Emma Rabbit was heading back into the workforce. Before she’d had her kids, she’d been an aerobics instructor. She had enjoyed it, but didn’t really want to work that hard anymore. She was scrolling through the advertisements on the AnimalHunter website and entered her information to see what they might match her with.

She waited nervously to see if they had anything for a returning-to-the-workforce ex-aerobics instructor. It wasn’t long before her phone started pinging.

   

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Receptionist at You and Your Teeth. Looking for an outgoing, friendly self-starter to greet clients and schedule appointments at our all-species denture lab. Must not be intimidated by large mammals with toothaches. Excellent pay and benefits. Free samples.

Emma did think she would do well with grumpy tigers. She was frightened by large domesticated cats when they got angry.

Animal Hunter has found a match for you. Account representative for Iron Butterfly Gyms. Put your outgoing  personality to work for you. Sell memberships to our ever-expanding chain of gyms. Potential to work up to a trainer position. Salary plus commission. Free gym membership included.

Emma wondered what she had put into her account that would make anyone think she would be a good salesperson. She was a typical rabbit, sweet and cuddly. And afraid of most large animals.

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Meat cutter at MegaMart. Requirements: good interpersonal skills, attention to detail, ability to work without close supervision. Join the largest team in the U,S, Competitive wages and benefits for full-time employees. Employee discount from date of hire.

Emma couldn’t click out fast enough. She was definitely not going to work for the human MegaMart Corporation. In the meat department no less. Then she looked at the next four messages.

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Join the MegaMart team in your neighborhood. Full and part-time positions available. Flexible hours all shifts. Cashiers, stocking, floor positions available. Choose which position you want at the location most convenient to you. Join the largest team in the U.S. Competitive wages and benefits for full-time employees. Employee discount from date of hire.

Emma was getting irritatated. Why would AnimalHunter be sending jobs at a human store?   AnimalHunters was supposed to be for animals. Were there really animals desperate enough to work there? Humans were icky. And they smell weird. And make jokes about having you for dinner. NEVER.

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Pre-School Attendant at Dee’s Kitty Cove. Do you think small cats are totally adorable? Are you looking for a schedule that matches your child’s? Do you enjoy teaching kittens how to be cats? You will love working at the Kitty Cove. Your kittens can attend for free. Must be flexible and willing to work extra hours at short notice. Must have up-to-date rabies and distemper shots.

That would be a good job, thought Emma. IF I WAS A CAT. Jobs in Cheeseland weren’t supposed to be segregated by species. But who was going to be able to teach a kitten how to be a cat if they weren’t a cat. Emma wondered if maybe she could sort by something rabbit-friendly.

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Do you love the water? Are you a natural swimmer? Cheeseland Country Club is looking for swimming instructors and life guards. Must be able to easily swim at least 100 meters and know basic water first-aid to become an instructor. Must be trained in basic water rescue for the lifeguard positions. Skills will be tested at the interview. Get to know the pillars of your community. Pays minimum wage, but the networking possibilities are endless.

Emma quickly clicked past. There must have been some part of the profile that she had missed. Rabbits only swim when they are forced to. Her heavy fur coat was not meant for the water. She had to keep looking.

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Do you want to set your own schedule? Work when it’s convenient for you? Join the Maid4You team. We specialize in cleaning homes and small offices. You can choose which jobs to accept and which to pass by. Initial allowance for the things you’ll need. Then you’re on your own. Bid on the jobs that work for you. You’re a free agent with the recognized name of Maid4You getting the word out for you. Follow our link to sign up.

Emma tried to figure out how this would be a good job for her. Cleaning up other people’s messes with the lowest bidder always getting the work. Her own equipment and transportation. No job security at all. She moved on.

After a few more postings, Emma decided to go for a walk. She’d try a new profile tomorrow and see if her luck improved. If not, she could go back to teaching aerobics.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.