Category Archives: cats

20

Snoops: Update from the Home Front

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Greetings fellow felines (and your humans). Snoops here. It’s hard to believe that it’s been over eight months since the intruders arrived. They seem to have made themselves comfortable in my house. My human sister is okay, but those little humans need a volume control. Last night, the littlest one had a bad dream or something. At first he was upstairs, but then he came downstairs with his mom. Totally ruined my sleep.

He can be cute when he tries to feed me. I just wish he understood what cats like to eat. We really don’t like Mandarin oranges or fruit snacks. I think he might be trainable. His brother isn’t as loud, but he doesn’t really share. I think they could use some training to make them really useful.

The original arrangement for us cats was to have two of the visitors in our sun room with me and Kommando getting full run of the first floor. Then they would be gradually introduced to us.  Unfortunately, Kommando went over the Rainbow Bridge. Angel and Gypsy were not a good combination in the sun room. As near as we can tell, Angel was eating almost all of the food. Gypsy got really skinny before Mom said she should go upstairs. You’d never know she was so thin to look at her now.

That left me and Angel on the first floor. They decided to wait a little bit for the introductions because I was a little stressed out over Kommando, and the stupid fleas came back. Angel gets to come out once in a while now. I don’t really mind her. She doesn’t try to get in my face or sit with my humans the way some cats do. We pretty much ignore each other. And she is very attached to the littlest human so that’s a bonus.

I wish I could say the same thing about the cats upstairs. Onyx is my human sister’s therapy cat. So she’s been upstairs since the beginning. Of course, Sgt Stripes lives up there. And Gypsy has settled in up there too. No one is eating her food up there, so she’s filled out nicely. (Mom had been afraid that she might not make it because she had lost so much weight. But she looks good – for a dilute calico.)

Here’s the problem. Mom wants to open up the house so that we can go wherever we want. That’s supposed to be the step after Angel and I get used to each other. There are doors at the top of the stairs. They’ve been closed since Sgt Stripes arrived. It was a pretty good arrangement. Except the little humans know how to open the doors. (And apparently have not been taught how to close them.)

Gypsy’s been really good about staying up there. It’s the first time she’s actually had a specific human to care for, and she seems to be happy with the situation. On the other hand, Sgt Stripes and Onyx have been coming down pretty regularly. And they are not good at keeping to themselves. Onyx is the smallest cat on the household, but hisses at all the rest of us cats every time she sees us. It’s rather annoying.

Sgt Stripes is the biggest of all of us. He doesn’t hiss, but he wants to be friends with everyone. He’s always ready for a game of pounce. I do not want to be pounced on. He seems to be a little intimidated by me. I don’t think he has forgotten about how I jumped on him after he first got here. He had gotten loose and ran after Kommando. I had raised her from a kitten and wasn’t about to let him hurt her. He was probably trying to play, but he frightened her. That’s why we were segregated by floor.

I’m over the fleas and have gotten used to the boys. (I even let them pet me if I’m in a good mood.) Mom says all of us cats have to start getting along. I’m fine with that as long as they don’t try to interrupt my cuddle time or eat all my food. Or get in my space. They should probably have their own toys. And their own human. And I get first dibs on the best sun puddles. I’ll keep you posted.

     

Sgt Stripes here. I want to thank everyone for the nice things you said about me being a calendar cat. I’m going to choose the winners this weekend.

25

I Love My Calendar Cat Contest

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Greetings fellow felines. I, Sgt Stripes, have some very exciting news! I have been chosen as Mr. October for the PawPrint 2024-2025 Calendar. It features the picture at the top of this page. They are based in Dallas, Texas. A portion of everything they sell goes to animals: donations to animal shelters, animal food banks, assisting families with medical expenses, supporting spay/neuter clinics, and adoption/foster expenses.

With apologies to Neil Sedaka, my family has adapted his Calendar Girl into a song about me:

I love, I love, I love my calendar cat: 

Yeah, sweet gray tabby cat

I love, I love, I love my calendar cat

Each and every day of the year

(January) up to my paws in snow

(February) adoring stares where I go

(March) Cat TV returns and I smile

(April) the Easter Bunny comes and brings me treats

Yeah, yeah, I have tabby fur! 

I love, I love, I love my awesome calendar pic! 

Every day (October) every day (October)

Of the year

(‘Specially October)

(May) Cat TV is on at night, all right!

(June) the glow of the moon lights the plants in bloom

(July) loud sky booms make me hide from the glows

(August) it’s hot and muggy but I don’t mind heat

Yeah, yeah, I have tabby fur! 

I love, I love, I love my awesome calendar pic! 

Every day (October) every day (October)

Of the year

(‘Specially October)

Yeah, yeah, I have tabby fur! 

I love, I love, I love my awesome calendar pic! 

