Tag Archives: Santa Claus

20

Letters to the Easter Bunny

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The Unusual History of the Easter Bunny | Easter Traditions

A couple of weeks before Easter, Santa Claus stopped by the Easter Bunny’s main burrow on Easter Island. He was amazed to see that it was almost as busy as his workshop at Christmas.

Santa: Goodness. This place is really hopping!

Easter Bunny: If that’s supposed to be a joke, this is not a good time. We are really busy getting ready for the big day.

Santa: What are you talking about? Christmas isn’t for another eight months.

Welcome to Santa Claus Village | Arctic Circle, Rovaniemi Lapland

Easter Bunny: Do you live in a cave the rest of the year? Easter is only fifteen days away!

Santa: Surely it can’t be that hard painting a few eggs to ship around the world.

Easter Bunny: No. Seriously. Do you not pay any attention to anything after Christmas?

Santa: Well, I usually take the whole crew to a small island off Denmark for a few weeks after Christmas. Just to chill out after the rush.

Busy Bunny? 8 Quick Ways to Spruce-up your Website this Spring

Easter Bunny: So you have no idea how crazy things get around here in March and April?

Santa: I try to ignore social media. There’s a lot of negativity out there.,

Easter Bunny: I meant do you pay any attention to current events?

Santa: Not really. Humans depress me.

Easter Bunny: I can understand that. But Easter’s a lot more popular with the animals than Christmas.

Santa: That can’t be right. I’m beloved everywhere.

The Stick Monster (New Bunny Toy Idea)

Easter Bunny: Really? Listen to this.

Pulls out a letter and reads: Dear EB, I am so excited to see you, I can hardly wait. I never knew there was a big bunny who gives out presents. I’ve been a good bunny. Please bring me some new sticks to chew on and some alfalfa. We are leaving a treat for you outside the door.

Santa: Boy, he’s gonna be disappointed when all he gets are eggs.

Easter Bunny: What do you mean? I give out treats too.

Santa: I don’t think grass and sticks are really treats. What about the toys?

How to Play With a Kitten | Small Door Veterinary

Easter Bunny: Here’s another one.

Dear Easter Bunny: Mama says that you bring treats to all of the good girls and boys, not just bunnies. I’m a little kitty. Would you please bring me a toy with a bell in it? Thank you, Maggie

Santa: You don’t really deliver that type of thing do you?

Easter Bunny: Of course I do. I have Easter magic the same as you have Christmas magic.

Medium Oval Easter Basket | Natural Decorative Amish Woven Wicker

Santa is looking over the Easter Bunny’s list of deliveries.

Santa: Why don’t I know most of these names? Who are these children?

Easter Bunny: They’re not children. They’re small animals. I only deliver Easter baskets to the humans. My special orders are all young animals.

Santa: Why don’t they ask me for toys? Most animals like toys.

Easter Bunny: A lot of them are afraid of you.

Laughing santa claus cartoon Royalty Free Vector Image

Santa: How is that possible?

Easter Bunny: You are a very large human with a very loud voice. That’s scary to a lot of small animals.

Santa: Hmm. I never thought about that.

Easter Bunny: And you are on television and in stores. Most animals steer clear of human activities.

Santa: That’s probably smart.

Yak | Wild Ox of Asia, Himalayas & Tibet | Britannica

Easter Bunny: Besides, animals don’t have any use for most of what you bring at Christmas. You’re too human-centric.

Santa: That might be true. How do you get all of this done by Easter?

Easter Bunny: I have rabbits and hares all over the world to help. And if it’s too remote, we use Yak Express.

Santa: I like them. Very dependable.  I guess I’ll leave you to your work. Maybe we can get lunch after Easter.

Easter Bunny: Sounds good to me.

Cute Cats All Dressed Up For Easter (15 Photos)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

13

Christmas Toy Delivery – The Yaks’ Perspective – Part 3

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Project Himalaya | Our yak photo gallery

Where we are: It’s almost Christmas, and Santa is worried. For years, his ability to deliver toys around the world on Christmas Eve has been credited to Christmas magic. In reality, he and the reindeer are magic, but they get a lot of help storing the toys locally by using the services of Yak Express. In reality, Beasts of Burden (BoB), a unionized subsidiary of Yak Express, has a contract to get the toys to worldwide staging areas for the reindeer to pick them up on Christmas Eve.The yaks do a lot of the work, and the reindeer get all the glory. The yaks are ready to go on strike if they don’t get some recognition. You can read parts 1 here and 2 here.

