12

The Bears Flying Adventure – Part 2

Summer Wildlife Series: Bears - Gray Line Alaska

Dave and Dottie Bear are trying to fly with their two cubs to Yellowstone Park on a human-run airline. Things were going fairly well until they got to security and realized they had no identification. You can read Part 1 here.

The bears are standing in front of a sign telling them that they must have government-issued identification before they can get on the airplane. 

Myth: When Bears Lose Their Fear of People, They Become More Likely to  Attack - North American Bear Center

Dottie: Didn’t they tell you on the phone that we would need identification?

Dave: I don’t think so. Most of the conversation was about whether or not we would eat the other passengers.

Ethan: That’s dumb. We don’t eat people.

Most of the black bear's natural diet consists of berries, nuts, roots, and  insects. To gain enough weight for winter dormancy, black bears have to  consume about 20,000 calories a day! It's

Edgar: Yeah. My favorite food is blueberries.

Ethan: And raspberries.

Edgar: And honey.

Ethan: Mom, can I have a snack? I’m getting hungry.

Dottie: Not now. We have to figure out how to get through Security.

Bear photo a reminder for Tri-Cities to be aware of all surroundings -  Tri-City News

Employee: You have to move along folks. You’re holding up the line.

Dave looked around and there was a small crowd behind them.

Dave: Why didn’t they just ask?

Employee (whispering): You’re a bunch of bears. They don’t want your wife going all “Mama Grizzly” on them.

Paige 🗻 Alaska Adventures | Mama bears are on guard 24/7 trying to protect  their cubs. It was crazy to see how tirelessly they work to be aware of  their surroundings.... | Instagram

Dottie: What’s “Mama Grizzly”?

Employee: You know. Chasing them down so they don’t hurt your cubs.

Dottie (to Dave): I knew we shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with humans. They’re all crazy.

Dave: Sir, I can assure you that no one has better manners than my wife. The humans could have asked politely, and we would have let them past.

Everything You Need to Know About Bears in the Smoky Mountains | Gatlinburg  Cabins | Gatlinburg Cabin Rentals | Chalet Village

Employee: Please just move along and keep the line flowing.

Dave: But we don’t . . .

Employee: Just move along.

The bears move along as they were directed. They notice that the line is rather long but seems to be moving well. Before long, they are in front of a desk.

Brown Alaskan Bear standing up - Picture of Alaska Homestead Lodge, Lake  Clark National Park and Preserve - Tripadvisor

Security Agent: Please show me your boarding passes and identification.

Dave: Here are the boarding passes.

Security Agent: Thank you. Now I need to see identification for you and the lady.

Dave: We’re bears. We don’t have identification.

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Security Agent: You can’t get on the plane until I see your identification.

Dottie: I have school IDs for the boys. Will that work?

Security Agent: I don’t need identification for them. I need it for you.

Dave: No one told us we needed identification. We just get on the trains and buses.

Security Agent: We have different rules here. Sometimes people try to blow up planes.

Listen to 911 Call About Bear Cub

Dottie: I don’t want to get on a plane if someone is going to blow it up.

Security Agent: We’re trying to keep the planes from blowing up. Please step aside.

The bears move to the side while the agent talks to someone on the phone. Shortly another human appears and tells them to follow him. Dottie and the boys look terrified. Dave is getting angry. They are shown to a small room.

Tourist suggests Yellowstone National Park train bears for better viewing -  Cottage Life

Human: My name is Sgt Stryker. What seems to be the problem?

Dave: We’re trying to get to Yellowstone to see my Aunt Edna. She’s never seen the boys.

Dottie: I wanted to take the train, but the boys really wanted to fly. This was the only airline we could afford.

Dave: Nobody told us we would need official identification to get on the plane.

Sgt Stryker: That is the federal regulation.

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Dave: What do other animals use?

Sgt Stryker: I’m not really sure. To be honest, you’re the first animals I’ve seen in Security. Let me make a call.

Dave and Dottie wait, trying not to let the boys see that they are scared too.

