Tag Archives: jobs

23

Emergency Cat Council

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Four of the cats were gathered in the kitchen waiting for breakfast. They knew that Sgt Stripes and Mom would be coming any minute. Then Sgt Stripes appeared, but Mom was nowhere in sight.

Angel: Stripes, where’s Mom?

Gypsy: Everyone knows that we get breakfast between 6:05 and 6:15 every morning that she goes to work.Weekends stink because we have to wait for her to get up. Sometimes I’m half-starved before she gets up.

Sgt Stripes: Our human brother doesn’t have to work today, so she decided to shower before she feeds us.

Onyx: Did you give her permission, Snoops?

Snoops: I certainly did not. Things are all messed up right now. We probably should have an emergency meeting while we wait so we can tell Mom what’s been going on.

Angel: I agree. I don’t mind the later breakfast if the little humans aren’t around. But the later it gets, the more likely it is that they are going to be  romping around while we try to eat.

Gypsy: The dark-haired one scares me. He yells a lot and doesn’t watch where he’s going. He’s almost stepped on me a few times. That’s why I hide by the kibble whenever he’s around.

Onyx: That’s true. He is really loud. And he’s almost stepped on me too.

Sgt Stripes: The other one is better about not stepping on us.

Snoops: But he’s learned a new sound to make. It’s really high-pitched, and it hurts my ears. And he tried to push be back by my face the other day.

Sgt Stripes: Mom shut that down. Just like when he started to grab my tail.

Onyx: Blondie doesn’t let him do that to me either.

Angel: It’s really nice when they’re gone for a couple of days. Much quieter and less confusing.

Snoops: I wonder if there’s some way to make it a little calmer around here.

Gypsy: Maybe we could get them jobs.

Onyx: Doing what? They don’t really have any skills.

Angel: Maybe we could rent them out to wake up humans who sleep through their alarms.

Snoops: They are waking up a lot earlier than they used to. Stripes, would you please ask Mr Google if there are any jobs for waking up humans around the neighborhood?

Sgt Stripes: I’m on it. Are there any other ideas?

Gypsy: Sometimes, they make a lot of noise. Could they be scarecrows and keep birds away from crops?

Snoops: That’s a great idea! There are a couple of farms around here.

Angel: Do you think pet sitters would take them and train them?

Gypsy: If they can train dogs, they should be able to train little humans.

Onyx: That probably costs money. We should keep looking for something that will pay them.

Sgt Stripes: That’s a good point. They’re kind of expensive to have around. It would be nice to tell Mom that the boys can start paying for some of their own kibble.

Snoops: If that doesn’t work, maybe we can put them on PetFinder. I think there’s a section for “Other Animals”.

Onyx: Blondie isn’t going to let someone else have them full-time.

Snoops: Good point. We need to find something they can do while we eat breakfast and do our morning routines.`

Gypsy: Yes. We don’t want to get rid of them. We just want to live and relax in peace.

Sgt Stripes: Mom says it will improve with time. And they’re already better at giving out snacks. The older ones doesn’t throw them at us anymore.

Gypsy: That’s true. I didn’t even have to look for shelter the last time.

Onyx: Okay, Sgt Stripes. You need to find them a job until they grow out of this stage.

Sgt Stripes: I’ll let you know what I find. And Mom is finally here to feed us.

21

Sgt Stripes Looks for a Few Good Cats

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Hello! Sgt Stripes here. Recently, I was looking at all of the open jobs posted by where Blondie works. There are a lot of them! (She works for a large healthcare company, so she isn’t too affected by these openings). But all of these jobs seemed really boring, and definitely not designed for cats. Which was really disappointing, since I like to keep my options open. So after some digging, I found some more feline friendly help wanted ads. 

Attorney 

We at Ears and Tails, PLLC, are looking for an experienced Attorney at Paw to join our team. While experience is not necessary, the proper candidate should be able to do the following: 

  • Stare intensely at the opponent until they are too uncomfortable to continue
  • Be okay with refusing to compromise or back down
  • Be prepared to fight with claws and hissing, if necessary 

 Benefits include two paid naps per shift, a cozy office with plenty of sunspots, and treat bonuses monthly. Salary will be paid in mackerel, tuna, and sword fish. Please email your resume and cover letter to earsandtailscatresources@catmail.com. 

