Category Archives: cats

23

How Much Fish is Too Much Fish?

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A cat in front of a fish stall in a market in the sichon province of southern thailand | Premium Photo

You may recall that one of the prizes at the Cheeseland Rummage Sale was an All you Can eat dinner for six at Freddy’s Fish Factory. The lucky winner was Rex Rutford, an elegant tabby who invited five friends and family members to join him.

Our own elegant tabby, Sgt Stripes, joined them for the dinner. He speaking with Angela Rutford, Rex’s lovely wife.

Sgt Stripes: Hi Angela. Pleased to meet you. It looks like you are going to have quite a feast.

Angela: We are really excited to be here. Rex and I both love fish, and I’ve heard so many great things about Freddy’s.

Sgt Stripes: And who are your lucky fellow diners?

Cat Birthday Party

Angela: This is our son Fernando. And our neighbors Luke and Kitty, and finally, our nephew Tommy.

Sgt Stripes: I hope everyone’s hungry.

Fernando: I haven’t eaten all day. I’m starving.

Tommy: Me too. Fernando and I have a bet over who will eat the most fish.

How to Make All-Natural Pet Treats| VetriMark

Sgt Stripes: Good luck to both of you. What’s at stake?

Tommy: The loser has to buy the winner a bag of their favorite treats. Mine are beef/liver.

Fernando: And mine are tuna.

Luke: What happens if I eat more than either of you?

Chartreux - Wikipedia

Fernando: I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Rex: It might. He’s bigger than either of you.

Tommy: But that won’t matter if we’re hungrier.

Luke: I still think I can eat more.

Some Facts About Cats Talking To Each Other

Kitty: Luke honey, they just have a wager between friends. It’s not a challenge to you.

Luke: Nonsense. If they’re going to compete at the table, anyone at the table should be allowed to join.

Rex: How about it, boys? Can Luke be part of your challenge/

Luke: You should join too, Rex.

2,700+ Four Cats Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock | Cat lady

Rex: Hmm. Maybe I will. What do you think, dear?

Angela: I think that it’s ridiculous you’re turning a nice dinner into a competition. With your son, of all cats.

Rex: It’s just for fun. The four male cats competing to see who’s the best.

Kitty: At being a glutton?

The complete guide to raising a kitten: Part 7 – 7 super simple homemade treats guaranteed to make one happy kitty - RSPCA South Australia

Angela giggled and looked at Fernando.

Angela: It’s okay, honey. I’ll buy treats for both of you if either of them win.

Fernando: I guess its okay.

They were interrupted by the waitress.

A Vet's Guide to the Risks and Benefits of Feeding Fish to Your Feline Friend | Holistic Vet Blend

Waitress: Hello everyone. My name is Ruby. Welcome to Freddy’s. Has anyone been here before?

Everyone shook their head.

Sgt Stripes: They won a free meal at the Rummage Sale.

Ruby: Excellent. Here’s how it works. You order your favorite type of fish. We’ll bring you two pieces to start. If you want more, put your plate at the edge of the table. I’ll bring you two more pieces. What would you like to drink and what type of fish would you prefer?

Waiter! Bring me food!

Angela: Goodness. That sounds like a lot of fish. I’d like mackerel and water, please.

Kitty: That sounds good. I’ll have the same.

Fernando: Tuna and water, please.

Luke: Salmon and water.

Tommy: Salmon and water.

Rex: Bass and water.

Why Do Cats Paw at Water? - Reasons a Cat Plays With Their Water Bowl

Ruby: Thank you. I’ll bring two fountains for you to share and be back with your fish when it’s ready.

Luke: I think I like this place.

Kitty: Yes. They have a lot of choices. Does anyone want to go to the salad bar?

Luke: Not a chance. I’m going to be filling up on fish.

Can Cats Eat Fish? - Fish Cats Can Eat - Bella+Duke

Their orders appeared a few minutes later. The ladies were relieved to see that the portions were manageable.

Angela: This looks delicious.

Fernando: It tastes great too.

Kitty: And I like that they don’t try to stuff you.

How to Get the Cat to Eat: A Guide for “Picky” Eaters – Kahoots

The male cats finished their fish quickly and put out their plates for more. Ruby quickly refilled their plates.

Ruby: Would you ladies like more?

Angela: I think we’re set for the moment.

The male cats are the second serving quickly, but not as quickly as the first. Rex slowed down significantly at the end.

Cat sitting on a table 2025

Ruby: You boys ready for more?

Rex: I think I’m done, thank you. You guys go ahead. I’m full, but not too full.

Luke: Where’s your spirit of competition?

Rex: I want to remember this as a pleasant meal.

What to do if your cat gets away – Adventure Cats

Luke, Fernando, and Tommy set to work on their third plate. Suddenly, Luke sat up and ran for the door. The other cats watched him with surprise.