Every day (October) every day (October)

Of the year

(‘Specially October)

(September)Autumn comes and leafs leap from all the trees 

(October) I’m October’s Calendar Cat Supreme! 

(November) We’ll give thanks that the humans have me

(December) I get presents ‘neath the Christmas tree

Yeah, yeah, I have tabby fur!             

I love, I love, I love my awesome calendar pic! 

Every day (October) every day (October)

Of the year

(‘Specially October)

I love, I love, I love my calendar cat

Yeah, sweet gray tabby cat

I love, I love, I love my calendar cat

Each and every day of the year

To help celebrate, we are going to send a copy of the calendar to two lucky winners. All you have to do is rewrite one verse of the song. I will pick the winners myself from the entries.  (They’re going to put the entries on the floor, and the two that I step on first will win.) You can either respond in the comments or email it to cat9984@ymail.com. The deadline is Friday, May 31, 2024, at midnight. Unfortunately, it is only open to humans with USA or Canadian addresses.

25

Google: A Cat’s Perspective

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Snoops: Hey Sarge! I have a bone to pick with your buddy, Mr. Google.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know if he eats bones.

Snoops: It’s just an expression. I mean that he’s messing something up really badly.

Sgt Stripes: Mr Google? I don’t think so. He knows everything.

Snoops: Well, he doesn’t know cats.

Sgt Stripes: He most certainly does. If you ask him to show you stuff about cats, he comes back with lots of articles. I bet it’s millions of them.

Snoops: All I know is that when Mom gets a “Spotlight on Snoops” in her pictures, there’s always at least one picture of another cat.

Sgt Stripes: Ooh that is weird. Someone else must take pictures of a different cat named Snoops.

Snoops: Are you being intentionally annoying? It’s not another cat named Snoops. It’s the other calico that Mom takes pictures of.

Sgt Stripes: You think Mr. Google can’t tell the difference between you and Gypsy? That’s ridiculous. He’s smarter than that.

Snoops: You’re right. I don’t understand it either. We don’t look anything alike.

Sgt Stripes: Well, you are both girl cats. And you both have three colors.

Snoops: We do not look alike. I’m a beautiful traditional calico with black, white and orange. She’s dilute – I’m pretty sure she’s grey, beige, and white. And her face is mainly one color all the way across. My face is split between all three colors.

Sgt Stripes: That doesn’t prove that Mr Google doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You guys must just look the most alike of all the cats Mom has pictures of.

Snoops: It’s embarrassing. I do not look like her.

Sgt Stripes: Let’s see what Mr Google has to say about calico cats. The first article says, “The calico cat is most commonly thought of as being 25% to 75% white with large orange and black patches; however, they may have other colors in their patterns.”

Snoops: So Mr Google says that I’m a true calico. It doesn’t say anything about cats with beige faces.

Sgt Stripes: Let me keep looking. It also says, “Dilute calicos have the same tri-colored coat that calicos have, but the dilute gene causes the colors to be muted and appear faded.”

Gypsy: Did I hear someone mention dilute calico? Here I am.

Sgt Stripes: Snoops was saying that Mr Google doesn’t know anything about cats because he mixed one of your pictures in with Snoops.

Snoops: Obviously we look totally different.

Gypsy: I agree. But I think he’s biased against dilute calico cats. I’ve been here for months and there’s never a “Spotlight on Gypsy.”

Sgt Stripes: That is a little bizarre. He loves me. I’m the chosen cat a lot.

Snoops: That explains why you like Mr Google so much.

Sgt Stripes: I guess that might be part of it. But I can find all kinds of great stuff with Mr Google. Like I found all kinds of cat videos. I like the rabbits and the string, but I could watch the birds all day.

Snoops: The rest of us don’t watch cat videos.

Gypsy: Actually I’ve never seen one. I might like it.

Sgt Stripes: And you can find toys and cat trees and all kinds of food.

Snoops: I think Mom might use Mr Google to help her with directions sometimes too.

Sgt Stripes: And you can find pictures of almost anything.

Snoops: Okay. Mr. Google might have some good qualities. But he really needs to learn how to identify cats. We are each unique beautiful creatures.

21

Sgt Stripes Looks for a Few Good Cats

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Hello! Sgt Stripes here. Recently, I was looking at all of the open jobs posted by where Blondie works. There are a lot of them! (She works for a large healthcare company, so she isn’t too affected by these openings). But all of these jobs seemed really boring, and definitely not designed for cats. Which was really disappointing, since I like to keep my options open. So after some digging, I found some more feline friendly help wanted ads. 

Attorney 

We at Ears and Tails, PLLC, are looking for an experienced Attorney at Paw to join our team. While experience is not necessary, the proper candidate should be able to do the following: 

  • Stare intensely at the opponent until they are too uncomfortable to continue
  • Be okay with refusing to compromise or back down
  • Be prepared to fight with claws and hissing, if necessary 

 Benefits include two paid naps per shift, a cozy office with plenty of sunspots, and treat bonuses monthly. Salary will be paid in mackerel, tuna, and sword fish. Please email your resume and cover letter to earsandtailscatresources@catmail.com. 

