15

O, Give Me a Home – Part 3

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Where we are: The Bison family has gone to visit Jen’s brother in Wyoming. John, Jen’s husband, is finally impressed with Bruce when he finds out that he has a regular job and a job filming a commercial. The only possible issue is that Bruce works at night and the commercial will film during the day. Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here.

For the next few days, Bruce takes his family around the area to meet the herd and see the scenery. He seems popular; a couple of the girls said he was cute.

Sunday afternoon, Bruce said he wanted to go to bed early because he’d have to be extra alert on Monday morning.

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Bruce: OK guys, I’m off to bed. Seen you in the a.m.

JJ: Good night, Uncle Bruce. Sweet dreams.

Bruce settled down in his usual spot under the trees, but couldn’t get to sleep. Finally, he decided to get up and walk around. Then he laid back down to sleep. He couldn’t get comfortable. Next thing he knew, it was morning and JJ was standing in front of him.

JJ: It’s time to get up. It’s the big day!

Bruce: Leave me alone. I’m tired.

JJ: Mom said it’s time for you to get up.

Bruce: Tell your mother I’ll get up when I’m ready.

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JJ runs back to his mother.

Jen: Is Uncle Bruce on his way over?

JJ: No. He’s really grumpy. He said he’d get up when he was ready.

John: I knew it. Same old Bruce. He’s going to mess this up.

Jen glares at John.

Jen: I’ll go talk to him.

Bruce: I said I wanted to sleep.

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Jen: You have to get up. Your commercial’s today.

Bruce: I can’t. I have a terrible headache.

Jen: How much of that caffeine do you take?

Bruce: I don’t know. Enough to stay awake.

Jen: How long have you been taking it?

Bruce: Hmm. Maybe a year.

Jen: How often do you not take it?

Bruce: What’s with all the questions? You’re not my mother, you know.

Jen: No, but I’m smart enough to know that you’re having a reaction to not having enough caffeine in your system.

Bruce: Great. I would have been fine if you hadn’t come and messed up my schedule.

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Jen: This is your own fault, not ours.

Bruce: Forget it. Just go away.

Jen goes back to her family. A few minutes later, JJ goes back to Bruce.

Bruce: What do you want?

JJ: Mom said you should eat this.

Bruce: What is it? It looks like a bunch of grass.

JJ: It’s special grass. She says it will make you feel better.

Bruce: I don’t want it.

JJ: You have to. It’s your big day.

Bruce: I don’t care. I’m not eating it.

JJ: Dad! I need your help.

John comes over and glares at Bruce.

JJ: He won’t eat it.

John: Bruce, you can either eat the grass or I can feed it to you. You are not going to disappoint Jen one more time.

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Bruce looks up at his much larger brother-in-law.

Bruce: Fine. Give it to me.

Bruce takes the grass and chews it.

Bruce: This tastes awful.

John: I don’t care. Eat it all. We’re leaving in an hour. Get yourself together.

JJ helps Bruce brush out his coat. Bruce wouldn’t let him touch the hooves. They needed to look as bad as possible. By the time John came back, Bruce was feeling better.

John and Bruce arrived at the shoot just before he was due. John watches everything and decides that Bruce had done well. Soon they were back at the meadow.

Conclusion: How did Bruce do on the commercial? Does he have a future in Hollywood?

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18

O, Give Me a Home – Part 2

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Where we are: The Bison family is going to Wyoming to see Jen’s brother Bruce. Bruce has advised them to take the train. John has just discovered that his family will be sharing their space with two jackrabbits. You can read Part 1 here.

John explained the situation to his family and they returned to their car. He opened the door quietly and saw the jackrabbits asleep in the corner. The bison entered, trying not to make any noise. They put their things down as the train started to move.

 The adults settled in for a nap, and JJ went to explore the train. After a couple of hours, his parents joined him, and they went and got something to eat. While they were eating, they watched the scenery.

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JJ: Isn’t this great, Dad? We just sit here, and the train does all the work.

John: I guess you’re right. This is a lot better than walking.