Sgt Stryker: Good news. I understand what went wrong. They sent you through the human line. You were supposed to go through the non-human security line. Let me take you where you need to be.

Dave: Thank you. That would be very helpful.

Honestly, it was pretty challenging working with a talking raccoon. 🙃🙃

They follow Sgt Stryker outside to a different building. They are relieved to see the badgers and raccoons again.

Rex Raccoon: We are really glad to see you. We thought maybe you got kicked off.

Dave: No. They sent us to the human line.

Molly Raccoon: The human line? That’s awful. They think that everyone might blow up the plane.

Wally Badger: They’re much more civilized on this side. And wait until you see the great section they have for us. Lots of space and plenty of snacks.

Pin by Olga Glazova on OG BEAR | Bear cubs, Grizzly bear, Grizzly bear cub

Edgar: Daddy, look! It’s our airplane. It’s huge!

Ethan: Oh boy! This is gonna be epic. Wait until we tell everyone at school that we got to ride on a big airplane with lots of scary humans.

Rex Raccoon: Don’t worry about the scary humans. They’re not allowed in our part of the plane.

Dottie: Thank goodness! Maybe this is going to work out after all.

File:Tired brown bear 050701 01.JPG - Wikimedia Commons

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

Tabocracy in Action: 2-Month Update

Sgt Stripes is holding his first press briefing of the Thomas Tabby era. Things have not been going as smoothly as they had hoped, and there were a lot of questions.

Sgt Stripes: Greetings everyone. Welcome to the Tabocracy. I know that there are a lot of questions. Unfortunately, Thomas is not available this afternoon to take your questions directly, but I hope to be able to address your concerns. I would like to open the floor to questions.

Beagle Dog Breed Information & Characteristics

Beagle: I’m Freddie from the Woofington Post. What happened to Remy, the Golden Retriever. I thought he was going to be the “outside voice” to make sure cats didn’t run everything solely for the benefits of other cats. We haven’t seen him since Thomas took office.

Sgt Stripes: Unfortunately, Remy has been sidelined with hip dysplasia. He recently had surgery and is healing well. We hope to have him back sometime next month.

500+ Golden Retriever Pictures [HD] | Download Free Images on Unsplash

Beagle: So there is no dog representation at the moment?

Sgt Stripes: We don’t want to replace Remy. He’s part of the team.

Sea Otter Fun Facts | National Marine Sanctuary Foundation

Otter: Sally from Mustelid Mirror: Is it true that Thomas has not had his first meeting with the humans yet? What is the delay?

Sgt Stripes: We wanted to make sure we have a strong case before we make any requests. Additionally, the humans have been sick with whatever gets to them in the cold weather. There’s been a lot of runny noses and coughing. Extremely unpleasant to be in the same room.

Otter: Follow-up question. What are the first things Thomas will present?

Things You May or May Not Know about Tuxedo Cats - Heartland Cat Rescue

Sgt Stripes: Of course, we can’t guarantee what the humans will want to talk about. However, we are asking for bowls of water and kibble available at all parks and public spaces. One of Remy’s requests is for an end to leash laws. They are antiquated and unfairly enforced, mainly on dogs.

Tuxedo Cat: Clarice from KittyTown Courier. Do you have any idea what the humans will be bringing to the table? There’s a rumor that they will be asking for cuddle guarantees.

Sgt Stripes: There has been some talk of trying to find middle ground between the humans desire for cat affection and the cats’ natural inclination to be in control of all inter-species relationships. We are hoping that we can reach some sort of agreement on social interaction.

Tuxedo Cat: Is that strictly a human-feline issue?

Sgt Stripes: We believe so. Dogs do not seem to have the same need for personal space as we cats do. It’s a shame that the humans seem to want to be in control. No cat will allow that.

Mice : Got Pests? : Board of Pesticides Control: Maine DACF

Mouse: Edgar from Rodent Review. We smaller animals have an issue with Thomas’ security team.

