Tag Archives: dinner

22

A Very Cali Christmas

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Christmas Calico 🎄 : r/cats
Nana Cali has been hosting a family Christmas dinner as long as anyone could remember. She had been doing all the work herself. She always made her family-famous fish stew. There were various kinds of kibble and a creamy eggnog or catnip punch to drink. She welcomed contributions but rarely got them.
It was usually a great time for all involved. But this year things didn’t seem to run as smoothly. It began with the invitations:
Tortoiseshell and calicoes and torbies, oh my! - Way of Cats
Cousin Sally: Nana, you know that I’ve been seeing Richard for months. Why wasn’t he on the chat?
Cousin Ruth: Probably because when he came to the picnic, he spent all of his time complaining about the location and the food.
Cousin Jenny: And he snarfed down enough for a Maine Coon.
Cat On The Phone GIFs | Tenor
(The younger family members had convinced Nana to use a group chat rather than just spreading the word. She was already regretting it.)
Cousin Sally: Well, I’m not coming if he can’t come.
Nana: Sweetie, you’re overreacting. I only sent it to family. There will be plenty of food.
Aunt Gertrude: That reminds me. Can we get something other than fish this year? My Calista really doesn’t like fish.
8 Cats Who Love Fish In Honor Of 'Go Fishing Day' - CatTime
Uncle Dill: You’re welcome to bring whatever you want for her. Mom makes the stew, but she doesn’t mind if others bring additional food.
Aunt Gertrude: Then it’s really not hosting, is it?
Aunt Jess: Do you always have to be so dramatic, Gert? Of course, she’s hosting. It’s at her house. There’s plenty of food and drink. And you’re welcome to bring something more if you want.
Ever seen a cat catching a ride on a pig? đŸ·đŸ± This is Silo the pig & Opal the cat! Thanks for sharing Jessica Hebert!
Cousin Bruno: Do you know what would be really epic? Let’s get a roast pig!
Cousin Drago: Yeah! That would be the best thing ever!
Nana was very upset. She thought that she had been doing a nice thing, and now it looked like no one was going to be happy. She talked it over with Gramps.
How Do Cats Communicate With Each Other? (It's Complicated.) - Petful
Nana: I think maybe I shouldn’t have the dinner this year.
Gramps: Why not? It’s one of the few times we get to see all of our kids and grandkids.
Nana: They talked me into creating what they call a group chat. No body actually talks to anybody. It seems like they just type whatever they want to in it. I don’t want to make a roast pig.
How this pig and cat became BFFs | story | Kids News
Gramps: A roast pig? Why would you make that? It would be three times as big as you are.
Nana: And they don’t want the fish stew. They want me to make all kinds of other food. I don’t think I want to do it anymore. I think I’m just getting too old.
Gramps read the chat. He was furious. He called their and told them to come over for a family meeting. Soon Gertrude, Dill, Jess, and Moonlight were there. Moonlight didn’t follow the chat and was very confused to see her parents so upset.
What Is a Group of Cats Called?
Gramps: Okay, listen up. Which one of you decided that it would be a good idea to let the entire family weigh in on how Nana does her dinner?
Gertrude: I guess it was me. It’s how the kids make plans, so I thought it would be good for us. It lets everyone contribute to what’s going on.
Gramps: Thanks to your brilliant idea, Nana doesn’t want to do Christmas dinner anymore.
Using Your Smartphone to Keep Your Pet Healthy - The Animal Medical Center
Moonlight: Wait a minute. What? Why?
Nana: Because apparently people are tired of my fish stew. They want more variety. And a roast pig.
Moonlight: That’s ridiculous. I hate social media. Everyone thinks they can say whatever garbage pops into their heads. What idiot suggested a roast pig for a cat family dinner?
How Do I Apologize to My Cat in A Way They Understand? 7 Vet-Approved Ways - Catster
Dill: I think it was my sons. Sorry, Mom. I didn’t realize you’d take them seriously.
Nana: Well, I might not have if Gertrude hadn’t said that I should make something different for Calista. I thought everyone liked my fish stew. I said you were welcome to bring your own dishes if you wanted to.
Jess and Dill glared at Gertrude.
Non-Recognition Aggression Syndrome In Cats - Good Pet Parent
Jess: Tell Dad what you said to that suggestion.
Gertrude looked embarrassed.
Gertrude: I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.
Your Cat Etiquette Guide: What to Keep in Mind If You're Hosting Thanksgiving - Vetstreet | Vetstreet
Gramps: What did you say?
Gertrude: I said it didn’t really sound like hosting if we had to bring our own food.
Gramps: Why would you say that?
Ever get bored and drink with your cat ? This is a chicken Churu flavored Icelandic spring water Meow-tini. I had a vesper on my side. : r/cocktails
Gertrude: I don’t know. It was probably the two niptinis I had. It was a bad day.
Dill: If you’ve messed up our Christmas dinner, Gertrude, you better run because I’m coming after you.
Jess: Yep. It’s the highlight of the holiday season.
Moonlight: You’re not really going to cancel the dinner, are you, Mom?
How to keep your cat from jumping on the table while you're eating - Dr. Marty Becker
Nana: I don’t know. It really hurt to hear that you aren’t happy with it.
Jess: We didn’t say we wanted to change anything. It was just the princess over there.
Gertrude: I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how it sounded. I can make some turkey if you’ll keep the rest of it.
Happy Thanksgiving!! From Maya and her giant turkey leg 🍗 We're so grateful to be a part of such an incredible community, and to get to know all of you!! 💛💛 (For
The cats looked at Nana and waited.
Nana: Okay. I guess it’s back on.
Gramps: And the group chat is off.
Merry Christmas Animated Images Free GIFs | Tenor
Pictures courtesy of Google Images.
16

