9

Medical School Blues – Part 3

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Where we are: Suzy Siamese claims that she heard Joey Boxer say that he had been tutoring his friend Socks with information he knew would be on the test. Facing expulsion from medical school, Joey is suing Suzy to prove that he never said it.

Suzy was nervous when she got to the hearing room. She had never been in court before and had no idea what was going to happen. With the judge’s permission, she had brought along a classmate, first-year student Vanessa Siberian-Huskey. The two girls arrived first and were seated on one side of a table.

When Joey arrived, he was seated on the other side of the table. He looked at Vanessa and was struck by how beautiful she was. But then he got nervous. Why did she look familiar? And why was she here?

The judge came in and looked through her paperwork. She looked at Joey.

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Judge: Mr. Boxer, you are accusing Ms. Siamese of telling lies about you in public that are causing you to potentially be expelled from medical school. Is that correct?

Joey: Yes, ma’am. She told people that I had cheated when I was tutoring my friend Socks for the microbiology exam. I never cheated, and I want my good name cleared.

Judge: Ms. Siamese, is that true? Did you accuse Mr. Boxer of cheating?

Suzy: Not exactly.

Judge: Well exactly what did you accuse him of?

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Suzy: I didn’t really accuse him of anything. I said that I heard him say that he knew Socks was going to do well because he knew what the questions were going to be and he gave Socks the answers.

Judge: Mr. Boxer, do you agree that is what Ms. Siamese actually said?

Joey: That’s it. Or at least pretty close to it. She didn’t use the word cheat, but that’s what she meant.

Judge: Mr. Boxer, we can’t convict Ms. Siamese on what her words may or may not have meant. However, I do understand how that could be the conclusion the hearer would arrive at.

Ms. Siamese, you understand that the only true defense against this type of slander charge is to prove that the animal who is accusing you actually said what you are claiming, correct?

Suzy: Yes, ma’am.

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Judge: Mr. Boxer, are you certain that you never said those words or anything similar, that Ms. Siamese might have overheard?

Joey: Never, your Honor. I would never cheat, for Socks or anyone else.

Judge: Ms. Siamese, would you please tell me where you heard Mr. Boxer make his alleged claim.

Suzy: Yes, ma’am. After big tests, a lot of the students go to The Watering Hole to relax. They have snacks and all types of things to drink. Mr. Boxer and I were both there after the test.

Joey had a sinking feeling. He had forgotten about going to The Watering Hole.

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Suzy: I have been mentoring Vanessa (nods to her), so when I saw her, I went over to say hello.

Judge: Is that true, Ms. Husky?

Vanessa: Yes, it is.

Suzy: We were talking when Joey came up and offered Vanessa some fruit. She sniffed it and told him no thanks.

Vanessa: It was fermented. I could smell it on Mr. Boxer’s breath.

Joey panicked. Now he remembered Vanessa. He saw her there and wanted to meet her. But she was so beautiful that he was too scared to talk to her. He had stood in a corner eating fruit until he got up the nerve. That fruit was fermented? He hadn’t noticed. How did she know?

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Suzy: Joey took back the fruit, and started to talk to Vanessa.

Vanessa: Yes, he must have nervous. He started talking about how he was at the top of his class and was sure that he would be getting a good internship. I think he wanted to impress me with how intelligent he is.

Joey knew what was coming next. He didn’t remember saying any of this, but he knew what was going to follow.

Vanessa: He told me that he was so good in school that he even had time to tutor his best friend, Socks. I told him that was very impressive. He said it wasn’t too bad because he knew what was going to be on the test, so he only had to teach Socks those things.

Judge: Mr. Boxer, is that true? Did you say that?

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Joey: Your honor, I don’t really remember.

Judge: What do you mean?

Joey: I think the fermented fruit must have made me drunk. I don’t remember any of this conversation.

Judge: Ms. Siamese, do you agree with Ms. Husky’s description?

Suzy: Yes, ma’am.

Judge: Ladies, do you think that Mr. Boxer was drunk?

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Suzy: That would explain why he wouldn’t stop talking about himself. He’s not usually like that.

Vanessa: I think you’re absolutely right, Judge. His breath was terrible.

Judge: What did you say to Mr. Boxer?

Vanessa: I told him that I didn’t associate with cheaters and growled. I think he left after that.