Rex: What do you supposed that was about?

Tommy: Classic scarf and barf, I think. He probably isn’t used to this much so quickly.

Kitty: Poor thing. I’ll go make sure he’s okay.

Rex: Guess I won’t be remembering this as a pleasant experience after all.

Baby Driver on X: "@mamblonumber5 The cat after eat your degree : https://t.co/f8xnXaJzNh" / X

Angela: Boys, I think you need to stop eating after this plate. I don’t want either of you to get sick.

Fernando: I’m not feeling that great right now either.

Tommy: Yeah. I’m done too.

Rex: What about the bet? It looks like you ended in a tie.

Angela: I’m proud of you both for knowing when to quit. I’ll buy you each a bag of treats.

Multi-cat Households | Useful Tips & Common Issues | Medivet

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

34

Gypsy Katt: Humans are So Annoying

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Hello. It’s me, your stressed-out dilute calico buddy. I’ve had a really rough week.

Onyx: Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? After all, I’m the one whose human is still missing. And no one is letting me outside to track her down.

Gypsy: That’s your idea of stress? You’ve gotten out a few times. It’s not my fault if they keep bringing you back in.

Onyx: I almost made it the last time. If I’d just made it under the porch in the back yard, I would have been free.

Sgt Stripes: Free to do what? You’ve never lived outside. You have no idea what’s out there.

Onyx: I need to find my human.

Snoops: Be careful. Some of the birds out there would just think you’re a tasty snack.

Onyx: Ugh. I hate birds.

Sgt Stripes: Some of them are rather tasty.

Angel: I agree. Especially the chicken-flavored ones.

Gypsy: Can we get back to me, please? I had a bad week.

Sgt Stripes: What happened?

Gypsy: Well, someone (looks at Onyx) stole my humans just as I was finally getting back to normal after the trauma of being down a human.

Onyx: Don’t look at me. You decided to move into Blondie’s room after she left.

Gypsy: Only after you moved into Mom’s room.

Onyx: I was lonely. You should have shared.

Gypsy: Shared what? You took over the bed. Besides, I didn’t really like it in Blondie’s room. The top of the bookcase was nice. And the food delivery was adequate. But I only stayed a couple of weeks. You could have moved back in.

Onyx: Nah. I need humans. Besides, you moved into the bedroom next door.

Gypsy: I do like Yam’s room.

Onyx: Who’s Yam?

Gypsy: You know. Young Adult Male.

Onyx: I never knew that was his name.

Sgt Stripes: Wait a minute. That’s my human. His name isn’t Yam.

Gypsy: It is to me. Besides, you never use those drawers under his bed. They are perfect for hiding from the little humans. And right across the hall from the kibble, water, and litter box.

Angel: Then you should have stayed there.

Gypsy: I would have, but I got kicked out. Yam had a guest and shut the door. It really was an unpleasant weekend. Both Onyx and Sgt Stripes were up there. And so were the little humans.

Angel: So what? That’s the way it used to be before the big tabby took over downstairs.

Sgt Stripes: I have a name, you know. And I didn’t take over anything. You kept watching me while I ate and intimidated me. Mom had to find me a place on the counter so I could eat in peace.

Angel: You are a drama llama.

Snoops: You two do need to get along a little better. At least Sarge and I can share space without hissing all the time.

Gypsy: Hello! This is supposed to be about me. Between you guys feuding and the small humans, my nerves were shot.

Onyx: Here’s the real drama queen.

Snoops: Be nice, Onyx. Gypsy went through a lot before you guys got here. And things have been very strange lately. Where did you go after Yam’s room?

Gypsy: I tried Mom’s room. But since it’s the spot for Storytime while Blondies’s gone, that wasn’t a good choice. The boys stress me out.

Sgt Stripes: They’re loud. But they do give lots of treats.

Gypsy: I really don’t like loud noises or being touched if I don’t ask for it. They make me very nervous.

Angel: Did you finally find a spot?

Gypsy: I did. I found a drawer in the filing cabinet in the study.

Angel: So why are you out here instead of your new spot?

Gypsy: This is where the annoying part of humans comes in. I can get the drawer open by myself on the outside, but it closes on its own.

Snoops: So you were trapped?

Gypsy: Sort of. The humans didn’t find me for two days.

Snoops: They were worried about you, but you kinda have a history of hiding when you get stressed out. They thought you were hiding in the basement rafters again.

Gypsy: Whatever. I cried a few times but no one came.

Angel: That’s probably because the other drama queen (looks at Onyx) talks non-stop sometimes.

Gypsy: I guess Mom got worried. She was going room-to-room calling my name. She thought she heard something, so she got our human brother to listen. He figured out where I was. I was really thirsty and hungry, but no lasting damage.