Charlemagne T Persian, Grill Master – Part 2

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Will Those Holiday Leftovers Poison Your Cat? - CatGazette

Where we are: Charlemagne (Charlie) received a grill for Father’s Day and loves using it. He’s impressed family and friends with his skill on fish and burgers. Now he’s looking for a new challenge. He has invited several people over for a new experience: grilled turkey. His wife Maggie isn’t sure it’s a good idea. You can read Part 1 here. 

Tommy: Dad! Can I help you with the turkey?

Charlie: Sure! First thing, I need to figure out how to get it on the grill. I had no idea they got so big.

Tommy: That thing is huge! It’s almost as big as you are.

Charlie: I know. They looked a lot smaller in the pictures.

21-step Guide On How To Cook With Cats | Bored Panda

Tommy: I thought up a slogan for you: “The thrill is in the grill.”

Charlie: I like it! Maybe I’ll get that on an apron.

Celeste: Daddy, are you making a butterfly turkey or a regular turkey?

Tommy: Why would he make a turkey out of butterflies? That sounds disgusting!

Celeste: You don’t make it out of butterflies. That’s just what you call it when you cut it up before you put it on the grill.

Charlie: Where did you hear about that?

Dont Show Your Cat on Twitter: "little chef https://t.co/k5lGH40Wrw" / Twitter

Celeste: Angelina at school. Her brother is a gourmet chef, so she thinks she knows everything. She says it’s the only way to cook a turkey on a grill.

Charlie: Hmm. Never heard of it.

Maggie: I’m not sure I trust you with a large knife.

Charlie: Please. I’m a pure-bred cat. I can handle a knife. Celeste, find me the instructions for a butterfly turkey.

Celeste (looking on her phone): It says it’s called spatchcocking. It looks kind of complicated.

Tommy: Maybe we should just drag the whole thing over and dump it on the grill.

Charlie: Why should we do this spatching thing?

Why Is My Cat Sniffing Everything All Of A Sudden? - Cats.com

Celeste: The video says it takes less time to cook and it cooks more evenly.

Maggie: Less time on the grill is appealing. Didn’t you say it was going to take hours? You’ll never get the smell out of your fur.

Tommy: Smelling like a smoked turkey would be amazing!

Celeste: Eww!

They all watched the video with Celeste.

Maggie: I don’t think this is a good idea. Look at all that cutting.

