Tag Archives: moles

14

Cheeseland Election: Breaking News

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Angel Katt: I’m here on the streets of Cheeseland reporting on a late-breaking story. We have received an anonymous tip that Thomas Tabby has been arrested for PUI (prowling under the influence). It would be a clear contradiction to his clean-cut image. Our investigative reporter, Sgt Stripes, is on his way to the police station to try to get to the bottom of the story. In the meantime, let’s talk to some experts on what this might mean to his campaign. First, we have his campaign manager, Elise.

   

Elise: I haven’t had a chance to talk with Thomas, but there must be some mistake.

Chris Cougar: I’m afraid that the stress may have gotten to Thomas. He has a full-time job, a family, and a full-time campaign. He probably just made a mistake.

Angel: Do you think it will have an impact on his electability?

Why Is Your Dog Giving You The Side-Eye?

Simon Snake: I don’t think there’s any questions about it. If he’s a user, he’s a loser.

Basil Bowser: Absolutely. Nip addicts have no place in our government. I think this will land a fatal blow to that rotter’s limping campaign.

Angel: With all due respect, all polling shows that Thomas is the overwhelming favorite to win.

Basil: Hmmph! You can’t trust polls.

What To Know About Moles in Your Yard

Angel: I’m getting a report from Sgt Stripes. What’s happening down there, Stripes?

Sgt Stripes: The only thing I’ve been able to find out so far is that they definitely picked up a Tabby cat for PUI. But there seems to be a question of who that Tabby cat is.

Angel: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know how to put this delicately. Umm, this station is employs a fair number of moles. And moles do not have the best vision. Basically they think that all Tabbies look the same. In fact, they confused me with their suspect.

Angel: Don’t they know the cat’s name?

Sgt Stripes: That’s where it gets a little weird. He told them that his name is Thomas Tabby. But I know Thomas, and this guy is not him.

Angel: Maybe it’s a different Thomas Tabby?

Sgt Stripes: He’s telling them that he’s the guy running for office.

Angel: Hang on for a sec, Sgt Stripes. It appears that Onyx may have a piece to the puzzle. What do you have?

Onyx:I found a video on CatTok that I think belongs to that cat.

Angel: What does he say?

Onyx: He says that he has a brother who’s running for office, and he’s set up an epic prank.

Angel: What’s the prank?

Onyx: He says we have to wait and see.

Sgt Stripes: That’s everything? We have to wait? Thomas’s reputation is at stake, and it’s less than two months before the election. He can’t wait for someone to clear this up. We need answers!

Angel: Calm down Stripes. I put our tech guru on it, and he thinks he’s found something.

The Infinite Monkey Theorem Comes To Life : 13.7: Cosmos And Culture : NPR

Chuck Chimp: I’ve found a recording of our guy talking to somebody about what was going to happen tonight. Listen to this.

Voice #1: My brother thinks he’s so great. He thinks he’s Mr Perfect with his perfect wife and perfect kids and perfect job. Now he thinks he’s gonna be working with the humans. Well, that’s is not going to happen. I’m going to show everyone that he’s not so perfect.

Cats talking Stock Photos, Royalty Free Cats talking Images | Depositphotos

Voice #2: What are you going to do?

Voice #1: Let’s just say that a few nip cocktails and an obnoxious Tabby cat are going to put a crimp in his perfect reputation. Those moles can’t tell one of us from another.

Angel: Where did you get that?

Chuck: You told me to solve the puzzle. I solved the puzzle.

Sgt Stripes: I knew Thomas wasn’t that kind of cat.

Angel: I hope this doesn’t impact him negatively.

Sgt Stripes: Everyone knows that you can’t pick your family. He should be fine.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

11

The Cats’ Mother’s Day Dilemma

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Snoops here. We decided we should invite the new guy into our planning for Mother’s Day. It may not have been my best idea.

Snoops: Sgt Stripes, you wanna get in on our gift for Mom on Sunday?

Sgt Stripes: What’s on Sunday?

Snoops: The humans celebrate something called Mother’s Day.

Sgt Stripes: She’s not my mother.

Snoops: Yes, she is. She adopted you.

Sgt Stripes: What does that mean?

Snoops: She brought you in and let you stay here. She made you a member of the family.

Sgt Stripes: She’s not my mother. I am a cat. My mother was a cat.

Kommando: We know that. That’s why she’s your adopted Mom. She takes care of you now.

Sgt Stripes: I thought you said it was Mother’s Day.

Cute Photos of Cats and Kittens | POPSUGAR Pets

Snoops: It is. Once she adopted you, she’s your Mom.

Sgt Stripes: Oh. Is that why I had to get her a Christmas present?

Kommando: You don’t HAVE to do it. Don’t you want to do something nice for her?

