Cat Forum: Interview with Fast Eddie

Hello. Snoops and Kommando here with another edition of Cat Forum. This time we are lucky enough to be interviewing Fast Eddie from Notes from the UK. The lady who writes it, Ellen Hawley, is very nice but only seems to write for humans.

(Our comments will look like this.)

We really like your name. How did you get it?

I’ve always been Fast Eddie.

People call cats silly things, but we have our own names. I don’t have to tell you that—you’re cats; you know these things—but we’re letting humans read this, so I’ll explain. If our people call us something silly, we ignore them and keep our names to ourselves. Sometimes they call us by our real names, though, and that happened to me. My people looked at me and said, “That’s Fast Eddie.” And I said, “Yeah. That’s me.”

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Since it seems to be cloudy a lot there, do you have trouble finding good sun spots?

Nah. I can find a good sunny spot anytime the sun’s out. If it’s cloudy—well, yeah. I see your point. But in the winter, as soon as it gets dark my people make me a fire.

(Snoops: I hope Mom sees this.)

Horatio Hedgehog says that there are wild hedgehogs in Britain. Have you ever seen one?

Not for a while. We had one in the neighborhood, but she didn’t talk to me. I haven’t seen her for a long time. Maybe she went somewhere else to sulk. I figured hedgehogs weren’t friendly, but maybe that was just this one, huh?

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Have you ever eaten clotted cream?

My people might read this, right? So, no. Never tried the stuff. That time on the table? Never happened.

It’s wonderful.

(Kommando: We definitely need to make sure Mom reads this.)

Do you get to go outside? Mom says it’s too dangerous here.

I have my own window that I can go in and out of. And a door in the summer. It can be dangerous, though. My predecessor, the mighty Smudge, got killed on the road, so I don’t go over there. But there’s plenty to do right here, in the back yards.

(Kommando: Mom, if we get the fire and the cream, I won’t trip you trying to get outside.)

You live with a dog, right? Does he try to boss you around?

I live with two dogs, and one of them is my mother. I mean, I had a cat mother but she had a whole lot of kittens and she kind of got tired of us. My dog mother, though? She never gets tired. She cleans my ears for me.

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But the other dog? I told my people he was a bad idea, but they brought him home anyway. And he leaked. I told them, “This dog’s defective,” but you know what people are like. Even people who call you by your real name. They don’t listen.

So I told him, “You do that in the house and they’ll send you back,” and he doesn’t leak now. But he was still a bad idea.

(Snoops: I don’t think we want to take the chance. No dog.)

You live with two humans. What is the best thing about each of them?

They like me. And they feed me good things and keep my window open and pet me and stuff. So yeah, it’s a good home.

Is there anything else you would like to say?

Tell your hedgehog I said hi. And I’m sorry for what I said about hedgehogs. It must be just that one over here. She wasn’t very nice.

(Snoops: Horatio has days like that too. I think it’s a hedgehog thing.)

We want to thank Fast Eddie for his time. Be sure to stop by Notes from the UK. You can find lots of pictures of him if you follow a link at the top of the page. If you’re a human, you might like the human part too.

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35 thoughts on “Cat Forum: Interview with Fast Eddie

  1. Just before Eddie went out on the prowl, he asked me to say thanks and to send his best. And even though he didn’t eat that clotted cream, he says you should definitely have some.

    And a fire.

  2. Pingback: Restoring a country’s greatness: bell ringers, royal yachts, and low self-esteem | Notes from the U.K.

    • He hasn’t. When I told him it was written by a human, he didn’t see the point anymore. I didn’t get as far as telling him the actors were human as well. He really would have lost faith in us all.

      I did ask about the names, though, and he says most have two–the silly things humans call them and the ones they call themselves. And–well, I guess this could count as three, because their mothers call them all Kitty.

  3. This is a brilliant blog. I’ve often thought of setting one up for Charlie and Chloe. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. I have to ask them again. Though Charlie just yawns and Chloe is glaring. OK, so perhaps not. Stay tuned. Probably no one cares. You’re doing it brilliantly here. Absolutely the best.

    • Purr. If weren’t so furry, we.d be blushing. Thank you! If Charlie and Chloe are interested in interviewed at some time to see if they like talking to the blogosphere, just let us know. Thanks again, Kommando and Snoops.

  4. Oh they would indeed. Chloe is all for it. Charles is shy, but curious so he can’t help but listen in. And he likes ladies more than mens, so he’ll feel more comfortable knowing you have two mommies.

  5. Just thought I should let you know that we found a hedgehog in the back yard last night. The dogs were barking at it and it did the wisest thing a hedgehog can do, which was to roll into a ball and ignore them. We hauled them inside and next time I checked it had gone. We hope it’ll come back and eat slugs. We have lots of slugs.

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