Tag Archives: Humor

20

Hibernation Season: Five’s a Crowd – Part 2

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Can you see a bear in the winter? – Kodiak Wildlife Products | Bear Spray | Bear Bangers | Wild Life Safety Kits | Bear Bells

Where we are: The bears are getting ready to take a long winter’s nap. But when Mama and Papa Bear return from a family reunion to their cozy den, they discover that their son has brought home a friend with nowhere to spend the winter. The relative he is supposed to stay with is nowhere to be found. You can read about it here.

Mama Bear and Papa Bear are trying to find somewhere for Bubba to hibernate.

Rare Moments with an Amazing Grizzly Bear Family

Mama Bear: Maybe we can find him a spot on the ads from The Weekly Bear Gazette.

Papa Bear: That’s a great idea! There’s a section for bears looking to connect with other bears. Let’s see what they have.

Mama Bear: Here’s one: Older male bear looking for someone to share sleeping space for this years hibernation. Prefer female bears who are looking to start a family. Must be willing to forage for food. Some cleaning responsibilities as well.

Evie: Eww! That’s creepy.

🔥 Alaskan Grizzly bear family : r/NatureIsFuckingLit

Mama Bear: It definitely is. Let’s see what else we can find: Looking for a young strong male bear. Must be willing to live with young cubs. We can build a den together for the winter.

Papa Bear: I don’t think we’re going to find anything in there. Those sound more like dating ads than roommate solicitations.

Mama Bear: Have you had any luck tracking down Cornelius? Bubba is supposed to be staying with him.

Pin page

Papa Bear: Not really. I guess I’m going to have to talk with Madame Goldie.

Evie: That’s a funny name. Who’s Madame Goldie?

Papa Bear: She says she can see things that no one else can.

Mama Bear: You don’t believe that, do you?

Papa Bear: Not really. But I don’t know who else to ask.

Bear Hibernation: The Science Behind Their Long Winter Sleep - Lions Tigers and Bears

Mama Bear: Maybe we should just let him stay here. We might be able to rearrange things to make it more comfortable.

Papa Bear: I think we should at least try to find his family.

Papa Bear went deeper into the woods. It looked like a lot of bears had already settled in for the winter. He finally found Madame Goldie. 

Madame Goldie: Hello, sir. What brings you into this part of the woods? Are you trying to find a place to stay for the winter. I can help you find a den?

Kodiak Grizzly/Brown Bear Cub | Another shot of Shaggy. She … | Flickr

Papa Bear: No, I’m set for the winter. I’m trying to help a young friend find his family. His name is Bubba and he’s looking for someone named Cornelius. It’s his cousin or uncle or something.

Madame Goldie: What does Cornelius look like?

Papa Bear: I’m really not sure. Bubba is brown and shaggy, so maybe someone like that?

Two Bears For Every Believer | Grace for the Race

Madame Goldie called out to her son.

Madame Goldie: Walter! Come out here please.

Walter: What do you need, Mummy?

Madame Goldie: This gentleman is looking for a bear named Cornelius. Apparently a relative is looking for him..Do you remember anybody with that name passing by?

Checking in with the sloth bear cubs

Walter: That doesn’t really sound familiar. Ruthie!

A smaller bear came out.

Ruthie: What do you need Walter?

Walter: Do you remember meeting a bear named Cornelius? This fellow is looking for him.

Ruthie: Hmm. That name does sound familiar. Let me look through the books.

Bear Wearing Glasses Reading Book | Stable Diffusion Online

Ruthie got out a large ledger while Papa Bear waited, somewhat confused.

Ruthie: Here he is. I thought I recognized the name.

Papa Bear: Can you tell me where I can find Cornelius? A family member is looking for him.

Ruthie: I don’t think that is possible. Cornelius was part of a group of bears who moved into the city and domesticated. We’ve totally lost touch with them.

Papa Bear: That’s very unfortunate. Thank you for your time.

Bear wanders into City Hall in South Lake Tahoe

Papa Bear headed home. It was snowing again, and he was very tired. He would have to talk to his family to see what they wanted to do with Bubba. When he got home, the den looked different but he couldn’t figure out why.

Cody: Hi, Papa! Any luck finding Cornelius?

Papa Bear: I’m afraid not. He has moved to the city and domesticated. There’s no way to reach him.

AMAZING video of Black Bear Emerging from Den

Mama Bear: That’s too bad, dear. Do you like what we’ve done with the den?

Papa Bear: What did you do?

Mama Bear: Cody and Bubba enlarged it with some old logs and a lot of dirt and leaves.