Charlie was enthralled.

Charlie: I’m doing it. That looks amazing. I can be a gourmet grill-cat.

Before my mom leaves the house, she sets up the kindle so the cat can watch bird videos in bed. : r/aww

Maggie: You’re an executive at a software company. Kitties love your chase games. You don’t need to be a grill-cat.

Charlie: This is going to be amazing. Tommy, let’s get the bird. I have to get started.

Maggie and Celeste decided it would be a good time to sun-bathe. They heard the sound of the turkey being dragged across the kitchen followed by a large “plop!” as they headed outside.

Charlie: You’re in charge of the social media, Tommy. I want all of this recorded. It’s gonna be impressive.

Tommy: You got it, Dad. We can edit it later.

Splitting the turkey was a lot more work than Charlie anticipated. Because he had to hold the knife between his paws, it was a long series of stabs. Finally he thought it was ready.

Charlie: Okay, Tommy. I’m going to grab one side and you grab the other. On the count of three, pull hard.

They put their paws into the cuts and pulled back. Nothing happened.

Felt cute... Might kill my owner later : r/cats

Charlie: Guess I need a few more cuts.

He stabbed the turkey a few more times before they tried pulling again. Still nothing. Charlie was getting annoyed. He started stabbing harder.

Charlie: Let’s try again.

They braced themselves and pulled as hard as they could. Finally they heard a cracking. Before they realized what was happening, they were both on the floor with the turkey in pieces.

Tommy: I think we pulled too hard.

Charlie: They didn’t mention that happening in the video.

Cat falling off the couch fangies! : r/fangies

Tommy: What should we do?

Charlie: I guess we can just grill the pieces. It should take even less time this way.

Tommy: Excellent!

They cleaned up the mess and were getting ready to take the turkey out to the grill when Maggie and Celeste walked in.

Maggie: My cats! What happened to you two? You look like you’ve been in a cat fight!

Tommy: The turkey was pretty feisty, but we managed it.

Maggie: You need to get cleaned up before the guests get here. I don’t want to be embarrassed by everyone thinking you were beat up by a turkey.

Cat Chillin' in a Grill Like the Boss of All Bosses [IMAGE]

They put the turkey on the grill and then bathed. By the time the guests arrived, the turkey was beginning to smell delicious. Finally, it was time to eat.

Nana Cat: That smells delicious, Charlemagne.

Benji: Have to admit, brother. I didn’t think you’d pull it off.

Charlie: Everyone, have a seat and I’ll serve the turkey.

He slid the turkey onto a platter and brought it to the table.

Human Foods Cats Can Eat: Keeping Kitty Safe During the Holidays

Monica: That’s the strangest looking turkey I’ve ever seen. How did you prepare it?

Benji: That’s because you get yours in a can.

Tommy: It’s called spatchcocking.

Celeste: He butterflied it.

Benji: It looks more like he stepped on it.

Charlie: Just a slight issue with the knife. It’s ultra-butterflied.

Tommy: We’re going to call it Turkey Charlemagne.

It was delicious. But the video got lost somewhere along the line. Charlemagne is trying to talk Maggie into letting him buy another turkey.

Cat Signals for Expressing Happiness and Mood

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

22

Chloe Cat’s Christmas Guest

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300+ Free Christmas Cat & Christmas Images - Pixabay

Mama Cat had been working hard for days getting everything ready for Christmas. She was having a big family dinner on Christmas Eve. It was the first time the whole family had been together in several years. The best part was that her daughter Chloe was coming home from college for the first time since the beginning of the school year. And she was bringing a friend. A male friend!

Mama Cat: I’m so excited to see Chloe! It’s been months since she’s been home.

Papa Cat: I’ve really missed her. She’s my little buddy. I hope we get a chance to go hunting while she’s home.

Mama Cat: I wouldn’t count on it. She’s bringing a boy home. She’ll probably want to spend all her time with him.

Cats R Cool 4 Back to School - oregonlive.com

Regina: Don’t you think it’s a little weird that she never talks about him? We don’t really know anything except that she met him in her Chemistry class.