Siamese Cat Breed Information & Characteristics

The two sides are meeting with an arbitrator to find some common ground. Both sides have been whispering amongst themselves while they wait for the meeting to start. Finally a beautiful Siamese cat walks into the room and looks around.

Santa (whispering): Who is she? I’ve never seen her before. I thought all the arbitrators were elves.

Tibetan Yak colors | yak color patterns | yak images | Tibet images

Zeke, the lead yak negotiator looks pleased. They had been concerned that the elves would be too close to Santa to be impartial. The cat takes a seat at the head of the table.

Cat: Good morning everyone. My name is Nakhon, and I am here to help you come to an agreement regarding changes the yaks would like to make in their new contract. It appears that the two sides are rather far apart after several weeks of negotiation, and the yaks are ready to go on strike.

Angry Santa Claus Images - Free Download on Freepik

Santa: They can’t go on strike. It would ruin Christmas!

Nakhon: Then, I recommend you find a way to make them content. Who will be representing your side?

Santa: It’s my personal attorney, Sylvester SilverBells.

Nakhon: And for the yaks?

Zeke: I am the lead negotiator. My name is Zeke.

Siamese Cat Reading Sun Tzu's 'Art of War' | Stable Diffusion Online

Nakhon: I’ve been looking over the requests that the yaks have made. They seem to be pretty straightforward. Let’s begin with the request for shelter in extreme climates. That seems to be a reasonable request.

Sylvester: We have a concern that building yak centers in remote locations will draw attention to our operation. We don’t want to spoil the magic for all of the boys and girls.

A highland cow sleeping in the evening sun : r/aww

Zeke: We aren’t asking for huge new facilities. Our members would be happy with a warm bed of hay and some grass and water. Too many times, they’ve had to wander around looking for a spot to lie down. We wouldn’t be resting until we had delivered the presents to the storage facility.

Nakhon: That sounds reasonable to me, Mr. SilverBells. You don’t want your yaks to be collapsing from exhaustion, do you? That would be a bigger scandal than someone finding out the reindeer are being helped by yaks.

Young Oregon Farmer Tries To Make A Career With Yaks | Jefferson Public Radio

Sylvester: I suppose you’re right. We’ll find some type of shelter in any location that is more than 20 miles from an existing shelter.

Zeke: We’d also like a an allowance for travel-based expenses.

Nakhon: That was not part of the original request. I will order the two sides to form a committee to deal with that issue.

Zeke (to his team): It was worth a shot.

A yak with long horns walking down a dirt road photo – Free Scotland Image on Unsplash

Nakhon: Moving along. How often do the yaks travel more than 250 miles on a trip?

Zeke:Things are sent all over the globe. Sometimes the yaks have to take boats or trains to get to their destination. It can take several days.

Nakhon: How did you arrive at a bonus every 250 miles?

Zeke: It’s a good way to keep the employee motivated to accept the long-haul routes.

Yak | Took a picture of running Yak near Macherma, Nepal. It… | Flickr

Sylvester: It’s not feasible to give the yaks a bonus every 250 miles. That would be too expensive. Almost every trip is over 250 miles.

Nakhon: It does seem a little overly generous. Perhaps you could work out a bonus that is paid at the end of each trip.

Zeke: We need to make sure that we are rewarding our best performers.

Sylvester: We can work out something based on how quickly and safely the yaks complete a round trip.

Zeke: That sounds reasonable.

New Year's celebrations shelved across the globe as COVID-19 surges, here's who canceled and who hasn't | Fox Business

Nakhon: The final item is paid holidays. Have the yaks been working without any paid holidays.

Zeke: Yes, ma’am

Sylvester: The yaks don’t really need paid holidays. Their work is seasonal.

Zeke: We have to be available whenever Santa wants us.

Reindeer (Caribou) | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

Nakhon: Do the reindeer have paid holidays? Their work is also seasonal.

Sylvester: That’s different. They don’t get Christmas off.

Zeke: No, but they are paid for New Year’s Day and Easter. And they get paid vacations.

Nakhon: Would these holidays interfere with the service Santa requires?

What is the winter Solstice? | English Heritage

Sylvester: The Winter Solstice is during our busy season.

Zeke: We can do without that, this time.

Nakhon: I think that’s everything. Do we have an agreement?

