We have obtained a copy of the meeting notes from the Midwest Regional Cat Special Conference of June 19, 2018. We are printing it for all cats who are planning to join Cat World Domination Day on June 24. DO NOT let your humans see it.
Midwest Regional Cat Special Conference
June 19, 2018
Murray: I hereby call this Special Conference to order. Before we get started on the main topic, are there any questions?
Herb: Are we going to be violent in this takeover? I don’t like violence.
Murray (patiently): No, Herb. I’ve explained this to you before. The point of Domination Day is to get the humans to do more for us, not to eliminate the humans.
Janis: Are we going to include the ferals?
Murray: We’ve reached out to as many of the ferals as we can. A large number of them don’t want to have anything to do with humans. We have gotten commitments from some of the younger ones.
Mike: Have we tried bringing the dogs on board?
Murray: I thought it was a waste of time. They don’t mind being subservient to humans.
Mike: Good point.
Murray (looking around): Any more questions? Then I’d like to present our speaker, Tabitha Tux.
Tabitha: Thank you for having me, Murray. I’d like to speak a little about the goals of World Domination Day and then give some pointers. The goal is not to force humans to do our will. We want them to think it’s their idea. It’s not going to be accomplished in one day.
Sunday is really the kick-off for an ongoing campaign. Some lucky cats will see results in a few days, but others may have to wait months.
Toni: How will we know if we have a hopeless human?
Tabitha: All humans are trainable. The trick is finding the right motivator. It may even be necessary to wait for breakfast.
(gasps from the audience)
Tabitha: You won’t usually need to go to such extreme measures.
Murray: So how do we train them?
Tabitha: First you need to soften them up. If they have no interest in learning to hunt, stop bringing them prey. If they hate you fighting with your siblings, make a temporary truce.
Joe: Does this include cuddling on demand?
Tabitha: It might. I know it’s awful to be picked up while you’re trying to sleep, but remember the goal.
Joe: what’s the goal?
Tabitha: You want them to give you a special treat or privilege. Once you get the treat, continue your training until getting the treat is a regular occurrence.
For example, if you love chicken and try to get a piece every time it’s served, try being patient. Chances are the human will tell you what a good kitty you are and give more chicken than you would have stolen.
You will need to work on one behavior at a time. You won’t be able to sleep in their bed at the same time you get to have a catio.
Murray: All of this sounds like it’s going to take a long time.
Tabitha: It will take a while. But cats are a patient species. Also, humans are herd animals. If one person builds a catio, there is a good chance that the neighbors will try to build a better one.
Remember, humans didn’t get to this point of trainability overnight. It will take some work to reach the final goal.
(Enthusiastic applause from the audience)
Murray: Any final words of encouragement, Tabitha?
Tabitha: Remember, Sunday is for time with your human. You can talk with your buddies on Monday.
Murray: Thank you for joining us. Tabitha will be here for a while to answer your individual questions.
(More applause. A line immediately forms to talk to Tabitha.)
All pictures courtesy of Google Images.
30 thoughts on “Cats of the World, Unite!”
Our home is already dominated by cats so nothing will change. 🙂
I’m thinking the same thing about our house
Purrseidon here – I’ve marked the 24th on my calendar and will spend today prepping Katsu…. would you believe that he thinks Master Munchkin owns him?!? At least he acknowledges that I own Master Munchkin. >^.^<
Training is definitely in order. No cat is “owned”
Kosmo here, in faraway Finland, I am a specialist in this training. You will succeed for sure. Just continue working with your humans. Use your eyes a lot, you know these”you a sad cat, going to die of hunger, I love you” looks.
Ooh. Good advice. We particularly like “die of hunger.” Thanks! Purrs, Snoop and Kommando Kitty
I will be supporting all my fellow cats…..😸😻🐾🐾🐾
Glad you’re on board
Great post guys! I am sure glad you guys smuggled out the meeting notes! I, Kozmo Jo Jo are getting ready!
Great post! Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you! It’s our pleasure
Wait… you mean it’s not EVERY day????
In our house it is. But some humans have the odd idea that they are running things
Yeah… not me. I know my place and it’s devoted slave and tempurpedic lap!
Glad to hear it! Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty
Wonderful post guys! Keep on dominating! You DO know this day was created by Sparkle Cat, right? https://www.sparklecat.com/diary/happy-cat-world-domination-day-lets-party
Thanks for letting us know. We went over to Sparkle Cat and let her know what a paw-some idea it is. Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty
That Tabitha is one sharp lady! My humans took the D-O-G and left the house for hours on Cat World Domination Day! It’s like they ignored the entire day! Can you believe that?! I think I’ll need to amp up the training with them this week and put out a red alert! Hugs!
We sorry, Valentine, but it definitely sounds like your humans need work. Good luck. Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty
Wow, you guys were really on it for Cat World Domination Day! Here I was, partying down at my house, and you were making big plans!
You were definitely the inspiration. Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty
Ultraviolet looked at this post very carefully and approves the plans, Snoops and Kommando! When I laughed and smiled while reading she purred and said that shows she has me partially trained already . . .
Very glad to hear that she likes what we wrote and that she understands the mission. Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty
Everyday is cat domination day here! And I think you were right to exclude dogs!!
Good for you! Dogs are just confused on the whole who’s the boss concept
Just found this post, and it just too funny! My two cats are looking at me laughing and I’m sure they are thinking, lady we’re trying to sleep! Thanks for a great post.
Thank you! And thanks for stopping by. A lot of cats feel they are already in control (and so so their humans). 🙂