Snoops: We saw you got extra food and water.

Angel: And everyone came out to see what the fuss was about.

Snoops: That story had a happy ending. Why was it a bad week?

Gypsy: That was the perfect place to hide. I went back there after I’d eaten and drank. I thought I was set for the night.

Onyx: Let me guess. You were dumb enough to get trapped again.

Gypsy: I was just settling in for a nice nap when Mom opened the drawer and made me get out. Then they put a big box in front of the drawer so I can’t open it.

Sgt Stripes: They were trying to keep you safe.

Gypsy: They knew it was my hiding space. They could have checked on me every few hours.

Sgt Stripes: You’re right. I guess they’re not so fully trained after all.

Ed Note – We would like to apologize to all of our bloggy friends. We have been living in chaos for a few weeks now and have fallen behind reading other blogs. We are in the process of catching up. In addition, we have not been able to access some blogs that are sent on Jetpack. (It’s very weird. We can read some on our computer, but others are only accessible on the phone.) We thought it was  a Jetpack issue. It’s actually a Chromebook issue. Please bear with us as we sift through everything.

29

The Cats’ Spa Day

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Today we are joining the lucky kitties who won the spa day at the Cheeseland Rummage Sale. Gypsy is with Leo and Ophelia at the counter of Ruth’s Premier Salon & Day Spa.

Gypsy: Hi guys. Looks like you couldn’t wait to get your spa day.

Ophelia: We are so excited. Neither of us has ever done anything like this.

Leo: I just hope they’re ready for a couple of Maine Coons. We are bigger than the average cat.

Ophelia: Don’t be silly. They have dog clients too. We can’t possibly be bigger than the dogs who come in here.

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Leo: That’s true. Although the website did say that they have “spaces” for animals of many sizes. And the pictured cats all look to be her size. (He points at Gypsy.)

Gypsy: I’m sure they wouldn’t have given out a prize that you can’t use. Let’s ask the receptionist. She just came back.

The receptionist is a very elegant Irish Wolfhound.

Gypsy: Good morning, Giselle. Are you well?

Giselle: Very well, thank you. Who are these beautiful kitties?

Watch: This video of a cat enjoying a spa session is the best thing you'll see today | PetsRadar

Gypsy: This is Ophelia and Leo. They won the spa day at the Rummage Sale.

Giselle: How wonderful! Let me tell you about your day. You will start with a light snack of salmon mousse and spring water. That will be followed by a gentle body massage. You will spend time in the sauna, followed by a quick dip in the pool before facials to energize your skin for more luxurious facial fur. Then it’s another light snack, followed by a full body massage. You will end with an all-over grooming session.

Maine Coon | Breed Info and Advice | zooplus Magazine

Ophelia: Ooh. That sounds wonderful!

Leo: Are to able to handle bigger kitties like us?

Giselle comes out from behind the counter and looks closely at the cats. Tipping the scales at 95 pounds herself, she is not a good judge of smaller animals. She is much larger than either of them.

Maine Coon Cat Friend Paw Sad Photo Background And Picture For Free Download - Pngtree

Giselle: We certainly can handle the size. I use the facility myself. However, you are definitely larger than our standard cat client. We normally don’t mix our cat and dog clients. Let me check with someone.

Giselle disappears into the back. Ophelia looks at Gypsy.

Ophelia: Can we get our money back if they can’t take us?

Leo: Don’t worry yet. Let’s see what she finds out.

nci2326-almond-female-adult-grey-tabby-longhair-adk-080321a | Animal League

Giselle comes out with a large tabby.

Giselle: This is Max. He can help you.

Leo: Are we too big for the cat spa?

Max looks them over, then looks at his phone.

Max: Absolutely not. Follow me.

What Should I Feed My Maine Coon? 🍽 ⋆ Sassy Koonz Maine Coons

Once they’re inside the spa, he whispers.

Max: I don’t know why they put her out there. Excellent worker, terrible communication skills. You will love it here.

Ophelia and Leo were extremely relaxed after the snack and light massage. Max took them to the sauna next.

Leo: I’m not sure this is a good idea. We have a lot of fur.

Our cat loves the sauna. | SaunaTimes

Max: You will love the way you feel. It really opens up your pores. When you jump in the pool afterwards, you will really feel refreshed. Or you can skip the water. Some cats really don’t like water.

Ophelia: This really seems like a human thing. It doesn’t sound good for anyone covered in fur. Do animals really enjoy it?

Max: Honestly, I don’t know. We opened it a few weeks ago, and no one has chosen to use it. We’re certainly not going to force you. Would you like to skip the pool as well.

16 Reasons Maine Coons Are Not The Friendly Cats Everyone Says They Are

Leo: Oh, no. We love water.