Mental Health Provider

Management at Therapurrs are seeking to add a new therapawist to our team. In a rapidly growing field, Therapurrs is expecting to expand our client base by over 40% in the upcoming year, and we’re seeking the purrfect cat to help us do this. The right candidate will be able to:

  • Sit (or lay) for extended periods of time
  • Pretend like they are listening and like they care
  • Can keep their judgements silent and somewhat contained out of their facial expressions
  • Will only make, at maximum, 50% of a client session about themselves

Benefits include lots of comfortable blankets and furniture, team lunches, and a positive environment. Salary will be paid monthly in treats. Please email your resume and cover letter to doctorpaws@therapurrs.com. 

Why Do Cats Like Fish?

Nutritionist 

Tired of seeing humans cooking the same yucky foods over and over? Join PounceNutrition as a nutrition consultant, and help put an end to the spinach and lentil dishes! In this fast paced job, you’ll work with different humans 5 nights per week to help them establish a healthy, yet tasty, meal plan! Say goodbye to spinach pies and lentil stews! With your guidance, humans will learn the benefits of chicken, fish, ham, and so much more! The ideal team member will be able to: 

  • Eat a minimum of 3 pieces of protein (plant based excluded) in one sitting
  • Properly turn their noses and tails up at any vegetable, fruit, or legume
  • Swat offending foods off the table
  • Meow in appropriate dialects to indicate approval of a prepared food

Benefits will be based on protein preference, but will include performance based bonuses of preferred proteins, a membership to BirdShack, your local poultry club, and a large bed to lay in (after you complete 10 days of work). Salary is based on experience and will be paid in preferred proteins. Please email your resume and cover letter to pouncecatseat@catmail.com. 

Premium Photo | A cat sits at a desk in front of a drawing of a cat.

Marketing Manager

How many advertisements have been ruined by human ideas? Now is your chance to create the next best advert! Main Coon Markets is looking for a business savvy kitty with experience in the industry, and willingness to grow with the times! A good fit for our team will: 

  • Create cute, yet slightly snarky, slogans 
  • Sell what they have without effort 
  • Boost sales and views

While experience isn’t required, it is recommended, as this is a very claw to the top industry. If you are accepted for an interview, salary and benefits will be discussed then. Please email your resume, cover letter, and 3 examples of work to maincmarketcats@catmail.com. 

Can I stop my cat from hunting? - BC SPCA

Mouser

The city of Weeping Whiskers is in urgent need of a new mouser to keep our streets clean. We are willing to train the right cat, although a natural talent for hunting will put you at the top of our list. Hours vary based on need, although are typically from 10p-6a, 7 days per week. Breaks are permitted as needed. Our municipal mouser must: 

  • Be able to stalk and wait patiently 
  • Pounce and kill when the time is right
  • Dispose of any body or mess created

Benefits include having all of the mousie bits your heart desires, and being beloved by all of Weeping Whiskers! Interested parties may contact Mayor Purrball at purrball@weepingwhiskers.com. 

Model

If you’re a cat, you’re already beautiful (or handsome, for our man cats out there)! Now get paid to show off! Fluff Model Management is always looking for beautiful new talent. All sizes, shapes, patterns, and colors accepted (although gray tabbies may have a slight advantage due to some casting director biases). Pay is based on the job you are given. Please email at least 5 pictures and your stats to fluffcatmodels@catmail.com. If you do not hear back within 90 days, please email us again, as we are always looking for new models, and we may think you look better the second time around. 

 From Vim to the system clipboard in one command - DEV Community

IT Worker

CompuCat, Inc, are looking for kitties to add to our growing team of IT workers! Humans are notorious for not using their technology properly; join us as we show them how to flop on the keyboard, open up multiple tabs at once, dim the screen, and close whatever they had open, making it vanish forever. Training will be provided. Benefits include a warm workspace. Pay will be discussed at the interview and is contingent on experience and education. Email your resume and cover letter to CalCompuCat@catmail.com. 

Security Guard

An alarming trend of stray hair ties, loose rubber bands, rogue tissue rolls, and dangerous fluff balls has been plaguing our area. Be a part of the solution with a great team in a growing industry! Sassy Cats Security is looking for bright, high energy guards to help keep our houses safe from these menaces. Each cat may keep what he or she captures at the end of each shift. Techniques should include stalking and pouncing, leaping and capturing, and rolling and nibbling. This job is appropriate for all ages and skill levels; training for our youngest kittens will be provided. Salary will be paid in catnip or silver vine. Interested applicants should email the head hunter, Borris, at borriscat@sassycatssecurityco.com. 