Mental Health Provider

Management at Therapurrs are seeking to add a new therapawist to our team. In a rapidly growing field, Therapurrs is expecting to expand our client base by over 40% in the upcoming year, and we’re seeking the purrfect cat to help us do this. The right candidate will be able to:

  • Sit (or lay) for extended periods of time
  • Pretend like they are listening and like they care
  • Can keep their judgements silent and somewhat contained out of their facial expressions
  • Will only make, at maximum, 50% of a client session about themselves

Benefits include lots of comfortable blankets and furniture, team lunches, and a positive environment. Salary will be paid monthly in treats. Please email your resume and cover letter to doctorpaws@therapurrs.com. 

Why Do Cats Like Fish?

Nutritionist 

Tired of seeing humans cooking the same yucky foods over and over? Join PounceNutrition as a nutrition consultant, and help put an end to the spinach and lentil dishes! In this fast paced job, you’ll work with different humans 5 nights per week to help them establish a healthy, yet tasty, meal plan! Say goodbye to spinach pies and lentil stews! With your guidance, humans will learn the benefits of chicken, fish, ham, and so much more! The ideal team member will be able to: 

  • Eat a minimum of 3 pieces of protein (plant based excluded) in one sitting
  • Properly turn their noses and tails up at any vegetable, fruit, or legume
  • Swat offending foods off the table
  • Meow in appropriate dialects to indicate approval of a prepared food

Benefits will be based on protein preference, but will include performance based bonuses of preferred proteins, a membership to BirdShack, your local poultry club, and a large bed to lay in (after you complete 10 days of work). Salary is based on experience and will be paid in preferred proteins. Please email your resume and cover letter to pouncecatseat@catmail.com. 

Premium Photo | A cat sits at a desk in front of a drawing of a cat.

Marketing Manager

How many advertisements have been ruined by human ideas? Now is your chance to create the next best advert! Main Coon Markets is looking for a business savvy kitty with experience in the industry, and willingness to grow with the times! A good fit for our team will: 

  • Create cute, yet slightly snarky, slogans 
  • Sell what they have without effort 
  • Boost sales and views

While experience isn’t required, it is recommended, as this is a very claw to the top industry. If you are accepted for an interview, salary and benefits will be discussed then. Please email your resume, cover letter, and 3 examples of work to maincmarketcats@catmail.com. 

Can I stop my cat from hunting? - BC SPCA

Mouser

The city of Weeping Whiskers is in urgent need of a new mouser to keep our streets clean. We are willing to train the right cat, although a natural talent for hunting will put you at the top of our list. Hours vary based on need, although are typically from 10p-6a, 7 days per week. Breaks are permitted as needed. Our municipal mouser must: 

  • Be able to stalk and wait patiently 
  • Pounce and kill when the time is right
  • Dispose of any body or mess created

Benefits include having all of the mousie bits your heart desires, and being beloved by all of Weeping Whiskers! Interested parties may contact Mayor Purrball at purrball@weepingwhiskers.com. 

Model

If you’re a cat, you’re already beautiful (or handsome, for our man cats out there)! Now get paid to show off! Fluff Model Management is always looking for beautiful new talent. All sizes, shapes, patterns, and colors accepted (although gray tabbies may have a slight advantage due to some casting director biases). Pay is based on the job you are given. Please email at least 5 pictures and your stats to fluffcatmodels@catmail.com. If you do not hear back within 90 days, please email us again, as we are always looking for new models, and we may think you look better the second time around. 

 From Vim to the system clipboard in one command - DEV Community

IT Worker

CompuCat, Inc, are looking for kitties to add to our growing team of IT workers! Humans are notorious for not using their technology properly; join us as we show them how to flop on the keyboard, open up multiple tabs at once, dim the screen, and close whatever they had open, making it vanish forever. Training will be provided. Benefits include a warm workspace. Pay will be discussed at the interview and is contingent on experience and education. Email your resume and cover letter to CalCompuCat@catmail.com. 