Sgt Stripes: I guess so. The kibble is really good here. And I didn’t have to go out in the snow this year. That’s probably worth something. What are you getting her?

Snoops: We haven’t decided yet.

Cat and mouse - 9GAG

Sgt Stripes: We should get her something good. How about a mouse?

Snoops: I tried that before. She doesn’t really like them.

Sgt Stripes: But they’re yummy. And fun to play with.

Snoops: She said thank you, then threw it away.

Sgt Stripes: How rude.

Snoops: I thought so. Now I give them to our human brother. He seems a little more appreciative.

Lolcats - mothers day - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words

Kommando: How about a bouquet of fish?

Snoops: There’s no such thing.

Kommando: Are you sure?

Snoops: Pretty sure. I think they only put flowers in bouquets.

Kommando: What a waste. It would be delicious. Flowers really don’t taste very good.

Snoops: I think the humans only look at them. They don’t eat them.

Sgt Stripes: We should get her something she likes. What does she like to do?

Kommando: She likes to sleep.

Sgt Stripes: We could get her a blanket. I really like the blanket she gave me.

Snoops: She already has some of those. We need something unique.

Kommando: She likes to work in the yard.

Sgt Stripes: Let’s get her a mole. It could dig holes for her garden.

Kommando: Where do we get one of those?

Sgt Stripes: I’m pretty sure there are some in the back yard. At least  there were last summer.

Snoops: I guess that’s a possibility. But I think if she wanted one of those, she would have brought it inside instead of you.

Sgt Stripes: Oh. I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe you’re right.

Kommando: Maybe we could get her some yarn. Then she could make us a blanket.

Sgt Stripes: I like that idea! And yarn is fun to play with too.

Snoops: It’s supposed to be for her, remember? She’s seemed kinda stressed out lately. Maybe she needs something to help her relax.

Kommando: I thought cats were naturally relaxing.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. What’s more relaxing than a purring kitty?

Snoops: Excellent point.

Kommando: So it’s settled. Our gift to Mom is going to be to let her spend time with us.

Sgt Stripes: Glad we got that settled.

 

Pictures (not of us) courtesy of Google Images

6

There’s No Place Like Home

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Image result for groundhog images

Mr. Groundhog was getting ready to build his den for the winter. It had been a warm autumn but cold weather was predicted.

Mr. G: Dear, would you prefer moss or dry leaves to sleep on this winter?

Mrs. G: Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What did you ask?

Mr. G: What type of bedding do you want in the winter den?

Image result for groundhog winter den

Mrs. G: We don’t need a winter den.

Mr. G: Of course we need a den. If we don’t have one, we’ll freeze to death.

Mrs. G: Don’t you remember? We’re traveling this winter.

Mr. G: We’re groundhogs. We sleep all winter.

Mrs. G: Of course we’ll sleep. We just won’t do it at home.

Mr. G: Have you been eating those old berries? You’re not making sense.

Mrs. G: Didn’t I tell you about den2den? You travel to another state and spend the winter in someone else’s den.

Image result for rabbit winter warren

Mr. G: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. Why would I want to sleep in someone else’s den?

Mrs. G: In the spring you get to see a different part of the country.

Mr. G: Great. Foreign grass. Where did you get this wonderful idea?

Mrs. G: From Margaret. Someone told her about it.

Mr. G: Margaret’s crazy, you know. Do I have to listen to her the entire trip?

Mrs. G: As a matter of fact, you don’t.

Mr. G: Are they going somewhere different?

Mrs. G: Actually, they’re not going. Bob said it was a stupid idea and refused to sign up.

Mr. G: I knew I liked Bob. I’m not going either.

Mrs. G: It’s too late. I’ve paid in full. In fact, the shuttle will be here shortly.

(Mr. G grumbles and paces. Before too long he hears wheels.)

Image result for animals traveling cartoon

Mrs. G: C’mon dear, it’s time to go. Are you packed?

Mr. G (sarcastically): My spare fur is at the cleaner.

(They sleep for the entire trip.)

Driver: Well, here we are.

Mr. G: Where is here? I’m freezing.

Driver: Not really sure. I just follow the GPS.

Image result for gps map clipart

Mr. G: So where is this den?

Driver: Right over there.

(He points to a small opening at the bottom of a hill.)

Mr. G:That doesn’t look like a groundhog den.

(The driver looks at his printout.)

Driver: Says here it belongs to a mole.

Image result for mole animal

Mr. G: I thought it was den2den. Moles live underground. They don’t have dens.

Driver: Hmmm. Guess there was some kind of mix-up.

Mr. G: So fix it.

Driver: I’m just the driver. You need to talk to your agent.

(Mr. G looks at Mrs. G.)

Mr. G: Who’s our agent?

Mrs. G: I don’t know. I bought the booking from Margaret.