Zeke: I have to let the members vote on it, but I think it’s an agreement.

Sylvester: We agree.

Santa: Wonderful! Now let’s get back to work. It’s almost Christmas.

About 1 — YAK VANS

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

Blitzen’s Bad Day

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Santa, reindeer granted permit to enter US on Christmas Eve

In late November, Santa had a meeting with his reindeer.

Santa: Hello everyone. As you know, it’s only a few weeks until Christmas. It’s time to start intensive training to make sure everyone’s ready for the big night. You’ve all been doing the job for a long time, so I don’t expect any issues. First thing are the physicals to make sure you’re ready to fly. First up is Blitzen.

Truthfully, Blitzen wasn’t feeling particularly well that morning. He’d been out with his brother-in-law Chad the night before, and Chad had talked him into eating a few too many spiced cranberries.

Premium AI Image | a white reindeer laying down in the grass

Blitzen: Santa, could someone else go first? I don’t feel well.

Santa: Don’t be silly, Blitzen. You’ve known about this for weeks. If you don’t pass the physical, you can’t start training.

There was a small grouph of reindeer at the edge of the group who were listening closely. They were the alternates in case something happened to one of the regulars. Chad was in the group. He said something to the others, and they snickered. Santa looked over, and they quieted down.

Blitzen: Please, Santa? Just let someone else go first.

photos of reindeer jumping - Google Search | Meet santa, Oakland museum, Francisco

Santa: All right. Comet, get on the scale.

Comet climbed on the scale.

Doctor: Perfect! Same as last year. Let’s see you run the obstacle course.

Comet gracefully ran around the pylons and jumped over the hurdles.

Doctor: Excellent! Last test. Take a running start, and fly over that group of buildings. (The doctor pointed at the complex where the elves assembled the toys.)

Comet: Sure thing, doc.

Comet glided easily over the workshops and landed in a field on the other side.

Doctor: Congratulations! You’re cleared for training.

The Reindeer Games - JSTOR Daily

One by one, the other reindeer on the team passed the exams and were cleared for Christmas training.

Doctor: Blitzen, it’s your turn.

Blitzen walked over to the scale:

Doctor: Hmm. You seem a little bloated. You might want to lose a few pounds over the next few weeks.

Chad and his friends started snickering. Blitzen was mortified. He had been going out quite a bit with Chad lately, but he hadn’t realized it was affecting his weight. 

Doctor: Now the obstacle course.

The Best Places to See Reindeer Around the World | Travel| Smithsonian Magazine

Blitzen took a deep breath and started running. He knew it wasn’t going as well as usual, but he hoped it was going to be good enough. He clipped the last pylon as he was going around it, and it broke his stride. He tripped on the final hurdle. It was humiliating. He went back to the doctor with his head hanging.

Doctor: Blitzen, you’ve been doing this for years. What’s the problem?

Blitzen: I think I ate something bad last night. I really don’t feel well.

Doctor: Okay. As long as you pass they flying, I’ll clear you for the training. But you’ll need to do some extra work to get that weight off.

Blitzen: Absolutely. Here I go.

Closeup of a reindeer lying on snowy ground at Svalbard, Norway Stock Photo by wirestock

Unfortunately, Blitzen didn’t realize that he had hurt his leg on on the hurdle. He didn’t have any problem with the flying, but he landed hard and stumbled down. The other reindeer flew to him.. His partner, Donner, got there first.

Donner: Buddy, are you okay?

Blitzen: Yeah. Just give me a minute.

But when he tried to stand up, he couldn’t put any weight on his back right hoof. He immediately fell back down. The doctor examined Blitzen carefully and then talked to Santa.

Doctor: I don’t think it’s broken, but it’s very swollen.

Santa: How long will he be injured?

Doctor: It’s hard to say. But at least a couple of weeks. Maybe longer.

The Very Real Reindeer and How They Became Associated With Christmas

Santa: Will he be able to pull the sleigh?

Doctor: Not without a little Christmas magic.

Santa: Hmm. I’m not sure we can count on that. I should probably train a replacement just in case.

They put Blitzen on a sled and took him home. Then Santa spoke to the other reindeer.

Santa: We’re not sure whether Blitzen will be able to pull the sleigh on Christmas Eve. But even if we do find some Christmas magic for that, we still need a replacement for the training exercises. Chad and Grigor, you’re the top alternates. You’ll be competing for the spot, if it does open up.

Chad and Grigor looked at each other and grinned.

