23

Do They Sell Fleas at a Flea Market? Part 2

Sgt Stripes here. After much discussion, the Communications Team agreed that it was a bad idea to have a flea market in Cheeseland. While the name doesn’t really mean that fleas are involved in the human market, there is a much higher possibility that actual fleas would make an appearance at an animal flea market. So we took another idea from the humans and rebranded it.

How Cats Show Affection Through Their Tails - Cat Explore

So I am here at the 2025 Cheeseland Rummage Sale. Thomas Tabby is here to listen to his constituents. We are going to give you a tour of what is going on.

Sgt Stripes Here’s a familiar face. We didn’t expect to find you here, Gypsy.

Gypsy: What can I say? I though Rummage Sale meant we got to rummage around looking for something that catches our eye.

Sgt Stripes: That’s pretty much the idea. And what cat doesn’t love a good rummage?

Gypsy: You better tell the guy with the meat pies. How was I supposed to know which one I wanted to buy without tasting them? He made me buy the first one I tried. And it was some kind of bird. Yuck! I hate poultry. I thought they’d be, you know meat.

North American raccoon | San Diego Zoo Wildlife Explorers

Sgt Stripes: I see your point about the poultry vs meat. But once you’ve tasted something, they can’t sell it.

Gypsy: Whatever. I hope they have samples at the treats table.

Sgt Stripes walks up to a raccoon family.

Sgt Stripes: How are you enjoying the sale?

Raccoon looking in mirror

Mama Raccoon: We love it. There is so much stuff to paw through. And whoever thought of the fun house for the kids is a genius. Who doesn’t love funny mirrors and tilted floors?

Papa Raccoon: They might want to rethink the balloons though. A lot of the kids are just learning to control their claws. A few of the more timid ones were frightened by all of the popping.

Thomas Tabby: Thank you for sharing. That’s just the type of feedback we’re looking for.

How To Care for Your Pet Rat | PetMD

Sgt Stripes and Thomas Tabby are pleased to see a large crowd of animals. And a lot of the tables were doing a good business. They walk up to a crowded table and find a large, cheerful rat behind it.

Thomas Tabby: You have an interesting assortment of merchandise.

Rat: You may have heard of a rat’s nest being a jumble of things. When my grandfather went over the Rainbow Bridge, he had been working on it for years. And he collected a lot of stuff. This sale is perfect.

Arizona Pack Rats | Atomic Pest Control

Thomas Tabby: Your grandfather would have been pleased to know so many folks will be enjoying his things.

Rat: You’re right. He was a great guy.

Sgt Stripes: Sorry for your loss.

The two tabbies continue around the park. There are all types of things to buy. A beaver was selling wooden toys he had made.

Here are 2 photos of a beaver chewing the bark and cambium off of a branch.  Beavers eat tree product, but don't eat the wood itself. They will eat the  twigs, leaves,

Sgt Stripes: These are great! If Mom didn’t have a rule against bringing more stuff into the house, I would definitely get something for the small humans.

Beaver: Thank you! I hadn’t really thought about small humans. I was looking more at the puppy/rabbit market. But that is a excellent idea!

They heard a splash and a lot of laughter.

Sgt Stripes: What was that?

Otter Contemplates a Swim in the Puppy Pool — The Daily Otter

Beaver: That’s the Otter Brothers Dunk an Otter game.It is extremely popular. Anyone who buys a piece of their grasshopper cheesecake gets a chance to spin a wheel to dump one of the otters into a vat of water.

Thomas Tabby: We should go over and take a look.

Sgt Stripes: You go right ahead. I do not like water in my fur.

Beaver: They don’t dunk you. It’s one of the otters.

Why Do Cats Hate Water? 5 Reasons & Tips for Bath Time

Nothing would convince Sgt Stripes to go near the water. He got a salmon smoothie and waited on a bench. Finally, Thomas returned. looking a little soggy.

Thomas Tabby: It looks like you were right, Stripes. They aren’t using a water tank; They are using a tub. Every time the otter goes into the tub, it splashes everyone.

Sgt Stripes: I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Where do you want to go next?

Thomas Tabby: There’s something called The Field of Dreams over by the pavilion. It’s a fundraiser for the Cheeseland Hospital.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds interesting. Let’s go!

The Peruvian Llama - Lima Spanish House

The field was very crowded. They finally got to the pavilion. There was a llama directing some other animals.

Sgt Stripes: This looks exciting. What’s going on, and who is in charge. Is it you?

Llama (laughing): No, I’m part of security. You want JJ Gorilla. He’s the brains behind it.

Sgt Stripes: Mr Gorilla, this looks very interesting. Can you explain what is going on?

Gorilla: Please call me JJ. With all of the budget cuts we’ve been going through, the hospital needed to raise some money. A treasure hunt game sounded like a different, fun way to do it.

😻Cats at the Spa😻 - Funny Cats Doing Human Things

Sgt Stripes: Can you explain how it works?