Sophie: Yeah. So we know that he’s probably a nerd like she is.

Mama Cat: Be nice, girls. She’s never brought anyone home before. It must be serious.

Papa Cat: How serious can it be? She’s only been gone four months.

Mama: We need to be nice to him. He’s going to be staying here for a few days.

17 Pets Who Can't Believe You Aren't Taking Them On Your Trip - The Dodo

Meanwhile, Chloe was preparing to go home.

Chloe: Sasha, are you ready to leave yet?

Sasha: Not quite finished packing. Are you sure I’ll be welcome?

Chloe: Absolutely. My family is great! Mama says they’re really excited about meeting you.

Sasha: What have you told them?

Chloe: Just that I met you in Chemistry, and that we’ve become good friends. And that I wanted to bring you home for the holidays so you wouldn’t be alone.

Sasha: Do they think I’m your boyfriend?

Chloe: It never really came up.

Cat Signals for Expressing Happiness and Mood

Sasha rubbed his head against Chloe and she purred.

Chloe: Okay. We’ll leave mid-morning. Remember, we have to be there by 2 pm. Mama doesn’t want anyone to be late for dinner. And I haven’t seen them in months so I don’t want to miss anything.

Sasha: Don’t worry. I’ll be ready bright and early.

Christmas Eve was a beautiful day. Sunny and cold. The family started gathering around noon. Grandma and Grandpa were the first to arrive. As usual, Grandma had brought her favorite catnip cookies.

US embassy apologises after mistakenly sending Cookie Monster cat invitation | Canberra | The Guardian

Sophie: Yummy! One of the best parts of Christmas.

Grandma: Is Chloe here? I can’t wait to see her. I hear she finally has a beau.

Mama: Mother! Don’t embarrass her. She’s calling him a friend. We have to be nice.

Grandma: I’m going to be nice. It’s just good to see she finally has a social life.

Mama: Mother —

I prefer the unneutered male cat appearance – PoC

Uncle Charley was next. He was a little eccentric. Rather conservative and prone to speaking his mind.

Papa: Charley! Good to see you. How are things?

Uncle Charley: Not bad. Glad to see the elections are finally over. Didn’t see too many dogs or other lowlifes voted into office this time. Maybe we’re finally back on track to getting things back under control.

Regina: Uncle Charley, would you like some milk or some water?

Uncle Charley: Do you have anything stronger?

Mama: I was going to make some punch if anyone wanted it.

Uncle Charley: The good stuff with catnip AND silver vine?

Mama: That’s the one. I’ll go get started.

Group shot of a pack of kitties ❀ #grouppicture #kittens #cats #adorablecats | Cute cats, Cats, Cute cat memes

While Mama was in the kitchen, most of the rest of the family arrived. There were about 20 cats in the extended family, and everyone had come. Except Chloe.

Mama: I wonder where Chloe is. I told her not to be late.

Just then, the doorbell rang. 

Mama: How odd. Who would that be?

Sophie: I see Chloe’s suitcase out front. Maybe she has a surprise.

25 Giant Dog Breeds — Huge Dogs | Reader's Digest

Mama opened the door and saw Chloe’s surprise guest. She could barely speak.

Mama: Welcome to our home; you must be Sasha.

Sasha: Indeed, I am. Thank you for having me.

The others heard voices but couldn’t recognize the accented words. Sophie ran up.

Sophie: Oh my cats! You’re a dog!!

Sasha: Why, yes I am.

Dogs That Are Good With Cats: Breeds That Tend to Do Well With Felines

Sasha was the largest dog she had ever seen. And he was standing in the doorway to her house. Her father stepped up.

Papa: Sasha, please come in.

Sasha stepped into the room and looked around the room full of cats. He wasn’t sure whether to be amused or frightened. Chloe was still paying the driver and getting their things organized. Finally she came up.

Chloe: Hello everyone. I see you’ve met Sasha.