Next week: Will Blitzen find his Christmas magic?

Two reindeer in the snow : r/ReindeerPictures

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

16

Behind the Scenes with the Easter Bunny

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When does the Easter Bunny come? Story behind the famous rabbit we celebrate at Easter - and when he delivers chocolate eggs | The Scotsman

Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday) and Ash Wednesday are next week, so Easter is just around the corner. We thought we’d check in with the Easter Bunny (EB), see how things look going into his busiest time of the year. Let’s listen in on a meeting at headquarters.

Bunny Bath Mat, Real Life Image of a Group of Rabbits Eating Food in the Garden Feeding Animalistic, Plush Bathroom Decor Mat with Non Slip Backing, 29.5" X 17.5", Multicolor, by Ambesonne -

EB: Hello, everyone. Thank you for joining me at the kick-off for the busiest time of the year here at EB Enterprises. I’m excited to welcome all of you. Let’s kick things off with a report from Raphael in Marketing.

Raphael: Good Morning. I’m excited to say that we are finally back at full capacity after the events of the past few years. We have a lot planned. First, we have signed an agreement with the folks at Holiday Heroes to schedule a full season of Breakfast with the Easter Bunny.

Thanks I hate this Easter bunny because it is creepy and will give children nightmares : r/TIHI

Jenny: Aren’t those the humans who dress up like EB at malls and restaurants?

Raphael: Yes, it’s a very popular program.

Jenny: But they’re so creepy. They don’t even look like real rabbits.

Raphael: I’m told they’ve been working on their costumes, and they should be a lot better. Hopefully, fewer screaming children.

Geoffrey: And there were those problems with the way they acted too.

Raphael: Right. Carrot mimosas are definitely off the menu. Humans cannot handle carrots and champagne. That was a disaster that we learned from.

The rabbits in the room nod approvingly.

Rabbit: The Other "Other White Meat" | Arts & Culture| Smithsonian Magazine

Raphael: You should start seeing them in stores and restaurants beginning next weekend.

Paul: Any plans for making EB more like Santa? More presents and more hype throughout the year?

Raphael: EB is not interested in becoming Santa Claus. He wants to stick with the candy and eggs with maybe a few small gifts thrown in. No major changes in direction. He has decided against a phone app to speak with children. Says he’s more a symbol of spring than a gift machine. He’s going to leave the big stuff to Santa.

Paul: Is it true that Santa doesn’t want the competition?

The Sketchpad: Easter Bunny on Santa's Lap

EB: That’s enough, Paul. Don’t start any rumors. Things are fine between Santa and me. I’m just not interested in a year-round operation like he is. Thank you for your report, Paul. Next let’s hear from Marcia in Distribution.

Marcia: Thanks, EB. It looks like it’s going to be a bit of a challenging year. Global distribution channels are still not fully back to normal, and some things are still a little pricey. We’re doing our best, but it looks like eggs may be a little scarce.

Jeff: How are you going to handle the shortages?

Marcia: We have a lot of connections. I think things will be fine. But we will be working hard right up to the very end to make sure we make and deliver only the best products.

Why do we have Easter eggs and the Easter bunny? - CBBC Newsround

Pierre: I’ve heard rumors that the chickens may go on strike before Easter to make eggs more expensive,

Marcia: I hadn’t heard that. Is it a reliable source?

Pierre: Well. My mother said her sister saw it on Rabbit Reddit.

Suzette: I saw it on BunnyBook. My sister’s mother-in-law sent it to me. She heard it from some friends of hers.

Marcia: I’ll look into it, but I’m guessing those are just rumors.

Ted: Do we have a guaranteed supply of eggs?

Where Does the Easter Bunny Live? Here's Where Your Eggs Come From

Marcia: We’ve never had a problem. We have suppliers all over the world.

EB: Stay calm, everyone. We’ll have plenty of eggs. And I don’t want anyone in this room spreading rumors about the scarcity of eggs. We’re in the hope business, not the egg business.

Josie: What about chocolate? Is there a shortage of that too?

EB looked surprised.

The Ancient Origins of the Easter Bunny | History| Smithsonian Magazine

EB: Josie, I’m surprised at you. You’ve been here long enough to know that chocolate is never a problem for the Easter Bunny. We make our own chocolate. We would never run out of that.

Josie: I forgot. After that mess with getting chocolate alligators and platypuses instead of bunnies and chicks two years ago, we moved it back in-house. Never mind.

