Category Archives: cats

21

Onyx Dishes the Dirt

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Hello Everyone. It’s me, Onyx. I saw that Gypsy and Angel were talking about me last week. I’m here to set the record straight. It is true that I got out of the house a few times while the weather was still warm. But I’m not the same cat who moved in here a couple of years ago.

Blondie rescued me from the Humane Society when I was young. We bonded and were pretty much inseparable at our old place. It was a good life. But it was loud and crowded. None of us really minded getting more space. Gypsy was a little overwhelmed, but she finally seems to be relaxing a bit.

After we had to move out, both Blondie and I were pretty traumatized, and we stuck together. When she had to go to the hospital the first year, I stayed in our room almost entirely. I generally ignored the “upstairs cats,” Sgt Stripes and Gypsy. I just hung out and waited.

By this summer, I was a lot braver. I started to go into Mom’s room and let her give me pets and treats. Blondie was gone for a long time. I decided it was time to explore the rest of the house. I really liked it on the freezer in the laundry room. I could watch everything from on high.

I’ve been making a lot of changes. I even eat wet food once in a while. I’ve discovered I like fish a lot. I like hanging out in the kitchen. You never know when something yummy is going to appear.

But enough about me. I have things to tell you about all of the cats. The really big news is that Sgt Stripes and Gypsy are a “thing.” They got close when they were both upstairs. But she’s the only one who really bonded with him out of all of us lady cats.

Gypsy has gotten pretty close with Snoops too. When Mom works from home, they tag-team so that one of them is always in her lap. And they don’t even hiss at each other to move. Gypsy has never been social. It’s weird/

Gypsy’s really spoiled. The heat is off in the house. (It’s supposed to be fixed on Tuesday – whatever that is.) Mom put a towel in a clothes basket so Gypsy wouldn’t get cold. Nobody offered me a blanket.

And that big tabby has stolen my prime spot on the freezer. One day, he just bounced out and took it. He’s done the same thing with my eating spot in the kitchen. He just jumps up and sits there in my spot. He is so rude! Mom told me to just ignore him, that he’s really gentle. She wouldn’t want someone three times her size to take her seat.

I can’t forget Angel. She’s pretty much okay. She really wants my spot with Blondie. She hangs out with her when they watch TV in the living room. Blondie is having foot surgery again soon, so she’ll be staying downstairs for awhile. I need to make sure Angel doesn’t steal my human entirely.

I think the last thing is that Snoops fell asleep on guard duty the other day. She was supposed to be making sure the cookies got safely put away. I guess she got bored. It was pretty funny to watch. At least she hasn’t fallen asleep on mouse patrol. She really is the only excellent mouser in the group.

I guess that’s all the news here. Hope you enjoyed the rundown.

24

Onyx is NOT a Most Excellent Kitty

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Gypsy: It looks like someone wants to turn the Belleville Three into the Belleville Two.

Angel: What do you mean? We’re finally getting along. I haven’t hissed at you in a long time.

Gypsy: Not you. Onyx. She’s acting like she wants to break up the team.

Angel: She has been acting a little weird, even for her. I thought when Blondie got home she’d disappear upstairs. But she’s been sleeping on the freezer or the bag of paper towels.

Gypsy: She even comes out for breakfast.

Angel: Yeah, and she doesn’t even eat wet food. She’s got Mom trained to give her treats in the morning.

Gypsy: Did you see what happened this morning?

Angel: You mean sitting in the sink?

Gypsy: Mom gave her a bowl of water in the sink so she would stop licking the faucet. Like she’s too good to share with the rest of us.

Angel: She’s not used to sharing. She used to stay in Blondie’s room all the time. She had everything to herself.

Gypsy: She’s giving up a pretty sweet deal. She was always treated like she was better than us.

Angel: It’s strange that she’s started going outside too. She’s been an indoor kitty her whole life. 

Gypsy: It’s pretty rude, if you ask me. Blondie spent her time away missing Onyx, and now Onyx is pretty much ignoring her.

Angel: Can you believe that she got out last Friday, and no one realized that she wasn’t just being anti-social? In the past, there would have been a massive cat hunt until someone found her.

Gypsy: Yeah. She had to come back herself the next day. Blondie was pretty frantic looking for her.

Angel: In the humans’ defense, she got out when it was dark and no one saw her leave. It’s been crazy around here. 

Gypsy: And the small humans still need some training. The big humans know to close the inside porch door before they open the house door, but the little humans can’t see to get it coordinated when they come home.

Angel: And it takes forever for them to go in or out. One little human opens one door and keeps it open while the other one comes in. They don’t seem to understand they are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Gypsy: Yesterday, one of them opened the door and went outside by himself when Mom drove up. Onyx was right behind him. Mom and Blondie had to track her down with treats. And she was really crabby when she got back in.

Angel: She is fast. And persistent. This morning Mom had to hold her back when our human brother went out. Twice.

Gypsy: Mom gave Onyx treats right before she left so she’d be preoccupied.