Judge: Ms. Siamese, do you agree with Ms. Husky’s description of what happened?

Suzy: Yes ma’am.

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The judge looked at Joey.

Judge: Mr. Boxer, I don’t think you have much of a case for slander. Apparently, you did say what you are accused of saying.

Joey: Yes, ma’am, I guess I did. But I honestly don’t remember saying it. I must have been bragging to impress Vanessa. I was pretty sure I knew what was going to be on the test because I knew what the professor had been emphasizing. I don’t even know how to steal a test.

Judge: OK. Ms. Siamese and Ms. Husky, you are free to go. Thank you for coming in. Mr. Boxer, I am going to recommend that the medical school allow you to graduate. You don’t seem to be guilty of anything other than talking too much.

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4

Medical School Blues – Part 2

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Where we are: Joey and Suzy are at the top of their medical school class. Joey has been helping his friend, Socks, do better so he doesn’t have to graduate last in the class. Socks did well on his most recent exam. Suzy said it was because Joey cheated for him.

Poor Socks was devastated. He thought that he had been getting smarter. Now someone said the he was cheating.

Socks: Suzy, does that mean that my score doesn’t count?

Suzy: Did you know Joey had stolen the information he taught you?

Socks: Of course not. I would never cheat.Image result for siamese cat and dog

Suzy: I didn’t think so. I’ll make sure you don’t get in trouble.

Joey: What about me? You just accused me of cheating. I didn’t cheat!

Suzy: Then why did you say you knew the questions ahead of time?

Joey: I never said that!

Suzy: Then why did I hear it?

Joey: You didn’t hear it! I never said it. Take it back before I get into trouble.

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Soon the accusation spread beyond their group of friends. It seemed like everyone knew. It was only a matter of time before someone told the professor.

Professor Gibbs: Mr. Boxer, may I see you after class?

Joey: Of course.

Joey was nervous. It had to be about the exam. What if the professor had heard about Suzy’s accusation?

Gibbs: You did extremely well on my last exam.

Joey: Yes, sir. I studied very hard

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Gibbs: So did your friend, Socks. He’s never gotten higher than a score of 74 on a test.

Joey: We’ve been studying together.

Gibbs: What have you two been studying from?

Joey: The textbook and our notes, of course. Mainly my notes.

Gibbs: I’ve heard from a credible source that you were studying from the actual test that I had prepared.

Joey: Suzy’s lying! I never saw that test before we took it. She’s just trying to get me in trouble.Image result for dog on trial meme

Gibbs: I have no idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t seen Suzy outside of class in weeks. I wanted to talk to you about the rumor. Is it true?

Joey: No, it is not.

Gibbs: Then you better find a way to prove that. You’re scheduled to appear before the academic board a week from Tuesday. If they vote that you’ve cheated, you’re going to be expelled.

One more thing, do you know of Mr. Retriever cheating?

Joey: He would never cheat. He’s been studying around the clock since I began tutoring him. He’s actually pretty smart when he focuses.

Gibbs: All right. That’s what we thought. He has been doing better in class.

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Joey: Why do you think I would cheat? I’m at the top of the class.

Gibbs: Exactly. The top students are the only ones who cheat at this point. They’ll do anything they can to be number 1 at the end.

Joey: Thanks for telling me. I guess I better go figure out how to straighten this out.

Joey met with a few of his closest friends. He wasn’t sure who to trust; someone had told administration. Apparently, it wasn’t Suzy.

Joey: I think I’m done guys. How do I prove that I didn’t say something?

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Alex Owl: Where did you supposedly say this?

Joey: I don’t know. I haven’t talked to Suzy since she said it.

Jeremy Airedale: When were the two of you at the same place that she might have heard something that sounds like that?

Joey (frustrated): I don’t know. Socks, do you remember anything?

Socks: Sorry, buddy. I went out to play ball with some of my old friends, and slept until the next class.

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Alex: It looks like you’re in a bit of a mess. There’s only one thing to do. You have to prove that she’s lying.

Socks: That doesn’t seem very nice. She was just talking to some friends. I don’t think she meant it to turn out this way.

Jeremy: That may be true. But I think Alex is right. If we can’t prove that he’s right, then we have to prove that she’s wrong.

Joey: How do we do that?

The next day, Suzy was given a letter. It said that she had to be in court 2 days later. Joey Boxer was suing her for slander and defamation of character.

