Tag Archives: homeowners’ associations

20

The Gator Family vs The Homeowners Association

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Stan, Adele, and the Girls were visiting Uncle Stu and Amanda. They were sitting on the back deck overlooking the basking pool. 

Adele: This really is a beautiful place. I love the landscaping.

Stu: Thank you. Amanda is very talented.

Amanda: We did it together. We’re really lucky to live here. The Homeowner’s Association (HOA) here is very relaxed about what we can put in. The last place I lived, they were very strict with the rules.

Stu: That reminds me. You should see what the beavers a couple of streets over did. They put in some dams and waterfalls. It’s very relaxing.

Suddenly, there was a voice from the front.

Voice: Hello? Hello? Is anyone home?

Amanda: Maxine, we’re around back.

A cow and a goat came around the house. The cow spoke.

Maxine: Good afternoon, gators. I hope all is well. Effie and I are here to do our inspection for the HOA.

Amanda: What kind of inspection?

Effie: We’re just doing a tour of the neighborhood to make sure everything’s in compliance with our rules.

Amanda: We’ve been here over a year. Why are you doing it now?

Effie: The Board realized that we’ve been a little lax in enforcing our rules. Some of the residents are taking advantage, and we need to get things under control.

Maxine: You should have been expecting us. We sent out letters and emails.

Amanda: We haven’t gotten any messages.

Effie: Let’s see. They were sent to gatorguystu@animail.com.

Stu: That’s me.

Amanda: Let me see your phone, Stu.

She scrolled through his mail. She found a folder labeled “House”.

Amanda: Why are the messages in the House folder?

Stu: I put anything I get about the house in there, in case I need it later. I must have forgotten to read them before I filed them.

Effie: This won’t take long. We just need to look around outside and make notes about anything that doesn’t meet the rules.

Stan: What happens if something doesn’t meet the rules?

Maxine: It will need to be removed or replaced.

Stan: Even if no one has a problem with it?

Effie: Those are the rules. They signed the agreement.

Stu: Can you ignore what’s here now and we can follow the rules going forward?

Effie: Unfortunately not. There is entirely too much diversity in the yards here in Orchard Bluff. We want to present a coherent picture of who we are.

Stu: But this yard is who we are.

Maxine: But that’s not necessarily what Orchard Bluff is.

Maxine & Effie walked around the property taking notes. When they finished, Maxine gave Stu a list of things that needed to be changed. He was in shock.

Amanda: How long do we have to make these changes?

Effie: The entire neighborhood needs to be up to standard in 90 days.

Stu: Who do we talk to if we don’t agree with the changes.

Maxine: There’s a board meeting in two weeks if you want to appeal the changes. But the board has decided that we need to standardize the appearance of the subdivision.

They left and the gators looked over the list

  • Grass is higher than three inch maximum in the backyard
  • Unauthorized flag hanging in front
  • Unapproved pool in back yard
  • Unauthorized house accent color (green) 
  • Unauthorized flowering shrub
  • More than two shrubs
  • No rock gardens

Stu: This is outrageous! Alligators need long grass to lie in.

Justine: I can’t believe you can’t fly your Gator Nation flag.

Adele: And no alligator green on the house.

Amanda: It’s not a real pool. It’s just for basking.

Stu: What did they say? The meeting’s in two weeks.

Amanda: If we want to challenge anything. I don’t think it will do any good. We did sign the agreement.

Stan: What are you thinking, Stu?

Stu: I think it might be time to start organizing the neighbors.

Next week: The HOA Board Meeting

Pictures AI generated.

21

Springtime in the Subdivision – Part 2

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Protesting Cats | Occupy Cuteness seantrank.com | sean.trank | Flickr

Where we are: Fred Fido and two friends have volunteered to police the subdivision for outside violations of the Association’s code. Some of the other residents think Fred is taking his responsibilities a little too seriously. Jim Giraffe, the Association President, has called for a meeting to discuss the rules. See Part 1 here.

Jim: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for attending this meeting. We have some important business to discuss.

Al Angora: We certainly do. I want you to put him on a leash.

Angry Dogs Compilation - YouTube

He points at Fred, who bares his teeth.

Al: Figurative speaking, of course.

Fred relaxes a little.

Jim: Al, those are pretty strong words. Are you sure that’s what you meant to say?

Why Do Cats Hiss? | Cuteness

Al: Yes, I’m sure. He got Fluffy crying, and she begged me to come home and cut the grass. It wasn’t even a quarter inch over the required height.

Fred: But you admit that it was too long.

Al arched his back and sat down.

Peppi Pomeranian: I agree with Al. Fred is going too far. I was watering my lawn on the correct day when Fred came by and said that my lawn was wet enough.

Funny Dogs Playing With Hose Compilation - YouTube

Fred: She was wasting water. It was running into the street.

Peppi: That’s because I forgot to turn off the water when you and your crew started yelling at me.

Fred: So you acknowledge that you were wasting water.

Peppi growled and sat down.

Warm weather prompts early alligator appearances in Myrtle Beach ...