Cody: I was afraid that you wouldn’t be able to find another spot for Bubba, so we made some space at our house.

Bear family on a bog : r/bears

Papa Bear: You are all comfortable with Bubba staying here?

Mama Bear: It’s really the only option. We need to get to sleep very soon.

Evie: We can’t leave Bubba out to freeze.

Papa Bear: So it’s settled. Welcome, Bubba.

Bubba: Thank you. I think we’ll have a good winter.

Sleeping grizzly bear stock image. Image of nature, hair - 24477713

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

18

Hibernation Season: Five’s a Crowd

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Brookfield Zoo Chicago on X: "Bear-y cute cuddle puddle alert! 🐻🐻 Tim and Jess are always together, exploring their habitat with endless curiosity and cuddles. The animal care team reports the siblings

Mama and Papa Bear were returning from a family reunion with their daughter Evie. Their son Cody had chosen to stay home and get the den ready for hibernation.

Mama Bear: I can’t wait to get home. All I want to do is sleep.

Papa Bear: Me too. I can’t believe how much salmon your mother brought.

Evie: And the clams were scrumptious. I’ve never had them before.

What Happened To Our Pumpkin? | Lake Lure North Carolina

Mama Bear: I think my favorite was the berry pie.

Evie: The honey ice cream was really good too.

Papa Bear: It was the perfect end to the season. Now it’s time for a long winter’s nap. I hope Cody did a good job gathering leaves and moss and bedding. He’s never done it before.

Evie: How hard can it be? Our den isn’t that big. There’s just enough space for the four of us.

Brown bear winter cave

Mama Bear: It’s the perfect size. And it’s in a great location. Right behind those rocks so no one can see us.

Papa Bear: We were really lucky to find it. I hear that some of the bears couldn’t find space locally and had to go further up the river.

As the bears walk along, they stop and wish some of their neighbors happy hibernation. They finally reach their den. Cody is outside eating a few late berries.

Cody: Hi, guys! Did you have a good time?

Animal Names - a group of bears is called a sleuth or a sloth. (Not sure if they can see the future though.) : r/PopcornCulture

Evie: It was wonderful! You really missed a feast. Everyone asked about you.

Cody: Maybe next year. But I’ve been busy, making the den extra cozy.

Mama Bear: Wonderful! Let me see.

Cody: Umm. There’s something that I need to tell you.

Mama Bear: We can talk inside. I’m ready for bed.

sleepy grizzly bear | Inhabitat - Green Design, Innovation, Architecture, Green Building

Cody: Well, that’s what I wanted to talk…

Evie had walked into the den.

Evie: Oh kettlefish! There’s a strange bear in here.

She ran back out and hid behind her mother.

Scared bear

Mama Bear: Why is there a strange bear in our den?

Cody: He’s not really a strange bear. That’s Bubba. He’s a friend of mine.

Papa Bear: Okay. Why is there a Bubba Bear in our den? It’s time for hibernation.

Cody: He’s a friend of mine from bear scouts. We were goofing around by the river. When it was time to come home, he told me that his family didn’t have any place of their own to winter. They were trying to split up and stay with relatives. I couldn’t just leave him there.

Papa Bear: Please ask him to come outside.

Very shaggy bear - Picture of Bear Country USA, Rapid City - Tripadvisor

A rather shaggy young bear comes out. He looks at the family.

Papa Bear: Who are you supposed to be staying with this winter?

Bubba: I have a cousin Cornelius who said he had room. But I haven’t been able to find him. They said that if I followed around the bend in the river, I couldn’t miss him.

Cody: We looked, and we couldn’t find him.

Brown Bear Family

Papa Bear: I don’t know of any bears around here named Cornelius. Where’s the rest of your family?

Bubba: My Grandma said she could find places for them if they went north. They plan on coming back down here in the spring.

Mama Bear: So they’re already gone? Without making sure you were safe?

Bubba: Yes ma’am. My daddy said that I was old enough to find Cornelius on my own.

31 Animals That Use Each Other As Pillows | Bored Panda

Cody: Do you think he could stay with us?

Evie: There’s not enough room.

Cody: We can’t just let him freeze.

Mama Bear and Papa Bear looked at each other, then at Bubba. As if it were planned, a light snow began to fall.

What Time of Year is Best to See Bears in Jackson Hole?

Next week: Where will Bubba spend the winter?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

Welcome to Tabocracy

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Note from the Editors: The voters have spoken. Thomas Tabby was elected unanimously to be the Liaison to the Humans in Cheeeseland. Remy the Golden Retriever was gracious in defeat offering to help Thomas any way he could. Below is his first press conference.

