The Great Zoo Escape – Epilogue

September 16, 2015 | cat9984

My apologies for this story getting to you so late. Apparently the mice running this blog did not realize that there is a difference between black bears (me) and grizzly bears (my subjects). It was a lot more complicated than they thought. (Ed. Note: All bears look the same to us: big, furry, sharp teeth, long claws. How would we know that grizzlies have been known to kill and eat black bears? We are sending Bosco to two apple festivals to make up for it.)

Coeur d’Alene, ID – When I left Bonners Ferry, I didn’t really have a plan. All I knew was that the grizzlies had headed to Canada, and I don’t speak grizzly. So I headed north.

I had just passed into British Columbia when I saw a family of grizzlies by a river. They didn’t look too intimidating, so I took a chance. As it turned out, they were up from Idaho visiting family, and the children knew a little of my dialect from school friends. They explained to their father who I was and why I was there. He seemed a little suspicious and smelled my entire body.

Once he were convinced that I had no human scent, the father invited me to sit with them. Through the children he told me that his brother had said something about some American escapees, but he really didn’t know anything. He pointed me in the direction of the nearest Inter-Bear Information System (IBIS) station and told me where I could find some berries.

Ibis Communications Network (Google Images)

I walked up to the IBIS station and was relieved to find it staffed by a combination of grizzlies and black bears. When I told them who I was, they needed to smell me again. (I thought Canadian bears were kind and trusting. Maybe these are transplants from the U.S.)

Once they were satisfied that I wasn’t sent by the human authorities, they told me what they knew about Brutus, Julius, and Marc Antony.

Brutus had received an urgent message from his family via IBIS. They didn’t say what was wrong, but that he needed to be there as soon as possible. Marc Antony is from the same group so he wanted to go home too. Julius is not related but saw an opportunity to go home. He separated from them as soon as they knew they were safe.

I asked if they could let me know how to get in touch with Brutus. They really didn’t want to, citing the privacy policies of IBIS. They finally relented when I told them that the other animals were concerned about his safety. They sent me out with a guide named Beowulf. I’m not sure if being with Beowulf made me feel any safer. A couple of times I think he was sizing me up for dinner.

We finally made it to Brutus’ family. They were surprisingly friendly (and they didn’t have to smell me). They pointed out Brutus to me. He looked relaxed and happy. He was sitting with a female and laughing. When he heard who I was, he motioned me over.

(Google Images)

I asked him if everything was all right with his family. He told me that the family was fine but that a strange bear was trying to take over with his lady friend. He made it home in time to convince the other bear that it was time to move along.

So there’s the answer. Brutus wasn’t planning a rampage, he just wanted to save his girl from the clutches of a strange bear. It’s really kind of romantic.

I made it back to the border with Beowulf. He apologized for scaring me. He said he usually did his “bear act” for the tourists, but was bored when he met me. He’s actually a very refined, well-educated bear. We promised to keep in touch via IBIS.

(Aside from Snoops: I am so proud of the alpha male human. He came home from work and told us that he had caught a mouse. Finally. Of course, he didn’t bring it home or have pictures. Hmmm.)

The Great (Zoo) Escape – Day 3

September 8, 2015 | cat9984

UPDATE – 9/8/15

Reliable sources have spotted our three fugitive bears crossing the border into Canada. They entered the country quietly in a heavily wooded area. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have stated that they will not be pursuing the bears now that they are in the country. Mountie Michael says that, “There is no evidence of the bears causing a problem. Additionally, The U.S. has been unable to provide us with enough identifying information to isolate those bears from others in the area.”

The Bonners Ferry Police Department has been working with the zoo to determine exactly what happened the day of the escape. They are not having much luck with the security tapes. It appears that the birds have turned the cameras in their part of zoo toward the peacocks and flamingos. They use the video feedback for preening. Other cameras have been modified to watch the humans rather than the animals, “to deal with the boredom of being here.”

Authorities are writing the escape off as an unsolved crime. There are rumors that some of the humans working at the zoo are secret animal libertarians, but I have been unable to find any evidence. The hyenas are no longer providing any information, so the case is at a dead end.

Ed. Note – Adventure in Cheeseland is sending Bosco Bear to Canada to interview the three bears. His report will appear shortly.

The Great (Zoo) Escape – Day 2

September 7, 2015 | cat9984

UPDATE – 9/7/15

The Bonners Ferry Police Department has received several tips regarding the grizzly bears who escaped yesterday. As expected, they appear to be traveling north, with the most recent sighting near the Canadian border.