EB: Finally, I’m going to turn it over to Jack in Rabbit Resources.

Jack: I just want to remind everyone that we have finished our seasonal hiring. I’m excited to say that we are fully staffed for the first time in three years. Apparently, on-site bunny sitting and all the carrots you can eat were the key. We have also added some tuition reimbursement and bonuses for our regular staff. We will be posting the new teams and schedules by the end of the day.

7 Things I Learned About Workplace Culture From Watching Rabbit Videos

Stuart: Who did the hiring? The last bunch of seasonal employees weren’t very good. And they didn’t last.

Jack: We were more careful this year. Almost everyone is a referral from a current employee or a successful former employee.

Stuart: And no dogs?

Jack: Unfortunately, we will not be bringing in any canines. The Easter Bunny needs to be represented by bunnies. There was too much stress having a potential predator in the factory.

Annabelle: He wasn’t a predator. He was just over-enthusiastic.

Stuart: He kept smelling me. It was unnerving.

Jack: It was a distraction. This year, it’s all rabbits.

EB: Thank you everyone. Let’s make this our best year ever!

He walks out to much foot stomping.

Bunnies Have A Happy Dance! And 6 Other Funky Facts About Rabbits - Modern Farmer

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

11

Job Application for Santa’s Reindeer

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Image result for santa's reindeer

Tony saw the poster announcing tryouts for Santa’s Sled Team. Tony came from a long line of sled reindeer going back to Blitzen and was eager to take his turn. He wrote down the web address for the application and went home to complete it.

When he opened the application, he was surprised by the length. As he read through it, he wasn’t sure he would make it after all. Or if he wanted to.

Application for Seasonal Employment

Santa’s Reindeer

Job Description: Work as a team member of an eight reindeer group to pull Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve.

Image result for santa's reindeer

General Requirements:

  • Ability to fly long distances at a consistent speed
  • Ability to make frequent short stops for an extended period of time
  • Ability to haul large cargo for long distances
  • Ability to work in a close, team-oriented environment
  • Ability to work in stressful environment
  • Ability to be flexible
  • Working knowledge of GPS preferred
  • Prior package delivery experience preferred

Image result for santa's reindeer

Physical Requirements

  • Antlers must have sloughed for season
  • Hooves must be tough enough to stop quickly on icy roofs
  • Must be between 75-80 inches long
  • Must weigh between 350-400 pounds
  • May not be pregnant
  • Must be able to train for at least 12 hours/day without physical collapse

Image result for vet examination deer

Please note: Santa’s workshop is a drug-free environment and you will be required to pass random drug tests as well as a pre-employment screening. Additionally, all applicants will be required to pass a physical exam prior to hire.

Name:

Address:

Phone Number (home):

Image result for deer with phone

Phone Number (cell):

Email Address:

Preferred method of contact:

Why do you want to be one of Santa’s reindeer (200 words or less)?

Why do you think you would be a better candidate than other reindeer (200 words or less)?

Image result for reindeer fight

Describe any previous experience in a related field.

Do you have any relatives currently working for Santa?

Do you have any relatives who have worked for Santa in the past?

Are you currently under contract with the Easter Bunny?

Date Available:

Image result for don't call me i'll call you 

Thank you for your interest in being one of Santa’s reindeer. If you are chosen for an interview, you will be contacted. Please do not call our office.

Santa’s Workshop is and equal opportunity employer and does not discriminate based on species, gender or age.

Image result for santa's reindeer

2

The Easter Bunny Explains All

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Hello, I am the Easter Bunny; the animal you see every spring. I would like to thank Cat for the opportunity to clear up a few things before Easter this year. I would also like to thank Kommando Kitty for giving up her spot as this week’s guest writer.

I am a rabbit; a real rabbit.

I look like this:

rabbits are everywhere don t worry i don t mean that literally they ... (not a photo of me)

Not like this:

The Easter Bunny Shoplifter Due In Court The Day After Easter [Video]

I understand that children like to see who brings them candy. However, I think it is important for adults to understand that I do not walk on two feet or have plastic eyes.

I use magic to deliver eggs.

If your children wonder how one rabbit can get eggs to everyone within 24 hours, tell them they don’t have to worry that I will get tired before I get to your house. I do pretty much the whole thing from home.