Golden Retriever Dog And Tabby Cat Sleep Peacefully Generative AI | Premium AI-generated image

Thomas: Thank you everyone. I appreciate your confidence in me. I’m excited to get to work improving our relationship with the humans. Before I take any questions, I have a couple of staffing announcements to make. First, I have had a long conversation with Remy about concerns that I will be too cat-centric in my policies. I believe that his concerns have some merit. I have asked him to be part of our core team as we move through the process.

Are Golden Retrievers the cutest breed ...

Remy bounces onto the stage, obviously excited.

Remy: Thank you, Thomas. I am looking forward to giving an outside perspective to this very feline-leaning community. I’m not just here for the dogs. Anyone who feels they aren’t being heard is welcome to send me a message. You can find me on Chitter @reallyremy or email me at remy.retriever649@cheezland.com.

Thomas: Thank you Remy. I look forward to working with you. The other addition to my staff is someone you all know. I’ve asked Sgt Stripes to be my spokestabby. I’m still working full-time in addition to my unpaid liaison duties. Stripes will make sure you have someone to give you answers.

Sgt Stripes lands on the stage with a graceful leap.

Sgt Stripes: I am honored by Thomas’ trust in me. I will do my best to communicate effectively. I’m on Chitter @tabbylove or email sgt.stripes0909@cheezland.com. I am also happy to take your concerns to Thomas. He is a very busy kitty.

Thomas: Thank you both. I think we’ll have a great team. Does anyone have any questions?

Cat And Fish GIFs | Tenor

Reporter 1: As a cat, are you going to be focusing on “cat problems?”

Thomas: I’m not really sure what you mean by cat problems.I ran on a platform of improving all animal relations with humans. I am a cat, but I represent all of you.

Cats Bad at Nabbing Rats But Feast on Other Beasts | WIRED

Reporter 2: Does that mean you will address the “vermin issue,” meaning the reality that humans think that some animals should be eradicated?

Thomas: Regarding some of the “less popular” animals, I intend to talk to the humans about the ways that we can all peacefully coexist. At the very least, we need to find a way to share the space we have. It is never acceptable to try to eliminate whole groups of animals.

Hilarious Photos Of Cat Falling In Love With A Heater During Cold Weather Will Make Your Day | Bored Panda

Reporter 3: What will be the first issue you address after you take office on January 1?

Thomas: I want to have the humans help us drastically reduce the number of homeless animals. I’m not talking about the animals who enjoy living in nature. There are an alarming number of animals who have no real home. They at least need shelter in the cold weather.

Homemade Cat Treats

Reporter 3: That seems extremely ambitious. Shouldn’t you start with something a little more realistic?

Thomas: Well, my daughter thought we should ask the humans to put treat dispensers on every corner. Maybe we should try that.

reporter cat – The BleuPrint

Everyone laughed. Several reporters held up their hands with questions.

Sgt Stripes: I’m sorry. That’s all the time we have right now. If you would like to send us specific questions, we will do our best to give you answers.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

22

Cheeseland ManCat Roundtable

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Greetings everyone! It’s me Sgt Stripes. You are all aware of the problems I’ve been having getting along with the lady cats in the house.I decided to get together with some of the male cats in Cheeseland to see if they had any advice. I invited several to the Curdled Cow Tavern for a bowl of cream.

Sgt Stripes: Hi guys! Thanks for coming. I’m trying to figure out the best way to get along with the ladies in my house.

Tigger Tiger: You better be careful. You know the ladies can be a little moody. You need to make sure that you’re not making a move on one of their “off” days.

Sgt Stripes: What kind of move would I be making?

Dexter: Here, watch me.

Understanding Feline Behaviour: Why Do Cats Hiss Explained

Dexter approaches a beautiful Manx sitting at the bar. Sgt Stripes can’t quite hear what he’s saying. The Manx turns to Dexter and hisses. Dexter slinks back to the table

Sgt Stripes: I appreciate the effort, but I already know how to get them to hiss at me. I want to be friends and snuggle buddies. Maybe share an electric blanket.

Tigger Tiger: As I was saying, you have to pick a day when the lady is in a good mood.

Sgt Stripes: Well, there are four of them. I would think that at least one of them would be in a good mood on any given day. How can I tell?

Bobby: Try to walk up casually and start a conversation. Don’t get too close. That really upsets lady cats.

Sgt Stripes: What do I talk about?