Angel: That’s a pretty good trick. She’s used it on Sarge too.

Gypsy: He’s not as dedicated to getting out as Onyx is.

Angel: I think Onyx is kinda dumb. It’s starting to get cold. Why would she want to go outside?

Gypsy: Agreed. The warm stuff is inside. And so is the food.

Angel: I wonder if she’s still Blondie’s favorite. She’s getting to be pretty high maintenance. She’s always been pretty annoying to the rest of us cats. Now she’s trying it on the humans.

Gypsy: Probably. She still has the small humans, and they are extremely high maintenance.

Angel: Good point. Onyx probably just enjoys seeing the humans chasing after her.

Gypsy: We are the only two who haven’t tried to escape this fall. That has to be good for our House Cat ranking.

Angel: Excellent point.

17

The Strategic Kibble Reserve

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Free Photos | Cats having a meeting

We stumbled into a meeting of Felines for a Better World, a shadowy group of some of the most influential cats in the country. They are also known as the Cat Cabal by some of their detractors. If there’s something happening national for kitties, you can be sure they’re involved somehow. The meeting is called to order by the president, Mr Tibbles.

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Mr Tibbles: Thank you all for coming here on such short notice. You are probably wondering why I needed you here.

Penelope: It was very inconvenient. I’m miissng my weekly deep muscle massage.

Theodore: It doesn’t have anything to do with the humans, does it? I hate dealing with human problems. They are so hard to control.

Zoe: Just when you think you have them trained, they do something ridiculous.

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Mr. Tibbles: I’m afraid it does concern the humans. Princess Zelda, would you please report on what you’ve been observing.

Princess Zelda: As the privileged class, you may not have noticed, but the price of kibble has skyrocketed. The humans have caused something called inflation. It makes the prices of everything go up.

Rocco: How does that affect us?

Princess Zelda: Where do you get your kibble from?

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Rocco: I’m not really sure. It appears in my bowl every morning. I have better things to do with my time than worry about who’s buying my kibble.

Maurice: You simpleton. Someone has to buy it at the store. It doesn’t grow on trees.

Rocco (offended): I’m not a simpleton. I know kibble comes in bags.

Feed Me': Cat's Hilarious Empty Bowl Protest Delights the Internet - Newsweek

Maurice: And someone has to buy those bags. Those bags are getting more expensive.

Princess Zelda: If you two are finished, I’d like to continue my report.

Mr Tibbles: Please proceed.

Princess Zelda: it’s not really an issue for kitties living the good life, but there are a lot of cats who are starting to be impacted. Some of them are being forced to eat cheaper kibble. And some are even getting their portions cut.

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Audible gasps around the table.

Theodore: You mean an end to the never-ending kibble bowl?

Rocco: And generic kibble? That’s inexcusable. We need to talk to the humans and get this straightened out.

Princess Zelda: We’ve tried. But they really don’t seem to be all that concerned.

Why Does My Cat Ignore Me? When to Worry - Cats.com

Maurice: That figures. All they think about is themselves.

Audra: So we need to take care of it ourselves?

Mr. Tibbles: I’m afraid so. We need to do something to get the prices down.

Zoe: You don’t mean…

Poured 50 pounds of cat food into a sealable container. Fat Ass over here thought it was just a GIANT bowl for him 😂 : r/Thisismylifemeow

Mr Tibbles: I don’t see where we really have a choice. We can’t have cats not ed the kibble they’re entitled to.

Rocco: That is the reason we created the Strategic Kibble Reserve.

Theodore: How many depots are there?

Mr. Tibbles: We have ten locations around the country.

A group of cats walked onto forbidden property, while one snuck away, refusing to be part of a secret society.

Audra: Is it going to be edible after being stored?

Mr. Tibbles: It’s been freeze-dried. It will be fine once it’s thawed.

Zoe: We need to be careful. Releasing too much will leave us vulnerable until we can restock.

Rocco: We need to make sure we have cats on the ground when we release it. We don’t want a riot. We are releasing excellent kibble.

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Mr Tibbles: I have created a distribution plan. I’m confident we can control the release. Shall we vote on it?

Maurice: I have a couple of questions. Are we involving the humans? If we do, who’s in charge?

Princess Zelda: We need to run this the way we ran distribution during that big human sickness a few years ago. Entirely through the

cat underground. The humans will get in the way.

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Nods around the table.

Mr Tibbles: Time to vote. All in favor? All against?

The motion passed unanimously.

Mr. Tibbles: All right. I’ll set the distribution in motion. Thank you for your time.

Support food distribution for community cats

Ed. Note: We would like to thank Bella Dharma and Bella Sita from The Bella Girlls’ Purrfect Pad for recommending us to their followers. Bella Dharma does a wonderful job of describing life with her humans. You can check it out here.