JJ: We got animals to donate some really nice prizes. We have a heated cat condo, and all-you-can eat dinner for six at Freddy’s Fish Factory, and a custom burrow for winter, and a couple’s spa day at Ruth’s Premier Salon and Day Spa. All told, we have ten excellent prizes.

Sgt Stripes: That does sound nice.  Did everyone here have to buy a ticket? How do you decide who wins?

Differences between cats and dogs: Cats Are Not Small Dogs

JJ: Most of them bought a ticket.They were given an envelope. Ten envelopes had a gold printed map, and the rest had a black printed map. The gold maps each lead to one of the prizes. The black maps lead to a bag of treats.

Sgt Stripes: Why are there so many animals here?

JJ: A lot of the animals who got treat bags are trying to help the lucky winners find their prize. The gold maps are very tricky.

Thomas Tabby: It looks like some of them have family and friends helping too.

How often do you find yourself talking to your pets?

JJ: That’s true. Since each map leads to a different prize, there’s no reason to fight.

Sgt Stripes  and Thomas Tabby returned to the main selling area. There were animals everywhere

Thomas Tabby: This didn’t turn out the way I expected it would. I thought it would be just animals bringing in old stuff.

Sgt Stripes: That’s true. But this is so much better.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

26

Do They Sell Fleas at a Flea Market?

 

You may recall that Sgt Stripes is on Thomas Tabby’s Communications Team. He is trying to figure out how something that sounded so good could be this far off track. He’s reading through a recent chain on the official Cheeseland social media account @CheeselandHappenings.

Giggles the Angry Cat

@cassiecat Can you believe what they’ve put up on the community bulletin board? It’s an ad for a Flea Market!

Cheeseland Sale

Do they really think any of us will go to an event sponsored by fleas?

What Makes Quokkas So Happy?!? — Well/Beings

@rexrover This is a terrible idea. Do you have any idea how many animals have suffered with flea bites? Or how many of us have suffered through an infestation?

@mimiminx I know we’re supposed to be some kind of ultra-tolerant, open-to-everyone kind of place, but this is ridiculous. Fleas are parasites. Why would we want to get anywhere near a flea?

@goofygiraffe It’s kind of confusing. Is a flea market a place where fleas sell stuff or a place to buy fleas?

Video Shows Curious Bear Cub Open Car Door to Get a Bite of Man's Sandwich  - Newsweek

@dabears It sounds like they’re running the thing, so I guess they’re selling stuff. But what would a flea have to sell?

@gingertom I’ve heard that they make flea farms so you can grow your own fleas.

@redthedog That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Who wants to grow fleas?

Buster the Puss in Boots!

@cassiecat That’s probably why they want us to bring stuff to sell. They know no one would come to their lame sale otherwise.

@pussinsandals I bet they’re trying to infiltrate Cheeseland to take it over. If they get enough of us there, they can jump on us while we’re busy looking at other animals’ stuff. They’re probably going to bring lots of pregnant lady fleas. We’re looking at a total infestation if we’re not careful.

@dambuilderbeaver Maybe the doctors are in on it too. They’ll make a fortune helping us get rid of the fleas.

Alligator Steps Up and Rings Doorbell of Florida Home Like a Traveling  Salesman - PetHelpful

@alexbear And some of us are allergic. They’re probably trying to ruin our entire way of life.

@alligatore They’re not even animals. I don’t think they should even be allowed in Cheeseland.

@fabfeline You’re right. We need to stop this madness before it gets out of hand. Our very existence may be at stake.

10 Sassy, Fun Cat Facts for Curious Owners

Moderator: Please do not make unsubstantiated accusations on this site. As a point of reference, the term “flea market” refers to a busy second-hand market where previously owned items are resold. The French humans have been having them for over 100 human years.

@fabfeline So why is it called a flea market if the humans invented them?

Moderator: No one knows for sure. Probably because used upholstered furniture would likely have contained fleas. France and other places humans have had fleas in their furniture. It’s actually kind of disgusting. Humans always blame us for fleas.

900+ Best SQUIRREL! ideas in 2025 | squirrel, cute animals, animal pictures

@roborobert That doesn’t make any sense. Why would human fleas be showing up at our fair? I think we need proof that there won’t be any fleas before we set up any tables there.

@artsyaardvark We need to talk to whoever put this thing together. How dumb is it to bring fleas to something that’s full of animals?

@supersquirrel Maybe we could invite some lizards for flea control.

Mad Orange Cat Angry Ginger Tabby Cat Hisses And Attacks Stock Photo  Download

@cassiecat I don’t think I want to be a part of something where I have to hire protection.

@dabears Agreed. We don’t want to be a part of anything that has fleas.

@gingertom Who’s responsible for this awful idea? I’d like to have a talk with them.

Cat Rolls up on the Neighborhood Crew and Screams like a Whole Mood -  Parade Pets

@tabbytude Isn’t Thomas Tabby responsible for anything that’s between the animals and the humans?

@elephantal I don’t think that includes animals vs parasites.

@tabbytude Maybe not, but I’m not going until someone guarantees there won’t be fleas everywhere.