Bobby: Watch me.

trivia | Adventures in Cheeseland

Bobby approaches a small cat who is standing by herself. He asks her if she lives nearby, and she nods. He asks her if she’s been to the tavern before. She starts into a long explanation of how she was new in town and didn’t have any friends and told him how lovely his friends look. She talks nonstop for several minutes. Bobby looks at the table, hoping someone will rescue him.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know about that. I’m not sure that any of my lady cats would be interested in that kind of conversation. Besides, I already know all that stuff about them. And your friend is beginning to look a little desperate.

Cat Hunting Behaviour - zooplus Magazine

Shawn goes over to order more cream for the table. As he’s waiting, he sees a large moth. He catches the moth in his mouth. Several cats congratulate him on his hunting prowess. Shawn offers his prize to a kitty at a nearby table. She takes it politely, but her boyfriend glares at Shawn who returns to the table with the cream.

Shawn: You see, Stripes? Ladies love gifts.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think that would work for me. Snoops is a better hunter than I am. And I don’t think the rest of them really understand what to do with a fresh mouse. I don’t really have that killer instinct.

Gavin: You have four ladies in the house? Which one do you want to pair up with?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t really care. I just don’t like being hissed at.

Gavin: Well, who do you want to be the mother of your kittens?

Sgt Stripes (embarrassed): I don’t want to mate with them. I just want them to spend some time with me.

The other cats at the table look at each other and then at Sgt Stripes.

Tigger Tiger: Well this is embarrassing. We thought you wanted dating advice.

Sgt Stripes: Oh, no. I’m perfectly happy being single. Do you have any friendship advice?

Tigger Tiger: I don’t really know how to help you. You just need to be patient. They’ll probably come around eventually.

Sgt Stripes: So playing pounce with them probably won’t make it happen sooner?

Tigger Tiger: That is probably not a good idea.

Sgt Stripes: Rats. Thanks for meeting with me, everyone.

Guess I’ll go home and get some treats. The humans all like me.

Non-Sarge pictures courtesy of Google Images

21

Angel Katt: Tortie Extraordinaire

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Hello everyone. It’s me, Angel. You might remember me from my political reporting. We’ll be having the final debate and voting in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, I wanted to let you know a little bit more about me.

As you can see from my pictures, I am a dilute tortoiseshell. I actually look a lot like my sister Gypsy, except she has some white thrown in. It’s interesting that the two of us ended up together. Cat used to get us confused before we moved in.

I think I got kind of a bad reputation after we moved in. Gypsy and I were in the same room for the first few months. Gypsy got really skinny, and everyone said it was because I was eating her food. I did eat more than her, but she was really neurotic and would get too stressed out to eat. No one believed me until it happened again when they opened up the whole house to us cats.

And Sgt Stripes has telling everyone that Snoops and I are mean to him, hissing all the time. We do hiss at him, but sometimes he deserves it. He’s younger than the rest of us and a lot more energetic.The other day, he started chasing me, so Snoops chased him. I don’t think he understands that we think he’s attacking.

Anyway, enough about me. I thought that you might be interested in learning more about us torties. First thing is that regular tortoiseshell cats are black and orange. When the color gene mutates, it turns the orange more yellowish and the black more bluish. The humans here say that I am grey and tan. Whatever. I’m beautiful.

Dilute tortoiseshell cats are almost always female. The color is carried on the X (female) chromosome. To get the two colors, the cat needs to have the tortie color combination on both chromosomes. And a cat with XX chromosomes is a female. A male tortie has the two X chromosomes in addition to a Y chromosome. A male tortie is unable to reproduce and may have other health issues.

Being a tortie means having a certain coat coloration. It is not related to the breed of cat or coat length. Some of the most common breeds which can have dilute tortoiseshell coloring are the American Shorthair, Cornish Rex, and Maine Coon. On hairless cats like the Sphynx, the coloration is on the skin.

Dilute torties can demonstrate the same fortitude as their full-color relatives. Some humans think that torties have a bad attitude. Since torties are mainly female, it may be due to female hormones. Sometimes we’re even called aggressive. Personally, I think it’s just because humans need to accept our obvious superiority and it’s annoying when they don’t.

Tortoiseshell cats are not calico cats. I would think this one is obvious. Calicos have three colors, and we have two colors. Not really sure why the humans are confused about this. We are all gorgeous.