What Is a Group of Cats Called? Interesting Answer & Facts - Catster

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

27

Sarge and Snoops’ Big Escape

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Gypsy Katt here. We had quite the drama last week. We started out with five cats on Monday home with Mom while the men finished working on the basement. When our human brother got home from work, he saw a large grey tabby streak across the yard and head into the woods next door. We were down to four kitties. (Or so we thought.)

Onyx: Pretty ironic. They kept me locked up, and Sgt Stripes made a run for it.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t make a run for it. I sauntered out when I noticed the doors were open.

Gypsy: They were pouring something they called cement downstairs. They had to keep running back and forth between a noisy machine outside and the basement.

Sgt Stripes: I just wandered out. No one even paid any attention.

Gypsy: Humans are pretty careless sometimes. They thought that just because you’ve never seemed interested in going outside that you could roam around while the work was being done.

Angel: Yeah. They didn’t know how dumb you are.

Sgt Stripes: Hey! I’m not dumb. I wanted to visit my old hangouts.I know I have a pretty sweet deal here.

Angel: Then why did you run when your human came home.

Sgt Stripes: I think that was just a coincidence. I heard a really loud noise and took off.

Gypsy: All of the humans were pretty upset.

Onyx: Blondie even put it out on the community bulletin board.

Sgt Stripes: They should have just relaxed. I was just looking around.

Angel: You came back pretty quickly. One of the little humans went outside, and there you were. Blondie just had to pick you up.

Gypsy: That’s funny to watch. You’re a big kitty, and she’s not very big.

Sgt Stripes: It was extremely undignified. I would have walked in on my own if they would have waited.

Angel: You didn’t turn your nose up at the extra food and treats.

Sgt Stripes: I told you, I’m not dumb.

Snoops: At least they noticed you were missing.

Angel: I knew you weren’t around, but nobody listened to me.

Sgt Stripes: I tried to go back outside to get you, but they wouldn’t let me.

Snoops: I am the elder cat. The Empress of the House. And nobody noticed I was missing.

Gypsy: To be fair, you were only showing up for breakfast for a while there. You were spending most of your time in the basement.

Snoops: That’s what made it so awful. Those strangers invaded my safe space. And they made a lot of noise. I was just looking around when I ended up outside. Then there was a lot of noise, and then those strange humans closed the doors so I couldn’t get back in.

Angel: That sounds awful. Then what happened?

Snoops: I heard a loud noise and ran under the back porch. Next thing I knew it got dark and windy. After Sarge went back inside, it was just me. I heard the humans wandering around a little bit, but they didn’t hear me. I had to sleep out there.

Gypsy: Mom finally figured out that you weren’t in the house when she went downstairs and looked in your litter spot. Nothing was there. She was really upset. She went outside and called a little bit, but you didn’t respond.

Snoops: I didn’t hear her. She was in front of the house.

Gypsy: It was pretty sad. She was trying to work when she heard a car honk in the road. She went out and saw something in the road. False alarm: It was just a bunch of paper. But she went around the back of the house and started calling.

Snoops: I heard her calling, so I meowed. She heard me, but kept calling. I kept calling back. She finally got to where she could see me and she brought me back inside.

Gypsy: You’re a lot smaller than Sarge, so it wasn’t a big deal.

Sgt Stripes: But Mom insisted on locking both of us in different rooms while the workers were there.It was awful.

Onyx: She put you in her bedroom. She keeps food, water and a litter box in there. How tough could it have been.

Snoops: Yeah. I got put in the bathroom because it’s one of my safe places. You had a bed and a cat tree.

Sgt Stripes: I do not like being told what to do.

Gypsy: It’s your own fault. You should have been a good kitty and stayed inside like Angel and me.

Snoops: All’s well that ends well. At least the repairmen are finally gone.

20

Gypsy’s New Job

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Hi Everyone! It’s me Gypsy Katt. I want to tell you about my extremely exciting week. Mom didn’t go into the office this week, and I got to help her. I got to work with her for four days!

Angel: Why don’t you tell about the very annoying reason she was home?

Gypsy: I’m not really sure why but some guys came into the house every day and went down the basement.

Sgt Stripes: And they made a lot of noise.

Snoops: It was very annoying. I’ve been using the basement to get away from all the commotion upstairs. The first day they came in with some kind of really noisy machine and broke up some of the cement in the basement. It was terrifying.

Gypsy: It was really loud for a while. Even upstairs.

Sgt Stripes: Mom didn’t see you go racing upstairs. She thought the men had trapped you in the basement. She was going to go downstairs and see if she could find you.

Snoops: Well, that was dumb. She should have known that I didn’t make it to Senior Cat status by sticking around loud machines that could crush me.

Onyx: At least you got the choice. As soon as she realized they would be leaving the door open to the outside, she locked me in the study.

Gypsy: That’s because you’re what they people on human TV call a “flight risk.”

Onyx: Why would they call me that? I can’t fly.

Snoops: It means you’ve been trying to get outside all summer, and she couldn’t risk you getting out and being eaten by a big bird.

Sgt Stripes: Or a coyote.