Apparently the bears have been taken in by a group of wild grizzlies in the far northern part of the state. Local rangers say that they are unable to identify the missing bears because of “significant similarities” with some of the wild bears. Some of the grizzlies are shown below:

Image result for grizzly bear group

In related news, one of the hyenas at the zoo have told the authorities that the bears had inside help with their escape. An unidentified monkey took the key to the back door from one of the attendants and unlocked the door. Meanwhile, some of the snakes left their enclosure and distracted the attendants. Apparently the bears walked out the front gate with a group of visitors. Police are looking at security tapes from the time of the escape.

Image result for hyenas Homer

No motive has been identified for the timing of the escape. However, several of the other animals had noticed Brutus being more withdrawn recently.

We will keep you updated as news comes in. The police would like to remind you that these bears are armed and dangerous.

The Great (Zoo) Escape

September 6, 2015 | cat9984

(Editors’ Note: Please remember that zoos are no longer used for public viewing of innocent animals. The only animals in current zoos are those the humans have termed “dangerous”. Dangerous to humans generally means that the animal has been acting in a normal manner too close to a human.)

NEWSFLASH: Grizzlies Loose in Idaho

Coeur d’Alene, ID – Officials at the Bonners Ferry zoo have reported that three grizzly bears have escaped and were last seen headed north. They are armed with sharp teeth and long claws and should be considered extremely dangerous. Their pictures are below.

Brutus

Julius

Marc Antony

If you spot any of them, please call the Bonners Ferry Police Department. Do not try to stop them yourself.

This is an ongoing story. Please check back for updates.

Report submitted by Bosco Bear, special correspondent

Bedlam in New York – The Conclusion

July 21, 2015 | cat9984

(This is part 3 of a 3-part story investigating Stringham Hospital, a psychiatric facility, and the doctors associated with it. Previously we heard an account from a former patient about his stay there and the story of our undercover work. Patient names have been changed to protect their privacy.)

You may be aware that Stringham Hospital closed at the beginning of this month due to the investigative work done by this paper. Once we had finished putting the pieces together, they painted a very ugly picture of what had been happening.

Patients became aware of the medical offices of Drs. Igor, Boris, and Bela from flyers posted on lampposts and subway walls in middle- and lower-income neighborhoods. They were written to appeal to the employees of the uptown millionaires and disgruntled plant workers:

Tired of the Bosses Getting Better Medical Care?

We can help you get first class service without the first-class price!

Visit Doctors Igor, Boris and Bela today!

No waiting!

Cash and all Insurance Accepted!

Call 212-555-5522 for an immediate appointment!

Callers would be given same-day appointments to meet with one of the doctors. The receptionist would call the insurance company to determine the person’s coverage.

If the person was paying cash, they would be given a “complimentary” bottle of sugar pills and sent on their way. If they had complete coverage under a union policy, the receptionist called Stringham so orderlies could come to office to pick up the patient. If the receptionist couldn’t get the required information or the insurance was less comprehensive, the patient was given a follow-up appointment so Stringham could decide whether adequate payment could be made.

When the patient arrived at Stringham, he was taken directly to the Burmese cat panel and admitted to the hospital. An insurance claim was initiated with the notation that it was an involuntary admittance and there was no projected date of release. The Siamese doctors received payment for each patient admitted.

Once the animals were admitted, they were taken to one of six rooms. On a rotational basis eight animals were taken from each of the rooms for “exercise”. When they arrived at the lab, Michele told them that they would be testing a new anti-psychotic drug.

Michele spoke with each of her subjects to determine which four would be easiest to control. The others were to be given a lethal injection and taken to a disposal site. The drugs being tested had been created by Dr. Stein in hopes of creating a success that would make him a rock star of science.

The only heroes in this story are the cats responsible for the disposal of the unwanted test subjects. Somehow they managed to dilute the lethal dose so that the animal was unconscious but not dead. The cat responsible for disposing of the bodies would take them to a remote part of the city and leave them to wake up. There were six cats involved in this part of the operation.

Aftermath:

The Siamese “doctors” turned out to not have medical licenses. They have been convicted of practicing medicine without a license, insurance fraud and illegally receiving kickbcks. They are currently serving a sentence of six months as “ratters” at the federal penitentiary. They will then be under house arrest for another six months at a public housing project and probation for the rest of their lives. They are required to return all money they received illegally.