We have a reputation for being lucky. In Ireland and Scotland, it is good luck to have a male tortoiseshell cat enter your house. In Japan, it is believed that we can ward off storms, shipwrecks, and ghosts. (What do you think we’re doing when we stare intently at nothing?)  Some people call us “money cats” because we bring good luck and wealth. If you dream about us, you will be lucky in love.

I hope you have enjoyed reading about tortoiseshell cats. I will be back shortly with the election news.

9

AIU: Hibernation Havoc, Part 2

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Autumn Grizzly | Grizzly Bear amongst the fall foliage in Ye… | Flickr

Our Original Poster (OP) wanted to know if he was Unbearable for not wanting his “Woods Bear” brother-in-law (BIL) to move in for the winter hibernation. The brother-in-law Dave had always done a full hibernation in the woods and wants to try a semi-hibernation at OP’s house. You can read the details here.

The Calgary Zoo - Don't let this sleepy bear fool you-... | Facebook

Hi everyone. First I want to thank everyone for their input. Apparently, I didn’t make it clear that it wasn’t a debate over which type of hibernation is better. I am very happy with my version of hibernation and have no intention of doing a full hibernation. I understand that bears have been hibernating for generations. I was looking for some input on whether I am wrong not wanting my brother-in-law Dave to have his first semi-hibernation in my house.

Brown bear Siggi at BEAR SANCTUARY Müritz

Dancing Bear_101: NU (Not Unbearable): It’s your house. You need to have a talk with your wife to find a solution you can both live with. Having an overtired house guest for several months is going to leave everyone cranky.

California: bear soaks in hot tub to beat the heat | California | The Guardian

Sarey Beary: Unless you are leaving something out, it doesn’t seem like you are objecting to helping your BIL move into a more (sub)urban lifestyle. You just don’t want his first experience to be miserable for all of you. Doesn’t your wife remember how hard it was for her? NU

OP: Pamela does remember. That’s why she wants to help her brother through his first winter.

talking.

BeckyBruin: YAW (You’re All Wrong). It sounds like you spoke for the household before discussing it with your wife. Your wife shouldn’t be discussing it with her family without involving you. BIL for not accepting “No” as an answers. Your in-laws for getting involved with something that doesn’t really concern them.

Can you see a bear in the winter? – Kodiak Wildlife Products | Bear Spray | Bear Bangers | Wild Life Safety Kits | Bear Bells

Bobbo123: Do you even have room for an extra adult bear? I’m a pretty gentrified bear, and I am definitely grumpier in the winter than the rest of the year. Sometimes there are weeks where I don’t want to do anything but sleep. Other times, I’m pretty much my regular self. Your BIL has no idea how his body is going to adapt.

OP: Space isn’t really the issue. Our son has moved out, and his room is open right now.

Black Bear In The Woods Fine Art Photo Print For Sale | Photos by Joseph C. Filer

ReggaeBear101: NU for not wanting Dave in your house for the winter. YAU (You are Unbearable) for the lack of communication with your wife. This is definitely a situation where you want to decide your position before you give an answer. Question: Have your in-laws ever accused you of being judgmental of their lifestyle before?

OP: Honestly, we don’t see Pamela’s family very often. They are not comfortable coming out of the woods. We have to go there if we want to see them. Pamela video-chats with them regularly.

With more bears in streets and homes of foothill cities, LA County demands action – Daily News

Twiggle: It seems kinda weird to me that this decision seems to have emerged out of nowhere. Did Dave ever say he wanted to be a city bear before? It’s a pretty big step to move away from the woods into someone’s house. Maybe something else is going on with him that you don’t know about?

OP: I don’t think Dave wants to move here. I think he wants to see what a semi-hibernation is like. He doesn’t understand that it takes more than a few weeks of artificial light to make it work.

Don't Wake the Bear!

SugarPop: NU. If Dave wants to try semi-hibernation, he can check with Bears R Bears. They should have a list of places that accept first-time semi-hibernators. He’ll even have staff in case he needs something.

OP: We can mention it to him. I’m not sure he could afford it.

GingerBear: YAU. He’s family. Family helps family.

Genuine Bear Hug, Katmai N.P. (Alaska)

OP: I wanted to update everyone. Pamela and I had a long conversation. She has been missing her family a lot. She really wants to be able to spend some time with her brother. We have a fully finished basement, and I agreed that he could spend the winter there. He’s welcome to be with us as long as he doesn’t get mean from lack of sleep. My guess is that he will be spending most of the winter down there, asleep.