Security Guard

An alarming trend of stray hair ties, loose rubber bands, rogue tissue rolls, and dangerous fluff balls has been plaguing our area. Be a part of the solution with a great team in a growing industry! Sassy Cats Security is looking for bright, high energy guards to help keep our houses safe from these menaces. Each cat may keep what he or she captures at the end of each shift. Techniques should include stalking and pouncing, leaping and capturing, and rolling and nibbling. This job is appropriate for all ages and skill levels; training for our youngest kittens will be provided. Salary will be paid in catnip or silver vine. Interested applicants should email the head hunter, Borris, at borriscat@sassycatssecurityco.com. 

Why Do Cats Knead?

Massage Therapist 

Kneading Paws is seeking a strong cat cat for deep tissue massage services. Our ideal cat will have wonderful kneading skills, deep, penetrative paws, and a healthy weight to support their skillset. Tips will be a part of your salary, which will be paid in kibble variations. All interested candidates should send their qualifications, resume, and cover letter to kneadingpawstalent@catmail.com. 

And there you have it! These look much better for cats! If any of my feline friends are interested in a job, or know of a job that needs filling, let me know and I’ll be happy to help out!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

23

Get a Job! Cats in the Workforce

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Man Trying To Work From Home Gets Constantly Interrupted By His Cat, Tricks It Into Being Calm By Placing A Box On His Desk | Bored Panda

We are very excited that our Mom has finally gotten a new job! She’ll be working days and only has to work one job to support us in our accustomed lifestyle. In honor of that, we decided to look at cats with jobs. As you know, lots of cats have jobs. We add class and sophistication to many places. Basically, there are two major types of employed kitties: “Office Cats” and “Working Cats”. (Mom says she’ll be “working” in an “office,” so we’re a little confused about where she would fit in this post.)

Why do cats purr? | International Cat Care

Personally, we have no desire to work outside the home. However, there are many kitties in shelters who would be wonderful additions to an office. Among the advantages of having an office cat:

We are calming – Petting cats is known to lower human stress levels. Our purring is therapeutic. What could be better than having a cute ball of fur to stroke during a stressful day? Just seeing our furry little faces makes people smile.

Microsoft Teams ar Twitter: "@hobiehenning Hey Hobie, it looks like this is the PAWfect spot for an afternoon nap during a Teams meeting! What is your cat's name?" / Twitter

We encourage teamwork – Having an office kitty is a team project. Even if one person is mainly responsible, everyone comes together to take care of the office cat. Who can resist a non-judgmental teammate?

cat-on-computer - Vermont Foodbank

We help prevent burnout – People are encouraged to take short breaks when the office cat comes by wanting attention. Or it’s a good excuse to get up from your desk if you’re struggling with a problem. Short breaks have been proven to help workers recharge and refocus. And we can help type.

So, Should You Be Bringing Your Cat To Work? | Hive

We increase morale – Helping kitties makes humans feel better about themselves. And keeping us out of the shelter is definitely helping.

Barn Cat Adoption - The Cat Corner, Inc.

Of course, just like humans not all kitties belong in offices. In fact, some kitties would just as soon not be around people. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t excellent workers.

Shelter Offers “Unadoptable” Feral Cats to Hunt Rats for Warehouses, Neighborhoods With Huge Success

Working cats are experts in vermin control – They find jobs in barns, warehouses, corporate campuses, plant nurseries, wineries, and other places where rodents and other pests are a problem. Working cats also get jobs in stores and churches, although sometimes those require more socialized kitties.

Henry our winery cat | Winery, Cats, Photo and video

We are ecologically friendly and pesticide-free – No need for chemicals if you have a cat (or two) around.

Working Cats Programs Give “Unadoptable” Felines a Safe Home—and a | BeChewy

We are low-maintenance – All we really need is a permanent shelter where we are safe from the elements and other dangers, food, water, and litter.

8 of the World's Hardest-Working Cats

If you think you want a job, but these sound a little mundane, how about one of the following?

Politician – You can be mayor, sit on the City Council, or work on the local School Board.

Cat Selfie - Imgur

Actor – Beware – This usually involved working closely with human actors.

