Tag Archives: breakfast

22

Bye Bye Blondie

|

Snoops here. We had a very interesting day recently. After Mom left and our human brother left for work, it got really noisy. Sgt Stripes, who spends most of his time upstairs, came running down.

Gypsy: What’s up, Stripes?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know. I was sleeping and started hearing all of this banging and people moving around.

Snoops: No one cleared that much noise with me. Mom knows I need to prepare for any disruptions to my nap schedule.

Angel: Mom’s gone. It’s Blondie and some guy. What are they doing?

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like they’re breaking furniture. Whoa! What happened down here?

Gypsy: What are you talking about?

Sgt Stripes: Have you looked in the front room? It looks like Blondie finally cleaned it up.

Angel: Ooh. Yeah. Everything’s in bags and piled up.

Snoops: There is definitely something going on. We need to find Onyx. It’s her human that’s acting so weird.

Gypsy: There she is. Acting like she owns the kitchen again.

Sgt Stripes: What’s going on, Onyx?

Onyx: All I heard was that we are moving out.

Gypsy: Why are we moving out? I love it here.

Angel: I’m not going anywhere. I need to findhea hiding place.

Snoops: Onyx, are you sure everyone’s moving?

Onyx: I heard them say something about needing to get the bed put together so the small humans have someplace to sleep tonight.

Sgt Stripes: That does sound serious.Maybe you can just hide until they’re gone.

Gypsy: That’s a good idea. We can come back out when they leave.

The cats each find somewhere to get away from the noise and confusion. Eventually, they hear their human brother moving around, and everyone comes out of hiding.

Sgt Stripes: I think it’s safe. Blondie and the strange man are gone. And so is a lot of stuff. C’mon out everyone.

Gypsy: Good. They left without us.

Snoops: That’s okay with me. We’ve gotten used to you. Angel, are you around?

Angel: I am. But I have really bad news.

Gypsy: What’s wrong?

Angel: I saw Blondie put Onyx in a carrier. She’s gone. They’ve split up the Belleville Three.

Sgt Stripes: Well, rats. We were just getting into a good “pounce” rhythm.

Snoops: And she was finally getting socialized to being in a multi-cat household. She was even beginning to join us for breakfast.

Angel: It’s going to be weird without her.

Gypsy: Yeah. Since she started coming to breakfast, Mom has been opening three cans of food in the morning. We’re going to be back to two cans split between us.

Angel: That is bad news.

Sgt Stripes: But more treats to go around.

Snoops: Excellent point. And she really didn’t mingle with any of us.

Sgt Stripes: I think she was getting there. Is she going to be an only cat now?

Angel: I think Blondie said she was going to be reunited with Thunder Cat.

Gypsy: I hope they get along better than they did in our old house.

Sgt Stripes: Thunder Cat is a grey tabby, right?

Gypsy: Yes, she is.

Sgt Stripes: Oh, that’s right. Thunder is a girl, not a handsome mancat like me.

Snoops: She came to visit before you arrived, Sarge. She spent all of her time hiding under the cedar chest.

Gypsy: I forgot about that. Guess I’ll miss Blondie and the boys. But the boys were so loud they really scared me sometimes.

Sgt Stripes: They were excellent at handing out treats. Especially to me when I was upstairs.

The other cats agreed that it was going to be a big change then each went in search of some place to relax and wait for Mom.

 

23

Emergency Cat Council

|

          

Four of the cats were gathered in the kitchen waiting for breakfast. They knew that Sgt Stripes and Mom would be coming any minute. Then Sgt Stripes appeared, but Mom was nowhere in sight.

Angel: Stripes, where’s Mom?

Gypsy: Everyone knows that we get breakfast between 6:05 and 6:15 every morning that she goes to work.Weekends stink because we have to wait for her to get up. Sometimes I’m half-starved before she gets up.

Sgt Stripes: Our human brother doesn’t have to work today, so she decided to shower before she feeds us.

Onyx: Did you give her permission, Snoops?