Jim: OK. Fred and his friends may have been a little over-enthusiastic. But that’s no reason to be hostile. Remember, he is volunteering his time, and the neighborhood looks a lot better.

Sarah Squirrel: I don’t care. We got a citation for having a lawn ornament. The “ornament” was my mother-in-law sleeping in the sun for a couple of days in a row.

Amelia Alligator: He did the same thing to me about my kids. He said he didn’t know that alligators have to bask in the sun to stay alive.

Meme Maker - everyone-talking-about-cats-and-im-like-bears-are-cool

Ben Bruin: He gave me a noise citation in the middle of the day. My neighbors didn’t call to complain. They know it’s just my natural voice.

The animals started to talk over each other, getting angrier as time went by. It seemed as if Fred had upset everyone in the neighborhood.

Cute animal picture of the day: baby giraffe

Jim: All right, everyone. Let’s settle down so we can discuss this like civilized animals.

Fred: I’m sorry if I offended you. I was just trying to be helpful.

Peppi: You used to be a good dog, Fred. We were buddies.

Amelia: Yeah. You were the first one to welcome us to the neighborhood.

12 Baby Skunks That Are Just Too Stinkin' Cute! - I Can Has ...

Some of the other animals nodded and shared stories.

Steve Skunk: I agree. But you still have to go. You complained about the smell in the house that was getting outside through the open window. Seriously, Fred? We’re skunks.

Al: Sorry, Fred. I agree with Steve. I want you to find something else to do with your spare time.

Fred’s ears and tail were drooping.

Do Dogs Grieve Other Dogs? – American Kennel Club

Fred: I guess I need to quit. You’ll have to hire a professional to do the job.

Jim: Wait a minute, Fred. I like your attitude. Let me think of some way we can compromise on this.

The animals groaned and looked at each other.

Al: You better think of something fast, or we’ll get rid of you too.

Black tabby is angry. | Turkish angora cat, Turkish van cats ...

Next week: Will Jim’s plan work and bring peace to Mountain Valley Estates?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

21

Homeowners’ Association Monthly Meeting

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Image result for cat at house

Forest Glenn is an upper middle class subdivision with a diverse multi-species population. Before moving in, residents must sign a contract agreeing to be governed by the decisions of the Homeowners’ Association.

Please find below the minutes from the August 1, Forest Glenn Homeowners’ Association Monthly Meeting.

The meeting was called to order at 7:00 pm. Approximately 30 homes were represented at the meeting.

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Horace Hogg, president of the Association, reminded everyone that the pool would be closed for the season following the annual Labor Day party. He wants everyone to be courteous in the dish they bring to the event. We do not want a repeat of last year when one of the guests saw a relative being eaten by other guests.

Halloween is coming. A reminder to residents: no decorations are allowed that flash, light up, or are offensive to other residents. Therefore, witches and pumpkins are acceptable, but no negative portrayals of cats or bats.

Image result for halloween decorations

Decorations are limited to the porch and front of the house. Real blood is prohibited due to health concerns.

There have been violations of several Association policies during the past month. If residents have not corrected the problem by the end of August, fees will be assessed.

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Grass must be no higher than 1 inch – Beau Bison, Shelley Sheep. Lack of appetite is not an acceptable reason for non-compliance.

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No lawn ornaments – Dolly Deer, Joe Jaguar, Bob Beaver. Lawn ornaments include (but are not limited to) gnomes, flamingos, and wooden “Welcome” signs.

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No buildings except a house and garage – Alan Aardvark. Buildings include sheds, tree houses and permanent play houses for your children.

trImage result for multiple flags on house

One flag may be displayed per house and no flags larger than 2 feet by 3 feet displayed from the front of the house – Edgar Eagle, Larry Lion. Flags include national flags, state flags, school flags, college flags, and club membership flags. Homemade flags are discouraged. Flagpoles are prohibited.

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Political signs are not allowed on lawns – Delilah Donkey, Edgar Elephant. These signs are considered lawn ornaments, and particularly tacky ones. No one cares who you are voting for.

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Only shrub fences – Tommy Tortoise. Any other material would ruin the natural beauty of the subdivision. If residents were allowed to use materials of their choosing, we would be faced with the possibility of something cheap and tacky. You know we can’t trust everyone’s taste.

Image result for animal on motorcycle

Quiet time between midnight and 6 am – Billy Bat, Harold Hyena. Nocturnal animals are welcome in the neighborhood, but must abide by association rules. Additionally, parties which last past midnight must be moved into the home. Vehicles with loud engines may not be used during the quiet period.

Some reminders for fall:

Image result for hedgehog in leaf pile

Do not burn your leaves. They may be used for mulch or saved in the backyard for burrowing relatives to use during the winter. The Association will collect unwanted leaves for the less fortunate.

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All plants must be trimmed back to no more than a foot tall before the snow falls. You are welcome to eat them yourselves or share with a friend. We will provide names of plant trimmers upon request. You may add small branches to your mulch or leaf pile if you wish.

If you are expecting relatives for the winter, fees are due to be paid no later than October 15. As usual, group rates are available.

The meeting adjourned at 9 pm. The next meeting will be September 5.

Image result for cats in fall