Dr. Stein was convicted of malpractice, insurance fraud and unlawful imprisonment. His medical license was revoked. He will spend a year as “class pet” for a first grade class in an undisclosed Staten Island school. He will then spend a year under house arrest and probation for the rest of his life. He is required to return all money he received illegally.

Michele was convicted of attempted murder, assault, and unlawful imprisonment. She will spend the rest of her life as a “bad example” during police presentations to school children. She is living in an undisclosed precinct, ratting for them at night.

The other four Burmese were convicted of unlawful imprisonment and insurance fraud. They have each been sent to a shelter specializing in dog adoptions to act as “ratters” for six months. They will then spend a year under house arrest and probation for the rest of their lives.

Orderlies who had been with the hospital for more than six months were convicted of cruelty to animals and sentenced to a year’s probation. They are prohibited from working at any medical facility for the rest of their lives. Orderlies who had been with the hospital for less than six months were not charged.

The six cats who assisted the patients in escaping have received honors from the city and placement in fast-track positions at Gibbons Medical Research.

The patients are receiving whatever psychological and/or mental health treatment they require and will receive job placement training when they are finished if their prior positions are no longer available.

Ed and Pavlov have formed a private investigation partnership specializing in medical fraud.

Bedlam in New York – Part 2

July 15, 2015 | cat9984

(This is part 2 of a 3-part story investigating Stringham Hospital, a psychiatric facility, and the doctors associated with it. Previously we heard an account from a former patient about his stay there. Patient names have been changed to protect their privacy.)

As reported by archy and mehitabel

At the end of Ed’s story, we were perplexed. Was there a story there or not? Maybe what Ed needed was a competent doctor. But stories of cats tormenting rodents sounded too close to the bad old days of New York City to ignore. We decided to split up to do some investigating.

From archy:

As a cockroach, it seemed natural that I would go to the offices of Dr. Igor, Dr. Boris, and Dr. Bela. I would be able to hide in a nook and listen. Even if I was discovered, it would just look like an addition to the neighborhood.

The office is in a well-kept part of a working neighborhood. They shared the building with several other medical practices. The sign said “Medical Office” under their names. I thought it was a little strange. Usually doctors specialize: “Small Animal Skin Disorders”, “Rodent Eating Disorders,” or the like.

I went one night and settled in a nice spot in the wall where I could get to any part of the office easily. I spent the first day with Dr. Igor. He only works in the mornings. In four hours, he saw twenty-five patients. Needless to say, he only spent a few minutes with each one. But that wasn’t a red flag. Lots of doctors barely see their patients anymore before diagnosing and writing a prescription.

He had a tablet that gave him the patient’s name, address, occupation, and insurance information. It also had the reason the patient was there. A typical visit went something like this:

Doctor: Hello Jack. Nice to meet you. I see you have a cold.

Jack: Well, I’ve been feeling….

Doctor: No need to get into that, I’ve been seeing a lot of patients like you.

(Looks at the tablet)

Doctor: You can pick up a prescription on your way out. Please come back in a week so I can make sure you’re better.

Dr. Igor’s patients got one of three instructions: I’m sorry I can’t help you, I need to refer you to Dr. F.N. Stein, or come back in a week.

Listening to Dr. Boris and Dr. Bela, I heard similar responses. What triggered which response?

The receptionist was Siamese, like the doctors, and talked a lot. I’m surprised the patients could get a word in. Every call was the same: patient species, patient name, patient address, patient phone, patient federal ID number, type of insurance, insurance numbers, and date of appointment. Interestingly, they did not accept cats as patients.

When she got off the call, she immediately called the insurance company to find out when coverage began, whether medical services were covered, if psychiatric services were covered, how long benefits would continue and whether there was monetary limit to the benefits.

From mehitabel:

I applied for a job at Stringham. At the interview, they said I looked like I would be good at managing patients and hired me as an orderly. Later I discovered that only pure-blood cats would be hired into administrative/executive positions. The rest of us would be orderlies, maintenance or cooks.

We “mutt cats” were treated as if we were invisible. It was degrading, but worked to my advantage. (Ed. Note –The term “mutt cat” was applied by the hospital. This paper does not discriminate based on species or parentage.)

When a patient arrived, the first thing we did was accompany them to their medical assessment. There were five cats (Norwegian Woods) on the panel, with a Dr. Stein as the leader. Everyone who came here was admitted. There was no appeal. If they made too much trouble, an orderly gave them a shot and dragged them to their room.