Why Do Cats Knead?

Massage Therapist 

Kneading Paws is seeking a strong cat cat for deep tissue massage services. Our ideal cat will have wonderful kneading skills, deep, penetrative paws, and a healthy weight to support their skillset. Tips will be a part of your salary, which will be paid in kibble variations. All interested candidates should send their qualifications, resume, and cover letter to kneadingpawstalent@catmail.com. 

And there you have it! These look much better for cats! If any of my feline friends are interested in a job, or know of a job that needs filling, let me know and I’ll be happy to help out!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

16

Dear Tabby: Cheeseland’s Favorite Advice Columnist

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Sgt Stripes here. I was talking to my cousin the other day about my new job as a writer on the blog. She said that she writes a blog too. She said that she gives advice to other kitties. She said that she had even posted here one time. I was looking through the archives, and she was right. My cousin is Dear Tabby! You can see her earlier work here.

I asked her to answer whether she’d like to answer some questions for our readers. She said that she would be happy to help. She offered to post some recent answers here so you’d know the kind of thing she’s good at.

Here's how your cat experiences the world

Dear Tabby – I’m a 4-year-old lady cat; I would describe myself as pretty shy. I spend most of my time watching Cat TV and chasing the red dot. My human decided that I needed a playmate. I don’t really understand why. I thought that we had a pretty good thing going, Last week, she brought home a kitten. Why? I have no idea. The little guy is pretty cute, but all he does is run around. His favorite game is Pounce. I do not want to be pounced upon. How do I get him to leave me alone? Alone by Choice

Stalking And Pouncing In Cats: Reasons And Solutions, 59% OFF

Dear Alone – Have you thought about pouncing back? At this point, you are probably bigger than he is. Perhaps he won’t be so enthusiastic when he is the pounce-ee rather than the pouncer.

How to Make Your Kitten and Cat Become Friends | Everypaw

Dear Tabby – I am a stay-at-home mom with three adorable kittens. There are a few of us moms who have gotten close and we like to get together to let the kittens play. We are also available to kitten-sit if someone has an appointment or whatever. The issue is our neighbor. I’ll call her Eve. She works outside the home which is fine. However, whenever she has an issue with childcare, Eve just drops her kitten off with one of us without any notice. She says, “You’re home anyway. What’s one more kitten.?” That’s true, but she takes it for granted that we don’t mind and never offers anything in return or payment. We are starting to resent her attitude. How do we tell her nicely that we’d be happy to help in an emergency but we don’t want to be her back-up daycare? Stressed Out Mom

Kittens and Their Development - FOUR PAWS International - Animal Welfare Organisation

Dear Stressed Out – Have any of you ladies learned the word “no”?  You need to explain that your days are not just filled with sharing a saucer of cream and letting the kittens play. If this situation is occurring regularly, perhaps you could help her find more reliable childcare.

Does your dog or cat like to lounge in the sun? | NutriSource Pet Foods

Dear Tabby – I share a home with two other cats. We get along well enough except for one small issue. Where we live, it’s pretty gloomy during the winter with a lot of overcast skies. When spring finally arrives, it’s a battle for the good sun puddles. The prime spot shifts during the day. We’re pretty much okay with whoever gets there first having the spot. We are arguing over whether the cat that claims the spot should get to keep it if they get up for a kibble break. What is the proper etiquette? Sun Lover

188 Cats Who Love Sun More Than Anything | Bored Panda

Dear Lover – I recommend you get a timer. When the lucky kitty gets up, they turn on the timer. If they get back before the timer goes off, they get to keep the spot. Of course, this relies on you all agreeing to how long the break should be. I would advise something in the neighborhood of how long you usually spend at the litter box. Or you could find a larger sun puddle.

Can Cats Eat Carrots?

Dear Tabby – My wonderful boyfriend was told by the doctor that he needs to drop a couple of pounds. So he has started a new food. It seems to be giving him stomach issues. The litter box smells awful. I’m getting nauseated by the smells he’s passing. Should I tell him? Stinky Guy’s Girl

What's That Smell? - Perth Cat Hospital

Dear Girl – I imagine that he is aware of the issue. You can either stay someplace else until his body adapts or start wearing a gas mask.

Sgt Stripes here again. I can’t believe my cousin is so good at this. Does anyone have a question for her?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

Catbook Marketplace: Where Smart Cats Shop

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Greetings Fellow Felines! We don’t know about you, but we get really frustrated trying to shop in human stores. They really don’t carry the stuff that we’re looking for. Then we found Cat book Marketplace. It’s run by cats, for cats. Below is a sample on what you can find at the Marketplace.

Chonky Cat: Consider Your Cat's Health - The Tiniest Tiger

Plush Blanket

You won’t be able to tell where your fur ends and the blanket begins! It’s soft and warm and oh-so-comfy. You’ll be ordering all your meals in bed with this extremely plush blanket. Comes in a variety of colors. Get one to match your fur or collect the whole set. Orders shipped by Royal Cat.

