Washington, DC, September 16, 2016
Commentator: We just received word this afternoon that not only is the Cat Party not going to put forward a candidate for the coming election, they are disbanding the party. On the eve of the Republican Convention, this is truly shocking news. I have them on the phone to find out what happened.
Commentator: Hello guys. We heard the big news. So what happened?
Jaime : Hello, and thank you for having us. We all discussed it and decided that Washington is no place for a cat.
Creamsicle: : You might remember that we were going to Washington to learn about the budget. It was a total disaster.
Commentator: What do you mean?
Creamsicle: Well, the first ones I wanted to meet were the Fat Cats. I thought that maybe I could show them some tricks about maintaining a healthy lifestyle even when they were super-busy. Do you know what I discovered?
Biff: We were all shocked.
Creamsicle: Fat Cats refers to humans. In fact, everyone we saw in the government was human.
Charles: Some of them wanted to put us in cages!
Commentator: That’s horrible.
Charles: Not only that. Some of them are incredibly stupid.
Commentator: How so?
Charles: We looked at the budget. Some of those numbers had way too many zeros. Our government could never afford things with that many zeros.
Jaime: And nobody noticed that the numbers were wrong.
Biff: That’s because nobody went to that meeting where they talked about the budget.
Creamsicle: It was pretty boring. I almost fell asleep.
Biff: But don’t you remember at the beginning when they called off the names of the people who were supposed to be there?
Charles: I counted. Only 16 out of the 42 people were actually there.
Jaime: But that wasn’t the really scary part.
Moderator: It got worse?
Jaime: Definitely. Later that day, they voted on spending the money they were talking about in that meeting.
Biff: There were 25 people at that meeting. I heard some of them whispering to their aides in the hall before the meeting. They were asking what they were voting on and how it impacted important people they know.
Creamsicle: They hadn’t read any of the bill!
Commentator: So you all decided that you didn’t want to be in Washington?
Charles: What self-respecting cat would?
Creamsicle: Those people never stop talking!
Biff: And a lot of the people smoke in that city. Can you imagine what our fur would smell like?
Charles: Besides, we would only be a token cat. They don’t even have litter boxes in those buildings.
Jaime: And they said that only one of us could represent cats. The rest would have to go home. We’d have to work with a human staff!
Commentator: That’s appalling!
Creamsicle: That’s what we thought. What’s to stop them from giving us someone who smells like dog?
Commentator: So what’s next?
Biff: We’ve had an offer for a book deal writing about our experiences.
Charles: We’ve also been offered a talk show. Kind of a political round-table.
Creamsicle: But right now we’re just looking for a place with enough sun for us all to relax. It’s been a tough few months.
Commentator: Thank you for spending your time with us.
Cats: Purr, Purr
(All pictures courtesy of Google Images)
11 thoughts on “Cat Forum: Breaking Election News”
I don’t blame you for not wanting to be there!
Does anyone happen to know if any of the human candidates are owned by a cat? Even if this party chooses not to run, it would be nice to vote for someone who is at least guided by a cat.
I’m not sure any cat would want to be attached to this election cycle.
Do we dare leave the guidance up to some other species?
I think we should find out where they’re all going after the election
That would be very interesting.
I always knew cats were smart. Good for them for staying away.
I agree, Washington DC is no place for a cat. Maybe somewhere more mellow and low key?
They say that would be perfect. Maybe northern California
Yes, or Savannah, Georgia.
Hilarious. Made me think of Larry the cat of 10 Downing St.
That’s right! He seems to be pretty happy with his position in government.