There were 15-20 animals in each room. We fed them once a day, kitty kibble. Once a week, we put down new litter. The place was beyond disgusting. The patients were mainly small animals with a few dogs thrown in. There were no feline patients.

Every morning, a Burmese named Michele would tell us which animals were to be taken to the lab. She was the head researcher. We took the animals to the lab. She decided which ones she needed that day and told her maintenance staff to get rid of the rest. The maintenance staff was three “mutt cats.” They took the unneeded animals out, and we never saw them again.

We orderlies waited outside until the experiments were over. We took the test subjects back to their room. Usually they were sedated to the point of insensibility.

They fired me after two weeks. They had decided I wasn’t the right “type” for the position.

Coming soon: Part 3: Putting the pieces together.

Bedlam in New York

July 13, 2015 | cat9984

(Bedlam refers to an English hospital for the insane. During much of its 600-year existence it was noted for its screaming, moaning “inmates”, who were often held in chains or locked in rooms. Others were allowed to roam the halls and generally left to their own devices.)

As reported by archy and mehitabel

Based on information from a former patient, we have been looking into conditions at Stringham Hospital. As you may be aware, Stringham specializes in behavioral medicine and psychiatry. We have changed the names of the patients in the interests of privacy. Further, we would like to point out that there are “bad apples” in every species.

Ed’s experience started with a visit to Dr. William Igor. Ed went to see Dr. Igor with what he considered to be a common case of depression. Dr. Igor prescribed a well-known mood stabilizer which had the effect of worsening the depression, as would be expected. At his follow-up visit, Ed reported increased depression to the point of suicidal thoughts.

Dr. Igor thought that was very bad and immediately admitted him to Stringham Hospital. Ed wanted to just quit the medication, so Dr. Igor had him admitted involuntarily as a threat to himself. Being admitted involuntarily meant that Ed could not sign himself out.

At this juncture, we should point out that Ed is a muscular Nonsense rat (ed. Note – it’s a real breed from India) and Dr. Igor is a rather small Siamese cat.

As soon as he reached Stringham, Ed needed to show his insurance cards. He never saw them again. He also had to hand over his watch, wallet, and all other personal items. (As a rat, it was a relatively simple process.)

Next step was to see the doctors. He was accompanied by two large alley cats. There was a panel of 5 Norwegian Forest Cats. They looked at Ed and started talking amongst themselves about lunch. Without asking Ed a question, they told him he was obviously demented. They told the orderlies to “Take him to cell 6, oops, we mean room 6.”

Six turned out to be a rather large room with about 20 animals of various species. There were a couple of large snarling dogs chained to one wall, rabbits scratching at a pen to get out, bats in a mesh cage, and several guinea pigs who looked catatonic. The rest of the animals were running around the room chasing each other.

Ed looked around. There was cat litter in each of the cages and a large litter box in one corner. He almost gagged and said to one of the orderlies, “Do you ever change the litter?” “Of course. It’s done every Wednesday.” Ed turned green (not easy when you’re covered in fur). It was Friday.

The orderlies turned to go. Ed asked, “What do I do now?” The cats smiled evilly and told him, “Just behave and do everything you’re told to do, and nothing will happen to you.” They locked the heavy door behind them.

Ed sat in a corner, dejected. Soon a white rat joined him. “Name’s Pavlov. Who are you?” “Ed. Why are you here?” “Went to the doctor for a sore throat. He said it was a sign of neurosis. Got thrown in here. That was six months ago.”

Ed was appalled, “Why are you still here?” Pavlov looked at him sadly, “Once you’re here you never get out.” “That’s ridiculous. It’s the 21^st century. Who’s your doctor?” “Dr. Joseph Boris.” Ed remembered seeing Dr. Boris’ name on the door of Dr. Igor’s office.

“Pavlov, are there any other patients of Dr. Boris or Dr. Igor here?”

“Now that you mention it, most of us were admitted by those doctors. Or Dr. Bela.”

“What happens during the day here?”

“Not much. We’re not allowed to have books or magazines or TV. Sometimes they take some of us out. Those guys usually come back looking like that.” Points to the guinea pigs.

Ed notices that in addition to the drugged animals there are also some in coats tied behind their back. “What’s up with them?”

“Medication doesn’t work. Those coats aren’t very effective though. You can chew through them in a couple of hours.”

