I finally left the cheesewall. Yes, it is true; the name of this blog is no longer related to me in any way. It’s a good thing I turned it over to the mice a few weeks ago.
I am now stocking at another store. I work midnights in either crafts and stationery or the pharmacy, (Not the real pharmacy, the stuff next to it: pain relievers, bandages, etc.). I like it a lot better.
I thought the cats would be happier. Someone would be home almost all the time. Turns out, I was totally mistaken. My presence was requested at Animal Court for the case of Kommando Kitty suing Super Snoops for alienation of affection. My affection.
The case went as follows:
Administrative Law Judge (ALJ): Does anyone have any questions before we get started?
Kommando Kitty (KK): Why do we have a German Shepherd as our judge?
ALJ: All of the judges are German Shepherds. We’re intelligent. And can sound really scary. It helps keep everyone on track. So, Ms. Kitty, why are we here today?
KK: Everyone knows that Mom is MY human. I sleep with her. I sit with her. I even follow her sometimes. But now that Mom’s home sleeping during the day, she (points at Snoops) is crawling up and sleeping in her arms before I can get there. And Mom lets her!
ALJ: What do you have to say to that, Ms. Snoops?
KK: You always napped downstairs with Dad and I was upstairs with Mom. Now you’re hogging both of them!
Super Snoops (SS): What about you? I always sit on Dad’s lap while he watches TV. Now I come into the room and you’re already there asleep. I have to guilt Mom out of her chair so I have somewhere warm to sleep.
KK: Don’t you remember? The wires in the electric blanket irritate your delicate paws. So I get the blanket that just happens to be on Dad’s lap.
SS: I can’t help it if you have tough feet. And delicate feelings.
ALJ: So what outcome are you looking for here?
KK: Don’t you decide that? Like maybe split Mom and Dad each in half so we can share better?
SS: Sometimes I think your head is fur all the way through. If we cut them in half, they’ll bleed a lot. Do you want to lay in that?
KK: EWW! No! I hadn’t thought about that.
ALJ: Have you two ever thought about sharing?
(SS and KK look at each other, perplexed)
SS: I thought you said you were smart. Cats don’t really like that word.
KK: Yeah. What do you mean?
ALJ: Couldn’t you both sleep with a human at the same time?
KK: We do that now.
(Now the judge is perplexed.)
ALJ: So what’s the problem?
KK: Who gets the arms and who gets the legs.
ALJ: Couldn’t you alternate?
KK: We do.
ALJ: So, again, what’s the problem? (He’s starts to growl under his breath.)
SS: We’re cats. We don’t like change.
ALJ: (Barking) Get out of here.
ALJ: Because if you don’t, you’re both going in the kennel for a week.
(Snoops and Kommando run out and stop in the lobby)
KK: I knew it was a bad idea to come here as soon as I saw the dog.
SS: Yeah, dogs are so stupid sometimes. Know what we should do now?
KK: Of course.