Your Daily Cute: Two Cats Tuesday: Vote on Pimp & Moo's Halloween Costumes!

Alligator Halloween Costume

Must sell immediately. Thought my boyfriend would be adorbs, but he hated it. Must be out of the house by Monday. Will accept best offer. Contact Lydia at Catbook mail Princes$$ Lydia.

6 Cool Catsicle Recipes for Your Feline Friend – Neater Pets

Catsicles

Delicious frozen cat treats in a variety of flavors. Choose from Tuna Surprise, Poultry Delight, Mice Medley, and Beef Supreme. Buy one flavor or get a variety.  We only use the finest ingredients. All orders are made to order so you know your treat is fresh. Guaranteed delicious. Order from Cats’ Pleasure.

Wind & Weather One-Way Mirror Window Mount Bird Feeder | Bird feeders, Window bird feeder, Window mounted bird feeder

Cat TV Receiver

Beautiful window-mounted structure is guaranteed to give you hours of enjoyment watching cat TV. All you need to do is fill the side compartments with bird seed. Then sit back and wait for the birds to find it. Once they find the food, it will be a never-ending show. Get one for every room in the house. Bird seed sold separately. Sold by Birds-R-Us.

Premium Photo | Cute ginger cat listening to music with headphones on bed at home

Music for Cats

Tired of being forced to listen to human music? We have just the thing for you. We’ve compiled recordings that appeal specifically to cats. Selections include Music to Hunt By, Purred Poetry, Midnight Yowls, and Duets for You and Your Human. You can find our full selection at Kitty Mews.

Read a Book to Benefit Yourself and a Furry Friend! | ASPCA

The Truth about Tom and Jerry and Other Hollywood Tales

Does it annoy that the stupid mouse always seems to get the better of the poor cat? Do you ever wonder if Puss in Boots was really that lucky? Or why Tweety Bird was able to outsmart Sylvester every time? Find out the truth about them and many of your other favorite Hollywood cats. The Truth About Tom and Jerry was written by a rat named Simon who witnessed it all and is sharing it this fascinating book. Available through Kitty Mews.

My cat just noticed the fish tank. We like to watch the fish together now :) : r/Aquariumsl

Fish Tank

It’s the perfect way to keep the kittens entertained. Our fish tank will be the centerpiece of any room it’s in. You’ll be amazed at how relaxing it can be to watch fish. Be sure that all the fish you put in it are safe for cats. (You never know when someone might get a little too excited.) Fish and accessories sold separately. All products are sold by Aquatics Limited.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.  

19

Snoops and Sarge Look for the Perfect Protein

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Sgt Stripes: Hey, Snoops! I need to ask you a question.

Snoops: I suppose. What’s up?

Sgt Stripes: I really like the person you call Blondie. But I think she might be lying to me.

Snoops: She is a human. You can’t really trust them.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. I have kinda noticed that. Anyway, do you think they’re ever going to get me a vole?

Snoops: Why do you want a vole?

Sgt Stripes: They were the tastiest treats when I lived outside. But they are NEVER on the menu here.

Snoops: That’s true. I’ve never had one. What is it exactly?

Sgt Stripes: It’s like a larger, plumper mouse.

Snoops: Ooh. That does sound delicious. We have some pretty big mice around here when the seasons change.

Sgt Stripes: I’ve only seen a couple upstairs.

Snoops: Yeah. We don’t have as many as we used to. Kommando and I were a great team. She’d flush them out, and I’d finish the job.

Sgt Stripes: Anyway, Blondie said that she would talk to the other humans and get vole on the menu. But it never happens. Do you think she’s lying?

Snoops: I don’t think she’s lying exactly. I think she doesn’t want to disappoint you.

Sgt Stripes: That means no voles, right?

Snoops: Unfortunately, not.

Sgt Stripes: Rats!

Snoops: We don’t have any of those either.

Sgt Stripes: Hmm. Well I need protein to survive. What are my other options?

Snoops: Mom said you don’t like people food.

Sgt Stripes: You mean food made from humans? That sounds disgusting!

Snoops: No, silly. The food that humans eat.

Sgt Stripes: Well. They gave me some goose. That wasn’t bad. But I didn’t like the chicken they gave me.

Snoops: You need to be careful with food that our human brother cooks. It usually is mixed in with other weird stuff like tomatoes or beans. It’s really sad how badly he can mangle a chicken. He makes something called tikka masala. You can’t even tell it used to be chicken.

Sgt Stripes: He brings leftovers upstairs sometimes. They always seem to have a lot of beans or noodles or something burying the meat. Sometimes there isn’t even any meat.

Snoops: I know. It’s appalling, isn’t it? Do you like fish?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure. What’s a fish?

