Tag Archives: mystery

30

The Great Kibble Caper

|

,           

Snoops here. Something nefarious is going on around here. And I mean to get to the bottom of it. Back in the good old days, Kommando and I got morning canned food and a never-ending supply of kibble. It was pretty pawsome. But some of you might remember that our new housemates took a fancy to our food and tried to eat it themselves. I’m talking about the humans, not the new cats.

So Mom tried to feed us early and take up our wet food when the small humans were around. It was pretty rough for awhile. If we didn’t eat our canned food when it was put down, it just disappeared. No more leaving a little for a mid-morning snack. And the never-ending kibble was only available at night. Not even close to being never-ending.

It was rough, but we adapted. We made Mom give us treats in the morning before she left for work. Fortunately, the small humans never got a taste of our treats, so those were pretty safe. And Kommando didn’t like to have the same treats every day, so we got a good variety. If she got bored, I’d get her treats after she walked away. It was actually a pretty sweet set-up.

Then, sadly, Kommando crossed the Rainbow Bridge to the Big Kibble Bowl. Mom and our human brother took the opportunity to re-assess the situation. Our human brother saw some kind of report or study or something that said how much kibble a cat should have by weight. Next thing we know, he’s saying that me and Sgt Stripes were getting too much kibble and he wanted to do something called “portion-control”.

We thought we were starving. And how dare he say that we were eating too much! Now I’m sharing my canned food with Gypsy every morning. But something weird is going on with the kibble. They keep one bag upstairs and one bag downstairs. Downstairs, I share with Angel. But I don’t think she really eats much. Upstairs, Sgt Stripes and Gypsy share a bowl, and our human sister has a community kibble bowl for Onyx and the other two cats up there.

But we’ve all been talking about it. The humans say they are filling the bowls daily. But the bowls are pretty much always empty. And we’re hungry.Our human brother insists that we are getting enough to eat. But if he’s feeding us enough, why are we always hungry?

You might remember that a couple of years ago, Kommando solved a mystery in The Big Catnap. You can read it here and here. So I tried to think like Kommando. But it made my brain hurt. She was a sweet kitty, but her logic eluded me sometimes.

I decided to talk it over with Sgt Stripes. The humans are convinced that he was Kommando’s nephew. (Kommando and his mom looked a lot alike. And they may have both been dropped off on our property at the same time.) He said that he wasn’t taking my kibble. He said everything seemed to be normal in the bowl in Mom’s room. He and Gypsy were sharing pretty nicely. But the community kibble bowl seemed to empty pretty quickly sometimes.

Hmm. So the two bowls that were out in the open were losing kibble. That means it wasn’t a cat doing it. Unless somehow Angel was getting out at night and raiding the other bowls. Probably not.  Even if she could get out of her room, the door to the upstairs is always shut. Except when that small human leaves it open. But Sgt Stripes and Gypsy try to come downstairs when that happens. And that usually alerts our human sister to go up and close it.

Think. Think. We’ve ruled out the cats and the adult humans. That only leaves the small humans. And they’re not eating our food anymore. But wait…

The smallest human is always looking for something to fill the containers he carries around. I mostly avoid him. He actually pets pretty well, but he is kinda loud and runs around a lot. But let me check it out.

I got near to him and he offered me the measuring cup he had. I sniffed. It was half full of kibble! I am reporting this to Mom immediately! Something must be done. We’re on starvation rations,, and he’s stealing them. She needs to fix this now!

32

The Big Catnap: A Kommando Kitty Thriller – Part 2

|

The story so far: After Mom’s new catnip was found strewn across the porch in a mess of potting soil and shattered dreams, Kommando Kitty, Purrivate Investigator is on the case. But despite her super sleuthing, she has yet to discover the perpetrator. When last we saw her, what looked like her own fur had just been discovered at the scene of the crime, prompting her partner and sister, Snoops, to go back inside for a nice nap. Now it’s up to our plucky hero to crack the case and clear her name. You can read Part 1 here.

As I watched Snoops slink away, I pushed the doubts from my mind and got ready for the stakeout. I knew the only way to get through to her would be to find the real culprit, since Snoops had never acquired my own unshakable faith in myself, for some reason. I found a nice spot on a window ledge overlooking the porch and settled in.