Ophelia and Leo jump into the pool and play around for several minutes. They shake off the water and follow Max to their facials. They are seated next to each other. The door opens, and they hear a voice behind them.

Voice: Hello. My name is Erin, and I will be doing your facials this morning. Just sit back, close your eyes, and relax.

CAT SPA DAY ASMR

Ophelia and Leo settle in. Ophelia hears a loud splat. She opens her eyes just as the second splat lands on her face.

Ophelia: Eww! What are you doing?

Erin: You’re getting a yogurt and seaweed facial. It’s the latest thing, and your face will look amazing.

Leo: And it tastes pretty good too.

A cat getting a facial with face roller | Facebook

Ophelia: You know our faces are covered with fur, right?

Erin: Of course. Just relax and let me massage it all over your face. You won’t believe how soft your fur will be.

Ophelia tried to relax. The massaging did feel good. But she really didn’t;t like her fur feeling gooey. Leo began purring. Obviously, he wasn’t concerned about the mess in his fur.

Give My Kittens a Facial Spa To Keep Their Cute

Erin: Okay. Now we leave the masque on for 20 minutes to let it do its magic. Most kitties sleep through it.

Leo: That sounds like a good idea.

Ophelia tried not to touch her face. Finally she relaxed and took a nap. Next thing they knew, Erin was back pouring something into a bowl. It smelled nice, like mint.

Erin: Now I’m going to put a warm, wet towel on your faces to soften the masque.

Maine Coon Cat Face - Free photo on Pixabay

Ophelia and Leo were too relaxed to care and the towel felt good.

Erin: That’s good. Now for a quick rinse with spring water followed by a quick massage.

Both Leo and Ophelia felt great and a quick look in the mirror showed that their facial fur looked wonderful. They had another quick snack followed by a full body massage. Afterwards, they were joined by Max.

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Max: How’s it going? Enjoying your day?

Ophelia: Oh yes, it’s been amazing. I don’t remember the last time I felt so pampered.

Leo: Me too. This is great.

Max: I’m glad to hear that. Your final stop is with the groomers. It’s a quick bath with shampoo and fur conditioner, a little trim, and a manicure for all paws. Finally, a warm, dry towel to make sure you are picture perfect.

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Gypsy had been waiting in the lobby to get “after” shots of the freshly groomed pair. Suddenly she heard loud hissing and growling. Ophelia and Leo came running out.

Ophelia: You said “a little trim. This is not a little trim.

Leo: It certainly is not. You butchered my fur. You’re lucky I didn’t pay for this. We are never coming back.

Gypsy looked at them and tried not to laugh.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images. 

20

Cat Council: Training Small Children

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Sgt Stripes: Snoops, I’m worried. Mom said she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She still had her head. And she didn’t looks anything like a chicken. Do you think she’s gone crazy? Maybe we should get her a new mirror.

Snoops: She doesn’t really think she’s a chicken. That’s just something humans say when they’re really busy. Since Blondie’s been gone, she’s been watching the little humans as well as being our human. Plus she’s working and trying to sell her uncle’s house.

Sgt Stripes: Wow. That’s a lot. Maybe we should do a Cat Council and try to help.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. Maybe then I’ll start getting a sufficient number of pets and cuddles.

So the five cats held a meeting.

Snoops: Okay everyone. We need to find a way to help Mom be less busy so she can spend more time with us.

Gypsy: She needs some help with those little humans. Every night it’s the same thing: brush their teeth, give them a bath, read to them, put them to bed. She exhausted by the time we supposed to cuddle. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Angel: Well, the mornings aren’t much better. She gives us breakfast, but then she gets their breakfast ready, then puts clothes on them, lets them eat, puts on their shoes, and drives them somewhere. She doesn’t get back until dinner time. And then they need to eat dinner and play outside.

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like she needs help with those little humans. We need to share our experience with her so they don’t take up so much time.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. She doesn’t seem to have started them on hunting yet.

Onyx: That sounds like it is way overdue.

Snoops: I agree. I’ll need to give some of the mice who get into the house to her. It’s going to be tough to train the little humans. The most important part of hunting is patiently waiting. And they are not good at that.

Angel: That’s true. When they come in at the end of the day, they get grumpy if food doesn’t appear in front of them immediately.

Onyx: Maybe we should just catch the mice and let the boys chase them. Eventually they’ll probably get the hang of it.

Snoops: They’ll starve before that happens. I guess I’ll have to train them myself. I hope it goes better than when I trained Kommando. She thought they were toys.

Sgt Stripes: They are a lot of fun to play with. Until they stop moving.

Snoops: No wonder Mom thinks you’re related to her.

Gypsy: What’s the deal with the litter training? They keep having “accidents”. And no one ever puts them in the litter box to show them how to use it. It’s a little revolting to smell that.