Jen: I’m glad you like it.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. The next afternoon, the train pulled into their station.

Jen: While you and JJ get our luggage, I’ll go find Bruce.

John: If you do, it’ll be the first time he’s been where he’s supposed to be.

Jen: Be nice, John. Remember, he invited us to stay with him.

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John: I’ll try.

She goes outside, but doesn’t see Bruce. John and JJ join her.

Jen: I can’t find him anywhere. You look. Maybe I missed him.

John: He’s a full-grown male bison. How could you miss him? I’ll call him.

On the phone:

John: Bruce, it’s John…I’m fine. We’re at the station waiting for you…Yes, it’s today…Today IS Thursday…Of course, I’m sure…I have no idea where you live…No, it’s OK. If we get lost, I’ll call…All right. See you soon.

To Jen:

John: Your brother is an idiot. He thinks today is Wednesday. He told me I was lucky he answered the phone. [snort] He’s lucky he answered the phone.

Jen: Is he on his way?

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John: He said that he was bathing and gave me the directions. It’s probably safer that way.

They followed Bruce’s directions and found a nice shelter in a meadow.

Bruce: Sis! It’s great to see you! Beautiful as ever. JJ, almost a bull! John, it’s been a long time!

John (thinking ‘not long enough’): Good to see you. What have you been up to?

Bruce: Funny you should ask.  I have exciting news. I was cleaning up because I’m going to be in a commercial.

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JJ: Really, Uncle Bruce? What kind of commercial?

Bruce: It’s for hoof wax. They should a handsome buffalo with ugly hooves. Then his feet get waxed, and it’s a handsome bison with beautiful hooves.

JJ: You’re the handsome bison?

Bruce: Not exactly. I’m the hooves.

JJ: Oh. Why can’t they use the other guy’s feet?

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Bruce: He has really, really ugly feet. He survived a nasty fungus, but his hooves were ruined.

Jen: So why can’t you be the handsome bison?

Bruce: This guy’s been their spokes bison for a long time. People know his face.

John: You’re going to be Hardwax Jack’s hooves? Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve actually found a job.

Bruce: Thanks, John. I hope I meet someone who sees how talented I am.

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John: Good luck. I hope it works out.

Jen: I’m so excited for you, Bruce! When does it shoot?

Bruce: Monday.

Jen: So you’ll have a few days to show us around.

Bruce: Sure do. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my real job.

John: You have a real job? Maybe it was a good idea for you to move out here. What do you do?

Bruce: I joined a herd out here. Really nice bunch. They needed a night watch bison. So I took the job.

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Jen: That’s great, Bruce. But bison sleep at night.

Bruce: That’s why the job was open.

Jen: How do you stay awake?

Bruce: That’s been a bit of a problem. I started by walking around, but that didn’t work out so well. When I stopped for my break, I fell asleep.

Jen: What are you doing now?

Bruce: The humans have something they call caffeine. In comes in coffee, tea, and soda. You drink it.

Jen: Bison don’t drink those things. It doesn’t sound like a good idea.

Bruce: It took some practice. Humans are kind of scrawny, so I needed to drink a lot. And it tastes awful. I swear, people will put anything in their mouths.

JJ: That sounds awful, Uncle Bruce. Did it work?

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Bruce: I think it would have. But I had to take so many bathroom breaks that I wasn’t much of a guard. Luckily, we live in a safe neighborhood.

Jen: So I’m right. It isn’t a good idea.

Bruce: Well, the coffee wasn’t. But the caffeine worked; I stayed awake. Now I take pills. The people stores sell them.

John: Don’t the humans think it’s odd to be selling to a bison?

Bruce: One of the small humans does it for me. I give him rides in exchange.

John: Do you work every night?

Bruce: Pretty much. I’m going to take off Sunday night to be ready for Monday.

Bruce goes to work and the family relaxes, tired from the trip. Jen decides to do some research on caffeine. She didn’t like her brother taking something meant for humans.

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Next week: Does Bruce really have two jobs? Can bison become addicted to caffeine?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.