Bear Family Found Hibernating Underneath California Home

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

14

AIU: Hibernation Havoc

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Alaska Magazine | A sloth of bears, and other inventive names for Alaska wildlife

The poster has written to the Am I Unbearable (AIU) forum to get some feedback on an issue he is having with his brother-in-law regarding sleeping arrangements for the upcoming hibernation season.

My darling partner Pamela (7f) and I (8m) have been together for several years. We are both successful in our careers. I am the spokes-bear for our local park system and Pamela is a technology whiz who works from home. We are the proud parents of two cubs, one of whom is still at home.

Grizzly bear photographed roaming near downtown Quesnel, B.C. | CBC News

A little background: I come from a very progressive family. We were early adopters of the movement to get bears out of the woods and into structured society. My grandfather was the first bear on the city council. He worked tirelessly to make our home town into a place where all animals could live together in peace.

Cuteness overload: brown bear cubs becoming best buds

I met Pamela during a sit-in protesting the use of “bear spray” by the police department. She was the most beautiful bear I had ever seen. She is a wondrous creature, gentle and soft-spoken. And really smart. I fell in love almost immediately, and we’ve been together ever since.

Pamela’s family still lives in the woods. They are very nice bears, just not interested in anything outside of their own world.

Hibernating bats have similar metabolism to that of hibernating bears

As you probably know, when bears become part of the “civilized” world, we lose some of our “bearness.” Most importantly to this issue is that we don’t do a full hibernation anymore. Because we don’t live outside, our bodies aren’t fully synced with the seasons. It’s more of a grogginess than a full sleep.

A Bedtime Story: How Nature and Nurture Help Grizzly Bears Hibernate | The Maryland Zoo

Pamela’s younger brother Dave has been saying that he really wants to try doing a “semi hibernation.” I’ve explained that he doesn’t really understand what happens. He can’t just choose to not hibernate. He’s lived deep in the woods his whole life.

I didn’t know anything else, so I actually find it kind of weird that Pamela’s family disappears for five to six months every year. The first couple of years, she really struggled with the change. I don’t think Dave has any idea what he’s trying to do.

Angry Bear Pictures | Download Free Images on Unsplash

Here’s where I might be Unbearable. Dave has asked to live with us for the winter. In fact, he wants to move in by the end of the month. He says that living with artificial light will make it easier to not fall into a deep sleep. I told him that I really didn’t want him to use our house as an experiment. Bears can get pretty unpleasant when they don’t get enough sleep.

🔥 This bear has reached peak boredom : r/NatureIsFuckingLit

Pamela said that I should have talked it over with her before I told Dave that he wasn’t welcome. She thinks I’m a hypocrite for saying that I want bears to integrate more into the general population, but when her brother wants to try it I won’t help him. I don’t think Dave wants to integrate; I think he just wants to try something different.

1,000 Kilometers from the Coast, Bears Gorge on Ocean Fish | Hakai Magazine

We don’t eat as heavily in the fall as bears who do a full hibernation. Dave’s been power eating for the past month and isn’t showing any signs of slowing down. I’m not sure he’s going to be able to find enough to eat in town. We have a good pantry, but not enough for a full-grown male bears in hibernation prep.

Bears in the woods

Pamela’s family think that I don’t want Dave here because I look down on “woods bears.” They are saying that if I really think of them as family, I won’t mind having him stay here all winter. I’m more concerned with having a 400-pound grumpy male bear who isn’t getting enough sleep.

So, I’m asking your opinion. Am I Unbearable?

Final Frame: Brown Bear Greeting

Next week – see what the readers think.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

Favoritism Alert: Gotcha Days and Birthdays

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Greeting fellow felines and their humans. It’s Snoops and I am speaking for the ladies of the house: Angel, Gypsy, Onyx, and myself.  We think there is some sexism brewing among the humans. Technically, we should be the stronger team: 6 girls (4 cats and 2 human) against 4 boys (1 cat and 3 humans – two of them very small.) However, that has not been the case.

Last week was Sgt Stripes’ second Gotcha Day, and the two small humans each had a birthday. Toddler A turned four and Toddler B turned three. (Which actually means that Toddler A is no longer technically a toddler.) You should have seen all the fuss!

Toddler A and Toddler B (we will be thinking up new names shortly) had a combined birthday dinner last week. It was homemade macaroni and cheese, which Angel and I enjoyed sharing. Gypsy and Onyx really don’t care for human food. And nothing was provided for them at all. The dessert was an ice cream cake. Angel had a little bit of that, but the rest of us were not interested. It was almost like we weren’t really part of the family.