Next week: Will the trial vindicate Joey?

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12

Medical School Blues

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Suzy Siamese and Joey Boxer had been competitors all the way through medical school. It was generally agreed that they both would be excellent doctors. The end of school was near and they wanted to do their best. Class standing would determine where they could do their internship.

Joey’s best friend in the program was a golden retriever named Max who everyone called him Socks because he had a habit of wearing socks when he was cold rather than curling up like everyone else.

Poor Socks was at the bottom of the class. It looked like he was going to get whatever assignment no one else wanted. His only goal was not to be last.

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Socks: This is awful. You have no idea how terrible it feels to be at the bottom of the class. I feel like an idiot.

Joey: You’re not an idiot, buddy. This is a great school.

Socks: Yeah, but maybe I should have gone to Canine U. I probably would have done better at a school without all these smart animals from other species. I could have competed with other Goldens and dogs who are closer to me intellectually. I might have even been near the top of the class.

Joey: You belong here. You didn’t wash out like those losers with really rotten grades.

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Socks: Maybe. But look who’s at the top of the class: you, that cat, and a falcon. I’m going to end up in East Siberia.

Joey: It won’t be that bad. We don’t even partner with a school in Siberia.

Socks: That’s not funny. You know what I mean.

Joey: OK. OK. You might be right. I would hate to be at the bottom of the class. Maybe I can help.

Socks: How? Change my grades in the computer? Get some of the animals ahead of me to drop out?

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Joey: No, goofball. I can tutor you.

Socks: Do you have time for that?

Joey: I’ll make time for you, buddy.

Socks: Thanks! That’d be great! I just want to pass that cuckoo. It is so embarrassing being behind him.

Joey: We can probably do even better than that.

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A few weeks passed. Suzy was meeting with her study group. It was a good group for her. Everyone was in the top quarter of the class.

Pete: That’s it for tonight. If I have to see one more drawing or picture of bacteria, I’ll go crazy.

June: Me too. I think my brain is full for today.

Betty: Did you hear the latest? Joey is tutoring Socks.

Ben: Poor Socks. I can’t believe he made it to the end. He’s such a nice guy, but he doesn’t have much of an attention span.

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Suzy: I really don’t know how he can study. And I wonder how Joey has time to tutor an animal like that.

Ben: Who knows. Anyone up for a quick snack at the café?

They spent a short time eating, then went home to study.

It appeared that the tutoring was working. Socks began to answer correctly when he was called on in class.

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Professor Atkins: Well, Mr. Retriever, it seems that you have finally learned how to study.

Socks: I have to thank Joey Boxer for the change. He’s been tutoring me.

Professor Atkins: Good job, Mr. Boxer.

Socks’ performance continued to improve. Even so, he was nervous about the microbiology test coming up.

Socks: What if I forget everything? We would have wasted all that time.

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Joey: Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.

Joey was right. Socks got 85/100, his highest grade ever. He was thrilled, until Suzy spoke up.

Suzy: I heard Joey Boxer say that he knew Socks was going to do well because he knew what the questions were going to be and he gave Socks the answers.

Next week: Did Joey cheat or was Suzy just trying to get him in trouble so she’d have fewer competitors?

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images

7

Cat Forum: Interview with Charlie, Lily, Ting, and Tooty

Snoops and Kommando Kitty here.Today we are interviewing the ladies from samanthamurdochblog. It’s supposed to be about crystals (they look like rocks), but we think it would be a lot more interesting if it were about the cats. As you will see below, the cats are much more entertaining than rocks.

Here is the human’s introduction of the sisters: Charlie (tabby) is the oldest, at 7, Lily (smaller black cat) is younger by a couple of months and Ting (Siamese) and Tooty (larger black cat) are litter mates and sisters, four years old. Charlie doesn’t have an awful lot of time for the others, she is, after all, “Madame La Princesse”, Lily is the hunter of the family, while Ting and Tooty love each other and even now will still sleep curled up together.
Would each of you please introduce one of your sisters and tell us one good thing about her?
“I’m Charlie – well, actually Princess Charlotte Oddpaw – and I’m Number One Girl… Mummy really wanted me…what? Something nice? I’m beautiful, obviously… oh about one of the others. Oh. That’s Lily. She has green eyes.”
Lily (yawning) : “Madame’s already introduced herself… so this is me. Fierce huntress…night goddess…those two grinning idiots over there are Ting and Tooty.”
Ting;: ” Yes, I’m Ting, she’s Tooty and we’re – “
(Ting and Tooty sing like the Beverley Sisters): “Sisters! Sisters! Never were there such devoted sisters!”
Ting: “Tooty is really cuddly and soft and she has lovely golden eyes and I like to sit and cuddle with her!”
Tooty:”My little sister Ting. Isn’t she beautiful?”

