Sgt Stripes: Hey, Snoops! I need to ask you a question.

Snoops: I suppose. What’s up?

Sgt Stripes: I really like the person you call Blondie. But I think she might be lying to me.

Snoops: She is a human. You can’t really trust them.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. I have kinda noticed that. Anyway, do you think they’re ever going to get me a vole?

Snoops: Why do you want a vole?

Sgt Stripes: They were the tastiest treats when I lived outside. But they are NEVER on the menu here.

Snoops: That’s true. I’ve never had one. What is it exactly?

Sgt Stripes: It’s like a larger, plumper mouse.

Snoops: Ooh. That does sound delicious. We have some pretty big mice around here when the seasons change.

Sgt Stripes: I’ve only seen a couple upstairs.

Snoops: Yeah. We don’t have as many as we used to. Kommando and I were a great team. She’d flush them out, and I’d finish the job.

Sgt Stripes: Anyway, Blondie said that she would talk to the other humans and get vole on the menu. But it never happens. Do you think she’s lying?

Snoops: I don’t think she’s lying exactly. I think she doesn’t want to disappoint you.

Sgt Stripes: That means no voles, right?

Snoops: Unfortunately, not.

Sgt Stripes: Rats!

Snoops: We don’t have any of those either.

Sgt Stripes: Hmm. Well I need protein to survive. What are my other options?

Snoops: Mom said you don’t like people food.

Sgt Stripes: You mean food made from humans? That sounds disgusting!

Snoops: No, silly. The food that humans eat.

Sgt Stripes: Well. They gave me some goose. That wasn’t bad. But I didn’t like the chicken they gave me.

Snoops: You need to be careful with food that our human brother cooks. It usually is mixed in with other weird stuff like tomatoes or beans. It’s really sad how badly he can mangle a chicken. He makes something called tikka masala. You can’t even tell it used to be chicken.

Sgt Stripes: He brings leftovers upstairs sometimes. They always seem to have a lot of beans or noodles or something burying the meat. Sometimes there isn’t even any meat.

Snoops: I know. It’s appalling, isn’t it? Do you like fish?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure. What’s a fish?

Snoops: They swim in water. They are pretty tasty.

Sgt Stripes: Maybe Blondie could get me one of those. I’d be willing to try it.

Snoops: Or maybe you’d like turkey. They only get the full turkey once a year, but you can get it from the store in slices. It’s pretty yummy. But my very favorite from the store is ham.

Sgt Stripes: What’s a ham?

Snoops: I’m not really sure. But you can get it in slices or a big hunk. I like the slices best. It’s the only edible part when the humans get pizza. I don’t get it very often. It’s like a treat.

Sgt Stripes: Before I moved into the house, I got to share some ice cream. It was extremely delicious. I haven’t seen any since. Do they still have that?

Snoops: They only eat that in the hot weather. But that’s coming up. Make sure you ask for it. The humans are okay with sharing, but they don’t always think about it.

Sgt Stripes: Okay. I want to try ham, turkey, fish, and ice cream. Thanks, Snoops! You were a lot of help. This might even make up for no voles.

Snoops: Glad to help. Now let me get back to my sun puddle.