*For some reason, stuffed animals are referred to as stuffies in many places online.
Snoops: Mom read us The Velveteen Rabbit. All about a stuffed rabbit who was loved very much by a little boy. The rabbit told the story. It was pretty good.
Kommando: Yeah. Except for the creepy horse.
Snoops: What creepy horse?
Kommando: The skin-horse. The boy had a dead horse in his bedroom.
Snoops: Moving right along, it made us wonder what the stuffed animals around here were thinking.
Kommando: We were going to interview them, but they wouldn’t let us.
Snoops: That’s because you tried to eat the tail off the opossum. And you tried to chew on a few others.
Kommando: He has a long tail. It looks like a toy.
Snoops: So we went to Lexi, our interpreter and dog-around-town.
Kommando: They wouldn’t talk to her either.
Snoops: Apparently dogs tear stuffies to shreds.
Kommando: So we did a survey. The results are below:
- Not being adopted
- Being chewed up
- Being cuddled
- Sleeping in bed
- Clean, fluffy fur
- Bodily fluids
- Washing machines/dryers
“If you are going to put us on a shelf, take us off once in a while and fluff our fur. Otherwise we get dusty and don’t feel clean.”
“We really like being hand washed and fluffed dry.”
“Don’t make us sleep on the floor. We get stepped on.”
“Don’t let dogs get near us. They chew on us, rip us up, and don’t have any respect for us.”
“Clean us right away if your child (or you) gets something nasty on us.”
“We don’t like to wear perfume or cologne.”
“We don’t mind losing our looks if it’s from being loved.”
“Thank you to everyone who takes us home and loves us.”
Snoops: Those all make sense.
Kommando: I guess I should find the opossum and apologize.