Onyx: It was very undignified. And I got locked in Blondie’s room the rest of the week. I thought someone was going to let me out on Tuesday. There was a nice man who talked to me through the door.

Snoops: That must have been the man who scared me out of my hiding place in the upstairs bathroom. He did something to the sink.

Sgt Stripes: I supervised that work. It didn’t take very long.

Snoops: Mom says they can use that faucet now that it’s not leaking. That’s a good thing. They get the water for our upstairs fountain there.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. They weren’t really great about remembering to bring water upstairs.

Gypsy: Hello??!! We’re supposed to be talking about me helping Mom, remember?

Sgt Stripes: That’s right. So what did you do?

Gypsy: One of my big jobs was to keep Mom warm. It was kind of chilly with the doors open even though it was sunny outside. And I made sure she got enough cuddles.

Sgt Stripes: She’s kind of funny about snuggles when she’s working.

Gypsy: I did notice that. She was particularly fussy when she put things in her ears so she could hear her training while they were making noise downstairs and outside. Something about not being able to hear without them.

Snoops: I’ve seen those upstairs.

Sgt Stripes: Mom uses them sometimes when she watches humans TV upstairs. Although she got some different ones that don’t have wires so she doesn’t have to worry about us pulling them out of her ears.

Angel: That’s weird. I wonder why she didn’t bring those ones downstairs.

Snoops: I don’t think she likes to have them around the little humans.

Angel: That makes sense.

Gypsy: Back to me. I helped with some of the typing. I really like the thing she types on. It is really warm. And I can use it to call up something called an AI Assistant. It knows the answer to everything.

Sgt Stripes: Mr Google knows everything too. Maybe they’re friends.

Gypsy: Maybe. We can ask one of them.

Snoops: Did you get to be on any Zoom calls? I was really popular when I attended a few meetings with Mom.

Sgt Stripes: Yes. The people in her office really like us.

Gypsy: Sadly, she did not have any calls like that. In fact, she wasn’t on the phone much at all. She did have a lot of papers for me to sit on.

Sgt Stripes: That is true. I spent some time helping too. What was that new thing that you taught her?

Gypsy: I made her screen show everything in greyscale. No colors at all.

Sgt Stripes: That seemed to upset her for some reason. I think I look good in greyscale.

Gypsy: I don’t really know why it mattered. She said she needed the colors to tell when stuff was done.

Snoops: I hope those men are gone. I really don’t like having strange people in the house. Especially loud, strange people.

Gypsy: They’re coming back on Monday. I’m supposed to have two more days of helping Mom.

27

Onyx’s Human Returns

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Ed Note: You may recall that everyone has been awaiting the return of Blondie to get the house back to normal. She’s been back a week and a half but things don’t seem quite right yet.

Sgt Stripes: Hey Onyx. What’s going on?

Onyx: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes: You don’t seem to be very excited about your human getting back home.

Gypsy: Yeah. You were supposed to move back upstairs when she got here.

Onyx: I never said that. Everyone just assumed that was what was going to happen.

Gypsy: You said that was the reason that you kept trying to get outside. You wanted to track her down.

Snoops:You are acting pretty weird.

Gypsy: You never came downstairs before she left. You were the princess while Angel and I had to spend months in the sunroom.

Angel: They’re right. You always got special treatment.

Onyx: That’s because I’m the house panther. The empress of the night.

Snoops: You’re only empress when you’re upstairs. I’m the real empress.

Sgt Stripes: Snoops does have seniority. Why aren’t you back upstairs  with your human?

Onyx: I decided that I like it downstairs. I even have a new favorite spot.

Gypsy: You mean on top of the freezer? That’s a weird place to hang out.

Onyx: It’s actually very warm up there. I just need someone to put a pillow or a blanket or something down for me to lounge on.

Gypsy: You can’t see anything up there.

Onyx: I still go out on the inside porch. I just don’t want to go outside anymore.

Sgt Stripes: I thought you were some kind of emotional support animal for Blondie.

Angel: That was why you thought you were so special.

Onyx: I am special. But Blondie took me for granted.

Snoops: What do you mean?

Onyx: I was with her for all of the bad times. I never left her side. But then she disappears for two months and expects everything to be the same when she gets back.

Snoops: You know she needed to go away for a little bit to get healthy again, right?

Onyx: That what she says. But she didn’t take her emotional support cat. She deserted me. And I discovered that I can get cuddles from the other humans here. And all of the good treats are downstairs. I’m even trying wet food once in a while. And I really like it when Mom lets me drink out of the kitchen faucet.

Gypsy: There are definitely benefits to being on Mom’s good side.

Onyx: She spoils you. Every time you get really neurotic, she gets you back on track.

Gypsy: You’re just jealous because she gives me lots of cuddles.

Onyx: Blondie used to do that with me.

Snoops: Are you just going to sulk for the rest of your life? Why don’t you just go back to her?

