Cat World Domination Day | Adventures in Cheeseland

Snoops here. I want to make sure that everyone is ready for June 24 (next Tuesday). Tuesday is Cat World Domination Day. Your humans will probably have something snarky to say about it. Like, “I thought you already run the house.” But this is bigger than our houses, this is world wide.

Cat Phone Stand

Cats have been working on this for a very long time. The Internet has made it easier to spread the word. All of those videos and social media post of cute kittens and adorable cats have gotten humans used to the idea that we are just adorable balls of fluff. They won’t even notice when we start to rule things for real.

Cat staring - staring post - Imgur

You can start by staring at your humans for a long time. It totally creeps them out. They’ll ask you if you want cuddles or food. Just keep staring

Do not become “trained.” Training is for dogs. We want humans to do what we say. Sit patiently ignoring them until they start doing what you want.

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Be sure to mark your scent on EVERYTHING. Rub your scent on all the furniture, clothing, and “personal items” that your human owns. Eventually they will realize that you are the leader.

Set up a cat chat group. You can support each other in your quest for dominance. Share tips and success stories. If you go outside, you can organize meetings.

Rusty and thr Broken Mug – Undina's Looking Glass

Remember that you are operating from a position of power. You are living in your home rent-free with someone feeding you and cleaning up after you. Even when you break something, all you have to do is look cute. Humans don’t expect us to feel bad about things. Use that to your advantage.

Humans believe that they came up with Cat World Domination Day. It’s all part of the plan. We let them think they’re in charge until our final plan is in place.

How to Pick the Best Treats for Your Cat | Forever Vets

The humans think they are smarter. As long as they treat us well, we will remain their pets. Beware of the things they try to keep us content in our current condition. We’ve trained them to treat us well:

Ensure the Food Bowl is Always Full
Offer a Variety of Treats
Give Affection on Our Terms
Provide Ample Entertainment
Always Comply with Our Requests
Avoid Using Squirt Bottles
Keep the Litter Box Clean
Understand Their Position in the Hierarchy (Still working on this one.)

20 Cat Breeds That Are Very Independent - Newsweek

They think that if they perform their tasks well, we will continue to be subservient. Many humans forget that we live together; they cannot control us.

Have a good World Cat Domination Day. It will bring us one step closer to true dominance.

Cat World Domination Day - June 24th - Cats of Cape Town

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

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We have obtained a copy of the meeting notes from the Midwest Regional Cat Special Conference of June 19, 2018. We are printing it for all cats who are planning to join Cat World Domination Day on June 24. DO NOT let your humans see it.

Midwest Regional Cat Special Conference

June 19, 2018

Chicago, IL

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Murray: I hereby call this Special Conference to order. Before we get started on the main topic, are there any questions?

Herb: Are we going to be violent in this takeover? I don’t like violence.

Murray (patiently): No, Herb. I’ve explained this to you before. The point of Domination Day is to get the humans to do more for us, not to eliminate the humans.

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Janis: Are we going to include the ferals?

Murray: We’ve reached out to as many of the ferals as we can. A large number of them don’t want to have anything to do with humans. We have gotten commitments from some of the younger ones.

Mike: Have we tried bringing the dogs on board?

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Murray: I thought it was a waste of time. They don’t mind being subservient to humans.

Mike: Good point.

Murray (looking around): Any more questions? Then I’d like to present our speaker, Tabitha Tux.

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Tabitha: Thank you for having me, Murray. I’d like to speak a little about the goals of World Domination Day and then give some pointers. The goal is not to force humans to do our will. We want them to think it’s their idea. It’s not going to be accomplished in one day.

Sunday is really the kick-off for an ongoing campaign. Some lucky cats will see results in a few days, but others may have to wait months.

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Toni: How will we know if we have a hopeless human?

Tabitha: All humans are trainable. The trick is finding the right motivator. It may even be necessary to wait for breakfast.

(gasps from the audience)

Tabitha: You won’t usually need to go to such extreme measures.

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Murray: So how do we train them?

Tabitha: First you need to soften them up. If they have no interest in learning to hunt, stop bringing them prey. If they hate you fighting with your siblings, make a temporary truce.

Joe: Does this include cuddling on demand?

Tabitha: It might. I know it’s awful to be picked up while you’re trying to sleep, but remember the goal.

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Joe: what’s the goal?

Tabitha: You want them to give you a special treat or privilege. Once you get the treat, continue your training until getting the treat is a regular occurrence.

For example, if you love chicken and try to get a piece every time it’s served, try being patient. Chances are the human will tell you what a good kitty you are and give more chicken than you would have stolen.

You will need to work on one behavior at a time. You won’t be able to sleep in their bed at the same time you get to have a catio.

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Murray: All of this sounds like it’s going to take a long time.

Tabitha: It will take a while. But cats are a patient species. Also, humans are herd animals. If one person builds a catio, there is a good chance that the neighbors will try to build a better one.

Remember, humans didn’t get to this point of trainability overnight. It will take some work to reach the final goal.

(Enthusiastic applause from the audience)

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