Something that detective stories never tell you though, is that stakeouts are really, really boring. After the first hour of waiting, my paws started to fall asleep. After the next hour, the rest of me was catching up. After FOUR HOURS (that’s ONE WHOLE CAT in paws, for the mathematically-inclined), I was almost ready to give up hope, but that’s when Lady Luck came a-knocking on my door.

While I was wondering whether the ants on the porch or the hours of the stakeout were crawling by more slowly, I suddenly caught a flash of movement on the sidewalk. A huge, burly young tomcat was stalking up toward the house, practically radiating evil intent [Editor’s Note: the cat in question might weigh seven pounds. Might.] Not wanting things to take an ugly turn, I sprang into action, throwing myself in front of the intruder.

“Stop, in the name of the law!”

“Aaah! What’s going on? Who are you?”

“Paying dumb, huh? Well, nobody’s dumber than… wait… uh, hang on…”

“What?”

“Nevermind, I’m asking the questions here! Who are you, and why did you mercilessly destroy Mom’s catnip?”

“I asked first. And I didn’t do anything to any catnip, anyway. Are you okay? You’re acting kinda weird.”

“And you’re acting very suspicious! Wait a minute… Do I know you? You seem familiar.”

“Well, I grew up here…”

“Hang on…” I squinted at the interloper, “you’re my good-for-nothing sister’s kid! Sergeant Stripes!” My sister and I had never seen eye to eye, ever since I’d managed to make it big.

“Hey! Good-for-nothing? You’re not very nice.”

“Don’t play coy with me! You two are trying to frame me for your crimes, that’s why you planted my fur in the catnip pot! She was always jealous of me! Well, it isn’t going to work. Now that I’ve unraveled your nefarious scheme, Mom’s finally going to stop putting food out for you, and I’m going to be back to my usual spot as #1 cat around here! [Editor’s Note: this is a spot Kommando shares with Snoops]

“Uh… I really don’t know what you’re talking about. How long were you laying in that sunpuddle for?”

“I was doing a stakeout! And now I’ve caught you. That means you have to tell me all the bad stuff you did. So stop stalling and spill the beans! Sheesh, haven’t you ever seen any detective movies? How do you explain this?” I finished triumphantly, thrusting the incriminating furs in his face.

“Seen any whats? Look, I’m still not really sure what’s going on, but if you’re mom’s sister, then you should know that she’s been napping in that catnip. That’s probably where that fur came from. Now, can I get back to my snack?”

“So she IS the perpetrator!”

“…look, I’m guessing you and mom don’t get along well, since we haven’t met before, and I think I can see why. But she didn’t knock over the catnip. It’s her favorite new bed, why would she?”

“I’ve never understood why anyone does anything, I’m just a detective. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t do it. Maybe it was a crime of passion.”

“Would you trash your own bed?”

“Well… no. But this is my only lead!”

“…I’m going back to my kibble.” With that, he turned away, with all the inscrutability of an Egyptian sphinx. The statue kind, not the hairless kind. They’re weird. I stared hard at his back, but he didn’t waver. Maybe his story was actually true. It did put me in a bind, though. Who actually did smash the catnip?

So that’s how I ended up sitting under the bed, with a thunderstorm hammering at the windows, trying to figure out what had actually happened. As I lay there frustrated, I heard the rain start to slow. I made my way up to my perch by the window, staring forlornly out at the row of pots sitting below, mocking me. Then, out of nowhere, it hit me.

“Snoops!” I ran toward my partner, elated, “I know who knocked over the catnip!”

“Of course you do, it was your fur in the pot. Are you done playing detective?”

“That wasn’t my fur, it was my sister’s! And I didn’t knock over the pot, it was that big, ugly possum out there!” I exclaimed, pointing at the possum in question.”

“Big, ugly…?” Snoops slowly turned, eyes widening in surprise as she beheld the uninvited guest helping himself to the cat food Mom had put out for my sister and her pack of strays. “…Huh. I’ll bet you’re right. Congrats on cracking the case, detective.”

I purred happily. “I couldn’t have done it alone, partner!” (I just had, but Snoops likes to feel included. She’s a little insecure, and gets jealous easily.)

So that’s the whole story. Mom had to repot the catnip another time, after it got dug out again, and now she’s just started keeping it up on the railing, where it’s harder to get at. To make amends for her false accusation, Snoops gave me a bath. After that, I finally got back to that catnip mouse and my soft, fluffy new bed. Another mystery solved by Kommando Kitty, Purrivate Investigator!