Snoops: They swim in water. They are pretty tasty.

Sgt Stripes: Maybe Blondie could get me one of those. I’d be willing to try it.

Snoops: Or maybe you’d like turkey. They only get the full turkey once a year, but you can get it from the store in slices. It’s pretty yummy. But my very favorite from the store is ham.

Sgt Stripes: What’s a ham?

Snoops: I’m not really sure. But you can get it in slices or a big hunk. I like the slices best. It’s the only edible part when the humans get pizza. I don’t get it very often. It’s like a treat.

Sgt Stripes: Before I moved into the house, I got to share some ice cream. It was extremely delicious. I haven’t seen any since. Do they still have that?

Snoops: They only eat that in the hot weather. But that’s coming up. Make sure you ask for it. The humans are okay with sharing, but they don’t always think about it.

Sgt Stripes: Okay. I want to try ham, turkey, fish, and ice cream. Thanks, Snoops! You were a lot of help. This might even make up for no voles.

Snoops: Glad to help. Now let me get back to my sun puddle.

30

The Great Kibble Caper

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Snoops here. Something nefarious is going on around here. And I mean to get to the bottom of it. Back in the good old days, Kommando and I got morning canned food and a never-ending supply of kibble. It was pretty pawsome. But some of you might remember that our new housemates took a fancy to our food and tried to eat it themselves. I’m talking about the humans, not the new cats.

So Mom tried to feed us early and take up our wet food when the small humans were around. It was pretty rough for awhile. If we didn’t eat our canned food when it was put down, it just disappeared. No more leaving a little for a mid-morning snack. And the never-ending kibble was only available at night. Not even close to being never-ending.

It was rough, but we adapted. We made Mom give us treats in the morning before she left for work. Fortunately, the small humans never got a taste of our treats, so those were pretty safe. And Kommando didn’t like to have the same treats every day, so we got a good variety. If she got bored, I’d get her treats after she walked away. It was actually a pretty sweet set-up.

Then, sadly, Kommando crossed the Rainbow Bridge to the Big Kibble Bowl. Mom and our human brother took the opportunity to re-assess the situation. Our human brother saw some kind of report or study or something that said how much kibble a cat should have by weight. Next thing we know, he’s saying that me and Sgt Stripes were getting too much kibble and he wanted to do something called “portion-control”.

We thought we were starving. And how dare he say that we were eating too much! Now I’m sharing my canned food with Gypsy every morning. But something weird is going on with the kibble. They keep one bag upstairs and one bag downstairs. Downstairs, I share with Angel. But I don’t think she really eats much. Upstairs, Sgt Stripes and Gypsy share a bowl, and our human sister has a community kibble bowl for Onyx and the other two cats up there.

But we’ve all been talking about it. The humans say they are filling the bowls daily. But the bowls are pretty much always empty. And we’re hungry.Our human brother insists that we are getting enough to eat. But if he’s feeding us enough, why are we always hungry?

You might remember that a couple of years ago, Kommando solved a mystery in The Big Catnap. You can read it here and here. So I tried to think like Kommando. But it made my brain hurt. She was a sweet kitty, but her logic eluded me sometimes.

I decided to talk it over with Sgt Stripes. The humans are convinced that he was Kommando’s nephew. (Kommando and his mom looked a lot alike. And they may have both been dropped off on our property at the same time.) He said that he wasn’t taking my kibble. He said everything seemed to be normal in the bowl in Mom’s room. He and Gypsy were sharing pretty nicely. But the community kibble bowl seemed to empty pretty quickly sometimes.

Hmm. So the two bowls that were out in the open were losing kibble. That means it wasn’t a cat doing it. Unless somehow Angel was getting out at night and raiding the other bowls. Probably not.  Even if she could get out of her room, the door to the upstairs is always shut. Except when that small human leaves it open. But Sgt Stripes and Gypsy try to come downstairs when that happens. And that usually alerts our human sister to go up and close it.

Think. Think. We’ve ruled out the cats and the adult humans. That only leaves the small humans. And they’re not eating our food anymore. But wait…

The smallest human is always looking for something to fill the containers he carries around. I mostly avoid him. He actually pets pretty well, but he is kinda loud and runs around a lot. But let me check it out.

I got near to him and he offered me the measuring cup he had. I sniffed. It was half full of kibble! I am reporting this to Mom immediately! Something must be done. We’re on starvation rations,, and he’s stealing them. She needs to fix this now!

17

Sgt Stripes Interviews Zak the Yak

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Yak Yak Yak. He cant stop talking - isnt he cute : r/Eyebleach

Long-time readers may recall us writing about Yak Express, the delivery service we use in Cheeeland. We’ve been noticing that deliveries are slowing down a bit. We sent Sgt Stripes to find out what is going on. Here is his report’

Greetings! It’s Sgt Stripes here, and I have a rather exciting interview to share with you. 