Snoops: I certainly did not. Things are all messed up right now. We probably should have an emergency meeting while we wait so we can tell Mom what’s been going on.

Angel: I agree. I don’t mind the later breakfast if the little humans aren’t around. But the later it gets, the more likely it is that they are going to be  romping around while we try to eat.

Gypsy: The dark-haired one scares me. He yells a lot and doesn’t watch where he’s going. He’s almost stepped on me a few times. That’s why I hide by the kibble whenever he’s around.

Onyx: That’s true. He is really loud. And he’s almost stepped on me too.

Sgt Stripes: The other one is better about not stepping on us.

Snoops: But he’s learned a new sound to make. It’s really high-pitched, and it hurts my ears. And he tried to push be back by my face the other day.

Sgt Stripes: Mom shut that down. Just like when he started to grab my tail.

Onyx: Blondie doesn’t let him do that to me either.

Angel: It’s really nice when they’re gone for a couple of days. Much quieter and less confusing.

Snoops: I wonder if there’s some way to make it a little calmer around here.

Gypsy: Maybe we could get them jobs.

Onyx: Doing what? They don’t really have any skills.

Angel: Maybe we could rent them out to wake up humans who sleep through their alarms.

Snoops: They are waking up a lot earlier than they used to. Stripes, would you please ask Mr Google if there are any jobs for waking up humans around the neighborhood?

Sgt Stripes: I’m on it. Are there any other ideas?

Gypsy: Sometimes, they make a lot of noise. Could they be scarecrows and keep birds away from crops?

Snoops: That’s a great idea! There are a couple of farms around here.

Angel: Do you think pet sitters would take them and train them?

Gypsy: If they can train dogs, they should be able to train little humans.

Onyx: That probably costs money. We should keep looking for something that will pay them.

Sgt Stripes: That’s a good point. They’re kind of expensive to have around. It would be nice to tell Mom that the boys can start paying for some of their own kibble.

Snoops: If that doesn’t work, maybe we can put them on PetFinder. I think there’s a section for “Other Animals”.

Onyx: Blondie isn’t going to let someone else have them full-time.

Snoops: Good point. We need to find something they can do while we eat breakfast and do our morning routines.`

Gypsy: Yes. We don’t want to get rid of them. We just want to live and relax in peace.

Sgt Stripes: Mom says it will improve with time. And they’re already better at giving out snacks. The older ones doesn’t throw them at us anymore.

Gypsy: That’s true. I didn’t even have to look for shelter the last time.

Onyx: Okay, Sgt Stripes. You need to find them a job until they grow out of this stage.

Sgt Stripes: I’ll let you know what I find. And Mom is finally here to feed us.

24

Onyx is NOT a Most Excellent Kitty

|

Gypsy: It looks like someone wants to turn the Belleville Three into the Belleville Two.

Angel: What do you mean? We’re finally getting along. I haven’t hissed at you in a long time.

Gypsy: Not you. Onyx. She’s acting like she wants to break up the team.

Angel: She has been acting a little weird, even for her. I thought when Blondie got home she’d disappear upstairs. But she’s been sleeping on the freezer or the bag of paper towels.

Gypsy: She even comes out for breakfast.

Angel: Yeah, and she doesn’t even eat wet food. She’s got Mom trained to give her treats in the morning.

Gypsy: Did you see what happened this morning?

Angel: You mean sitting in the sink?

Gypsy: Mom gave her a bowl of water in the sink so she would stop licking the faucet. Like she’s too good to share with the rest of us.

Angel: She’s not used to sharing. She used to stay in Blondie’s room all the time. She had everything to herself.

Gypsy: She’s giving up a pretty sweet deal. She was always treated like she was better than us.

Angel: It’s strange that she’s started going outside too. She’s been an indoor kitty her whole life. 

Gypsy: It’s pretty rude, if you ask me. Blondie spent her time away missing Onyx, and now Onyx is pretty much ignoring her.

Angel: Can you believe that she got out last Friday, and no one realized that she wasn’t just being anti-social? In the past, there would have been a massive cat hunt until someone found her.