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure what you’re referring to. Snoops is in charge of security.

Mouse: Snoops is rather aggressive in protecting him. There is a problem with all of you cats. You see my type of creature as a toy or even a snack.

Beyond Barn Cats: How to Keep Mice and Rats from Feeling at Home in Your  Barn | Stable Talk | Farnam

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think that’s a fair accusation. We are working to make everyone more comfortable.

Mouse: We would like to see a smaller “prey” type animal on your team.We are not comfortable being represented by a predator type animal.

Sgt Stripes: I will take your concern back to Thomas.

Fun Rabbit Facts - Vets on Parker

Rabbit: Jonathan from Meadow Happenings. Where is Thomas? We rarely see him since the election.

Sgt Stripes: He’s dealing with some personal issues. He should be back soon.

Rabbit: Is it true that he’s separated from his wife because she’s tired of him never being home? Is that why he hasn’t met with the humans yet?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not in a position to answer those questions.

Snoops: Okay, everyone. No more questions. The briefing is over.

 Pictures courtesy of Google Images

36

Sgt Stripes: Why Does Gypsy Act So Weird?

         

Sgt Stripes here. You guys know that I really like Gypsy. We were upstairs together. And now that we have free run of the house, she’s the only lady cat who doesn’t hiss at me. We still nap together sometimes. But since we’ve been downstairs, I’ve noticed something kind of weird about her.

She REALLY likes to have a special spot that’s hers.  The spot changes sometimes, but she always needs to have a spot of her own. I decided that we’re good enough friends, that I could ask her about it. (I hope she doesn’t hiss or whap me.

Sgt Stripes: Hey, Gypsy. Can I ask you something?

Gypsy: Sure. What is it?

Sgt Stripes: I’m your favorite cat here, right?

Gypsy: I guess. Angel tried to starve me, and Onyx hisses at everyone. Snoops is OK, but she doesn’t understand why Mr Google always confuses us when he sends “Similar Shots” to the humans. You shared your space and kibble upstairs, so I like you.

Sgt Stripes: You’ve been nice to me too. But there’s one thing I don’t understand about you. The rest of us pretty much hang out in different spots around the house. But you always have a specific place to sit and sleep. Why are you so attached to a certain spot?

Gypsy: I move around. I always go to the kitchen for breakfast.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. But then you go back to your spot. Right now, if you’re not eating or using the litter box, you only stay in the spot where the Christmas tree used to be.

Gypsy: I cuddle with Mom on the love seat. And sometimes I sleep with you on the love seat.

Sgt Stripes: I guess that’s true. Maybe you are changing. But remember when you would only sleep in the plant? Mom had to bring your food to you there. You’d get out, eat the food, then go back to the plant. And before that, you would only stay on the stairs. The weirdest spot was when you wanted to sit in the litter box all the time.

Gypsy: That was only a couple of weeks.

Sgt Stripes: But why did you want to do it at all?

Gypsy: I feel safer if I have my own spot. It has to do with how I was raised.

Sgt Stripes: What happened?

Gypsy: My first humans kept me in a cage. And they didn’t feed me very well.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds awful. How did you get out?

Gypsy: They decided they didn’t want me and took me to a shelter. It was very traumatic.

Sgt Stripes: What happened with your next humans?

Gypsy: They were a lot nicer. But they had other cats who didn’t like me. They said I was the problem, and put me in a room away from the other cats. I was just hissy because I was so stressed out. But at least they fed me and were nice to me.

Sgt Stripes: Then you came here?

Gypsy: Yes. But when Angel, Onyx, and I arrived, there were already three cats here: you, Snoops, and Kommando. So Angel and I were put in a separate room. It was a lot bigger than I room I had been in, but it was really hard. Angel and I don’t really like each other.

Sgt Stripes: She hisses at me all the time. I don’t think I’d want to be locked in a room with her either.

Gypsy: And she kept eating all the food. I lost a lot of weight.

Sgt Stripes: That’s when you came upstairs. I remember that. You were tiny.