“Does everyone come back like that?”

Pavlov looks away. “A lot don’t come back.”

They ate their dinner of dry kibble and went to bed.

In the morning, Ed was among those chosen for an “exercise.” He was strapped to a chair, than felt a poke in his shoulder.

The next thing he remembers is waking up by the river with a note: “Hope you enjoyed your cat nap.”

Coming soon: Part 2: Is there a problem or is Ed really mentally ill?

May I Introduce to You

July 5, 2015 | cat9984

As promised, we are making some changes to Adventures in Cheeseland.

The 15 or 20 of you who were around during the early days of this blog may remember that the point of the title was that it was going to be about my work in the cheese department of a big block store.

Before too long, I got bored with that idea. It was either because those of us with bipolar minds have a tendency to jump topics or because it was a pretty boring/limited topic to begin with. I imagine it was mainly the second.

Which left me with a rather sizable problem: what to do with a title to the blog that was related in no way to what was written in the blog. I was advised that under no circumstances should I change the name of the blog.

So I’ve been searching for a way to bridge the disconnect. Occasional cheese features? Alternative world where cheese rules?

Hmmmm. Where have I been headed? Eureka!

Welcome to Adventures in Cheeseland: Possibly the Only WordPress Blog Hosted by Mice

We’re adding some new contributors, but will remain basically the same. Without further ado:

Owner and CEO. Editor-in-Chief: Cat (me)

Managing Editors: George and Lenny

Image result for two mice

Staff Writers: Super Snoops, Kommando Kitty, and Horatio Hedgehog

City Desk: archy and mehitabel

African Bureau: “Ace” Sopp

Asian Bureau: Ricky T. Tavi

European Bureau: H. Chris Andersen

Latin America: Still interviewing. The sloths are cute, but won’t commit to deadlines. The snakes scare the rest of the staff.

Oceana: Ahab

All in all, we’ll be the same strange combination of real reality and alternative reality you’ve (hopefully) come to know and love.

Cat Forum: The Toys of Summer

June 23, 2015 | cat9984

Moderator: Welcome back fellow mammals. Today we are once again joined by Super Snooper (SS) and Kommando Kitty (KK) to discuss a subject near to every cat’s heart: cat toys.

KK: Thank you for having us here today. I would just like to clarify today’s discussion will involve several matters related to summer, not just toys.

Moderator: But the focus will be on toys.

SS: Actually, that will be the first topic of several. We would also like to talk about vacations and grooming.

Moderator: My script says that we are going to talk about toys. So let’s get started. How are summer toys different from winter toys?

SS: They are a lot more active.

KK: And easier to catch. Those mice are fun, but they have too many places to hide. (Aside to SS: It would be easier if Mom cleaned more often. SS nods.)

Moderator: Could you be a little more specific?

KK: I think you know we live in an old farm house. It’s really cold in the winter and hot in the summer. Dad says that’s because we have old windows downstairs.

SS: He keeps saying he should fix them, but we really don’t want him to. You should see all the cool toys that fly and crawl in during the summer.

Moderator: You mean you have insects as toys in the summer? (grimaces)

KK: What’s wrong with that? You wouldn’t want them flying all over your house would you? Besides you’re the one who wanted to talk about toys.

Moderator: (knows he’s beaten) So what type of insects are we talking about?

SS: Well, the best are moths. They fly around enough so we get a lot of exercise chasing them.

KK: And they taste good. Nice and crunchy.

SS: Junebugs aren’t bad, but they’re a little slow.

KK: The humans seem to find them disgusting. If they see one, they get rid of it before we get to play much.

SS: Spiders aren’t any good. They’re not poisonous around here, but they spent a lot of time just sitting there.

KK: Flies are good. They’re really fast.

Moderator: So what do you do when you don’t have any bugs around?

KK: We sleep a lot.

SS: He means for entertainment.

KK: I sleep for entertainment.

SS: We watch a lot of Cat TV. The birds and squirrels are fun. And the little chipmunks run around a lot. We don’t go out, and mom won’t let them in the house, so we have to watch.

KK: There are big, humungous rodents out there too. We saw them on human TV at the beginning of February, but they’re on Cat TV every day. Mostly they wander around and eat. But they run really fast sometimes too.

SS: I don’t want to play with them. They have big teeth.

Moderator: Anything else?

SS: Well, since you asked. The humans are talking about leaving us alone for a week with someone coming to visit daily. What are we supposed to do without the humans to entertain us?