Gypsy: Yeah. She had to come back herself the next day. Blondie was pretty frantic looking for her.

Angel: In the humans’ defense, she got out when it was dark and no one saw her leave. It’s been crazy around here. 

Gypsy: And the small humans still need some training. The big humans know to close the inside porch door before they open the house door, but the little humans can’t see to get it coordinated when they come home.

Angel: And it takes forever for them to go in or out. One little human opens one door and keeps it open while the other one comes in. They don’t seem to understand they are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Gypsy: Yesterday, one of them opened the door and went outside by himself when Mom drove up. Onyx was right behind him. Mom and Blondie had to track her down with treats. And she was really crabby when she got back in.

Angel: She is fast. And persistent. This morning Mom had to hold her back when our human brother went out. Twice.

Gypsy: Mom gave Onyx treats right before she left so she’d be preoccupied.

Angel: That’s a pretty good trick. She’s used it on Sarge too.

Gypsy: He’s not as dedicated to getting out as Onyx is.

Angel: I think Onyx is kinda dumb. It’s starting to get cold. Why would she want to go outside?

Gypsy: Agreed. The warm stuff is inside. And so is the food.

Angel: I wonder if she’s still Blondie’s favorite. She’s getting to be pretty high maintenance. She’s always been pretty annoying to the rest of us cats. Now she’s trying it on the humans.

Gypsy: Probably. She still has the small humans, and they are extremely high maintenance.

Angel: Good point. Onyx probably just enjoys seeing the humans chasing after her.

Gypsy: We are the only two who haven’t tried to escape this fall. That has to be good for our House Cat ranking.

Angel: Excellent point.

10

Who? What? How? Why?

|

Am I the only person who thinks it’s weird that so many breakfast cereals now come in chocolate versions? No one should start their days with such a pale imitation of a beautiful food like chocolate.

Why would I know what type of cheese the man’s wife buys for snacks? It’s round he says. A cheeseball? No. Actually little squares? No, it’s round. String cheese? No. If you don’t have it, I’ll have to go to another store. Sorry, I don’t know what it could be. Oh, I guess it is string cheese.

Why does it make me feel so good when someone who cuts me off in traffic gets stuck at the same traffic light?

Do I need to serve Nosferatu beer and Haunted wine (red and white) at my Halloween party to be a success? What about 4 Witches and Dragon’s Breath beer? Deviled eggs? Tarantula dip?

Why do they always put one kind of icky candy in with the good stuff in those Halloween bags of candy?

When we are trying not to run into someone while walking, why do we both move in a direction to get in the other’s way? Sometimes more than once?

I pass through two school districts to get to work. Why is it that if I get behind a bus in one district, I also get behind a bus in the other district?

I go to a discount hair salon. Why would people pay $5 every two weeks to get their bangs trimmed if they are going to that salon  to save money in the first place?

Why would I need a four-pack of wine stoppers? I thought the point was to finish one bottle before I began the next. Even hosting a dinner, it would only be one red and one white at a time. Maybe I should start hosting wine tastings?

What is the point of those tiny ice cube trays? My little kitties or doggies would be melted before anyone could tell how cute they were. Besides, it seems a little tacky to ask people to guess what is floating in their drinks.

Why are some traffic lights synchronized with each other but not with the speed limit?

Why are there professional hockey teams in places that can’t keep the ice hard enough for part of the season because the weather’s too hot?

Why is the person who works the least in my department the one who got someone to assist him?

Why can I pronounce some words in private, but mangle them when I get in front of people?

Why can I lift 35 pounds of cheese but 35 pounds of salami feels too heavy?

What is the gracious way to tell the 250-lb woman that she really shouldn’t sit on the counter because it wasn’t made to support that much weight?

What is the right wine to recommend to someone who wants “a good wine that will make them drunk”?

What is the correct response when you find out that the person you share an interest in sports with roots for all the teams you hate?

Is fall so pretty so we get sucked into forgetting that we have to rake up all those formerly beautiful dead leaves?

Why do some people appreciate this type of questioning and some think I need more to occupy my mind?