Onyx: She needs to apologize. And promise not to leave me again. She was gone a long time. And she left those small humans behind. I’m really not fond of small humans.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t like them at first either. But they are excellent at filling the kibble bowl and giving treats. Even Snoops lets them pet her.

Onyx: Blondie knows where to find me if she wants to apologize.

Angel: That’s not really her thing. Maybe you should just forget about what happened and go back upstairs. Cold weather is coming, and she has the good blankets up there.

Onyx: I’m going to take a nap. Then I’ll think about it.

23

How Much Fish is Too Much Fish?

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A cat in front of a fish stall in a market in the sichon province of southern thailand | Premium Photo

You may recall that one of the prizes at the Cheeseland Rummage Sale was an All you Can eat dinner for six at Freddy’s Fish Factory. The lucky winner was Rex Rutford, an elegant tabby who invited five friends and family members to join him.

Our own elegant tabby, Sgt Stripes, joined them for the dinner. He speaking with Angela Rutford, Rex’s lovely wife.

Sgt Stripes: Hi Angela. Pleased to meet you. It looks like you are going to have quite a feast.

Angela: We are really excited to be here. Rex and I both love fish, and I’ve heard so many great things about Freddy’s.

Sgt Stripes: And who are your lucky fellow diners?

Cat Birthday Party

Angela: This is our son Fernando. And our neighbors Luke and Kitty, and finally, our nephew Tommy.

Sgt Stripes: I hope everyone’s hungry.

Fernando: I haven’t eaten all day. I’m starving.

Tommy: Me too. Fernando and I have a bet over who will eat the most fish.

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Sgt Stripes: Good luck to both of you. What’s at stake?

Tommy: The loser has to buy the winner a bag of their favorite treats. Mine are beef/liver.

Fernando: And mine are tuna.

Luke: What happens if I eat more than either of you?

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Fernando: I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Rex: It might. He’s bigger than either of you.

Tommy: But that won’t matter if we’re hungrier.

Luke: I still think I can eat more.

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Kitty: Luke honey, they just have a wager between friends. It’s not a challenge to you.

Luke: Nonsense. If they’re going to compete at the table, anyone at the table should be allowed to join.

Rex: How about it, boys? Can Luke be part of your challenge/

Luke: You should join too, Rex.

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Rex: Hmm. Maybe I will. What do you think, dear?

Angela: I think that it’s ridiculous you’re turning a nice dinner into a competition. With your son, of all cats.

Rex: It’s just for fun. The four male cats competing to see who’s the best.

Kitty: At being a glutton?

The complete guide to raising a kitten: Part 7 – 7 super simple homemade treats guaranteed to make one happy kitty - RSPCA South Australia

Angela giggled and looked at Fernando.

Angela: It’s okay, honey. I’ll buy treats for both of you if either of them win.

Fernando: I guess its okay.

They were interrupted by the waitress.

A Vet's Guide to the Risks and Benefits of Feeding Fish to Your Feline Friend | Holistic Vet Blend

Waitress: Hello everyone. My name is Ruby. Welcome to Freddy’s. Has anyone been here before?

Everyone shook their head.

Sgt Stripes: They won a free meal at the Rummage Sale.

Ruby: Excellent. Here’s how it works. You order your favorite type of fish. We’ll bring you two pieces to start. If you want more, put your plate at the edge of the table. I’ll bring you two more pieces. What would you like to drink and what type of fish would you prefer?

Waiter! Bring me food!

Angela: Goodness. That sounds like a lot of fish. I’d like mackerel and water, please.

Kitty: That sounds good. I’ll have the same.

Fernando: Tuna and water, please.

Luke: Salmon and water.

Tommy: Salmon and water.

Rex: Bass and water.

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Ruby: Thank you. I’ll bring two fountains for you to share and be back with your fish when it’s ready.

Luke: I think I like this place.

Kitty: Yes. They have a lot of choices. Does anyone want to go to the salad bar?

Luke: Not a chance. I’m going to be filling up on fish.

Can Cats Eat Fish? - Fish Cats Can Eat - Bella+Duke

Their orders appeared a few minutes later. The ladies were relieved to see that the portions were manageable.

Angela: This looks delicious.

Fernando: It tastes great too.

Kitty: And I like that they don’t try to stuff you.

How to Get the Cat to Eat: A Guide for “Picky” Eaters – Kahoots

The male cats finished their fish quickly and put out their plates for more. Ruby quickly refilled their plates.

Ruby: Would you ladies like more?

Angela: I think we’re set for the moment.

The male cats are the second serving quickly, but not as quickly as the first. Rex slowed down significantly at the end.

Cat sitting on a table 2025

Ruby: You boys ready for more?

Rex: I think I’m done, thank you. You guys go ahead. I’m full, but not too full.

Luke: Where’s your spirit of competition?

Rex: I want to remember this as a pleasant meal.

What to do if your cat gets away – Adventure Cats

Luke, Fernando, and Tommy set to work on their third plate. Suddenly, Luke sat up and ran for the door. The other cats watched him with surprise.