They got a bunch of presents too. There was only one that we could enjoy. They got a little tent for the living room, and it really is a good place to get away from them. We’re going to have to figure out some way to make it toddler-proof. After all, they got a lot of other stuff that we can’t use. They need to learn that sharing is caring.

Then on Monday, it was Sarge’s Gotcha Day. What a waste! He got a fancy cat-dancer kind of toy. And a treat ball toy that looks like a hamster cage. And some of the new flavor Temptations treats.

Guess what I got for my most recent Gotcha Day? Absolutely nothing. Nobody remembers my Gotcha Day. (Because nobody remembers what day it was.) Same thing for Angel and Gypsy and Onyx. Just because Sgt Stripes was on 9/9, everybody remembers it. Do you think that’s fair? We don’t.

Toddler A and Toddler B never give us stuff. We try to avoid them. Angel used to be buddies with Toddler B. But since he’s moved here, all he does is push her away if she tries to share his food. What good are little humans if they don’t share their food with us? They’re loud and sticky. Wonder when they’re going to turn into real humans?

Sgt Stripes here. I’ve been listening to the ladies’ complaints, and they are not giving the full picture at all. I did get good stuff on my Gotcha Day, but I’ve been sharing with them. Even my special Tasty Human treats. It’s not my fault that the humans remember my Gotcha Day. Maybe we should pick some random day to celebrate the ladies?

Of course, they’re kinda mean to me. Onyx and Gypsy aren’t too bad, but every time I get near Snoops or Angel, they start to hiss at me. Snoops growls and looks mean too. I’m not doing anything to them. Mom says that Angel is just afraid, and Snoops is still mad at me for running after Kommando Kitty when I first got here. I wish they’d get over it; it really hurts my feelings.

And Gypsy’s getting special treatment. We’re not supposed to get near my human brother’s plants, but Gypsy’s started hiding in the big aloe vera he’s growing. They say it’s because she’s sitting near it, not on it. I still think it’s unfair. She spends a lot of time in there. (Probably trying to stay away from Angel. They have some kind of girl thing going on between them.)

Since the house has been opened up, I’m downstairs at breakfast time. I didn’t want to be left out, so I’m starting to eat wet food. Not as much as the ladies, but a little bit. We all eat in the kitchen at the same time. Nobody’s trying to eat anybody’s else’s food. Onyx doesn’t like wet food, but the rest of us get along for that 20 minutes.

I guess it’s a start.

14

Cheeseland Election: Breaking News

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Angel Katt: I’m here on the streets of Cheeseland reporting on a late-breaking story. We have received an anonymous tip that Thomas Tabby has been arrested for PUI (prowling under the influence). It would be a clear contradiction to his clean-cut image. Our investigative reporter, Sgt Stripes, is on his way to the police station to try to get to the bottom of the story. In the meantime, let’s talk to some experts on what this might mean to his campaign. First, we have his campaign manager, Elise.

   

Elise: I haven’t had a chance to talk with Thomas, but there must be some mistake.

Chris Cougar: I’m afraid that the stress may have gotten to Thomas. He has a full-time job, a family, and a full-time campaign. He probably just made a mistake.

Angel: Do you think it will have an impact on his electability?

Why Is Your Dog Giving You The Side-Eye?

Simon Snake: I don’t think there’s any questions about it. If he’s a user, he’s a loser.

Basil Bowser: Absolutely. Nip addicts have no place in our government. I think this will land a fatal blow to that rotter’s limping campaign.

Angel: With all due respect, all polling shows that Thomas is the overwhelming favorite to win.

Basil: Hmmph! You can’t trust polls.

What To Know About Moles in Your Yard

Angel: I’m getting a report from Sgt Stripes. What’s happening down there, Stripes?

Sgt Stripes: The only thing I’ve been able to find out so far is that they definitely picked up a Tabby cat for PUI. But there seems to be a question of who that Tabby cat is.

Angel: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know how to put this delicately. Umm, this station is employs a fair number of moles. And moles do not have the best vision. Basically they think that all Tabbies look the same. In fact, they confused me with their suspect.

Angel: Don’t they know the cat’s name?

Sgt Stripes: That’s where it gets a little weird. He told them that his name is Thomas Tabby. But I know Thomas, and this guy is not him.

Angel: Maybe it’s a different Thomas Tabby?

Sgt Stripes: He’s telling them that he’s the guy running for office.

Angel: Hang on for a sec, Sgt Stripes. It appears that Onyx may have a piece to the puzzle. What do you have?

Onyx:I found a video on CatTok that I think belongs to that cat.

Angel: What does he say?

