for being grumpy, so we looked it up on Mr Google.

Turns out it’s really a thing that some humans get. The symptoms are:

Feeling energetic – That would be a good thing. More playtime for us and earlier breakfast on the weekends
Sleeping less – More time for cuddles.
Eating lighter – Hmm. We hope that doesn’t mean less meat. Most of the rest of what she eats is disgusting.
Smiling and happy feelings – That would be a nice change. She’s been kinda grumpy lately.
Desire to get in shape – Don’t really see that happening.
Feeling of romance – Better not happen. There’s already too many humans around here.
Taking up new hobbies – Maybe she could learn how to make homemade cat food. That would be cool
Scatterbrained and unfocused – Not sure we’d be able to tell.
Urge to spring clean – Doesn’t really sound like her.
Sense of Claustrophobia – Why would she want to leave the house? We’re in it.

Okay. It might not be a bad thing if Mom got Spring Fever. Then we began to wonder if we could get Spring Fever too. Of course, since humans are so fascinated with us kitties, some have studied this. And we can get Spring Fever!

It’s a little different in cats than in humans. Here are our top common behaviors when the weather gets warmer:

Increased Activity – Generally speaking, we become more active and energetic in the spring. We are more prone to zoomies. And we like to spend more time playing and exploring. Part of that may be because there is more sunlight. And warmer temperatures mean we don’t have to spend energy keeping warm.

Interest in the Outdoors – Even us indoor cats enjoy the outdoors more in the spring. There’s more stuff to look at out the windows. And spring is the beginning of catio season. Some of us kitties even like to go out on leashes or harnesses. (In our neighborhood, it’s not safe to be outside alone. The road is busy and we have coyotes and raptors.)

Increased Grooming – Most of us do more grooming in the spring. We have to clean up the loose furs from losing our winter coats. And we want our warm-weather fur to look spiffy.

Vocalization – Some kitties like to talk more in the warmer weather. We’re just so excited to see the world coming back to life outside.

Playfulness – We generally feel more energetic in the sun than in the cold gloom of winter. Pouncing is a lot more popular this time of year. We also sometimes want more attention from our humans. Mom says she’s not sure she has more attention to give. We’ll have to test her.

Territorial Behavior – New season, time to re-establish boundaries. We may increase our scratching and rubbing against objects. Some of our less well-mannered brethren may even spray to mark their territory. We would like to remind them that it is really only acceptable as an outside activity. We prefer the tactic of taking a spot and refusing to move.

Changes in Eating Habits – All that increased activity can lead to an increased appetite. And the sight of prey outside can make us hungry too (even if we can’t get out to eat it).

We admit that we have never paid enough attention to tell whether we get Spring Fever? Have any of you experienced it?

Sgt Stripes: I am Not the Crepuscular One Anymore

March 2, 2024 | cat9984

Sgt Stripes here. When I moved in a year and a half ago, Mom used to complain that I got up too early. Every morning, I’d want to get her up at dawn. I was the first cat she had who had lived outside, and I was a hunter. Our feline ancestors hunted at dawn and dusk because of our ability to see well in low light. That’s called being crepuscular (cool word, huh?). It let them sneak up on their prey. Then they’d sleep during the day. I was just following the call of my tribe.

Mom solved a lot of the conflict by having a cat tree in the east window of our bedroom. It let me survey my domain and got rid of a lot of the zoomies. I also discovered that my human brother had a tree outside his window that was really good for cat TV. The three of us got into a pretty good rhythm.

Then Gypsy moved in. That cat is WILD. As soon as it is anywhere near light, she’s racing around the room jumping on things. She jumps on everything – the night table, the jewelry stand, the bed, the armoire. I thought it was obnoxious when she stole my side of the bed. She was NOT getting my tree. So I hang out in my tree, and she races all over the room (including Mom).

I started feeling bad for Mom because Gypsy wakes her up almost every morning. I thought that I would ask Mr. Google how to handle the problem. Mr. Google was not particularly useful in my opinion. Here is what I found:

Play Before Bed – It says you can use up all your cat’s energy by playing before going to sleep. Our human brother plays with us almost every night. I sleep nicely; she’s still racing around. I guess we need to get her a gym membership or something. Maybe she could do cat yoga.

Ignore the Behavior – I wonder how long that’s supposed to take. Mom doesn’t get up or play with her. She just lays there. It hasn’t worked so far. Although I have noticed that Mom is sleeping right on the edge of the bed so she can’t get in her face anymore.