Rex: What do you supposed that was about?

Tommy: Classic scarf and barf, I think. He probably isn’t used to this much so quickly.

Kitty: Poor thing. I’ll go make sure he’s okay.

Rex: Guess I won’t be remembering this as a pleasant experience after all.

Baby Driver on X: "@mamblonumber5 The cat after eat your degree : https://t.co/f8xnXaJzNh" / X

Angela: Boys, I think you need to stop eating after this plate. I don’t want either of you to get sick.

Fernando: I’m not feeling that great right now either.

Tommy: Yeah. I’m done too.

Rex: What about the bet? It looks like you ended in a tie.

Angela: I’m proud of you both for knowing when to quit. I’ll buy you each a bag of treats.

Multi-cat Households | Useful Tips & Common Issues | Medivet

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

34

Gypsy Katt: Humans are So Annoying

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Hello. It’s me, your stressed-out dilute calico buddy. I’ve had a really rough week.

Onyx: Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? After all, I’m the one whose human is still missing. And no one is letting me outside to track her down.

Gypsy: That’s your idea of stress? You’ve gotten out a few times. It’s not my fault if they keep bringing you back in.

Onyx: I almost made it the last time. If I’d just made it under the porch in the back yard, I would have been free.

Sgt Stripes: Free to do what? You’ve never lived outside. You have no idea what’s out there.

Onyx: I need to find my human.

Snoops: Be careful. Some of the birds out there would just think you’re a tasty snack.

Onyx: Ugh. I hate birds.

Sgt Stripes: Some of them are rather tasty.

Angel: I agree. Especially the chicken-flavored ones.

Gypsy: Can we get back to me, please? I had a bad week.

Sgt Stripes: What happened?

Gypsy: Well, someone (looks at Onyx) stole my humans just as I was finally getting back to normal after the trauma of being down a human.

Onyx: Don’t look at me. You decided to move into Blondie’s room after she left.

Gypsy: Only after you moved into Mom’s room.

Onyx: I was lonely. You should have shared.

Gypsy: Shared what? You took over the bed. Besides, I didn’t really like it in Blondie’s room. The top of the bookcase was nice. And the food delivery was adequate. But I only stayed a couple of weeks. You could have moved back in.

Onyx: Nah. I need humans. Besides, you moved into the bedroom next door.

Gypsy: I do like Yam’s room.

Onyx: Who’s Yam?

Gypsy: You know. Young Adult Male.

Onyx: I never knew that was his name.

Sgt Stripes: Wait a minute. That’s my human. His name isn’t Yam.

Gypsy: It is to me. Besides, you never use those drawers under his bed. They are perfect for hiding from the little humans. And right across the hall from the kibble, water, and litter box.

Angel: Then you should have stayed there.

Gypsy: I would have, but I got kicked out. Yam had a guest and shut the door. It really was an unpleasant weekend. Both Onyx and Sgt Stripes were up there. And so were the little humans.

Angel: So what? That’s the way it used to be before the big tabby took over downstairs.

Sgt Stripes: I have a name, you know. And I didn’t take over anything. You kept watching me while I ate and intimidated me. Mom had to find me a place on the counter so I could eat in peace.

Angel: You are a drama llama.

Snoops: You two do need to get along a little better. At least Sarge and I can share space without hissing all the time.

Gypsy: Hello! This is supposed to be about me. Between you guys feuding and the small humans, my nerves were shot.

Onyx: Here’s the real drama queen.

Snoops: Be nice, Onyx. Gypsy went through a lot before you guys got here. And things have been very strange lately. Where did you go after Yam’s room?

Gypsy: I tried Mom’s room. But since it’s the spot for Storytime while Blondies’s gone, that wasn’t a good choice. The boys stress me out.

Sgt Stripes: They’re loud. But they do give lots of treats.

Gypsy: I really don’t like loud noises or being touched if I don’t ask for it. They make me very nervous.

Angel: Did you finally find a spot?

Gypsy: I did. I found a drawer in the filing cabinet in the study.

Angel: So why are you out here instead of your new spot?

Gypsy: This is where the annoying part of humans comes in. I can get the drawer open by myself on the outside, but it closes on its own.

Snoops: So you were trapped?

Gypsy: Sort of. The humans didn’t find me for two days.

Snoops: They were worried about you, but you kinda have a history of hiding when you get stressed out. They thought you were hiding in the basement rafters again.

Gypsy: Whatever. I cried a few times but no one came.

Angel: That’s probably because the other drama queen (looks at Onyx) talks non-stop sometimes.

Gypsy: I guess Mom got worried. She was going room-to-room calling my name. She thought she heard something, so she got our human brother to listen. He figured out where I was. I was really thirsty and hungry, but no lasting damage.

Snoops: We saw you got extra food and water.

Angel: And everyone came out to see what the fuss was about.

Snoops: That story had a happy ending. Why was it a bad week?