Sgt Stripes calls an emergency meeting of the Communications Team. They need to save the flea market.

The council will judge you now : r/cats

 

 

20

Cat Council: Training Small Children

Sgt Stripes: Snoops, I’m worried. Mom said she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She still had her head. And she didn’t looks anything like a chicken. Do you think she’s gone crazy? Maybe we should get her a new mirror.

Snoops: She doesn’t really think she’s a chicken. That’s just something humans say when they’re really busy. Since Blondie’s been gone, she’s been watching the little humans as well as being our human. Plus she’s working and trying to sell her uncle’s house.

Sgt Stripes: Wow. That’s a lot. Maybe we should do a Cat Council and try to help.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. Maybe then I’ll start getting a sufficient number of pets and cuddles.

So the five cats held a meeting.

Snoops: Okay everyone. We need to find a way to help Mom be less busy so she can spend more time with us.

Gypsy: She needs some help with those little humans. Every night it’s the same thing: brush their teeth, give them a bath, read to them, put them to bed. She exhausted by the time we supposed to cuddle. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Angel: Well, the mornings aren’t much better. She gives us breakfast, but then she gets their breakfast ready, then puts clothes on them, lets them eat, puts on their shoes, and drives them somewhere. She doesn’t get back until dinner time. And then they need to eat dinner and play outside.

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like she needs help with those little humans. We need to share our experience with her so they don’t take up so much time.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. She doesn’t seem to have started them on hunting yet.

Onyx: That sounds like it is way overdue.

Snoops: I agree. I’ll need to give some of the mice who get into the house to her. It’s going to be tough to train the little humans. The most important part of hunting is patiently waiting. And they are not good at that.

Angel: That’s true. When they come in at the end of the day, they get grumpy if food doesn’t appear in front of them immediately.

Onyx: Maybe we should just catch the mice and let the boys chase them. Eventually they’ll probably get the hang of it.

Snoops: They’ll starve before that happens. I guess I’ll have to train them myself. I hope it goes better than when I trained Kommando. She thought they were toys.

Sgt Stripes: They are a lot of fun to play with. Until they stop moving.

Snoops: No wonder Mom thinks you’re related to her.

Gypsy: What’s the deal with the litter training? They keep having “accidents”. And no one ever puts them in the litter box to show them how to use it. It’s a little revolting to smell that.

Onyx: That’s true. But I am not sharing my litter box with them.

Angel: Me either. Maybe we can talk Mom into getting them one of their own.

Gypsy: Excellent idea.

Onyx: Have you seen how she bathes them? It is so inefficient. They get drenched in water, just to get some kind of bubbly stuff rubbed on, then they get drenched again.

Snoops: I think that humans have to get bathed like that. Their tongues don’t work right to do it our way.

Gypsy: Ugh. I am not cleaning them for Mom.

Sgt Stripes: That would be so disgusting.

Snoops: Yeah. I guess she’s stuck doing what she’s doing.

Angel: She needs to train them to eat kibble. They can get it out of the bin now for us, but they never feed themselves. It would save Mom so much time.

Snoops: That is an excellent idea. I think we’ve come up with some good ideas for Mom. Teach them to hunt, use a litter box, and eat kibble from the bin.

Sgt Stripes: Pawsome! More treats and cuddles should be expected soon.

28

Onyx’s Letter: A Rebuttal

 

Note from the Editors: We appreciate all the support Onyx received last week about missing Blondie. However the other cats feel that she was not telling the whole story. Sgt Stripes, in particular, would like to say a few words.

Sgt Stripes: I miss Blondie, but her going away has really upset the cat-to-human ratio.All of us have a primary human and a secondary human. Like my primary human is Blondie’s brother. He’s really smart, so we can call him Joe College (shout out to Snoopy). Mom is my secondary human.

Snoops: And my primary human is Mom, and my secondary human is Joe College. It was set up before Blondie and the boys moved in.

Sgt Stripes: When they moved in, we had to share humans. Mom is the most popular because she handles food and treats. But Joe College is really good about sharing his space with us.

Gypsy: Mom and I are sort of bonded, so she’s my primary human. Joe College has the best cat TV, so he’s my secondary human.

Angel: Blondie is my primary humans. I really like sitting with Joe College, but I like Mom a lot too. I guess they are both my back-up humans.

Snoops: Which brings us to Onyx.

Sgt Stripes: Yep. Blondie is her primary human. And she is VERY territorial. She ignored everyone else. She even got a nickname, Empress of the Night, because she is such a princess. She wasn’t really friendly to any of the other humans either.

Gypsy: That’s why it was such a problem when Blondie went away. The Princess didn’t have a back-up human.

Sgt Stripes: So she stole Gypsy’s.

Snoops: And mine.

Sgt Stripes: That is true. But Mom is your downstairs human. She’s Gypsy’s upstairs human.

Gypsy: It’s been really bad. She spends all of her time on Mom’s bed. Even when Mom’s at work.She’s taken over the bedroom. Nighttime used to be our cuddle time. Now I have to work around Onyx. And she is not easy to intimidate.