I used to be a regular rabbit. One day I was running from a small child and jumped down a hole. But it wasn’t a rabbit hole. The place was full of faeries. One of them flew over to me and said, “Thank goodness you made it! We were almost finished.”

I tried to tell her that I wasn’t her rabbit. But before I knew what was happening, she turned me into the Easter Bunny. My job was to find a band of bunnies from everywhere they celebrate Easter.

Those bunnies tell me how many children there are in their neighborhood who will be receiving treats. (Here’s where the magic comes in.)

I conjure enough treats for each bunny to deliver and make sure they get there in plenty of time to be sorted and tagged. (It’s a trade secret how the baskets actually get to the children.)

I don’t know Santa Claus.

I’m hibernating when Santa visits down here. I would never visit a place with that much ice and snow. Rumor has it he has a private island for his down time in the spring and summer.

I don’t have the same job as Santa Claus.

I understand where this idea came from. The Germans were the ones who dreamed up both Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. They decided that we would each decide who was naughty or nice. Then we would bring all kinds of goodies to the nice children.

They got Santa’s job right, but were way off on mine (rather surprising considering how precise they usually are). I originally was responsible for coloring (hen’s) eggs and distributing them. More recently, they added chocolate eggs and jelly beans.

Modern baskets are a combined effort.

Sometimes the parents help me by adding other types of candy to the basket. The home-made cookies and candies are particularly nice.

Any brand-name candy is not from us. I would never buy commercial candy to hand out. My bunnies are busy enough as it is. However, it is very kind of people to buy this candy for children (particularly someone else’s).

And a word about chocolate rabbits. We work hard to get the eggs and candy out. I really don’t appreciate people putting chocolate rabbits in the baskets to be gobbled up. Perhaps you could replace them with dogs or hawks, or something else that harasses rabbits.

Those pre-filled baskets that have been appearing in stores the last few years? An abomination! Not the pretty chocolate ones filled with chocolates. The big ones filled with ugly toys. No child should ever believe that the Easter Bunny is responsible for something that commercial.

If you want your child to have a toy for Easter, buy your child a toy for Easter. Let them appreciate that we both care for them.

Thank you for your time. If you know a rabbit who might be interested in joining my network, please pass their name along to Cat. We’re always looking for good help.

And of course:

Happy Easter Bunny Images Background HD Wallpaper Happy Easter Bunny ...

3

A Mind Run Amok

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Random thoughts that may or may not have something to do with being home sick last week.

Food

I’ve been reading about Pizza Hut and all of their new crust/topping/sauce combinations. And then thinking about how food companies tailor their offerings in different countries. Do you think a haggis/head cheese/kidney pizza would sell in Scotland? Or is that more of a Subway sandwich combination?

Back in the dark ages when people made gingerbread houses by hand, you had to make them close to Christmas so they’d still be edible on the holiday. People who were good at them (not me) spent hours making them look good. Now there are kits, so there’s not a lot of skill required. It appears that there isn’t any real time constraint either. The expiration date is months in the future. So is it already hard and dry when you make it?

Santa Claus

As we all know, Santa lives at the North Pole. We also know that the North Pole is only a set of coordinates because there isn’t any land/ice mass at the top of the world. So I’m thinking that his workshop must be on one of those really huge ice floes in the far north.

Since he lives on an ice floe, he’s probably going to be affected by global warming the same as the polar bears. Which brings up a series of questions:

  • Will he need to relocate operations?
  • Where would be remote enough to keep everything secret? Maybe Antarctica?
  • Would he pay relocation costs for the elves?
  • Would he offer any kind of training so they could move into another field?
  • Would he replace them with penguins who probably work more cheaply and don’t require housing?
  • Would he keep anyone at the old workshop or just close it completely down?
  • Are there any hazardous waste issues? Old lead paint?

American Football

Speaking of climate change, some of us in Michigan are wondering if the temperature may be dropping down in the underworld. You may have heard that the Detroit Lions qualified for the post-season with two games remaining. Of course, the next day they almost lost to the Chicago Bears who were playing with a backup quarterback who hadn’t started a game in three years. The same Chicago Bears they tore apart on Thanksgiving Day. Same old Lions.

On the other hand, have we finally seen the end of Bobby Layne’s curse?

You’ve never heard of Bobby Layne’s curse? Or Bobby Layne? He was an outstanding quarterback who led the Lions to several championships in the 1950’s. (Yes, you have to go back that far for the glory days.) In 1958, the Lions traded Layne to the Pittsburgh Steelers. He was not happy. Layne responded to the trade by saying that the Lions would “not win for 50 years.”