Are you all buddies or are there times you wish you were an only cat?
Ting: “Oh no, we’re all really good friends!”
Tooty : “Sometimes, I’m actually a bit scared of the older girls..”
Lily:”Only cat.”
Charlie: ” I was here first, so yes, only cat.”

 It looks very pretty where you live. Do you get to enjoy the wildlife?
Charlie (bossily) : “Well, we’re quite lucky actually, we do have a large garden that’s right next to a park, so we do have plenty of room to explore and maintain our own territories – a princess needs her kingdom. And yes, sometimes there are other…creatures that dare to enter without permission…a smelly old fox came in once and I soon saw him off!”
Lily: “Hehehe…oh yes, I just LOVE to get up close and personal with our native wildlife… mice…frogs…sparrows… I’m always willing to further my acquaintance with nature…
Ting (looking worried):” What’s wildlife? You mean like …tigers..and bears..?”
Tooty whispers in her ear…
Ting: “OH!” I see… well, there’s George, Bert and Harry, down by the pond, they’re always good for a laugh, Sharon, Tracey and Henrietta, the sparrows…Hey! Lily! Do you remember when you caught Barry the Newt? Wild? He was furious!!”

 

Does your human ever let you get near her special healing stones?

Charlie: ” Oh yes, Mummy says it’s good for us to be around crystals, they encourage positivity and help a happy atmosphere…”

(The others look vaguely sceptical and the word “catnip” is muttered…)
What’s your favorite thing to do with your human?
Charlie: “Mummy does a lot of scribbling in her little books, I like to sit by her and provide inspiration with my beauty.”
Ting:”I like to be outside with her, we play and we look at things like beetles and flowers and she tells me things about them.”
Lily:”I always like to be there for her when she’s sleeping… I sit on the windowsill and keep watch.”
Tooty:” I’m generally always around, making sure that things run smoothly.”
Charlie:” It’s nicest when we’re all outside together… or all sleeping on the bed around her, as she reads, or writes, or drinks tea…”
Do you think your human spends enough time with you?
Charlie:” Oh yes. Even when she has to go out, Daddy is usually in, so we’re very rarely alone…I happen to know that Mummy draws a lot of inspiration for her blog from us – I even have my own hashtag on Instagram, #madamelaprincesse – we’re generally always together.”
(others actually nod in agreement.)
What’s your favorite way to spend time?
Charlie:”With Mummy, of course!”
Lily:” Hunting…”
Ting: “Playing. We could play now?”
Tooty :”Sleeping…eating…”
Ting:” Well that’s totally boring!”
Have you ever met a hedgehog? (Horatio Hedgehog asks this question every time we interview someone from across the Pond)
Ting: “Is that what you are? I thought you looked like Ernie…”
Lily:” Are they edible…?”
Tooty: ” Ah yes, we had one in the pond once…”
Charlie:” I must apologise for my family’s rudeness… yes, we do, in fact , have a large – and rather grumpy – hedgehog that lives at the bottom of the garden.”

 How do you feel about dogs?
Lily: ” My birth mother lived in a house with three dogs, and Mummy had a little dog when we came to live with her. She’s crossed over Rainbow Bridge now…”
Charlie: ” She was a good dog – not so sure about some of the ones we see on the park. They’re a bit rude!”
Tooty: ” we owe our lives to a dog. We – “
Ting: ” – were only little, and lost, and a kind lady’s dog found us in the hedge, then Mummy took us home!”

 

Is there anything else you’d like to say?
Charlie: ” It can be tough, living in a multi-cat household, but it’s the 21st century. We all have to adapt and get along…just leave my mousies alone… I’m looking at you, Ting…”

 

(ed note: We tried and tried to get the spacing right on this interview, but for some reason WordPress won’t let us. It looks really cramped to us. It may have too much white space by the time it gets to you. Our apologies.)