Gypsy: That was the perfect place to hide. I went back there after I’d eaten and drank. I thought I was set for the night.

Onyx: Let me guess. You were dumb enough to get trapped again.

Gypsy: I was just settling in for a nice nap when Mom opened the drawer and made me get out. Then they put a big box in front of the drawer so I can’t open it.

Sgt Stripes: They were trying to keep you safe.

Gypsy: They knew it was my hiding space. They could have checked on me every few hours.

Sgt Stripes: You’re right. I guess they’re not so fully trained after all.

Ed Note – We would like to apologize to all of our bloggy friends. We have been living in chaos for a few weeks now and have fallen behind reading other blogs. We are in the process of catching up. In addition, we have not been able to access some blogs that are sent on Jetpack. (It’s very weird. We can read some on our computer, but others are only accessible on the phone.) We thought it was  a Jetpack issue. It’s actually a Chromebook issue. Please bear with us as we sift through everything.

29

The Cats’ Spa Day

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Today we are joining the lucky kitties who won the spa day at the Cheeseland Rummage Sale. Gypsy is with Leo and Ophelia at the counter of Ruth’s Premier Salon & Day Spa.

Gypsy: Hi guys. Looks like you couldn’t wait to get your spa day.

Ophelia: We are so excited. Neither of us has ever done anything like this.

Leo: I just hope they’re ready for a couple of Maine Coons. We are bigger than the average cat.

Ophelia: Don’t be silly. They have dog clients too. We can’t possibly be bigger than the dogs who come in here.

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Leo: That’s true. Although the website did say that they have “spaces” for animals of many sizes. And the pictured cats all look to be her size. (He points at Gypsy.)

Gypsy: I’m sure they wouldn’t have given out a prize that you can’t use. Let’s ask the receptionist. She just came back.

The receptionist is a very elegant Irish Wolfhound.

Gypsy: Good morning, Giselle. Are you well?

Giselle: Very well, thank you. Who are these beautiful kitties?

Watch: This video of a cat enjoying a spa session is the best thing you'll see today | PetsRadar

Gypsy: This is Ophelia and Leo. They won the spa day at the Rummage Sale.

Giselle: How wonderful! Let me tell you about your day. You will start with a light snack of salmon mousse and spring water. That will be followed by a gentle body massage. You will spend time in the sauna, followed by a quick dip in the pool before facials to energize your skin for more luxurious facial fur. Then it’s another light snack, followed by a full body massage. You will end with an all-over grooming session.

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Ophelia: Ooh. That sounds wonderful!

Leo: Are to able to handle bigger kitties like us?

Giselle comes out from behind the counter and looks closely at the cats. Tipping the scales at 95 pounds herself, she is not a good judge of smaller animals. She is much larger than either of them.

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Giselle: We certainly can handle the size. I use the facility myself. However, you are definitely larger than our standard cat client. We normally don’t mix our cat and dog clients. Let me check with someone.

Giselle disappears into the back. Ophelia looks at Gypsy.

Ophelia: Can we get our money back if they can’t take us?

Leo: Don’t worry yet. Let’s see what she finds out.

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Giselle comes out with a large tabby.

Giselle: This is Max. He can help you.

Leo: Are we too big for the cat spa?

Max looks them over, then looks at his phone.

Max: Absolutely not. Follow me.

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Once they’re inside the spa, he whispers.

Max: I don’t know why they put her out there. Excellent worker, terrible communication skills. You will love it here.

Ophelia and Leo were extremely relaxed after the snack and light massage. Max took them to the sauna next.

Leo: I’m not sure this is a good idea. We have a lot of fur.

Our cat loves the sauna. | SaunaTimes

Max: You will love the way you feel. It really opens up your pores. When you jump in the pool afterwards, you will really feel refreshed. Or you can skip the water. Some cats really don’t like water.

Ophelia: This really seems like a human thing. It doesn’t sound good for anyone covered in fur. Do animals really enjoy it?

Max: Honestly, I don’t know. We opened it a few weeks ago, and no one has chosen to use it. We’re certainly not going to force you. Would you like to skip the pool as well.

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Leo: Oh, no. We love water.

Ophelia and Leo jump into the pool and play around for several minutes. They shake off the water and follow Max to their facials. They are seated next to each other. The door opens, and they hear a voice behind them.

Voice: Hello. My name is Erin, and I will be doing your facials this morning. Just sit back, close your eyes, and relax.

CAT SPA DAY ASMR

Ophelia and Leo settle in. Ophelia hears a loud splat. She opens her eyes just as the second splat lands on her face.

Ophelia: Eww! What are you doing?

Erin: You’re getting a yogurt and seaweed facial. It’s the latest thing, and your face will look amazing.

Leo: And it tastes pretty good too.

A cat getting a facial with face roller | Facebook

Ophelia: You know our faces are covered with fur, right?

Erin: Of course. Just relax and let me massage it all over your face. You won’t believe how soft your fur will be.