Onyx: That’s true. But I am not sharing my litter box with them.

Angel: Me either. Maybe we can talk Mom into getting them one of their own.

Gypsy: Excellent idea.

Onyx: Have you seen how she bathes them? It is so inefficient. They get drenched in water, just to get some kind of bubbly stuff rubbed on, then they get drenched again.

Snoops: I think that humans have to get bathed like that. Their tongues don’t work right to do it our way.

Gypsy: Ugh. I am not cleaning them for Mom.

Sgt Stripes: That would be so disgusting.

Snoops: Yeah. I guess she’s stuck doing what she’s doing.

Angel: She needs to train them to eat kibble. They can get it out of the bin now for us, but they never feed themselves. It would save Mom so much time.

Snoops: That is an excellent idea. I think we’ve come up with some good ideas for Mom. Teach them to hunt, use a litter box, and eat kibble from the bin.

Sgt Stripes: Pawsome! More treats and cuddles should be expected soon.

28

Onyx’s Letter: A Rebuttal

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Note from the Editors: We appreciate all the support Onyx received last week about missing Blondie. However the other cats feel that she was not telling the whole story. Sgt Stripes, in particular, would like to say a few words.

Sgt Stripes: I miss Blondie, but her going away has really upset the cat-to-human ratio.All of us have a primary human and a secondary human. Like my primary human is Blondie’s brother. He’s really smart, so we can call him Joe College (shout out to Snoopy). Mom is my secondary human.

Snoops: And my primary human is Mom, and my secondary human is Joe College. It was set up before Blondie and the boys moved in.

Sgt Stripes: When they moved in, we had to share humans. Mom is the most popular because she handles food and treats. But Joe College is really good about sharing his space with us.

Gypsy: Mom and I are sort of bonded, so she’s my primary human. Joe College has the best cat TV, so he’s my secondary human.

Angel: Blondie is my primary humans. I really like sitting with Joe College, but I like Mom a lot too. I guess they are both my back-up humans.

Snoops: Which brings us to Onyx.

Sgt Stripes: Yep. Blondie is her primary human. And she is VERY territorial. She ignored everyone else. She even got a nickname, Empress of the Night, because she is such a princess. She wasn’t really friendly to any of the other humans either.

Gypsy: That’s why it was such a problem when Blondie went away. The Princess didn’t have a back-up human.

Sgt Stripes: So she stole Gypsy’s.

Snoops: And mine.

Sgt Stripes: That is true. But Mom is your downstairs human. She’s Gypsy’s upstairs human.

Gypsy: It’s been really bad. She spends all of her time on Mom’s bed. Even when Mom’s at work.She’s taken over the bedroom. Nighttime used to be our cuddle time. Now I have to work around Onyx. And she is not easy to intimidate.

Sgt Stripes: That’s true. I’m three times her size, but she just ignores me. She even insisted on having some of my treats (beef and liver) even though she only eats dairy treats.

Angel: I think I have it worse. I am Blondie’s downstairs cat, but I spend a lot of evenings with Joe College. Since Mom is taking care of the small humans, they don’t have time in the evenings to sit in the living room. The only time I get cuddles at all is if Snoops and Sgt Stripes aren’t hogging Mom and Joe College.

Snoops: They are our primary humans. We should get to spend time with them.

Angel: We need another human.

Snoops: We have enough humans.  Besides, Blondie’s coming home in a few weeks.

Sgt Stripes: That’s forever in cat time. We need something now.

Angel: The small humans are pretty good at giving treats.

Gypsy: Only downstairs. We don’t get extra treats from them.

Snoops: And they are still kinda rough when they pet me.

Gypsy: They are not touching me. They are loud and run around. I’ve had to hide on the shelves in Blondie’s room.

Sgt Stripes: Isn’t that where Onyx hangs out?

Gypsy: Not while’s she hogging my spot on Mom’s bed.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds fair.

Snoops: I guess we’re stuck until Blondie gets home.

Sgt Stripes: Unless we can get Mom to quit her job.

Snoops: That’s what pays for the kibble and treats.

Sgt Stripes: Rats. Guess I need to take longer naps for a while.

31

Dear Human from Onyx

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Dear Human

What happened to you? You’ve gone away before but you’ve always come back. The other humans said you will be gone for more days than all of us cats have paws. (5 cats x 4 paws = 20 days) They said you were safe and not to worry.

However, the big tabby and I are a little concerned. I’m you emotional support cat (your doctor said so), and he’s head of TheraPaws. We don’t think you should have gone on some kind of extended vacation without one (or both of us). Of course, Sarge and I really don’t get along, so I think you should have taken me.

Of course, I really hate to travel, so I probably would have needed my own support cat.It would have needed to be a different cat. I really don’t particularly like any of the cats who live here. Hmm. I wonder if Mr Google knows any support cats I could audition.