28

The Big Catnap: A Kommando Kitty Thriller

|

The Cat Detective! | Kittyworks

In honor of our 9th anniversary and 500th post, our human brother has written a noir classic about us:

It was a dark and stormy afternoon. I lounged casually under the bed, where the thunder couldn’t get me. As the rain battered the windows of my bedroom, I turned the facts of the case over in my head. That’s right, I’m Kommando Kitty, purrivate investigator, and at that moment, I was the only thing standing between an audacious villain and an easy life living off their ill-gotten gains (Editor’s Note: nothing, much less anything of value, was stolen).

It all started with an innocuous Mother’s Day present. My sister/assistant (Editor’s note: Snoops is not Kommando’s assistant) and I had gotten mom a giftcard to a local plant nursery, so she could get us some catnip—a little quid pro quo, as we say in the business. Everything was coming up catnip, too. She liked the gift; she bought some catnip plants, and after a bit, she even transplanted them to bigger pots so they’d keep growing. Everyone was happy, then.

That was when the dastardly blackguard struck. One morning, we went outside, and the catnip was crushed! Something, or someone, had seen our innocent plants and decided that they needed to be taken down a peg. Once proud stalks were smashed, smushed, or smooshed. Leaves were torn and ragged, and dirt spilled from the sides of the previously neatly-kept pot. As soon as I saw the scene of the crime, I knew I would be the one who had to find some answers, even if I had a catnip mouse and a soft new bed on top of a cat tree in the window waiting.

“Did you see that dark business earlier today, Snoops? I think they might try to call me back in for this one.”

“…you mean the catnip over there? Mom’s repotting it. She says she thinks it’ll be okay.”

“Of course, I can’t very well sit idly by while some knave gets off scot-free, and they did always say I was the best.”

“…at what?”

“And I suppose I won’t have any peace until I’ve apprehended the miscreant. Fine, fine, you’ve convinced me. I’ll do it!” She gave me a long stare, like she was trying to search for hope within the beautiful lines of my face. Finally, she sighed.

“…well, good luck?”

“We won’t need it, partner! Like they say, I’m the best.”

“Oh yay, I get to be a partner.” Snoops had an oddly deadpan tone, but she was clearly thrilled to be working with me again. I just hoped I’d be able to protect her from whoever did this.

The first thing we did was familiarize ourselves with the crime scene. I laid in a sun puddle looking out at the porch where it happened for several hours, but I made little headway. Whoever had done the crime was fiendishly clever.

Next, Snoops and I checked the catnip itself. It was very aromatic around the scene from all the broken leaves and stems. Whoever it was, they’d been thorough. Therefore, my partner and I concluded that we must be equally thorough, but about two hours of closely inspecting the catnip later, and we still had no leads.

“Hey Kommando,” my partner beseeched me.

“Talk to me.”

“Isn’t this your fur in the pot?”

I looked at what she’d found. Sure enough, gray and white fur, with the right length and texture to have come right out of my own luxurious coat. That’s when I knew things were getting dicey. Someone was trying to set me up, and I had to act fast before I was sleeping with the fishies, and I don’t mean the catnip ones.

“I’ve been framed! But who would want me gone? And why? Something isn’t adding up. We need to do a stakeout.”

“You’re not just trying to cover up that you knocked the pot over, are you?”

“…so it comes to this. Betrayed by my own partner. I should have known that when the going got tough, you’d get going. You didn’t grow up on the streets like I did, so you never had to get tough yourself.” (Editor’s Note: Kommando was less than four weeks old when she was found in a suburb. Snoops was adopted from a shelter after having had kittens on the street).

“Uh… okay, I’m just going to go take my nap. Good luck cracking the case, Purrlock.”

“Fine! I didn’t need you anyway, I’ll solve the case myself! And when I’m living on easy street, don’t expect to come crawling back!”

My partner stormed off, probably overcome with jealousy of my good looks and intimidating intellect, as I settled into a good spot where I could survey the porch. I had known from the start that this mystery wouldn’t be an easy one, but the stakes had just gotten a lot higher, with my own reputation on the line.

NEXT WEEK:

Will Purrivate Investigator Kommando Kitty find out who overturned the catnip and clear her name? Will Snoops be able to take her nap without interruption? Will the mysterious perpetrator be brought to justice? Find out, only on Adventures in Cheeseland