Sgt Stripes: That’s true. I’m three times her size, but she just ignores me. She even insisted on having some of my treats (beef and liver) even though she only eats dairy treats.

Angel: I think I have it worse. I am Blondie’s downstairs cat, but I spend a lot of evenings with Joe College. Since Mom is taking care of the small humans, they don’t have time in the evenings to sit in the living room. The only time I get cuddles at all is if Snoops and Sgt Stripes aren’t hogging Mom and Joe College.

Snoops: They are our primary humans. We should get to spend time with them.

Angel: We need another human.

Snoops: We have enough humans.  Besides, Blondie’s coming home in a few weeks.

Sgt Stripes: That’s forever in cat time. We need something now.

Angel: The small humans are pretty good at giving treats.

Gypsy: Only downstairs. We don’t get extra treats from them.

Snoops: And they are still kinda rough when they pet me.

Gypsy: They are not touching me. They are loud and run around. I’ve had to hide on the shelves in Blondie’s room.

Sgt Stripes: Isn’t that where Onyx hangs out?

Gypsy: Not while’s she hogging my spot on Mom’s bed.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds fair.

Snoops: I guess we’re stuck until Blondie gets home.

Sgt Stripes: Unless we can get Mom to quit her job.

Snoops: That’s what pays for the kibble and treats.

Sgt Stripes: Rats. Guess I need to take longer naps for a while.

31

Dear Human from Onyx

Dear Human

What happened to you? You’ve gone away before but you’ve always come back. The other humans said you will be gone for more days than all of us cats have paws. (5 cats x 4 paws = 20 days) They said you were safe and not to worry.

However, the big tabby and I are a little concerned. I’m you emotional support cat (your doctor said so), and he’s head of TheraPaws. We don’t think you should have gone on some kind of extended vacation without one (or both of us). Of course, Sarge and I really don’t get along, so I think you should have taken me.

Of course, I really hate to travel, so I probably would have needed my own support cat.It would have needed to be a different cat. I really don’t particularly like any of the cats who live here. Hmm. I wonder if Mr Google knows any support cats I could audition.

Things are getting really annoying around here. You know how we share the same bedroom? Since you’ve been gone, Gypsy wanted to move into your space. But she didn’t want to share with me. She wants to keep it for herself. Except when she goes to bed with Mom or does whatever she does in the male human’s room.

It would have been a whole lot quieter around here if you would have taken the small humans with you. They’re not continually noisy anymore, but there are times. Mom bathes them every night, but they still smell like human. You might want to look for some Eau de Chat before you come back.

I am seriously short on cuddles since this all started. I have to look for the other humans to get any attention. I’ve been spending a lot more time downstairs. It gets kind of crowded down there. I’ve been spending some time in the basement. I don’t really see why Gypsy likes it. It’s chilly down there.

Which reminds me. I do have a new favorite hangout. The inside porch has lots of spaces to hide and gets nice and warm. It also has excellent Cat TV. And sometimes one of the little humans holds the door open so I can go outside. The big humans don’t like that and always bring me back inside immediately.

I don’t really understand the fuss. Outside looks like a lot of fun. There’s a really big yard and lots of bugs and other things to play with. They said they’re afraid I might get lost. They also think I might get eaten, but I think they’re just trying to scare me. There are regular mice out there and big mice with stripes. Mom says those ones are called chipmunks.

Anyway, I miss you. I’m having trouble working out a timeshare with the rest of the cats to get in the rotation for cuddles with Mom. She seems kind of busy. I don’t have my own food and water like when you’re here. She keeps kibble and water in her room for any of us who want it. And she expects me to share a litter box. (That’s actually not bad. It’s really clean.)

Hope I don’t have to start auditioning new humans. I have you trained.

Purrs & Cuddles,

Onyx

15

Joey Cheshire and the Birthday Present

How to Take Care of Tabby Cats - PetHelpful

Joey Cheshire got an invitation to Isabella’s birthday party. (Yes, he is related to THAT Cheshire cat. However, he would like everyone to know that Lewis Carroll exaggerated that cat’s ability to fade away leaving behind his smile.) Regardless, Joey thought that Isabella was the most beautiful cat he had ever met and wanted to get her the perfect present.

Buy Premium Cat Jewelry| JBCoolCats

He asked his sister what he should get. She was friends with Isabella.

Joey: Sheila, what are you getting Isabella for her birthday? Can you help me think of something?

Sheila: I’m getting her a book. She likes to read.

Joey: That’s nice, but I’m thinking about something a little fancier. Does she like jewelry?

Dedicated Cat Parents Throw a Quinceañera for Pampered Kitty And the Result  is Everything - PetHelpful

Sheila: She was looking at a fancy tiara and collar set.

Joey: That sounds good. Let me check it out.

Joey went to the jewelry store and looked around. He asked the lady behind the counter whether they had any tiara and collar sets.

Salesperson: May I help you?

