Yule Cat as Fashion Police

Jólakötturinn Iceland's Christmas Cat - Posts | Facebook

Please note: Everyone knows that we would never allow any human to dress us up for an occasion. We are not passing judgement on cats who choose to dress up for the holidays. We are passing judgement on humans who insist their cohabiting cats dress up to please them, the human.

Cats that once lived outside have learned to appreciate the inside

You may remember Yule Cat. He’s an Icelandic enforcer and you want to stay on his good side. Traditionally in Iceland, if you finished all your chores by Christmas Eve you would get a new set of clothes on Christmas.

Yule Cat prowls around the neighborhoods on Christmas Eve, checking children’ s presents to see if they are receiving clothing. If they are, Yule Cat continues on his way. If the child has been naughty and didn’t finish their chores, Yule Cat will see that the child is not receiving a present. Yule Cat eats the child’s meal as an appetizer and has the child for the main course.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, Your Ornaments Are History | Kittens  Whiskers

We propose something similar. Yule Cat will prowl the neighborhoods, looking in windows. If he sees a kitty dressed in fur, he will pass along. If he sees a kitty dressed up and looking content, he will pass along. However, if he sees a cat who is struggling to get out of the clothes or fighting not to put them on, he will spring into action. Not only will he destroy the offending kitty clothes, he will destroy the festive wear of the responsible human.

We imagine something like this:

Cat Humor: Meet Five Of Santa's Cat Elves | Christmas cats, Christmas  animals, Cats

Verdict: An obviously unhappy cat. Release the poor creature and show me the way to the human’s closet.

Woman dresses up her cats for Christmas in festive onesies | Daily Mail  Online

Verdict: Minimal costume. Cats seem relaxed. No need for me here.

cats dressed for Christmas – EXIT ONLY

Verdict: Someone needs to explain the difference between cats and reindeer to this human. The poor cat is not amused. I hope the human has wool. I love wool.

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Verdict: This little one is almost asleep. Let them be.

huffingtonpost.com on Flipboard: Cats Dressed Up For Christmas Are The  Greatest Gift This Holiday Season

Verdict: Where do we start? Any human who dresses their cat to look like a drunk Santa is obviously doing it without the cat’s consent. We think we’ll have the dinner as well as the clothes.

Christmas Cats (Photos)

Verdict: This is not a happy cat. We have no choice but to destroy your party clothes.

Remember humans. Your cat may put up with the clothes you make them wear, but that doesn’t mean they like wearing them. Yule Cat may be right around the corner.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images.



Give the Gift of Love…Give Bacon

I love looking at catalogs, particularly the ones that come at Christmas. Some of them are beautiful, like the ones that come from art museums. But those ones aren’t any fun; I might actually buy that stuff for someone. The better ones are the catalogs with items whose recipients I can only imagine. What’s a little scary is that several of those catalogs have the same items. Are there really that many people out there who want Poop Soap? (rhetorical question, I don’t want to know.)

Every year, there are a couple of trends in these catalogs. Squirrels, cows, and rabbits have each had their time. But if you want to give a cutting edge gift this year, it seems you will have to go to the pig. The deceased, cut-up, and smoked pig. Everywhere I looked, there was bacon. Not the low-fat, low-salt semi-healthy type. We are celebrating the artery-clogging, fat-laden real thing you may remember from years past.

We can start with Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages. They are advertised, “These bandages look like real bacon strips.” It comes with 15 bandages and “a prize to help take your mind off your boo-boo.” Nothing screams sterility and healing like bacon fat on your finger.

If your loved one is a fashion follower, he’s sure to want a bacon Sticky Tie. “Peel, stick, wear and re-wear these outrageous sticky ties.” They are promised not to tear, being fabric rather than paper. Just the thing for the next big presentation. You can also get ties that look like duct tape and beer. (No price break for a set.)

Tie not a bold enough statement? Get your loved one a bacon t-shirt. “Printed using a sublimated (?) ink process, resulting in crisp detail and vivid colors that look good enough to eat.” Actually, it is pretty realistic. There seems to be an emphasis on the fat in a slice of bacon and the grease will remind you of why it is healthier to put the bacon on the outside of your body.

Still looking? How about a bacon scarf? “A delish fashion accent for guys or gals, with everyone’s favorite rich marbled pork product knit in soft 100% acrylic.” Guess Spam isn’t considered marbled pork. Living in Michigan, I know it’s not going to be of any use in the cold weather coming up. I’d recommend it for someone who want’s to dress down that overly formal outfit they plan to wear on New Year’s Eve.

Even less formal? An “I’d Wrap that in Bacon” t-shirt. The write-up pretty much says it all: “You could fry it in butter. or smother it with gravy. But if you really want to go all nine yards, there’s only one thing for it. Bacon.” In other words, we know it’s unhealthy. We know it could kill you. But let’s celebrate it because we really, really like it. (Note to catalog editor: the phrase is ‘the whole nine yards.”. An early sign of too much bacon fat in the brain?)

Loved one more of the artsy type than fashionista? How about a couple of bacon ornaments for the tree? They are made of hand-blown glass, so don’t hold them after indulging in your favorite snack. The catalog says that it “makes a great gift for fellow members of the “Brotherhood of the Bacon”. There’s a great “fat” joke in there, but I can’t find it; insert your own.

This next gift could be used as a sign that you want to take your relationship to the next level. Nothing says I want to be close to you more than a matching bacon throw and pillow. “There’s nothing a little salt-cured pork can’t cure. And that includes the trauma of having a dull, drab, un-bacon-ified living space.” How the recipient responds will give you a good indicator whether you want to be on any level with this person.

Finally, for the purists among you, there is hand-dipped Marini’s Chocolate Bacon. “Premium thick-cut bacon is oven-baked until golden and crispy, then expertly hand dipped in Marini’s 34% cocoa Dutch milk chocolate or 54% French vanilla semisweet dark chocolate, creating a sweet, savory taste sensation unlike any other.” They say dark chocolate is good for you, so you can brag about the healthy gift you gave if you go with the French vanilla semisweet dark chocolate. (I wonder if being semisweet takes away the healthy. Maybe you should skip the healthy and go with the extravagance of the gift.)

I know you want to get on with your shopping. So, to do comparison shopping, you can find these items in the catalogs from Spilsbury, The Lighter Side, Wireless, and Hammacher Schlemmer (guess which one came from there?) There is also a huge selection on Amazon (you can even get a set of bacon and eggs for you and your bed-mate).

And if you find yourself on Christmas Eve with no present, just go down to the corner market and get a pound of bacon. If you really love them, get hickory smoked.