KK: I hear there are places where we can go for vacation too.

SS: Yeah, great. I was in a place like that before the humans adopted me. They’re full of big, smelly, noisy dogs.

KK: We could go with them.

SS: They could stay here.

Moderator: Well, enough of that. I think it’s time…..

SS: One more thing – I don’t want Mom to brush me all the time.

KK: But it feels good. And makes you shiny and smooth.

SS: I like my fur just the way it is, thank you very much.

Moderator: Before we close, I think you two have a big announcement to make.

SS: That’s right. Big changes are coming to the blog. We’ll still be around, but we’ll have more friends. More animals, fewer humans. Whispers: I don’t think the Moderator’s contract has been renewed.

KK: Mom’s even looking for a new theme. She’s says there doesn’t seem to be a lot to choose from for our type of blog. (Don’t worry. She’ll be around too.)

SS: So come back next time, and we’ll tell you all about it.

Somewhere Under the Sea

June 9, 2015 | cat9984

(Imgur)

The Pacific Ocean Survivors’ Society is holding its quarterly meeting. The members have each lost a family member or close friend to human interaction other than subsistence fishing.

Moderator: What are the Society’s rules?

Octopus: No killing.

Shark: No maiming.

Blue Fin Tuna: Only target the guilty.

Sea Turtle: Brains, not brawn.

Group: No acting like humans!!

Moderator: Excellent! At our last meeting, we decided to find creative ways to get back at the humans without resorting to violence. Did you have any luck?

Dolphin: We took your advice and tried to work in groups. Remember how I was telling you about my cousin who was netted by a fishing boat going for “legal” catch? Mr. Sawtooth Shark came up with a plan. It was wicked awesome!

Shark: It really wasn’t a big deal. We found the same boat and waited for them to begin to raise their net. A few friends and I surrounded the net and sawed through it.

Tuna: Not only did they save the dolphins, they saved all the tuna! It was epic!

The dolphin, shark, and tuna stand up and slap fins. The rest of the group applauds.

Shark: The best part for me was that Mr. Dolphin rounded up a bunch of his friends and saved my group from becoming Shark Fin Soup.

Dolphin: It seemed the least we could do. When the fishermen got close to the sharks, we came up out of the water. Humans think we’re cute so we put on a show. By the time the humans got bored, the sharks were miles away.

More applause.

Moderator: That’s outstanding! Anyone else?

Pufferfish: Mr. Electric Eel and some of the jellyfish helped me. There was a boat fishing for some of my friends. Mr. Eel had climbed up one of the ropes and into the leg of the fisherman. He gave him a little shock.

Eel: It was pretty funny. I couldn’t do any damage, but you would have thought I’d cut off his leg. He let go of his part of the winch and the net started to fall into the water. A couple of the humans reached over the side of the boat. They didn’t know the jellyfish were waiting for them. You should have heard them howl and swear. They started the engine and left, net trailing behind.

Jellyfish: We only stung each human one time. No danger. But how could we resist? Humans are so stupid. Eating a fish just to prove it won’t kill you?

Moderator: Outstanding! You have all definitely got the right idea. We have time for one more story. Anyone?

Barracuda: Mr. Octopus and I teamed up against one of those humans in the funny suits who tries to pretend they’re one of us under the water.

Everyone snickers.

Barracuda: One of them got near me with a spear gun. Octopus tapped him on the shoulder. The human totally freaked. Stared looking around. Octopus managed to stay behind him. I tried not to laugh.

Octopus: Finally, I got tired and swam in front of him. He looked terrified. I squirted a little ink on him. When it cleared, he started to come toward me. I stopped. He stopped. Mr. Barracuda tapped him on the shoulder and hid in some grass by the time the human turned.

Barracuda: The human didn’t know whether to watch for Octopus or me.

Octopus: I came up and put a tentacle around his shoulder to explain that we could be friends if he put the gun down. Before I could say a word, he was almost up to the surface.

Cheering and laughing all around.

Moderator: I’m so proud of all of you! This has been a great meeting, and I think we have all learned a lot.

All nod.

Moderator: Before we break for snacks and conversation, I want to remind everyone that our next meeting will be [TOP SECRET]. In the meantime, anyone who can lend a fin, claw, tentacle, whatever at the Great Barrier Reef is encouraged to do so. The corals and their neighbors really need our help. Thank you all for coming.

Everyone moves toward the food, laughing and talking.