Things are getting really annoying around here. You know how we share the same bedroom? Since you’ve been gone, Gypsy wanted to move into your space. But she didn’t want to share with me. She wants to keep it for herself. Except when she goes to bed with Mom or does whatever she does in the male human’s room.

It would have been a whole lot quieter around here if you would have taken the small humans with you. They’re not continually noisy anymore, but there are times. Mom bathes them every night, but they still smell like human. You might want to look for some Eau de Chat before you come back.

I am seriously short on cuddles since this all started. I have to look for the other humans to get any attention. I’ve been spending a lot more time downstairs. It gets kind of crowded down there. I’ve been spending some time in the basement. I don’t really see why Gypsy likes it. It’s chilly down there.

Which reminds me. I do have a new favorite hangout. The inside porch has lots of spaces to hide and gets nice and warm. It also has excellent Cat TV. And sometimes one of the little humans holds the door open so I can go outside. The big humans don’t like that and always bring me back inside immediately.

I don’t really understand the fuss. Outside looks like a lot of fun. There’s a really big yard and lots of bugs and other things to play with. They said they’re afraid I might get lost. They also think I might get eaten, but I think they’re just trying to scare me. There are regular mice out there and big mice with stripes. Mom says those ones are called chipmunks.

Anyway, I miss you. I’m having trouble working out a timeshare with the rest of the cats to get in the rotation for cuddles with Mom. She seems kind of busy. I don’t have my own food and water like when you’re here. She keeps kibble and water in her room for any of us who want it. And she expects me to share a litter box. (That’s actually not bad. It’s really clean.)

Hope I don’t have to start auditioning new humans. I have you trained.

Purrs & Cuddles,

Onyx

15

Joey Cheshire and the Birthday Present

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How to Take Care of Tabby Cats - PetHelpful

Joey Cheshire got an invitation to Isabella’s birthday party. (Yes, he is related to THAT Cheshire cat. However, he would like everyone to know that Lewis Carroll exaggerated that cat’s ability to fade away leaving behind his smile.) Regardless, Joey thought that Isabella was the most beautiful cat he had ever met and wanted to get her the perfect present.

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He asked his sister what he should get. She was friends with Isabella.

Joey: Sheila, what are you getting Isabella for her birthday? Can you help me think of something?

Sheila: I’m getting her a book. She likes to read.

Joey: That’s nice, but I’m thinking about something a little fancier. Does she like jewelry?

Dedicated Cat Parents Throw a Quinceañera for Pampered Kitty And the Result is Everything - PetHelpful

Sheila: She was looking at a fancy tiara and collar set.

Joey: That sounds good. Let me check it out.

Joey went to the jewelry store and looked around. He asked the lady behind the counter whether they had any tiara and collar sets.

Salesperson: May I help you?

Jewelry store cat : r/ShopCats

Joey: I’m looking for a gift for the most beautiful cat in the world. She wants a tiara and collar set.

Salesperson: Hmmm. Perhaps she’d like something like this?

She showed him a set that was covered in tiny diamond chips. It sparkled when she held it up.

Joey: That would be perfect!

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Salesperson: It is beautiful. However, it may be a little pricey for you.

Joey: How much is it?

The salesperson showed him the price tag. Joey couldn’t believe it. It was way more than he had. He trudged out of the shop, dejected. He went home to think.

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Mama Cat: Hi Sweetie! How was your day?

Joey: You remember that beautiful cat I told you about?

Mama Cat: Isabella?

Joey: Yes. She invited me to her birthday party.

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Mama Cat: That’s wonderful!

Joey: That’s what I thought too. But the present that she told Sheila she wants is really expensive. I need another idea.

Mama Cat: Why don’t you get her a silvervine toy? Everyone likes those.

Joey: That’s not going to make a good impression. I want her to love my gift.

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Mama Cat: You could give her some flowers. Or a catnip plant.

Joey: Thanks, Mom. I think I’ll keep looking.

Joey went to his room and laid on the bed. He was tired of thinking about the present and decided to take a nap. He dreamed about chasing a mouse. Joey thought it was a sign that he should get a mouse for Isabella. He tried to decide whether it should be plate-ready or alive. They were a lot more fun alive.

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He was in the middle of planning when he was called to dinner.

Papa Cat: How was everyone’s day?

Mama Cat: I went to a new shop today. It’s called La Crémerie. It has the best cream I’ve ever tasted. Soft cheeses too.

Papa Cat: That sounds delicious. What about you two?

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Joey: I got invited to Isabella’s birthday party. I am planning on giving her a couple of mice.

Sheila: That’s a terrible idea. She’s allergic to mice. You might kill her.

Joey: Rats! Now I have to think of something else.

Sheila: No rats either.