Offer a Meal Before Bedtime – We get a bowl of kibble to share right before bed. And we have a running fountain of water. The food is supposed to direct our energy toward digestion instead of running around. Also, we’re less likely to wake Mom up wanting food if we’ve already eaten. Maybe she needs to give us a different kind of food. More protein. I haven’t had a vole or field mouse since I came inside.

Don’t Let the Cat in the Bedroom – NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. We all share the bedroom. I am not going to lose access to my bedroom because some other cat can’t control herself. And I don’t want to be locked in either. The door needs to stay open.

Keep the Cat Awake Longer – The human is supposed to keep the cat from taking naps in the late afternoon or evening. That’s crazy. Cats rule. We nap when we want to nap. What are they going to do? Take a stick and poke us to keep us awake?

Keep the Cat Entertained While the Human is Away – I kind of like this idea. They suggest leaving the TV on for us (maybe a nature show). Or using feeding puzzles or smart bowls to make mealtimes more fun. I think they should give us tablets or smart phones so we can order our own treats and games.

Be Patient – Most cats can adapt to sleeping through the night. The human has to be patient. NEVER punish the cat – cats don’t understand cause and effect according to Mr Google. (We’re not going to tell him any different.) I’m not too sure about the patience thing though. Gypsy’s a lot older than me. I would have thought she’d be better at waiting for Mom to wake up.

I hope Gypsy calms down soon. Mom gets grumpy when she doesn’t get enough sleep.

Snoops and the Editors: Change is Hard

February 24, 2024 | cat9984

Things have been pretty busy in the editorial offices at Cheeseland. Lenny and George, the mice editors, have been scurrying around trying to figure out what’s next for the blog. It’s been around for almost eleven years. It started out as a place for Cat to vent about whatever was on her mind. Apparently not much, since it switched over to all animals all the time after a couple of years. But it didn’t really take off until Snoops and Kommando Kitty started writing . Now that Kommando is gone, it’s probably time for another change.

Lenny: What are we going to do? We had a two-cat show with a bunch of supporting players.

George: I know. Cat kinda figured that she and the cats were going to retire together in a few years.

Lenny: Ooh. Maybe we can turn it into a retirement blog.

George: Don’t be dumb. She’s not retiring now.

Lenny: Oh yeah. That’s right. We need to figure out how to replace Kommando.

They both jump when they hear a loud hissing behind them.

Lenny: Oh, hey Snoops. Didn’t hear you come up.

Snoops: You are so lucky you’re considered family so I can’t eat you. We can’t replace Kommando. She was special.

George: We know. That’s why we’re trying to figure out what to do with the blog. You wanna do a solo thing? Something like “Snoops Speaks”?

Snoops: Nah. I don’t have the energy for that. The best part was having someone to share the ideas and research with.

Lenny: Maybe we could find you a new partner?

Snoops: I do not want another cat in the house. It was bad enough when Sgt Stripes moved in, but at least he stayed upstairs. Now we have the three who came in with my human sister and the two little humans. NO MORE CATS.

Lenny: Okay. Don’t get excited.

George: You know you scare Lenny when you get mad.

Snoops: Sorry, Lenny. Didn’t mean anything personal.

Lenny: It’s okay. I know you’re upset.

George: What do you think about partnering with one of the kids? The blonde one said he’d like to work with you.

Snoops: No chance. I don’t like children. Besides, we write about animals. He’d want to write about human stuff.

Lenny: Eww! How boring.

Snoops: Yeah. Besides, he’s loud and messy.

George: Excellent points. No small human partners.

Snoops: I think we need to keep the focus on cats.

Lenny: But the alligators and bears are pretty popular too.

George: And hedgehogs.

Snoops: That’s true. We’ll be mainly cats with a few other animals thrown in.

George: Could you work with one of the new cats?

Snoops fluffed up and arched her back.

Lenny: I’d say that’s a “no”.

George: What about Sgt Stripes? He joined you and Kommando for a few posts.

Lenny: And he’s an excellent researcher. He really loves Mr. Google.

Snoops: He tried to eat Kommando when he moved in. I had to jump on him to protect her.

George: He says that was a misunderstanding. He wanted to play pounce.

Snoops: Grrr.

Lenny: I think he’s afraid of you now. He doesn’t even really try to come downstairs when you’re around.

George: He might want to be friends. He’s trying to be friends with the lady cats upstairs.