Her grandmother had been in another room. She came out when she heard Chloe’s voice, took one look at Sasha and fainted. Uncle Charley arched his back and began to hiss. Sasha looked like he wanted to head for the door. He wasn’t sure what to do with the box of smoked fish he was holding.

Next week: Will the family have a Merry Christmas? You can read the conclusion here. 

Christmas Cat Pictures | Download Free Images on Unsplash

 

12

Ranger Bob

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 Image result for raccoons playing

Mama Raccoon called the family to dinner. The four kits raced to the table. After everyone had settled down, she brought out the food and the dipping bowls.

Mama: How was your day?

Sally: Great! After school, we went to the park to play ball and run around.

John: It was great until this huge old bear started yelling at us.

Papa: What huge bear?

John: I don’t know. I ran away when he started coming toward us.

Mama: Why was he yelling? Was he growling too? Do you think he was trying to eat you? I knew I shouldn’t let you go there by yourselves.

Anna: Calm down, Mama. John’s just being a scaredy-cat.

John: I’m not a cat! I’m a raccoon!

Image result for raccoon swimming

Anna: I just meant that you didn’t need to run. He wasn’t coming after us. He didn’t want Jimmy to jump into the river.

Papa: Why were you going to jump into the river?

Jimmy: I was hot.

Papa: What was the bear saying?

Jimmy: He said that it wasn’t safe to swim by myself because an adult needed to be close in case I got a cramp or something. Besides, the river has a current.

Anna: The bear was afraid that since we’re so small, he might not be strong enough to swim against the current if we needed to.

Image result for bears

Papa: Wait a minute. What does this bear look like?

Anna: He was tall with glossy black fur. And tan all around his muzzle

Papa looked at Mama, and they both started to laugh.

Sally: What’s so funny?

Mama: John, you don’t have to worry. That’s Ranger Bob.

John: Who’s Ranger Bob?

Image result for bear with baby bear

Mama: Ranger Bob has been keeping the children of the forest safe for years.

Sally: Why does he do that?

Papa: Years ago, there was a big fire. A lot of the children got separated from their parents. They were frightened because they didn’t understand what was happening.

Mama: Ranger Bob gathered them together and made sure they were safe. Then he explained the fire and how dangerous it was. He also told them how to tell when a fire was approaching and what to do.

Image result for bear with other animals

Anna: That’s a great idea. And it was so nice of him.

Mama: He was a hero to all those parents and children. He loved being around the children. He made sure nothing happened to them.

Papa: The children loved him too. He’s been protecting us for years. I’m surprised he hasn’t been to your school.

Jimmy: Some of the other kids talk about Ranger Bob, but I didn’t know who he was.

John: He’s still a little scary. He’s so big. And he yelled at us.

Image result for bear standing up

Anna: He yelled because Jimmy was going to do something stupid, and he wanted to make sure he got our attention.

Jimmy: Hey! It wasn’t stupid. I was hot.

Anna: OK. You were going to do something unsafe. It’s the same thing.

Jimmy looked offended.

Sally: I’ve got an idea. Let’s invite Ranger Bob to dinner to thank him for stopping Jimmy from doing something stupid.

Jimmy: It wasn’t stupid!

Sally: Whatever.

Image result for raccoons eating

Mama: That’s an excellent idea. After school tomorrow, you kits can ask him when he’s available.

The kits really didn’t know where he lived. They started at the park. No luck.

They decided to get up their courage and go into the woods to find the bears.

John: I am not going into the woods. It’s too scary.

Jimmy: Fine. Stay here.

Image result for scary woods

John: By myself?

Jimmy: Yes. By yourself.

John didn’t like that idea either. He looked at Anna.

John: Anna? Will you hold my hand?

Anna: Of course.

The raccoons went into the woods. They ran across several bears. But they all seemed so big that the kits hid. Finally, a cub came along.

Image result for bear cub

Jimmy: Hey, can we talk to you?

Cub (surprised): We don’t get many raccoons in this part of the woods now that you guys are semi-domesticated.

John: That’s because you guys are so scary.

Cub: We’re not scary. We’re just big. We wouldn’t hurt you.

Anna: We’re looking for Ranger Bob.