Ophelia tried to relax. The massaging did feel good. But she really didn’t;t like her fur feeling gooey. Leo began purring. Obviously, he wasn’t concerned about the mess in his fur.

Give My Kittens a Facial Spa To Keep Their Cute

Erin: Okay. Now we leave the masque on for 20 minutes to let it do its magic. Most kitties sleep through it.

Leo: That sounds like a good idea.

Ophelia tried not to touch her face. Finally she relaxed and took a nap. Next thing they knew, Erin was back pouring something into a bowl. It smelled nice, like mint.

Erin: Now I’m going to put a warm, wet towel on your faces to soften the masque.

Maine Coon Cat Face - Free photo on Pixabay

Ophelia and Leo were too relaxed to care and the towel felt good.

Erin: That’s good. Now for a quick rinse with spring water followed by a quick massage.

Both Leo and Ophelia felt great and a quick look in the mirror showed that their facial fur looked wonderful. They had another quick snack followed by a full body massage. Afterwards, they were joined by Max.

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Max: How’s it going? Enjoying your day?

Ophelia: Oh yes, it’s been amazing. I don’t remember the last time I felt so pampered.

Leo: Me too. This is great.

Max: I’m glad to hear that. Your final stop is with the groomers. It’s a quick bath with shampoo and fur conditioner, a little trim, and a manicure for all paws. Finally, a warm, dry towel to make sure you are picture perfect.

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Gypsy had been waiting in the lobby to get “after” shots of the freshly groomed pair. Suddenly she heard loud hissing and growling. Ophelia and Leo came running out.

Ophelia: You said “a little trim. This is not a little trim.

Leo: It certainly is not. You butchered my fur. You’re lucky I didn’t pay for this. We are never coming back.

Gypsy looked at them and tried not to laugh.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images. 

20

Cat Council: Training Small Children

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Sgt Stripes: Snoops, I’m worried. Mom said she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She still had her head. And she didn’t looks anything like a chicken. Do you think she’s gone crazy? Maybe we should get her a new mirror.

Snoops: She doesn’t really think she’s a chicken. That’s just something humans say when they’re really busy. Since Blondie’s been gone, she’s been watching the little humans as well as being our human. Plus she’s working and trying to sell her uncle’s house.

Sgt Stripes: Wow. That’s a lot. Maybe we should do a Cat Council and try to help.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. Maybe then I’ll start getting a sufficient number of pets and cuddles.

So the five cats held a meeting.

Snoops: Okay everyone. We need to find a way to help Mom be less busy so she can spend more time with us.

Gypsy: She needs some help with those little humans. Every night it’s the same thing: brush their teeth, give them a bath, read to them, put them to bed. She exhausted by the time we supposed to cuddle. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Angel: Well, the mornings aren’t much better. She gives us breakfast, but then she gets their breakfast ready, then puts clothes on them, lets them eat, puts on their shoes, and drives them somewhere. She doesn’t get back until dinner time. And then they need to eat dinner and play outside.

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like she needs help with those little humans. We need to share our experience with her so they don’t take up so much time.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. She doesn’t seem to have started them on hunting yet.

Onyx: That sounds like it is way overdue.

Snoops: I agree. I’ll need to give some of the mice who get into the house to her. It’s going to be tough to train the little humans. The most important part of hunting is patiently waiting. And they are not good at that.

Angel: That’s true. When they come in at the end of the day, they get grumpy if food doesn’t appear in front of them immediately.

Onyx: Maybe we should just catch the mice and let the boys chase them. Eventually they’ll probably get the hang of it.

Snoops: They’ll starve before that happens. I guess I’ll have to train them myself. I hope it goes better than when I trained Kommando. She thought they were toys.

Sgt Stripes: They are a lot of fun to play with. Until they stop moving.

Snoops: No wonder Mom thinks you’re related to her.

Gypsy: What’s the deal with the litter training? They keep having “accidents”. And no one ever puts them in the litter box to show them how to use it. It’s a little revolting to smell that.

Onyx: That’s true. But I am not sharing my litter box with them.

Angel: Me either. Maybe we can talk Mom into getting them one of their own.

Gypsy: Excellent idea.

Onyx: Have you seen how she bathes them? It is so inefficient. They get drenched in water, just to get some kind of bubbly stuff rubbed on, then they get drenched again.

Snoops: I think that humans have to get bathed like that. Their tongues don’t work right to do it our way.

Gypsy: Ugh. I am not cleaning them for Mom.

Sgt Stripes: That would be so disgusting.

Snoops: Yeah. I guess she’s stuck doing what she’s doing.

Angel: She needs to train them to eat kibble. They can get it out of the bin now for us, but they never feed themselves. It would save Mom so much time.

Snoops: That is an excellent idea. I think we’ve come up with some good ideas for Mom. Teach them to hunt, use a litter box, and eat kibble from the bin.

Sgt Stripes: Pawsome! More treats and cuddles should be expected soon.