Gypsy: It was really weird having that much space. Onyx wasn’t excited that I was up there, but you were pretty nice. You only tried to play pounce a few times.

Sgt Stripes: You really weren’t much fun; you wouldn’t run away. But you were nice to hang out with.

Gypsy: Thank you. I was really comfortable up there. Then we were allowed to go downstairs if we wanted. It was so much space. I had never seen so much space. It was really intimidating.

Sgt Stripes: You haven’t been back up since we were allowed downstairs.

Gypsy: No. I’m still adapting to the downstairs. I even went out on the porch a couple of times. I discovered that I do not like snow.

Sgt Stripes: You should definitely stay inside. I was outside before they adopted me. Inside is definitely more comfortable. No rain or snow.

Gypsy: I think I like it here. Food, treats, and cuddles on demand. And I even have a cat friend. Thanks, Sarge.

10

Don’t You Trust Me?

Yesterday at work, a coworker told me that the company had put a new security camera in the deli area. It points at a wall with ready-to-bake pizzas, packaged meats, and ready-to-eat sandwiches (those ones in the triangular boxes that are available in vending machines). It appears to be stationary, but I’m no expert on these things.

Some people think they are directed more at the employees than the customers. I guess employee theft is a problem. But I would hope that someone would risk their job over something better than a week-old egg-salad sandwich on white bread being kept non-lethal by cellophane. I mean, it’s only a few feet from the real meat.

They also have a camera to watch us leave the building. I’m told that one’s a pin-hole camera, so we won’t know we’re being watched. Apparently the people responsible for the camera didn’t realize that telling a couple of people about it meant that all employees would know. And those employees would tell the new employees.

I’m not really sure what they hope to see. Maybe if a big-screen TV goes missing, they check the recording to see if anyone tried to sneak one through the employee door. They would probably want to get rid of that employee anyway. We’re allowed to use any of the doors in the store. It would be pretty stupid to use the one door where even if the camera didn’t get you, everyone else saw you leave with a new TV. A TV you could never afford on the wages you make.

I lead a seriously boring life. I’m a little embarrassed to know that I’m being watched almost everywhere I go. There’s a traffic camera down the road from our house. We live on a “major” two-lane road (it’s paved). The light is at the intersection with another paved two-lane road. It’s a pretty exciting spot. There’s a nursing home on one corner. That’s it. I really don’t know if they’ve caught anyone with it. For all I know, it may not even be connected.

I’m not sure which is creepier: knowing that you’re being watched and not being able to tell how they’re doing it or those cameras that have a screen where you can watch yourself move around a store. The logical part of me knows that there is no one actually watching all of those monitors all the time. But there’s still a part of me that says, “Geez, I don’t remember my butt looking that big the last time I wore these pants. I don’t want people looking at me like this.”

On the other hand, it’s probably not as easy to be a “fashion don’t” as I fear. It seems like every time there is a robbery at a gas station or convenience store, the images are too blurry to make out anything about the person they’re looking for. Apparently if I want to steal a $4 pseudo-sandwich, I should do it at the local Gas Mart.

I’ve been seeing and hearing ads for home security systems that allow you to view what is going on at home from work (or wherever you are with your laptop). Part of me thinks that’s a great idea. You can make sure the house is still in one piece, the kids are still in one piece, and your spouse hasn’t made a playdate with a new friend. On the other hand, do I really want to know that the kids have tie-dyed the rabbit before I have to?

On a local morning show last week, I heard about a guy who put cameras in his bedroom. He was missing some clothes and was sure his roommate was stealing from him. Turns out he had left the clothes at his new girlfriend’s house. Hope he takes down the cameras before he takes the new girlfriend home. Or that she’s open-minded.

I hate the thought of being watched. I guess it’s the modern version of the days when the clerk would come into the store changing rooms to “make sure everything is OK” in an effort to keep people from stealing. But that was creepy too.

Maybe I’ll just go full-cat. They don’t care one way or the other what we think of them.