Image result for bear walking away

Cub: Good luck. He left this morning. He seemed pretty upset.

Anna: Where did he go?

Cub: He wouldn’t tell any of us.

The kits thanked him and left. They were disappointed. How would they find him now?

Sally: We need to go home and think about this. Maybe Mama and Papa know where he might go.

The kits went home to talk to their parents.

Image result for raccoons running

Next week: Why did Ranger Bob go, and why did he leave?

Pictures courtesy of Google

14

Meeting on Meowsrr

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Image result for calico cat

Penelope was a pretty 3-year old calico looking for a new way to meet men. Her friends suggested she try Meowsrr, the new dating site for cats.

Meowsrr was the current hot thing in dating. Since very few cats have phones (no pockets), it was designed to work best on a computer. Cats are not fond of typing (that pesky opposable thumb thing), so almost the entire process was done through a voice application.

Image result for cat on computer

She signed up after reading their legal terms. No responsibility for outcome of first date. No responsibility for lack of honesty by members. No responsibility for ticks, fleas, or lack of personal hygiene. No guarantee that site security would be maintained.

Penelope submitted her form with a greeting to potential suitors. She would see responses within 24 hours.

The next day, Penelope eagerly opened Meowsrr. She found the pictures of three handsome cats. She opened the message from the first one:

Image result for strutting cat

“Hi ladies. My name is Murray and I’m the cat of your dreams. I know all of the hot spots in town and can show you a good time. Love to cuddle. If you’re looking for fun, call me.”

She pressed the “No” button and Murray was gone.

Image result for strutting cat

“This is Pete. I’m the strong, silent type. I don’t always have a lot to say, but I’m there when you need me. I’m not into catnip or the milk bar scene. I’d love to get to know you better.”

“Maybe”

Image result for strutting cat

“Hello. My name is Tony. I’m a large, muscular tortie with his own business. I like to spend evenings curled up in front of a fire. I also like quiet dinners and jaw rubs. If that sounds good, call me.”

Penelope decided to call.

After a couple of awkward minutes, they got along well and decided to meet for a bowl of cream. Tony suggested a place Penelope had never heard of;, but since it was close to where he worked, she agreed to it.

Image result for cats drinking milk

The next night Penelope bathed and fluffed her fur. Looking in the mirror, she was satisfied that she would make a good impression. Since she wasn’t familiar with where she was going, she took a cab.

Looking out the window, Penelope saw that they were heading for the river. Maybe he worked in one of those fancy offices. But they took a left toward the docks. The cab stopped in front of a restaurant between the two districts.

Penelope looked around the restaurant nervously. An extremely large cat came over and introduced himself as Tony.

Tony: Hi. I’m Tony. You must be Penelope. You’re just as pretty in person as in your picture.

He led her to a table.

Image result for large maine coon cat

Penelope: Goodness, you weren’t kidding when you said you were large and muscular. You didn’t mention that you were a Maine Coon.

Tony: Is that a problem?

Penelope: No. I just wasn’t expecting it.

Sniffs the air.

Penelope: What type of cologne are you wearing? It smells interesting.

Tony (laughing): I’m not wearing cologne. We call it Eau de Wharf. Do you like it?

Penelope: Well, it certainly is different.

Image result for cat looking disgusted

They ordered dinner. Tony had a surf and turf of beef and salmon. Penelope had salmon pate. Tony ordered two bowls of cream as an appetizer.

Tony: Are you sure that’s all you want? You can get anything on the menu. The food’s great. I know the chef; he’s one of my clients.

Penelope: No, I’m fine. I wasn’t expecting this much. I thought we were going to meet for cream.

Tony: I wanted to make a good first impression.

Penelope: Why don’t you tell me about your business?

Tony (proudly): I run a rodent extermination place down on the wharf. You wouldn’t believe the business we do. Rats and mice everywhere. I have ten guys that work for me Every night we end up with a pile as high as that door over there. (Points to the entrance.)

Image result for cat looking disgusted

The food arrived. A lot of food.

Penelope: That sounds like a very good business.