Back in 2022, Onyx and Thunder illustrated the difficulties in the feline world that the yak shortage presented. I’ve noticed that there is still a rather severe shortage of many goods, so I decided to dig a little bit into the yak world. After much mewling, purring, swiping with claws, and being excessively adorable, I managed to secure an interview with Zak, one of the top managers of Yak Express! 

Sgt Stripes: Zak, thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me! 

Zak: The pleasure is mine, Sarge… may I call you Sarge? Although I have to admit, I wasn’t thrilled when I heard you threatened to harm one of my call center mice.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think I necessarily threatened any harm on Lunch…

Zak: …her name is Michelle.

Sgt Stripes: Oh. Whoops. Sorry, I had sort of assumed that her name had something to do with her purpose in life. 

Zak: Uh, no. And that’s not the real issue we had, she was more upset that you wanted to use her for something called “Pounce Practice”? 

Sgt Stripes: OH! Oh, no, that was all a big misunderstanding. You see, Pounce is a game! My favorite game, actually. I play it with my cousins Onyx and Gypsy a lot! And with the humans in the house. Everyone loves Pounce! 

Zak: Oh. Well, while I can appreciate that, Michelle saw it as a threat. She feared she may be crushed, and possibly even consumed, if she were forced to play. 

Sgt Stripes: Oh no! I would never hurt anyone. I just get really, really enthusiastic when I play Pounce. Please pass along my apologies to her. 

Large hairy yak carrying load close up, ... | Stock Video | Pond5

Zak: I will do so. So, what can I do for you today?

Sgt Stripes: Well, I don’t mean to come off as rude… but your employees seem to really have gone downhill in quality. I understand that there was a pandemic- and that greatly impacted much of the workforce- but now, as we’re returning to a sense of normality, I notice that we’re still short on a lot of cat merchandise. What’s up with that? 

Zak: Could you possibly list some specific items you’re seeking? I seem to remember signing off on a rather large shipment on Fancy Feast wet food… I had to get my 3 strongest yaks for that one. It set us behind for days. 

Sgt Stripes: Hopefully it negatively affected the dogs and not other cats. 

Zak: I’d have to review my records. 

Sgt Stripes: I’ve primarily noticed a protein shortage. We haven’t been able to find vole anywhere! At first I was heart set on getting whole, fresh voles. Then I decided I would settle for any sort of vole- ground, chunked, frozen, even canned. But there was nothing to be found! 

Zak: Couldn’t you just go hunt some in your yard?

Sgt Stripes: NO! I have PTSD from my days on the street. I want to be able to log onto Mr Google and use Mom’s credit card to order vole directly to my door. Might you know when this will be possible?

Zak: Well, unfortunately, not any time soon. 

Sgt Stripes: What?!? But I’m starving over here! 

Zak: You are?

Sgt Stripes: Yes! And on top of that, we’ve noticed several other shortages: luxury litter boxes, heated beds, extra fluffy blankets… are you meaning to tell me that Yak Express may no longer be able to supplement the needs of felines world wide? 

Zak: Well, not necessarily. However, as I’m sure you know, it’s been a lot rougher starting our economy up than we’d anticipated. We lost a fair number of yaks during the dark years, and there just aren’t that many options for replacements. 

Luxury self catering cottage with swimming pool in the grounds of a Monastery on Loch Ness - Fort Augustus | Vrbo

Sgt Stripes: Can’t you just post on social media that you need yaks and give them some extra grass or something? 

Zak: Not exactly. See, our yaks have to be able to carry at least 200 pounds, walk for up to 30 miles per day, and swim with loads. A lot of the yak applicants are either too small or not physically fit enough to get hired. The illness affected a lot of our yak’s, too, so we had many medical retirements. 

Sgt Stripes: Can’t you just hire the undesirable yaks and give them lighter loads? 

Zak: Unfortunately not. Safety and work regulations prohibit that. 

Sgt Stripes: What if I look really cute and purr at the guy in charge? I’ll even let him play with my elusive red dot! 

Zak: I don’t think that’ll make a difference… 

Sgt Stripes: What if I give head bonks? I’ve been known to knock people over with how powerful they are! 

Yaks In Indian Himalayas Facing Threat Of Climate Change, Says Study

Zak: Do you really want to knock over a yak? 

Sgt Stripes: Oh… no, probably not. Darn. But I really, really want my vole back! 

Zak: Well, that’s the other issue. There’s been a lot of rules put into place as to what we are and are not allowed to transport. Living creatures, such as vole and mice, did not make the list due to safety concerns and training requirements. 

Sgt Stripes: I said I’d take canned vole. 

Zak: I’m not sure that’s a common commodity here… but I will make note of it. 

Sgt Stripes: Thank you! But if we can’t fix the vole shortage, could we maybe discuss getting the other items plentifully replenished? 