Jewelry store cat : r/ShopCats

Joey: I’m looking for a gift for the most beautiful cat in the world. She wants a tiara and collar set.

Salesperson: Hmmm. Perhaps she’d like something like this?

She showed him a set that was covered in tiny diamond chips. It sparkled when she held it up.

Joey: That would be perfect!

Do Cats Get Sad?

Salesperson: It is beautiful. However, it may be a little pricey for you.

Joey: How much is it?

The salesperson showed him the price tag. Joey couldn’t believe it. It was way more than he had. He trudged out of the shop, dejected. He went home to think.

Why Do Mother Cats Attack Their Older Kittens? 4 Vet-Reviewed Reasons -  Catster

Mama Cat: Hi Sweetie! How was your day?

Joey: You remember that beautiful cat I told you about?

Mama Cat: Isabella?

Joey: Yes. She invited me to her birthday party.

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Mama Cat: That’s wonderful!

Joey: That’s what I thought too. But the present that she told Sheila she wants is really expensive. I need another idea.

Mama Cat: Why don’t you get her a silvervine toy? Everyone likes those.

Joey: That’s not going to make a good impression. I want her to love my gift.

7 Health Benefits of Catnip for Cats – Based on Science - Catster

Mama Cat: You could give her some flowers. Or a catnip plant.

Joey: Thanks, Mom. I think I’ll keep looking.

Joey went to his room and laid on the bed. He was tired of thinking about the present and decided to take a nap. He dreamed about chasing a mouse. Joey thought it was a sign that he should get a mouse for Isabella. He tried to decide whether it should be plate-ready or alive. They were a lot more fun alive.

Can Cats Have Whipped Cream

He was in the middle of planning when he was called to dinner.

Papa Cat: How was everyone’s day?

Mama Cat: I went to a new shop today. It’s called La Crémerie. It has the best cream I’ve ever tasted. Soft cheeses too.

Papa Cat: That sounds delicious. What about you two?

Are Cats An Effective Mice Control Method?

Joey: I got invited to Isabella’s birthday party. I am planning on giving her a couple of mice.

Sheila: That’s a terrible idea. She’s allergic to mice. You might kill her.

Joey: Rats! Now I have to think of something else.

Sheila: No rats either.

8 Cats Who Love Fish In Honor Of 'Go Fishing Day' - CatTime

The morning of the party, Joey still didn’t have a present. He was walking beside the river and had an idea. He was sure that no one else would have the same gift.

Joey walked up to Isabella and dropped his present at her feet. She purred and rubbed his face.

6 Reasons Why Cats Groom Each Other | Heart + Paw

Pictures are courtesy of Google Images

29

Gypsy Katt and The Mating Game

Hey Everyone! It’s me, Gypsy. Hope I didn’t scare you with the title. This is NOT about me finding a mate. I have my buddy Sgt Stripes and that is enough mancat drama for me. I have something a lot more fun. 

I don’t know about the weather around you, but here it has not been great for watching Cat TV. It’s been humid, overcast, and HOT. The only time anything’s moving is really early and after dark. But I found something on that box the humans watch that is really good and made for the feline audience. It’s called The Mating Game.

The way it works is that a lady cat sits in front of a screen. Behind the screen, there are three guy cats all called Tom. The lady asks the Toms a bunch of questions, trying to decide which one she’d like to go on a romantic walk with. (If you live with a really old human, like Mom, they might remember the human version. I saw one show. The cat version is a LOT better.) Here’s some highlights from the most recent episode:

A cat sits on a stool with the word cat on it. | Premium AI-generated image

Lady Guinevere: Tom #1, describe yourself in three words.

Tom 1: Fun, adventurous, and fearless.

Lady Guinevere: Ooh. What about you, Tom #2?

Tom 2: Smart, quiet, and regal.

Viral Video of Two Stray Cats in Love Seen by 26M: 'Us in Another Universe'  - Newsweek

Lady Guinevere: Sounds promising. Tom #3?

Tom 3: Quiet, caring, and polite (for a cat).

Lady Guinevere: Very nice. Tom #2, describe a perfect evening.

Tom 2: We could go to a small cafe, enjoy some tuna and catnip tea, then go for a walk in the moonlight.

Lady Guinevere: That does sound nice. What about you, Tom #3?

Cats Who Love Salad - Messy Vegan Cook

Tom 3: I would bring you a mouse, then I would make you a shrimp and cat grass salad. I’d walk you home to make sure you arrived safely.

Lady Guinevere: Is that a live mouse or a toy?

Tom 3: Your choice, m’lady.

Lady Guinevere: You are a kind kitty. What about you, Tom #1?

Is It OK To Let Your Cat Go On The Balcony? - The Dodo

Tom 1: I would take you to my balcony and teach you how to jump on humans.

Lady Guinevere: I’m not sure that’s quite my style.

Tom 1: You’d love it if you gave it a try. Humans can yell really loud.

Lady Guinevere: Maybe. Final question. Tom #3, who’s your favorite human (living or dead)?