Snoops: I don’t know. I’m not thrilled with any of the options. I’ll have to think about it.

She curled up to sleep while the mice tiptoed off.

Sgt Stripes: The Male Purrspective

February 17, 2024 | cat9984

Hi folks, it’s Sergeant Stripes! Last week, you all heard a very interesting story from my new housemate Onyx. I’m here now to offer my purrspective. Let me begin by saying I’m very flattered, but I really was just trying to be nice to both my new housemates. I’m not madly in love with anyone.

For starters, Onyx stole my room. Mom explained that it’s because she’s a poor kitty with no place else to go, so we have to be nice, but I used to have four bedrooms, and now I’m down to two, maybe three. It depends on whether you count the one Mom shares with me, since I also have to share it with Gypsy now. And don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice kitty… when she’s not hissing and swiping at me for getting too close to her. I think she might still be holding how we met against me.

I didn’t mean to scare anyone, I just really like playing pounce. And Onyx and Gypsy were playing along too, because their eyes got really huge and they tried to run away, just like they were actually prey! Or, uh, that’s what I thought. Mom told me they were actually scared I was trying to eat them. Like I would forget the most important house rule (No eating family members.). Um, again. [Editor’s Note: This is something of a recurring problem for Sarge. Poor George still has nightmares. Sometimes he has trouble editing the pictures.]

But anyway, that’s why I was trying to make up for it by being extra nice to the two new kitties! Because even if I’m not entirely sure why they have to get my bedrooms (And my litter box. And my humans. And my kibble!), I know we need to be good hosts. So I started spending more time with both of the new arrivals. I didn’t think Onyx would take it the way she did, especially after she got so mad when I tried to share her food (that’s why I stopped spending time with her). I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings.

That’s why I’ve decided that Onyx and Gypsy should both be allowed to spend as much time as they want with me! I’m bigger than both of them, so if they want to, they can both cuddle with me at the same time. I’m not sure about romance just yet, but I do want to make friends. Right now, nobody wants to play pounce with me. And Gypsy doesn’t always share my cool Christmas blankie with me. But I figure we can all be friends, we just got off on the wrong paw.

Mom says that they were more territorial because they didn’t have four bedrooms where they came from. Actually, Gypsy didn’t even have one. So I guess I get why I have to share. I can’t even really use all four bedrooms at once, so it’s not that big a deal. Although I wouldn’t have minded a housewarming vole. I figure if I’m extra nice and we all get along, then they won’t mind sharing with me, and I can get my beds back. Even if I don’t, two beds isn’t really a bad deal for two new playmates!

And Gypsy can be a really fun playmate. Even when we’re not playing pounce, we do have a lot of common interests, like shredding toilet paper. She found a roll that the humans left out, and it was just like when I first got here–they still haven’t gotten all the shreds picked up! She also has really good taste in kibble. She also likes wet food though, which I think is kind of weird. But it does mean that I get treats while she gets her wet food!

Onyx has been tougher to get close to. She got really hung up over when I shared her treats. It wasn’t my fault she didn’t get any, she was just too slow! …I guess I should say sorry about that one. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings Onyx, and I agree that creamy dairy treats, fluffy blankets, and jingly balls are the best. I hope you’ll come out and play with us soon, and you can bat around my jingly silvervine ball! It’s awesome. Then all three of us could hang out, and that would be awesome, too.

Onyx: A Love Story Gone Wrong

February 10, 2024 | cat9984

Hello!

It’s everyone’s favorite black cat, Onyx. And I have awful news! If you didn’t know, my human moved herself, both mini humans, and Angel, Gypsy, and myself in with her mom (AKA my editor) and her brother (AKA my purrsonal chef). And while we sadly were split from Thunder, we got to make friends with all of the northern kitties! One of whom is Sgt Stripes (although my human calls him Big Kitty). When we moved in, I was scared because the big human my person lived with was loud and mean. So when I met Sgt Stripes, I was not very nice (he wanted to play “Pounce”. As in, all 14 pounds of him pounced on all 6 pounds of me. I thought he was hunting me. I was terrified). So I hissed and hid under the bed from him (turns out, he can fit under the bed). And then the mini blonde human started feeding him MY treats. And MY kibble. It was awful! But still, he decided I was his uptown cat. And he was in love with me.

