(Imgur)

The Pacific Ocean Survivors’ Society is holding its quarterly meeting. The members have each lost a family member or close friend to human interaction other than subsistence fishing.

Moderator: What are the Society’s rules?

Octopus: No killing.

Shark: No maiming.

Blue Fin Tuna: Only target the guilty.

Sea Turtle: Brains, not brawn.

Group: No acting like humans!!

Moderator: Excellent! At our last meeting, we decided to find creative ways to get back at the humans without resorting to violence. Did you have any luck?

Dolphin: We took your advice and tried to work in groups. Remember how I was telling you about my cousin who was netted by a fishing boat going for “legal” catch? Mr. Sawtooth Shark came up with a plan. It was wicked awesome!

Shark: It really wasn’t a big deal. We found the same boat and waited for them to begin to raise their net. A few friends and I surrounded the net and sawed through it.

Tuna: Not only did they save the dolphins, they saved all the tuna! It was epic!

The dolphin, shark, and tuna stand up and slap fins. The rest of the group applauds.

Shark: The best part for me was that Mr. Dolphin rounded up a bunch of his friends and saved my group from becoming Shark Fin Soup.

Dolphin: It seemed the least we could do. When the fishermen got close to the sharks, we came up out of the water. Humans think we’re cute so we put on a show. By the time the humans got bored, the sharks were miles away.

More applause.

Moderator: That’s outstanding! Anyone else?

Pufferfish: Mr. Electric Eel and some of the jellyfish helped me. There was a boat fishing for some of my friends. Mr. Eel had climbed up one of the ropes and into the leg of the fisherman. He gave him a little shock.

Eel: It was pretty funny. I couldn’t do any damage, but you would have thought I’d cut off his leg. He let go of his part of the winch and the net started to fall into the water. A couple of the humans reached over the side of the boat. They didn’t know the jellyfish were waiting for them. You should have heard them howl and swear. They started the engine and left, net trailing behind.

Jellyfish: We only stung each human one time. No danger. But how could we resist? Humans are so stupid. Eating a fish just to prove it won’t kill you?

Moderator: Outstanding! You have all definitely got the right idea. We have time for one more story. Anyone?

Barracuda: Mr. Octopus and I teamed up against one of those humans in the funny suits who tries to pretend they’re one of us under the water.

Everyone snickers.

Barracuda: One of them got near me with a spear gun. Octopus tapped him on the shoulder. The human totally freaked. Stared looking around. Octopus managed to stay behind him. I tried not to laugh.

Octopus: Finally, I got tired and swam in front of him. He looked terrified. I squirted a little ink on him. When it cleared, he started to come toward me. I stopped. He stopped. Mr. Barracuda tapped him on the shoulder and hid in some grass by the time the human turned.

Barracuda: The human didn’t know whether to watch for Octopus or me.

Octopus: I came up and put a tentacle around his shoulder to explain that we could be friends if he put the gun down. Before I could say a word, he was almost up to the surface.

Cheering and laughing all around.

Moderator: I’m so proud of all of you! This has been a great meeting, and I think we have all learned a lot.

All nod.

Moderator: Before we break for snacks and conversation, I want to remind everyone that our next meeting will be [TOP SECRET]. In the meantime, anyone who can lend a fin, claw, tentacle, whatever at the Great Barrier Reef is encouraged to do so. The corals and their neighbors really need our help. Thank you all for coming.

Everyone moves toward the food, laughing and talking.