Computer : r/cats

Typist/Writer – You get to spend all your time on the computer! And share your thoughts with the world. Does the world deserve your genius?

Lolcats - therapy - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Therapy Cat – You get paid to get snuggles.

Pro Steampunk ⚙️ on Twitter: ""I'm King of the World" https://t.co/VZbQDqHtCw" / Twitter

Sailor – Cool breeze in your fur.

Wakayama's workaholic cats - WAttention.com

Train Stationmaster – Make sure the humans are heading in the right direction. Good luck with that.

cat massage Memes - Imgflip

Masseuse – You get to help others relax.

Cat with a cell phone. The cat with a cell phone is on a beach , #Sponsored, #cell, #Cat, #phone, #beach, #cat #ad | Cats, Funny animals, Cute cats

Internet Star – Share your passions and opinions with the world. The world needs more cat content.

Working Cat Program - Planned PEThood of Georgia

What is important about all cats with jobs is that they are cats who are safe and loved (even if it’s from a distance). Every cat who has a position is a kitty who is out of the shelters and off the streets.

How to stay productive while working from home with your cat - Times of India

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

2

Proceedings in the Court of Paws

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I finally left the cheesewall. Yes, it is true; the name of this blog is no longer related to me in any way. It’s a good thing I turned it over to the mice a few weeks ago.

I am now stocking at another store. I work midnights in either crafts and stationery or the pharmacy, (Not the real pharmacy, the stuff next to it: pain relievers, bandages, etc.). I like it a lot better.

I thought the cats would be happier. Someone would be home almost all the time. Turns out, I was totally mistaken. My presence was requested at Animal Court for the case of Kommando Kitty suing Super Snoops for alienation of affection. My affection.

The case went as follows:

Administrative Law Judge (ALJ): Does anyone have any questions before we get started?

Kommando Kitty (KK): Why do we have a German Shepherd as our judge?

ALJ: All of the judges are German Shepherds. We’re intelligent. And can sound really scary. It helps keep everyone on track. So, Ms. Kitty, why are we here today?

KK: Everyone knows that Mom is MY human. I sleep with her. I sit with her. I even follow her sometimes. But now that Mom’s home sleeping during the day, she (points at Snoops) is crawling up and sleeping in her arms before I can get there. And Mom lets her!

ALJ: What do you have to say to that, Ms. Snoops?

KK: You always napped downstairs with Dad and I was upstairs with Mom. Now you’re hogging both of them!

Super Snoops (SS): What about you? I always sit on Dad’s lap while he watches TV. Now I come into the room and you’re already there asleep. I have to guilt Mom out of her chair so I have somewhere warm to sleep.

KK: Don’t you remember? The wires in the electric blanket irritate your delicate paws. So I get the blanket that just happens to be on Dad’s lap.

SS: I can’t help it if you have tough feet. And delicate feelings.

ALJ: So what outcome are you looking for here?

KK: Don’t you decide that? Like maybe split Mom and Dad each in half so we can share better?

SS: Sometimes I think your head is fur all the way through. If we cut them in half, they’ll bleed a lot. Do you want to lay in that?

KK: EWW! No! I hadn’t thought about that.

ALJ: Have you two ever thought about sharing?

(SS and KK look at each other, perplexed)

SS: I thought you said you were smart. Cats don’t really like that word.

KK: Yeah. What do you mean?

ALJ: Couldn’t you both sleep with a human at the same time?

KK: We do that now.

(Now the judge is perplexed.)

ALJ: So what’s the problem?

KK: Who gets the arms and who gets the legs.

ALJ: Couldn’t you alternate?

KK: We do.

ALJ: So, again, what’s the problem? (He’s starts to growl under his breath.)

SS: We’re cats. We don’t like change.

ALJ: (Barking) Get out of here.

KK: Why?

ALJ: Because if you don’t, you’re both going in the kennel for a week.

(Snoops and Kommando run out and stop in the lobby)

KK: I knew it was a bad idea to come here as soon as I saw the dog.

SS: Yeah, dogs are so stupid sometimes. Know what we should do now?

KK: Of course.

Snoops and Kommando Sleeping_05292015