So here I am, getting all of this attention, some snuggles, love, and it’s great! (Or, at least, when Stripes wasn’t stealing my food, it was great.) And I’m thinking I could get used to this, I’m not ready to get married or share my sunspot, but yeah, Sgt Stripes is cool and I’ll keep him around. When out of nowhere, Gypsy moves upstairs (where Sarge and I were coexisting). Now, Gypsy and I have a history. She forced me into a corner and was terrorizing me when she moved in with us. So I’m not her biggest fan. But apparently, Angel was eating all of her food downstairs, so she had to come upstairs to rehabilitate, as she looked starved. I was not happy. But Gypsy mostly stayed in my editor’s room, so I figured I could make it work. I could stay in my human’s room or the bathroom and ignore Gypsy.

Apparently before all of the uptown cats moved in, Sgt Stripes reigned supreme over the whole upstairs, including our editor’s room. So Gypsy (at about 3 pounds) forced him out. But then he kept hearing from the humans that “he could sit on her and crush her” and “he shouldn’t let her force him out of his spot”. So Sgt Stripes gradually started sitting with Gypsy. First in the room, then on the bed with her. And before long, he was courting her!

To Sgt Stripe’s credit, at first he tried to stay with me while remaining cordial with Gypsy. But with me, it’s either all or nothing. So then he tried to be friends. But I don’t do friends. I tried that with Thunder, and she moved away. My human says I have antisocial purrsonality disorder, but I disagree. I just know my worth. So then, Sarge started totally ignoring me for Gypsy! I couldn’t believe it! I’m the prettier, smarter, better of the two. But I guess we all have to make our own mistakes.

And to top this off, he dumped me right before Valentine’s Day, and he’s still eating my treats and kibble! Everyone knows that my favorite treats are the Temptations creamy dairy or the beef. So instead of eating his favorite, backyard BBQ or lobster, Sarge steals my one joy in life. He also tries to steal my human on her work from home days! Even when she gets up in the morning, he runs right up to her, wanting jaw and tummy rubs. And Gypsy keeps trying to demand food from my human! They have no respect what-so-ever. And it’s not like they would starve for either food or attention. My editor and chef can take care of them, probably better than my human can!

So now I’m left broken hearted, with no friends and no cats to hang out with, all because Gypsy had to come upstairs and ruin everything. It’s hard to blame Sgt Stripes; he’s a big, adorable, loveable goofball. And while he is responsible for his own actions, I’m sure he was taken back by my beauty (and the tastiness of my treats! It’ll take a while for me to forgive him for that one).

Now, my human had said that this was my fault, but we all know that’s not true. I was so betrayed. My boyfriend left me for my arch-rival! All because I hissed and hid from him (but let’s be real, he was terrifying when he played Pounce. I feared for my life)! Everyone says he’s the sweetest cat ever and would never hurt a fly, but if he’s capable of stealing my kibble, who knows what else he was capable of!

And that concludes my horrible, awful, truly terrible love tale. Take it from me, relationships are just not worth it. Instead of a companion, get yourself some creamy dairy treats, a fluffy blanket, and a jingly ball to bat around. You can’t go wrong with that! To Gypsy and Sgt Stripes, I hope you’re both happy, but that I get the best sunspots. And to all of my readers, have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget to adore all black cats you come across!

We want to thank everyone for the beautiful words and thoughts you’ve been sending us regarding Kommando Kitty. And especially Ingrid Rickmar for the beautiful badge at the upper right and Ms. Ellen for the wonderful card.

We Miss You Kommando Kitty

February 3, 2024 | cat9984

Snoops here. I have some very sad news. Wednesday night, Kommando Kitty unexpectedly went over the Rainbow Bridge. She was fine the night before, cuddling with Mom. But when Mom went to get her for breakfast, she was gone. She was eleven years old and seemed to be in good health.

I remember when she moved in. She tried to jump in the window, but missed and ended up in the window well. A utility worker got her out, but then she did the same thing again. I had just been separated from my kittens at the shelter a few weeks earlier, and she was only four weeks old. I adopted her and taught her how to be a cat.

She didn’t learn everything. She never learned how to jump. And she couldn’t hiss. When she was little, she could pass between the balusters on the staircase upstairs. When she got older, she never understood why she couldn’t keep doing it. But she was the sweetest cat anyone had every met.

I was “Dad’s” cat, and she was “Mom’s” cat. Mom’s pretty devastated right now. After Dad died (exactly five years before Kommando), the three of us sat on the sofa every night when Mom couldn’t sleep. One of us on each side of her. So I just it’s just Mom and me now.