Zak: Well, I can talk about prioritizing the needs of our feline customers over other customers. However, there have been several complaints about that already…

Sgt Stripes: Eh, it’s okay. They’ll get over it. I really, really need a fluffy blanket. The one I have keeps getting stolen by Onyx and her human. 

White-Tailed Deer | Mississippi State University Extension Service

Zak: …noted… However, I’m not willing to make any promises. But I and the other yaks will do our best. 

Sgt Stripes: Purrfect! Meanwhile, I”ll keep my eyes out for suitable employees for you. Do you happen to take deer? We seem to have a lot of those around here. 

Zak: Not for the type of transportation needs you have. 

Alaska moose - Wikipedia

Sgt Stripes: Okay, well, what about mini humans? I have two that live with me I’d be willing to rent out. 

Zak: No. Our smallest yak is bigger than them combined. 

Sgt Stripes: Oh, well. I guess I’ll keep looking. Maybe I’ll find a moose who needs a job. 

Zak: That would be lovely. 

Sgt Stripes: Well, I really must go, I’m due for a nap in 3 minutes. But I want to thank you for your time and hard work, Zak.

Zak: Thank you for the interview, Sarge! It’s been a pleasure meeting with you. 

Sgt Stripes: Hey, you look big enough for Pounce! Want to try it? 

Zak: Uh, no thanks… Oh, look at that, I really must go… I need to transport some TidyCats. Bye! 

And there you have it, from the Yak himself! Take care, and if you see any vole, be sure to grab it up for me! (I’ll have my humans send you really cute photos of me as payment!)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

28

Gypsy Katt: Front and Center

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Hello. I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Gypsy Katt. I go by Gypsy, although Mom has called me Gypsy Rose a few times. I moved here with my other human Mom and the two little humans. Originally, I was staying in the sun room with my sister Angel. But Angel kept eating all of the food and I lost a lot of weight.

The humans got worried and decided to bring me upstairs to live with Onyx (my other sister) and Sgt Stripes. At my other house, I was kept separate from the other kitties because they thought I was too territorial. Here I can roam around the entire floor. Sgt Stripes and I get into the occasional tiff, but nothing major.

I really like it here. There are four adult beds plus two toddler beds and only three cats. Nobody tries to eat my food. Mom (the one who lived here before) lets me sleep with her at night. Sgt Stripes and I share the kibble bowl and fountain. Onyx kinda keeps to herself. This is the best place I’ve ever been.

When I moved in, there were two downstairs cats: Snoops and Kommando Kitty. As you know, Kommando went over the Rainbow Bridge last month. Apparently, the original set-up was the Snoops bonded to the older male human, and Kommando bonded with Mom. Now, unfortunately, the older male human and Kommando are gone. Snoops is now Senior Cat in the house, so all the hmans give her cuddles and pets. But Mom’s pretty sad about what happened to Kommando.

So I decided that since I don’t have a human, and she doesn’t have a cat, I should apply for the position of primary cat to Mom. I checked with my old Mom, and she said that she was pretty bonded with Onyx. So I asked Snoops how I would go about becoming Mom’s new cat. (Don’t worry about Sgt Stripes; he’s connected with the other male human here – his human brother. And Angel’s buddies with the little humans.)

Snoops wasn’t really sure how humans and cats bonded; it just seemed to happen. But she gave me some questions to see if it might be a good fit.

What is the #1 house rule? I know this one! No eating family members. Apparently this also applies to using teeth when playing.

How much time each day do you spend cuddling with your current human? I never really had my own human. I like to lie next to Mom when she’s reading in bed or using her computer. I don’t have much experience as a lap cat, but I’m trying to get used to it.

How do you feel about human snuggles and hugs? Umm. I wasn’t really hugged before. It seemed a little uncomfortable the first time I was hugged. Mom called it “kitty cuddles”. I wasn’t really a fan. I could probably learn to live with it.

 

What time does your day usually start? I like getting up with the sun. Mom usually gets up at 6a for work, so I’m trying to adapt to that. It’s weird, though. Apparently, there are days when she doesn’t have to work and sleeps later. I think I have a better alarm system. My tummy wants food at the same time every day. We’re working on a compromise.

When do you sleep at night? I really love having a regular bed. I go to sleep when Mom goes to sleep. She has a tummy warmer (she calls it a bed warmer). Sgt Stripes and I love the tummy warmer at night.. I usually don’t move much at night.

What kinds of human food do you like? I don’t think I’ve had human food. But I really like cat food with fish and chicken, so I would probably like that.

Why do you think you’re the best candidate for this job? I’ve never really had a human, so I don’t have any bad habits to break. I think I could get better at the cuddling stuff with some practice. There’s a human with no cat and a cat with no human. It just makes sense.

Snoops said that she would present my answers to Mom and let me know what she says. Keep your fingers crossed for me,