Tom 3: Definitely the one I live with. She doesn’t even get mad when I hack up a hairball.

Egyptian Mau Cat Breed Profile: Characteristics, Care & More - Modern Cat

Lady Guinevere: She does sound excellent. Tom #1?

Tom #1: Those Egyptian dudes. They worshipped us.

Lady Guinevere: Fair enough. What about you, Tom #2?

Tom 2: I think Isaac Newton. They say he invented the cat door/flap. A major convenience.

Host: All right, Lady Guinevere. It’s time to make up your mind. Any final questions?

File:Inquisitive cat.jpg - Wikimedia Commons

Lady Guinevere: Actually. I do. Tom #2, you sound very familiar. Have we met?

Host: I’m sure you’ve never met. We research our contestants thoroughly. There’s no chance you’ve ever met any of these cats. Are you ready to choose?

Lady Guinevere: I think so. I’d like to meet Tom #3. He seems like such a nice kitty.

They lifted the curtains between Lady Guinevere and the contestants. She looked at the three Toms. She was looks intently at Tom #2.

Lady Guinevere: Ewww. Tom #2 is my brother. That’s disgusting. I don’t want to go on a date with my brother!

Tom #3: Actually, you won’t be going out with him. You’ll be going out with me. You chose me.

Why is My Cat Gagging & What Should I Do? | Lexington Vets

Lady Guinevere: But I might have chosen him.

Host: Actually, a lot of our contestants have said that they wouldn’t mind going on a date with their brother. You might be a little overly sensitive.

Lady Guinevere: Yuck!

The credits start rolling across the screen.

23

Snoops: Get Ready to Dominate

Snoops here. I want to make sure that everyone is ready for June 24 (next Tuesday). Tuesday is Cat World Domination Day. Your humans will probably have something snarky to say about it. Like, “I thought you already run the house.” But this is bigger than our houses, this is world wide.

Cat Phone Stand

Cats have been working on this for a very long time. The Internet has made it easier to spread the word. All of those videos and social media post of cute kittens and adorable cats have gotten humans used to the idea that we are just adorable balls of fluff. They won’t even notice when we start to rule things for real.

Cat staring - staring post - Imgur

You can start by staring at your humans for a long time. It totally creeps them out. They’ll ask you if you want cuddles or food. Just keep staring

Do not become “trained.” Training is for dogs. We want humans to do what we say. Sit patiently ignoring them until they start doing what you want.

Why Do Cats Rub Their Face on Things?

Be sure to mark your scent on EVERYTHING. Rub your scent on all the furniture, clothing, and “personal items” that your human owns. Eventually they will realize that you are the leader.

Set up a cat chat group. You can support each other in your quest for dominance. Share tips and success stories. If you go outside, you can organize meetings.

Rusty and thr Broken Mug – Undina's Looking Glass

Remember that you are operating from a position of power. You are living in your home rent-free with someone feeding you and cleaning up after you. Even when you break something, all you have to do is look cute. Humans don’t expect us to feel bad about things. Use that to your advantage.

Free Photos | bossy cat

Humans believe that they came up with Cat World Domination Day. It’s all part of the plan. We let them think they’re in charge until our final plan is in place.

How to Pick the Best Treats for Your Cat | Forever Vets

The humans think they are smarter. As long as they treat us well, we will remain their pets. Beware of the things they try to keep us content in our current condition. We’ve trained them to treat us well:

  • Ensure the Food Bowl is Always Full
  • Offer a Variety of Treats
  • Give Affection on Our Terms
  • Provide Ample Entertainment
  • Always Comply with Our Requests
  • Avoid Using Squirt Bottles
  • Keep the Litter Box Clean
  • Understand Their Position in the Hierarchy (Still working on this one.)

20 Cat Breeds That Are Very Independent - Newsweek

They think that if they perform their tasks well, we will continue to be subservient. Many humans forget that we live together; they cannot control us.

Have a good World Cat Domination Day. It will bring us one step closer to true dominance.

Cat World Domination Day - June 24th - Cats of Cape Town

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

12

The Bears Flying Adventure – Part 2

Summer Wildlife Series: Bears - Gray Line Alaska

Dave and Dottie Bear are trying to fly with their two cubs to Yellowstone Park on a human-run airline. Things were going fairly well until they got to security and realized they had no identification. You can read Part 1 here.

The bears are standing in front of a sign telling them that they must have government-issued identification before they can get on the airplane. 

Myth: When Bears Lose Their Fear of People, They Become More Likely to  Attack - North American Bear Center

Dottie: Didn’t they tell you on the phone that we would need identification?

Dave: I don’t think so. Most of the conversation was about whether or not we would eat the other passengers.

Ethan: That’s dumb. We don’t eat people.

Most of the black bear's natural diet consists of berries, nuts, roots, and  insects. To gain enough weight for winter dormancy, black bears have to  consume about 20,000 calories a day! It's

Edgar: Yeah. My favorite food is blueberries.

Ethan: And raspberries.

Edgar: And honey.

