Tag Archives: litter box

20

Cat Council: Training Small Children

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Sgt Stripes: Snoops, I’m worried. Mom said she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She still had her head. And she didn’t looks anything like a chicken. Do you think she’s gone crazy? Maybe we should get her a new mirror.

Snoops: She doesn’t really think she’s a chicken. That’s just something humans say when they’re really busy. Since Blondie’s been gone, she’s been watching the little humans as well as being our human. Plus she’s working and trying to sell her uncle’s house.

Sgt Stripes: Wow. That’s a lot. Maybe we should do a Cat Council and try to help.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. Maybe then I’ll start getting a sufficient number of pets and cuddles.

So the five cats held a meeting.

Snoops: Okay everyone. We need to find a way to help Mom be less busy so she can spend more time with us.

Gypsy: She needs some help with those little humans. Every night it’s the same thing: brush their teeth, give them a bath, read to them, put them to bed. She exhausted by the time we supposed to cuddle. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Angel: Well, the mornings aren’t much better. She gives us breakfast, but then she gets their breakfast ready, then puts clothes on them, lets them eat, puts on their shoes, and drives them somewhere. She doesn’t get back until dinner time. And then they need to eat dinner and play outside.

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like she needs help with those little humans. We need to share our experience with her so they don’t take up so much time.

Snoops: That’s a good idea. She doesn’t seem to have started them on hunting yet.

Onyx: That sounds like it is way overdue.

Snoops: I agree. I’ll need to give some of the mice who get into the house to her. It’s going to be tough to train the little humans. The most important part of hunting is patiently waiting. And they are not good at that.

Angel: That’s true. When they come in at the end of the day, they get grumpy if food doesn’t appear in front of them immediately.

Onyx: Maybe we should just catch the mice and let the boys chase them. Eventually they’ll probably get the hang of it.

Snoops: They’ll starve before that happens. I guess I’ll have to train them myself. I hope it goes better than when I trained Kommando. She thought they were toys.

Sgt Stripes: They are a lot of fun to play with. Until they stop moving.

Snoops: No wonder Mom thinks you’re related to her.

Gypsy: What’s the deal with the litter training? They keep having “accidents”. And no one ever puts them in the litter box to show them how to use it. It’s a little revolting to smell that.

Onyx: That’s true. But I am not sharing my litter box with them.

Angel: Me either. Maybe we can talk Mom into getting them one of their own.

Gypsy: Excellent idea.

Onyx: Have you seen how she bathes them? It is so inefficient. They get drenched in water, just to get some kind of bubbly stuff rubbed on, then they get drenched again.

Snoops: I think that humans have to get bathed like that. Their tongues don’t work right to do it our way.

Gypsy: Ugh. I am not cleaning them for Mom.

Sgt Stripes: That would be so disgusting.

Snoops: Yeah. I guess she’s stuck doing what she’s doing.

Angel: She needs to train them to eat kibble. They can get it out of the bin now for us, but they never feed themselves. It would save Mom so much time.

Snoops: That is an excellent idea. I think we’ve come up with some good ideas for Mom. Teach them to hunt, use a litter box, and eat kibble from the bin.

Sgt Stripes: Pawsome! More treats and cuddles should be expected soon.

4

Catitude

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A guide to the tao of the cat as described by resident experts, Super Snooper and Kommando Kitty. (They are available for private consultation if you desire. Fees are determined on a sliding scale based on how much they like you.

Cats are by nature sweet, loving creatures. If we are treated otherwise by humans, we will respond accordingly. Particularly if our every wish is not fulfilled by our personal human.

Humans have two non-negotiable duties. They must feed us and make sure that our litter-boxes are clean.

If your human does not feed you in a timely manner, you are permitted to remind them of their responsibility. If they feed you at 4a on workdays, they should understand that they must feed you at 4a on non-work days.

Permissible ways to remind your human of feeding time include, but are not limited to pouncing, talking to them, and lying on their faces.

It is not permissible to use the potted plants for a litter box unless your human has been derelict in cleaning the proper one. The litter box is your private space. You are responsible for determining when it is too dirty to use.

Humans are also useful as warm-blooded furniture. If you need a comfortable place to sleep, laps may be used. Do not let your human tell you that you are in the way of the newspaper, book, sewing or anything else.

If you feel your human is ignoring you, you are entitled to attract their attention. More specifically, you may sit on a book, newspaper or keyboard.

Cat beds should always be positioned in the place with the most likely to have a sunbeam most of the day. It is not appropriate to have one in the human’s bedroom. The large one the human sleeps on is yours as well.

If your human feeds you food including “greens” (for some reason they think they are healthy) you may take it as permission to eat greens on your own. Ferns and spider-plants are especially tasty. Some cats like the taste of flowers.

If your human feeds you food with eggs and/or cheese, you may assume that you are also welcome to those foods when your human indulges.

Cats are carnivores. Your human may need to be taught that we recognize meat even if it is being consumed by the human. Most of us are particularly fond of deli meats such as ham and turkey.

If your human is not feeding you a sufficient amount of meat, you are allowed to share theirs. However, ask for a separate plate. They have germs.

If your human pays sufficient attention to you, you should get enough exercise in the house. However, if your human feels he/she must take you for a walk, be certain they know the correct way to do it:

Cats who go outside are permitted to check the weather at both doors before determining that it is too cold/wet/snowy/windy to go out.

Cats have a sixth sense about humans who are not fond of them. However, it is rude to use this power unless the human invades your territory, (i.e., your house).

Humans do not seem to understand that they are teaching us hunting skills when they dangle those feathers on a string in front of us. They rarely appreciate the fruits of our improved hunting. You will probably never see them eat a gift you have provided. Do not be disappointed; it is just poor manners on their part.

Most humans are fully trainable and will become loved and treasured members of the family.