They both started to eat. Between bites, Tony continued to talk.

Tony: Yeah, it’s a great business. You wouldn’t believe the number of rats around here. And mice. It seems like the more we get rid of, the more we see.

The chef walked up to the table.

Chef: It’s so good to see you. We’re expecting one of your guys after closing tonight. Seems that little problem behind the cooler hasn’t quite gone away. You wouldn’t believe what we saw today!

Image result for cat looking disgusted

He looked at Penelope and noticed that she had pushed her plate away.

Chef: Is there something wrong with the pate?

Penelope: No. I’m just feeling a little ill. I’m sorry but I have to go.

After Penelope left, the men continued their conversation.

Chef: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare your girl off.

Tony: Don’t worry. It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I could tell she was a snob the moment I saw her.

Image result for cat looking disgusted

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

14

The Adventure Bear Show (Part 2 of 2)

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Image result for bear cub

So far – Joey and Mikey Bear were both trying to win a contest on The Adventure Bear Show. To win they had to write an essay about something nice they had done for someone. Somehow, both cubs had ended up at the same place to do the same job.

Joey was stunned and disappointed. Now what was he supposed to do? He didn’t have another idea. Mikey’s mom must have known about the Ursalines too. Mikey grinned from the sofa.

Joey turned to Mrs. Ursaline and said that he didn’t realize that she already had help. He didn’t want to bother her. She said not to worry; there were plenty of things to do. She was sure she could keep them both busy. So Joey sat on the sofa next to Mikey. Mikey’s grin faded. He knew Joey was a good writer and would be able to do a better job explaining their work.

Image result for bear sitting on sofa

Mrs. Ursaline was right. There was a lot of work to do. They needed to clean out the garden and cover the plants with mulch. There was a lot of raking to be done. All of the tools had to be cleaned and put away. The back part of the den needed to be raked out and covered with leaves and moss for the winter sleeping.

This was going to be a lot of work. Joey hadn’t counted on anything this hard and wondered if he could back out. Then he remembered that if he did, Mikey would get to go with Adventure Bear. This had to be the best job anyone would have. Grrr.

They each grabbed a rake and started to furiously clear the leaves, trying to outdo each other in the amount they raked. After a while, Mrs. Ursaline came out to see how they were doing. She was not impressed. She called the boys over and told them that it wasn’t a race. They needed to be more careful and make sure they got all of the leaves up. They should work as a team.

Image result for bear cub

Joey and Mikey looked at each other guiltily. She was right. They had done a terrible job. They told her they would go over it again. They divided the yard, and each cub concentrated on getting all of the leaves. When it was done, it looked great.

They decided that they should rake out the den next. That way they could use the best leaves for the bedding. While they were in the den, they started talking to each other again. They decided that it was stupid to fight over Adventure Bear. He probably already had a favorite cub in the area. They decided to be friends again.

Image result for bear den

They found some nice, soft moss for the ground and covered it with the best leaves they could find. None of the icky, smelly ones that had already started to rot. Those ones would be good for the garden. They went outside to get started on the garden.

When they got outside, they discovered that it was already starting to get dark. They told Mrs. Ursaline that they would be back the next day to finish. Mrs. Ursaline told them that they were doing a wonderful job, and she looked forward to seeing them again.

At dinner, Joey excitedly told them about his afternoon with Mikey at Mrs. Ursaline’s. He was happiest that he and Mikey were friends again. His mother smiled. She and Mikey’s mom had hoped that would be the result. Joey went to bed early, tired from all the work.

Image result for sleeping bear cub

The next day, they decided that the best way to clean out the garden was to cut back the plants, rake around them, and cover everything with leaves. It was a lot of work, and their paws were sweaty by the time they were done.

That just left the tools. The job was worse than what they expected. They had to wipe everything down, but then they had to cover the tools with grease to protect them from the cold and damp. It was almost impossible to get the sticky stuff off their paws.

Finally it was time for the Adventure Bear dinner. Mikey and Joey sat next to each other. They talked about how great it was to shake Adventure Bear’s paw and how big and strong he was. They promised to still be friends if one of them won the trip.