Ethan: Mom, can I have a snack? I’m getting hungry.

Dottie: Not now. We have to figure out how to get through Security.

Bear photo a reminder for Tri-Cities to be aware of all surroundings -  Tri-City News

Employee: You have to move along folks. You’re holding up the line.

Dave looked around and there was a small crowd behind them.

Dave: Why didn’t they just ask?

Employee (whispering): You’re a bunch of bears. They don’t want your wife going all “Mama Grizzly” on them.

Paige 🗻 Alaska Adventures | Mama bears are on guard 24/7 trying to protect  their cubs. It was crazy to see how tirelessly they work to be aware of  their surroundings.... | Instagram

Dottie: What’s “Mama Grizzly”?

Employee: You know. Chasing them down so they don’t hurt your cubs.

Dottie (to Dave): I knew we shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with humans. They’re all crazy.

Dave: Sir, I can assure you that no one has better manners than my wife. The humans could have asked politely, and we would have let them past.

Everything You Need to Know About Bears in the Smoky Mountains | Gatlinburg  Cabins | Gatlinburg Cabin Rentals | Chalet Village

Employee: Please just move along and keep the line flowing.

Dave: But we don’t . . .

Employee: Just move along.

The bears move along as they were directed. They notice that the line is rather long but seems to be moving well. Before long, they are in front of a desk.

Brown Alaskan Bear standing up - Picture of Alaska Homestead Lodge, Lake  Clark National Park and Preserve - Tripadvisor

Security Agent: Please show me your boarding passes and identification.

Dave: Here are the boarding passes.

Security Agent: Thank you. Now I need to see identification for you and the lady.

Dave: We’re bears. We don’t have identification.

How to Answer This Trick Interview Question - Business Insider

Security Agent: You can’t get on the plane until I see your identification.

Dottie: I have school IDs for the boys. Will that work?

Security Agent: I don’t need identification for them. I need it for you.

Dave: No one told us we needed identification. We just get on the trains and buses.

Security Agent: We have different rules here. Sometimes people try to blow up planes.

Listen to 911 Call About Bear Cub

Dottie: I don’t want to get on a plane if someone is going to blow it up.

Security Agent: We’re trying to keep the planes from blowing up. Please step aside.

The bears move to the side while the agent talks to someone on the phone. Shortly another human appears and tells them to follow him. Dottie and the boys look terrified. Dave is getting angry. They are shown to a small room.

Tourist suggests Yellowstone National Park train bears for better viewing -  Cottage Life

Human: My name is Sgt Stryker. What seems to be the problem?

Dave: We’re trying to get to Yellowstone to see my Aunt Edna. She’s never seen the boys.

Dottie: I wanted to take the train, but the boys really wanted to fly. This was the only airline we could afford.

Dave: Nobody told us we would need official identification to get on the plane.

Sgt Stryker: That is the federal regulation.

Vince Shute Wildlife Sanctuary (2025) - All You Need to Know BEFORE You Go  (with Reviews)

Dave: What do other animals use?

Sgt Stryker: I’m not really sure. To be honest, you’re the first animals I’ve seen in Security. Let me make a call.

Dave and Dottie wait, trying not to let the boys see that they are scared too.

Sgt Stryker: Good news. I understand what went wrong. They sent you through the human line. You were supposed to go through the non-human security line. Let me take you where you need to be.

Dave: Thank you. That would be very helpful.

Honestly, it was pretty challenging working with a talking raccoon. 🙃🙃

They follow Sgt Stryker outside to a different building. They are relieved to see the badgers and raccoons again.

Rex Raccoon: We are really glad to see you. We thought maybe you got kicked off.

Dave: No. They sent us to the human line.

Molly Raccoon: The human line? That’s awful. They think that everyone might blow up the plane.

Wally Badger: They’re much more civilized on this side. And wait until you see the great section they have for us. Lots of space and plenty of snacks.

Pin by Olga Glazova on OG BEAR | Bear cubs, Grizzly bear, Grizzly bear cub

Edgar: Daddy, look! It’s our airplane. It’s huge!

Ethan: Oh boy! This is gonna be epic. Wait until we tell everyone at school that we got to ride on a big airplane with lots of scary humans.

Rex Raccoon: Don’t worry about the scary humans. They’re not allowed in our part of the plane.

Dottie: Thank goodness! Maybe this is going to work out after all.

File:Tired brown bear 050701 01.JPG - Wikimedia Commons

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

10

The Bears Flying Adventure

Walking Among Giants': A Writer's Introduction to the Grizzly Bear

Dave and Dottie Bear are planning a family vacation to visit relatives at Yellowstone, a huge National Park in Wyoming. will be traveling with their twin cubs Ethan and Edgar.

Dottie: I’m trying to decide whether it makes more sense to get a suite on the train or try to wrangle the boys in the club car for meals and just get sleeper seats. The sleeper seats are a lot more comfortable.

My favorite ad for the National Parks...love that bear and his backpack!!

Dave: How long does it take there by train?