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The morning of the party, Joey still didn’t have a present. He was walking beside the river and had an idea. He was sure that no one else would have the same gift.

Joey walked up to Isabella and dropped his present at her feet. She purred and rubbed his face.

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Pictures are courtesy of Google Images

29

Gypsy Katt and The Mating Game

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Hey Everyone! It’s me, Gypsy. Hope I didn’t scare you with the title. This is NOT about me finding a mate. I have my buddy Sgt Stripes and that is enough mancat drama for me. I have something a lot more fun. 

I don’t know about the weather around you, but here it has not been great for watching Cat TV. It’s been humid, overcast, and HOT. The only time anything’s moving is really early and after dark. But I found something on that box the humans watch that is really good and made for the feline audience. It’s called The Mating Game.

The way it works is that a lady cat sits in front of a screen. Behind the screen, there are three guy cats all called Tom. The lady asks the Toms a bunch of questions, trying to decide which one she’d like to go on a romantic walk with. (If you live with a really old human, like Mom, they might remember the human version. I saw one show. The cat version is a LOT better.) Here’s some highlights from the most recent episode:

A cat sits on a stool with the word cat on it. | Premium AI-generated image

Lady Guinevere: Tom #1, describe yourself in three words.

Tom 1: Fun, adventurous, and fearless.

Lady Guinevere: Ooh. What about you, Tom #2?

Tom 2: Smart, quiet, and regal.

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Lady Guinevere: Sounds promising. Tom #3?

Tom 3: Quiet, caring, and polite (for a cat).

Lady Guinevere: Very nice. Tom #2, describe a perfect evening.

Tom 2: We could go to a small cafe, enjoy some tuna and catnip tea, then go for a walk in the moonlight.

Lady Guinevere: That does sound nice. What about you, Tom #3?

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Tom 3: I would bring you a mouse, then I would make you a shrimp and cat grass salad. I’d walk you home to make sure you arrived safely.

Lady Guinevere: Is that a live mouse or a toy?

Tom 3: Your choice, m’lady.

Lady Guinevere: You are a kind kitty. What about you, Tom #1?

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Tom 1: I would take you to my balcony and teach you how to jump on humans.

Lady Guinevere: I’m not sure that’s quite my style.

Tom 1: You’d love it if you gave it a try. Humans can yell really loud.

Lady Guinevere: Maybe. Final question. Tom #3, who’s your favorite human (living or dead)?

Tom 3: Definitely the one I live with. She doesn’t even get mad when I hack up a hairball.

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Lady Guinevere: She does sound excellent. Tom #1?

Tom #1: Those Egyptian dudes. They worshipped us.

Lady Guinevere: Fair enough. What about you, Tom #2?

Tom 2: I think Isaac Newton. They say he invented the cat door/flap. A major convenience.

Host: All right, Lady Guinevere. It’s time to make up your mind. Any final questions?

File:Inquisitive cat.jpg - Wikimedia Commons

Lady Guinevere: Actually. I do. Tom #2, you sound very familiar. Have we met?

Host: I’m sure you’ve never met. We research our contestants thoroughly. There’s no chance you’ve ever met any of these cats. Are you ready to choose?

Lady Guinevere: I think so. I’d like to meet Tom #3. He seems like such a nice kitty.

They lifted the curtains between Lady Guinevere and the contestants. She looked at the three Toms. She was looks intently at Tom #2.

Lady Guinevere: Ewww. Tom #2 is my brother. That’s disgusting. I don’t want to go on a date with my brother!

Tom #3: Actually, you won’t be going out with him. You’ll be going out with me. You chose me.

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Lady Guinevere: But I might have chosen him.

Host: Actually, a lot of our contestants have said that they wouldn’t mind going on a date with their brother. You might be a little overly sensitive.

Lady Guinevere: Yuck!

The credits start rolling across the screen.

23

Snoops: Get Ready to Dominate

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Snoops here. I want to make sure that everyone is ready for June 24 (next Tuesday). Tuesday is Cat World Domination Day. Your humans will probably have something snarky to say about it. Like, “I thought you already run the house.” But this is bigger than our houses, this is world wide.

Cat Phone Stand

Cats have been working on this for a very long time. The Internet has made it easier to spread the word. All of those videos and social media post of cute kittens and adorable cats have gotten humans used to the idea that we are just adorable balls of fluff. They won’t even notice when we start to rule things for real.

Cat staring - staring post - Imgur

You can start by staring at your humans for a long time. It totally creeps them out. They’ll ask you if you want cuddles or food. Just keep staring

Do not become “trained.” Training is for dogs. We want humans to do what we say. Sit patiently ignoring them until they start doing what you want.

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Be sure to mark your scent on EVERYTHING. Rub your scent on all the furniture, clothing, and “personal items” that your human owns. Eventually they will realize that you are the leader.

