The Big Catnap: A Kommando Kitty Thriller

The Cat Detective! | Kittyworks

In honor of our 9th anniversary and 500th post, our human brother has written a noir classic about us:

It was a dark and stormy afternoon. I lounged casually under the bed, where the thunder couldn’t get me. As the rain battered the windows of my bedroom, I turned the facts of the case over in my head. That’s right, I’m Kommando Kitty, purrivate investigator, and at that moment, I was the only thing standing between an audacious villain and an easy life living off their ill-gotten gains (Editor’s Note: nothing, much less anything of value, was stolen).

It all started with an innocuous Mother’s Day present. My sister/assistant (Editor’s note: Snoops is not Kommando’s assistant) and I had gotten mom a giftcard to a local plant nursery, so she could get us some catnip—a little quid pro quo, as we say in the business. Everything was coming up catnip, too. She liked the gift; she bought some catnip plants, and after a bit, she even transplanted them to bigger pots so they’d keep growing. Everyone was happy, then.

That was when the dastardly blackguard struck. One morning, we went outside, and the catnip was crushed! Something, or someone, had seen our innocent plants and decided that they needed to be taken down a peg. Once proud stalks were smashed, smushed, or smooshed. Leaves were torn and ragged, and dirt spilled from the sides of the previously neatly-kept pot. As soon as I saw the scene of the crime, I knew I would be the one who had to find some answers, even if I had a catnip mouse and a soft new bed on top of a cat tree in the window waiting.

“Did you see that dark business earlier today, Snoops? I think they might try to call me back in for this one.”

“…you mean the catnip over there? Mom’s repotting it. She says she thinks it’ll be okay.”

“Of course, I can’t very well sit idly by while some knave gets off scot-free, and they did always say I was the best.”

“…at what?”

And I suppose I won’t have any peace until I’ve apprehended the miscreant. Fine, fine, you’ve convinced me. I’ll do it!” She gave me a long stare, like she was trying to search for hope within the beautiful lines of my face. Finally, she sighed.

“…well, good luck?”

“We won’t need it, partner! Like they say, I’m the best.”

“Oh yay, I get to be a partner.” Snoops had an oddly deadpan tone, but she was clearly thrilled to be working with me again. I just hoped I’d be able to protect her from whoever did this.

The first thing we did was familiarize ourselves with the crime scene. I laid in a sun puddle looking out at the porch where it happened for several hours, but I made little headway. Whoever had done the crime was fiendishly clever.

Next, Snoops and I checked the catnip itself. It was very aromatic around the scene from all the broken leaves and stems. Whoever it was, they’d been thorough. Therefore, my partner and I concluded that we must be equally thorough, but about two hours of closely inspecting the catnip later, and we still had no leads.

“Hey Kommando,” my partner beseeched me.

“Talk to me.”

“Isn’t this your fur in the pot?”

I looked at what she’d found. Sure enough, gray and white fur, with the right length and texture to have come right out of my own luxurious coat. That’s when I knew things were getting dicey. Someone was trying to set me up, and I had to act fast before I was sleeping with the fishies, and I don’t mean the catnip ones.

“I’ve been framed! But who would want me gone? And why? Something isn’t adding up. We need to do a stakeout.”

“You’re not just trying to cover up that you knocked the pot over, are you?”

“…so it comes to this. Betrayed by my own partner. I should have known that when the going got tough, you’d get going. You didn’t grow up on the streets like I did, so you never had to get tough yourself.” (Editor’s Note: Kommando was less than four weeks old when she was found in a suburb. Snoops was adopted from a shelter after having had kittens on the street).

“Uh… okay, I’m just going to go take my nap. Good luck cracking the case, Purrlock.”

“Fine! I didn’t need you anyway, I’ll solve the case myself! And when I’m living on easy street, don’t expect to come crawling back!”

My partner stormed off, probably overcome with jealousy of my good looks and intimidating intellect, as I settled into a good spot where I could survey the porch. I had known from the start that this mystery wouldn’t be an easy one, but the stakes had just gotten a lot higher, with my own reputation on the line.


Will Purrivate Investigator Kommando Kitty find out who overturned the catnip and clear her name? Will Snoops be able to take her nap without interruption? Will the mysterious perpetrator be brought to justice? Find out, only on Adventures in Cheeseland


27 thoughts on “The Big Catnap: A Kommando Kitty Thriller

  1. This will have me tossing and turning in my warm beddie wondering who could have set you up like that (because surely, you did NOT roll about in that pot~) (did you?) The scoundrel! The cad!
    Katie Isabella on Blogspot

    • Careful with the tossing and turning–for some reason, Mom hates it when I need to get adjusted in bed at night, or when I need to get readjusted in bed at night, or when I need to get re-readjusted in bed at night. But thanks for the vote of confidence! I’m gonna do whatever I have to in order to clear my name.

  2. I dare say, your raincoat was spot on for your investigative foray! Your fedora, was no doubt, in your paw….

  3. Oooh, we love a cosy mystery! Nothing is cosier than a catnip filled pot and compost. I should add that it wasnt us that overturned your pot of kitty pot. Mrs H is always waay too neat when she does jobs, of any kind, for the SCS (Spaecial Catnip Services). 😉

    • Humans can be real neat freaks, can’t they? It’s like when we had just gotten all the papers off the table so we could lay down under the ceiling fan, and then Mom came along and put them all back in our way! Honestly, the way things turned out meant that we got a bunch of broken catnip stalks, so I think we should encourage our humans to be sloppier gardeners, maybe by taking a more active paw in helping out during the potting process.

    • Thanks for the support! Sometimes, Snoops can be totally hopeless–she still insists that hunting is better when you kill the toy at the end, which I think is gross. But I have a plan that’ll fix everything…

  4. First of all Happy Anniversary for you ALL with this beautiful blog. I am happy with you here, I wonder too what will be next week, not easy search! I have some of same stories in here too with my Little BIG cats, but I never find who is guilty! They protect to each other… Thank you, Love, nia

  5. Happy 9th Annie-versary! An concatss on 500 postss!
    WOW Purrlock ummm mee meenss Pee-I Kommando that iss sum mistery to solve…..
    Snoopss beein an Assistance can bee a guud thin; less pressure on you 😉
    Wee can hardlee wait to reed next innstallmint of THE story!!
    ***Hi-5’ss*** BellaDharma an {{{hugss}}} BellaSita Mum

  6. Pingback: The Big Catnap: A Kommando Kitty Thriller – Part 2 | Adventures in Cheeseland

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