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Dinner was great, salmon and berries, but the cubs were all impatient to find out who had won. It seemed like forever until a bear stood up and said it was time for Adventure Bear to announce the winner.

Adventure Bear said it was always hard to choose a cub for his adventure; this time it was so hard that he had chosen two winners for the first time ever. He had chosen these two cubs because they had performed their tasks together and had helped each other as well as the bear needing the help. Both essays really demonstrated the Adventure Bear spirit.

Joey and Mikey looked at each other. He had to be talking about them! When Adventure Bear announced their names, they ran to the stage together. They stood on either side of Adventure Bear while he told everyone that they would be hiking up a local hill and looking for grubs and berries.

All of them joined together in a giant “bear” hug.

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5

Never Thought I’d Live to See the Day

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It’s not like I have to look a long way to feel old. My kids have somehow morphed from being small, cute little people to fully grown, attractive people. I really don’t understand it. It’s not like I’ve gotten any older.

Even my husband has a smart phone. I have sat at dinner where he spends more time on his phone than the kids. Actually, he’s worse than the kids. My daughter uses the phone as a timer for some medications she has to take, and my son uses it to look up information we don’t know during discussions.

But my family is pretty traditional. You might have noticed that the paragraph above mentions both family dinners and discussions. We discuss politics, always a challenge (2 conservatives, 1 traditional liberal, and one populist). We also talk about religion, world events, literature, and history. I don’t discuss the dinners in public; it seems a little retro.

And (of course) the kids rarely swear in front of me. When I was young, someone told me that using too many “bad” words wasn’t sophisticated. It just showed a lack of vocabulary. I agreed, and over the years and have found various vegetables and animals effective substitutes for most things. Since it wasn’t a hot button for me, the kids respected my point of view. (I’ve come to find out that’s kind of weird too.)

There was also the issue of my mother swearing a fair amount. Who wanted to do it if their mother did?

But I have started a new job. You may remember that I am now working midnights. To stereotype, there are two groups of people there: Millennials and bitter people waiting to retire. Of course, there are a couple of people who fall outsides those groups, but they aren’t any fun to talk about.

Everyone is friendly and welcomed me into the group. I like them all. But I have never been with a group of Millennials who are relaxing with their peers. Some of them seem to be incapable of saying a complete sentence without using a word that used to be a vulgar term for sexual intercourse.

I went home and asked my Millennial son why some of his peers seemed to use the word as noun, verb, adjective, and (incorrectly) adverb. He joked and told me that if I hadn’t heard it used as a preposition, I had not heard everything. He then told me that people only used it when they were relaxing with their friends. Okay. I guess I’m flattered.

So I asked my Millennial daughter why. She said that people liked to use it because it was a “forbidden” word. She said that there were only two words that were now forbidden in “polite company.” (A term showing my age.) The other word is one that refers to female genitalia in a particularly vulgar way. Apparently that one is still more common on social media than general conversation.

I stock in an area that includes condoms and other personal items for a large chain store. I am totally in favor of condoms. Preventing pregnancy is good. Spreading disease is bad. And I’m sure that moving them out from behind the counter has been nothing but good.

However, I pity the poor teenager looking for something for his first experience. Gone are the days of choosing between three or four types of Trojans. I guess the variety in deodorant and toothpaste has come to personal protection.

There are three racks of choices, plus the selection on the shelf below and hanging on the display nearby. They pretty much all promise a more sensitive experience for him and a more sensual experience for her. You can now buy them in boxes of up to 40 which I hope are purchased by people in committed relationships. I guess the other option would be a guy with really high hopes.

The more surprising thing is that you can now buy items that go over the condom to give the female additional stimulation. I’m not sure, but I don’t think those things existed when I was young. At least they were not available on a rack in plain view of everyone, right next to the vibrators that could remove the male from the picture entirely. I wonder what the parents say when their child wanders down the aisle while they are looking at razors.

I kind of miss the days when s*** was still uncommon and the most embarrassing thing to explain to a child in a grocery store was the sanitary napkins.