For the next 50 years after the trade, the Lions accumulated the worst winning percentage of any team in the NFL. The Lions were 1-10 in postseason appearances. The last year of the supposed curse, 2008, Detroit went 0-16 and thus became the first team to lose every game of a 16-game season.

In the 2009 NFL Draft, right after the curse supposedly expired, the Detroit Lions drafted University of Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford. Stafford was an alumnus of Layne’s former school Highland Park High School and also lived in a house on the same street as Layne’s. Coincidence?

So what do you think: bad drafting/coaching/playing for 50 years or a curse? I’m going with the curse.

TV Commercials

Returning to the dark ages when I started watching football on TV, the commercials were mainly about beer and food. Then we moved on to ED. It was a little embarrassing, but probably a mass market.

As we get closer to Christmas, the commercials have turned overwhelmingly to jewelers. I understand that a lot of men propose over the holidays. And a lot of men buy jewelry at Christmas. But were there really that many who are watching the first college bowls this past Saturday who needed reminding that they were going to buy an engagement ring? An expensive engagement ring?

 

 clipart christmas, xmas, holiday, holidays, tree, trees, star, stars

2

Silent Night, Where are You?

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Or silent day? Or anytime, for that matter. Tis the season of Christmas at the store. I am grateful that we are not quite at 24/7 Christmas music. (We also heard Green Day, The Mamas and the Papas, and Bruno Mars once today.) However, we are close enough to bring out my inner Grinch.

I did not always dislike Christmas music. In fact, as a regular church-goer, I still love the Christmas carols we sing there (very traditional). I watched all the cartoons when I was little and still know the words to “Holly Jolly Christmas” and “Island of Unwanted Toys.” I love listening to carolers and choirs singing live.

But store music is to carols as Velveeta is to fine Cheddar from Somerset – a reminder that as things become more popular, the more likely they are to move toward the lowest common denominator (for the non-math people, this is not a good thing outside of math). Not to say that all was perfect in the past. My brother needed to listen to music when he was little to get to sleep. My parents had a record of Fred Waring’s orchestra playing Christmas songs. Eartha Kitt did a version of “Jingle Bells” that still makes me feel creepy. But nothing really gets under my skin that I only have to hear a few times each year.

However…

I no longer care that Michael Jackson saw his mommy kissing Santa Claus. Or that his brothers don’t believe him. Or that he’s going to tell his daddy. If he’d stayed in bed where he’d belonged, I wouldn’t have to listen to it three or four times each eight-hour shift. I don’t even want to think about the John Mellencamp version. The man had to be close to forty when he recorded it. That is just disturbing.

Then there’s the song that starts, “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away.” I don’t know what it’s called or who sings it. (There are both male and female versions.) Why did he give her his heart? It sounds like one of those Mayan  religious rituals or that lady on “Once Upon a Time” who has an unfortunate tendency to reach into people’s chests and grab the heart. Who would she give it to? No one is going to want a heart that she apparently abused. Why is he still talking to her a year later?

Brenda Lee did a fine version of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and after all these years, her version is still popular and recognizable. Why would anyone cover that song in the same version? (Not sure, but that might be Miley Cyrus.) Whoever it is, sounds enough like Brenda to remind me of the original but then misses a few of the later notes. Note to singers: If you’re going to cover a standard, make it your own.

If Grandma was drunk enough to get run over by a reindeer, why didn’t someone walk her home? For that matter, what’s wrong with her son walking her home anyway? It’s dark. It’s a holiday. It seems like the least he could do.

I think the kid who wants her two front teeth for Christmas needs them because someone knocked her over running away from her horrible singing. I have only heard the song once in recent memory, but it continues to set my teeth on edge when I think about it. Don’t think about it, you say? Easier said than done when you listen to robo-music all day.

Finally, will someone please destroy all the copies of “Santa Baby” in existence? (Maybe I just don’t like Eartha Kitt Christmas music.) Yes, I know it was written by a woman (one of the few successful Christmas songs by a woman). And I know it’s supposed to be a joke. But the idea of seeing Santa in any sort of sexual role just gives the kid in me nightmares. And it should also come as no surprise that the Material Girl also had a hit with it.

I had a CD with baroque harpsichord Christmas music. I still think my family destroyed it. But if I can find it, I’m going to put it on the sound system and get my revenge.