Onyx: He says that he has a brother who’s running for office, and he’s set up an epic prank.

Angel: What’s the prank?

Onyx: He says we have to wait and see.

Sgt Stripes: That’s everything? We have to wait? Thomas’s reputation is at stake, and it’s less than two months before the election. He can’t wait for someone to clear this up. We need answers!

Angel: Calm down Stripes. I put our tech guru on it, and he thinks he’s found something.

The Infinite Monkey Theorem Comes To Life : 13.7: Cosmos And Culture : NPR

Chuck Chimp: I’ve found a recording of our guy talking to somebody about what was going to happen tonight. Listen to this.

Voice #1: My brother thinks he’s so great. He thinks he’s Mr Perfect with his perfect wife and perfect kids and perfect job. Now he thinks he’s gonna be working with the humans. Well, that’s is not going to happen. I’m going to show everyone that he’s not so perfect.

Cats talking Stock Photos, Royalty Free Cats talking Images | Depositphotos

Voice #2: What are you going to do?

Voice #1: Let’s just say that a few nip cocktails and an obnoxious Tabby cat are going to put a crimp in his perfect reputation. Those moles can’t tell one of us from another.

Angel: Where did you get that?

Chuck: You told me to solve the puzzle. I solved the puzzle.

Sgt Stripes: I knew Thomas wasn’t that kind of cat.

Angel: I hope this doesn’t impact him negatively.

Sgt Stripes: Everyone knows that you can’t pick your family. He should be fine.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

Sgt Stripes, Therapist Extraordinaire

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Hi everyone! It’s Sgt Stripes here. Today, I’m going to show you what one of my therapaw sessions looks like! 

Many of you know that I provide emotional support for Blondie (and the other humans in the house). But recently, I expanded my services to support outside animals as well. I’ve decided to show the transcript of one of my recent patients, Rebecca Rabbit. (She has signed a consent form.)

Sgt Stripes: Rebecca, welcome to my office! It is so nice to meet you. What can I help you with?

Rebecca: Hi, Dr. Stripes. I appreciate you seeing me. I feel depressed. And sort of like I’m being watched all the time. I hope you can help me. 

Sgt Stripes: I would love to help you! Why do you think you’re depressed? 

Rebecca: Well, I feel really tired. I have no energy, nor do I have a desire to do anything. 

Sgt Stripes: Oh, that’s normal. I sleep for up to 16 hours a day! What else makes you think you’re depressed? 

Rebecca: I feel sad a lot. I can’t stop worrying about the potential carrot shortage that comes with the winter. 

Sgt Stripes: Well, I’d be upset too if I had to eat carrots and veggies. You should try vole. Or ice cream. They’re delicious! 

Rebecca: Uh… I don’t eat meat. Or dairy. I’m more of a vegan. 

Sgt Stripes: Okay, yeah, I’d be really depressed if I were a vegan. 

Rebecca: Um… okay, well, I also feel like I don’t accomplish enough. 

Sgt Stripes: Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. Just use your good looks and charm to get you through life. Now, I know you mentioned feelings of paranoia. Can you go deeper into that?

Rebecca: Yes. It’s the oddest thing. We just had a family of coyotes move in next to us, and I swear I overheard them discussing a recipe for rabbit pie. And I think the dad watches our every move. I always catch him staring at me and my family. 

Sgt Stripes: Well, can you blame them? You do look rather delicious. 

Rebecca: That’s not helping! 

Sgt Stripes: Sorry, sorry. Please continue. 

Rebecca: My mom tried to encourage me to be friends with the baby coyotes, but they keep talking about a chasing game. And I don’t like being chased. I’d rather go berry picking. 

Sgt Stripes: Ooh, we could play Pounce! I love Pounce!

Rebecca: NO! No, thank you. I’m not really sure if this is going to work out…

Sgt Stripes: Well, I think this is going well. Why would you say otherwise? 

Rebecca: I feel like you see me more as a potential toy, or even meal, than a client. 

Sgt Stripes: Well, it’s not my fault you appear to be a meal or a toy. I’m just giving you advice based on how you present. 

Rebecca: I think this session is over. I really need to look into the therapy offered by the deer.

Sgt Stripes: Fine. But come back next week! I’ll teach you how to play Pounce! 

Rebecca: No. Thank you. 

Sgt Stripes: Fine. Well, it was really nice meeting you, Rebecca. Good luck in life.

Rebecca: Thanks, Sarge. Same to you. 

Don’t I make a pawsome therapawist? Let me know if you, or someone you know, could benefit from my services!