Set up a cat chat group. You can support each other in your quest for dominance. Share tips and success stories. If you go outside, you can organize meetings.

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Remember that you are operating from a position of power. You are living in your home rent-free with someone feeding you and cleaning up after you. Even when you break something, all you have to do is look cute. Humans don’t expect us to feel bad about things. Use that to your advantage.

Free Photos | bossy cat

Humans believe that they came up with Cat World Domination Day. It’s all part of the plan. We let them think they’re in charge until our final plan is in place.

How to Pick the Best Treats for Your Cat | Forever Vets

The humans think they are smarter. As long as they treat us well, we will remain their pets. Beware of the things they try to keep us content in our current condition. We’ve trained them to treat us well:

  • Ensure the Food Bowl is Always Full
  • Offer a Variety of Treats
  • Give Affection on Our Terms
  • Provide Ample Entertainment
  • Always Comply with Our Requests
  • Avoid Using Squirt Bottles
  • Keep the Litter Box Clean
  • Understand Their Position in the Hierarchy (Still working on this one.)

20 Cat Breeds That Are Very Independent - Newsweek

They think that if they perform their tasks well, we will continue to be subservient. Many humans forget that we live together; they cannot control us.

Have a good World Cat Domination Day. It will bring us one step closer to true dominance.

Cat World Domination Day - June 24th - Cats of Cape Town

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

23

House Cat Update: This Place is a Mess

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 The cats have been having a rough few days. At least they think so.

Gypsy: I can’t believe Mom deserted us for three nights last week.

Sgt Stripes: My special treats were totally messed up. I have Mom trained to do it a certain way.

Gypsy: Worse than that. Angel thinks she can boss me around when Mom’s not here.

Sgt Stripes: I think she’s made some kind of pact with Snoops. Every time I see Angel, she hisses at me.

Gypsy: She’s just rude. Ignore her

Sgt Stripes: Mom does a really good job of keeping the peace. She shouldn’t be allowed to leave us. Where was she?

Snoops: Don’t you guys listen at all? She was having a sale at her uncle’s house. She needs to get rid of all the stuff so she can sell the house.

Sgt Stripes: I forgot. I liked him. He was always nice to me when I was outside.

Snoops: He was really nice to Kommando and me too. He played with the red dot with us.

Gypsy: That’s sad. Did they sell all of his stuff?

Angel: I think they must have. Look at the stuff that came here. It’s all over the dining room.

Snoops: Mom says that they still have to sell the stuff in his basement. He has all kinds of tools and electronics stuff and kitchen supplies down there.

Gypsy: But she won’t have to stay overnight anymore right?

Angel: I hope not. Those little humans were pretty good about feeding us, but the cuddles were definitely missing.

Onyx: I think you guys are out of luck. I heard Blondie say something about Mom going to Denver next week for work.

Snoops: That can’t be right. She doesn’t travel for this job.

Onyx: I dunno. Blondie said she was dropping her off on Wednesday and picking her up on Friday.

Sgt Stripes: Mr Google says that means she’ll be gone for two overnights. She can’t do that to us! Things haven’t gotten back to normal yet.

Snoops: Well, a lot of that has to do with the strange men that keep coming over.

Gypsy – Yeah. They’ve blocked off the basement. That was my escape when the rest of you were annoying me.

Sgt Stripes (hurt): You don’t mean me, do you?

Gypsy: No, you’re okay. But certain other cats get pretty territorial sometimes.

Angel: Only when you get into my territory.

Gypsy: At least I have a nice high perch. It’s even better than the mantel or china cabinet. It has Cat TV.

Sgt Stripes: So who are the men?

Snoops: You know how Gypsy kept coming upstairs with orange paws and getting it everywhere?

Angel: She was pretty disgusting.

Gypsy: That’s because there was orange water in the basement.

Sgt Stripes: More like orange sludge.

Snoops: Whatever. The humans need to get some plumbing work done in the basement. But before they can do that, the orange stuff has to go.

Sgt Stripes: I heard something about mold too. I know what that is, but Mom’s allergic to it. She’s really excited it’sai going away.

Angel: I don’t really mind the men. They stay downstairs and don’t make too much noise.

Onyx: Sometimes Sarge or I will watch them from the upstairs windows. .

Sgt Stripes: They’re not very interesting. They just carry stuff in and out.

Gypsy: I hope they’re gone soon. And I hope they didn’t take my hiding places.

Snoops: You know the plumbing guys have to come back, right?

Gypsy: They’re okay. They don’t keep me out of the basement.

Sgt Stripes: Why are we still talking about the basement? We have to do something about this Denver thing. I don’t want Mom to think she can just leave whenever she wants to.

The rest of the cats nod in agreement.