(Bert before his release)

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty. here. Welcome to this month’s edition of Cat Forum. We are very pleased to have as our guest a friend of our human brother, Bert the Tuxie. He is going to display some common cat behaviors and explain their meanings. Bert believes in demonstrating his examples; he is a cat of few words. He will be happy to address any questions you may have.

(Talk to the paw)

Snoops: Hello, Bert. We’re so happy to finally meet you.

Bert: The pleasure is mine.

Snoops: I’ll turn things over to you.

Bert: Thank you very much. As every cat knows, humans do not really understand any cat dialect, regardless of what they claim. You have probably had the experience of asking for a particular type of food only to have your human say something like, “Be patient. I’ll feed you in a few minutes.” Some humans are no better at reading our expressions and/or body language. It can be extremely frustrating.

I have a totally pawsome human, but even so, sometimes I have to look at him and wonder, “Are you paying any attention at all?” I imagine that some of you have this problem more than others.So let’s get to work.

This pose is the one we use when we’re giving you permission to rub our tummies. Some humans would have you believe that no cat likes to have their tummy rubbed. Humans, proceed with caution the first time in case your kitty is showing trust rather than a desire to be petted. Pet gently, we keep food in there and would like to keep it there.

Just because we’ve allowed you the pleasure of rubbing our tummy, does not mean that you can do it forever. This face indicates that you have overstayed your welcome and need to find something else to do for me

.

If you see this face, it means that you have been annoying and need to stop whatever you have been doing. It can also mean that you are being especially human. Meaning that we understand what you are doing, but there is a much better way to do it if you would only listen to us.

This behavior means that I am enjoying my toy and you should go away.

I will look like this if I’ve enjoyed a little too much ‘nip. Humans: Do not share it on Instagram, Facebook, or anywhere else.You have been in the same condition, and I did not make fun of you.

This look should be understood by all humans. I am questioning why you would think that this food is acceptable and you need to fix the situation. Do not give a solid lump of food; I can’t cut it up is one possibility. Or maybe, I don’t recognize this smell. Are you sure it’s edible?

This look can be interpreted as either “What did you bring me?” or “I want what you have or I want to be offered so I can turn it down.” Humans don’t ever seem to learn that they can’t tell us that we won’t like something. We don’t trust humans to know our palates and want to be sure.

These last few pictures are just to remind you how overwhelmingly cute cats are.

I hope that you have enjoyed my presentation. Let Snoops and Kommando Kitty know if you have questions. I’ll be happy to answer them for you.