Dottie: There isn’t anything direct from Northern Michigan. We need to transfer in Detroit. So it’s a little under three days, total.

Dave: That’s a long time for the little guys.

Dottie: Do you want to go someplace closer?

Adorable moment two bears were caught hugging on camera whilst playing | Nature | News | Express.co.uk

Dave: No. Aunt Edna really wants to meet the boys.

Dottie: Then I guess the suite is the better choice.

Dave: Don’t any buses go there?

Dottie: I am not spending 18 hours on a bus with 2 cubs.

Katmai National Park Flight Service (A Review of Bald Mountain Air) - YOUR ALASKAN ADVENTURES

Ethan: I know, Mommy! Let’s fly! (He was holding a toy airplane.)

Edgar: Yeah! That’d be cool! Like on Masha and the Bear.

Dottie: Honey, Masha and Bear have a train, not an airplane.

Edgar: The penguin has a plane cause he has to fly a long way.

China's Harbin Beer Campaign Teams up a Polar Bear and Chimp on a Plane | Branding in Asia

Dottie: Airplanes are really expensive.

Dave: I wonder how much it would cost. Can you check on it?

Dottie: Okay. Let’s see. Round trip on Airbear is more than the train suite. Animal X doesn’t fly there. Let me keep looking. Here’s one that’s reasonable. It’s called Mountain Mover. Have you heard of them?

Dave: I’m looking them up right now. Been in business since 2022. Looks like they were a cargo company before that.

US ends era of emotional support animals on planes

Dottie: It’s run by humans. I don’t think it’s a good idea to use a human company.

Dave: The pictures show animals and humans. They seem pretty happy.

Dottie: Are there any bears?

Dave: No. But that doesn’t mean anything. It won’t hurt to talk to them.

One Mama Bear, Two Cubs, and Three Filmmakers: Disneynature's Bears - The Credits

Dottie and the boys listen to Dave on the phone.

Dave: Hello. I’m interested in a flight from Marquette, Michigan to Yellowstone, Wyoming. I should mention that there would be two adults and two cubs. Yes, we’re black bears. Yes, we’re under 400 pounds each. I guess we’re technically omnivores. No history of attacking anyone. Excellent! I’ll talk it over with my wife. Thank you very much.

Dottie: What did they say?

An Orphanage for Grizzly Bears | Discovery

Dave: They’ve never had bears on board before, but there’s no rules against it. I think we should go for it.

Ethan: Please?

Edgar: Please?

Dottie: I really don’t like the idea of being around humans.

Dave: It’s the cheapest and fastest choice.

Dottie: I guess it makes the most sense.

Watch: Bear tries to get through sliding door to reach food - UPI.com

Their instructions say to arrive at the human airport at least 2 hours before the flight. They hire a BearLyft for the trip.

Driver: Do you know which door you need?

Dave: It’s Mountain Mover, if that helps.

Driver: Let me ask.

Attendant: I don’t know, but they’re not allowed here.

The Two-Second Solution That Keeps Stuff Safe and Bears Wild - BearWise

So it went until they got to the very end. It didn’t look promising, The bears got out and paid the driver.

Dottie (whispering): I told you this was a bad idea.

Dave: Relax. Look, there’s a couple of badgers. And a family of raccoons over there.

Dottie tried to smile at them.

North American raccoon | San Diego Zoo Wildlife Explorers

Edgar: Wow! This place is huge. Where’s our plane?

Dave: It says we have to check our luggage and go through Security.

Ethan: What’s Security?

Dave: I’m not sure. I know it’s supposed to keep us safe on the plane.

Watch: Gatlinburg theme park worker gets bear scare at concession stand

Dave joined the line to check in their luggage. Dottie and the boys sat on a bench nearby.

Agent: Hello, sir. You have a beautiful family.

Dave: Thank you. It’s our first time on an airplane.

Agent: Everything is set. Would you please step on our scales?

Dave: Why? No one else had to.

Weight - North American Bear Center

Agent: Just a formality. We have a passenger weight limit and you are a good-size bear.

Dave hesitated, a little insulted. Then he stepped on.

Agent: Excellent sir, a little under 300 pounds. Must be the fur that makes you look larger. Enjoy your flight.

Two Funny Black Bears Sitting on a Wooden Bench

When Dave got back to Dottie, she and the boys were surrounded by humans. They looked frightened.

Dave: What’s going on here?

Human 1: We’ve never been up close to a bear before.

Child: We want to pet them.

Human 2: Your cubs are incredibly cute.

Dave: Thank you, but you are scaring them. Please move back.

Adorable bear cub siblings hug it out after being reunited

Dottie: Thank goodness you came back. I was afraid they were going to take one of the boys.

Dave: Everything’s fine. Let’s find Security.

They followed the other passengers to a sign that said, Security. Please take off your shoes and have your boarding pass and government ID ready.

Dave: This is not ideal. We don’t have shoes and Michigan doesn’t give bears identification cards.

Bear Feet! | New Journey

Next week: Will the bears get on the flight?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.