Driver: That’s against the rules. You couldn’t stay here even if you wanted to.

Mr. G (gritting his teeth): So what do we do now?

Driver: Well, let me think.

(He makes a couple of phone calls.)

Driver: The Mouse House and Rodent Inn are both full. You probably don’t want the Fox Den or Eagles’ Nest. How’s the park sound?

Image result for backyard

Mr. G: Fine. We’ll make arrangements to get home in the morning.

Mrs: Margaret told me about a great ride service. You call a number and an animal will drive you in his personal vehicle. I think I have the number on my phone.

(Mr. G glares at her.)

 

 

 

6

Is WordPress Specie-ist?

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As I was wandering through some blogs a few days ago, I made a discovery. There are a lot of blogs about/by cats. Which makes sense, since everyone knows cats are the original Internet stars. There are probably an equal number about dogs, although I really didn’t do a full recon on that. In fairness, for me size matters when it comes to dogs. Generally speaking, I prefer those of 40 pounds or more.

Of course, I found some posts about hedgehogs. Lord Nelson (my hedgehog) seemed to be the predominant recurring character. I guess grumpy and spiny is not for everyone. In fairness to Horatio, though, he has stopped huffing at me.

The only thing I found for bears were some very nice photos, but nothing with any personality. Likewise for most creatures who live in the wild. Raccoons and bats made the cut for the cuteness or nuisance factor. Not exactly material for an ongoing storyline. I disqualified blogs like Cute Overload who have a variety of animals, but only pictures/videos intended to make you say “awwwww”.

Then I tried to figure out how one would put backyard critters in a blog. When I looked out the window this morning, I would have sworn it was November: cool, gray and rainy. Eureka! A story about how the little guys decide where to winter. Hint: most of them can’t afford the fare to Florida or Padre Island. If we’re quiet, we can listen in:

The fall meeting of the semi-rural/suburban animals was about to get started. Squirrel, the most energetic of the group, was getting ready to moderate. He looked around to make sure everyone was represented.

Then he frowned and pointed. “You predators, you know you’re not allowed at these meetings.” The coyote slunk off, but the rest stayed.

Fox: You never let us stay. What are going to say that’s so top-secret?

Squirrel: You know very well that the main topics of these meetings are food and safety. The last time we let you guys stay, you and raccoon spent the meeting whispering about which of us looked tastiest and which was the easiest to catch. We’re talking about winter survival today. Now scram!

Raccoon: We have to survive too, you know.

Squirrel: Maybe, but not by eating us.

Fox and Raccoon walked away. The deer made a circle around the little group to keep them out.

Squirrel: OK, does everyone have a den ready?

Woodchuck: We found a great place under an old tree trunk. My cousin Woody already claimed the primo spot under the deck.

Rabbit: Just remember, Woodchuck, we live in that complex too. Keep the noise down.

Woodchuck: What are you talking about? We hibernate all winter. You guys are the ones practicing to repopulate the world in the spring.

Mouse: We’re taking our usual spot in the walls of those two old houses over there (points to a couple of Victorian holdovers).

Mole: Well, be careful. There’s a couple of domestics over there that roam around a lot outside.

Mouse: Not to worry. The pointy-eared one spends the winter in front of the fire and the floppy-eared one only comes out to mess up the landscape. The human won’t stay out and play with him.

Squirrel: Are all of you going to fit in those two houses?

Mouse: Not a chance! But the older kids want to try toughing it out in the woodpile. I tried to tell them that the humans use those woodpiles in the winter. They think they won’t get caught. You know what it’s like trying to talk to kids.

The animals all laugh and nod.

Frog: It’s almost time for us to burrow into the mud for the season, so we’re set.

Snake: Same here. What about you, squirrel?

Squirrel: We’re splitting up this year. Some of us are going the usual route and sleeping in trees. But my brother Earl heard that attics are nice and toasty in the winter.

Mole: There’s bats up there!

Squirrel: Earl says they were all driven out over the summer.

Mole: But the humans will hear you.

Squirrel: That’s part of the plan. The mice will be in the walls and the squirrels will be in the attic. It’ll drive the humans nuts, but it will be too cold for them to do anything about it. We just have to get out quick in the spring.

Mole: I think the rest of us will just hang out at the club underground. It’s pretty cozy if we cuddle up. We mostly sleep anyway.

Squirrel: Well, it looks like everyone’s set. The community center has extra nesting material if you still need any. Otherwise, on to the potluck! Remember, you can take as much as you want, but eat everything you take. It’s the season for bulking up, we don’t want any food to get wasted. Anything you brought that’s not eaten, you can either take home or donate to the emergency pantry.

The animals disperse to eat and talk.

The humans have been inside commenting on how cute they all are. They don’t realize they are about to be invaded.