1. Artificial cheese. One chemical away from being seran wrap.
2. Lethal spray cheese it can kill a person if used wrongly.
3. BAAAAAH i looooove ma cheez whizz!!!!! i no i waaaaaaaaaaant it!”cheez whiz, you know you want it!”
4. (a) Essence of pure cheezy goodness; (b) Common anal lubrication; (c) Cause of human suffering (i.e., sexually transmitted diseases).
5.the greatest person the world has ever seen. As in “i like cheese”; “i love cheez wiz, hes the greatest person ever”
I could probably stop typing right now and leave you as disturbed as I am by the above definitions. I was actually looking for #1 and #5, but the other 3 were total revelations, so I left them in. I feel so old sometimes. I never would have thought of spray-cheesing someone to death. Imagine the grave marker.
But it makes my point. I barely consider Cheez Whiz food, and other people love it.
If you have found yourself with a jar/can of it and 1) no longer wish to be able to hear your arteries hardening or 2) no longer need it because your 18-year-old daughter finally dumped her 30-year-old boyfriend, I have found a solution. Joey Green has written a book: Clean Your Clothes with Cheez Whiz: And Hundreds of Offbeat Uses for Dozens More Brand-Name Products. Even if you didn’t need to know that Cheez Whiz takes out greasy stains (odd – it would seem to also create them), she also says that Baby Magic Baby Powder repels ants and you can make a facial out of Cheerios. You can find the book on Amazon and bookstores (if you can still find a bookstore).
Looking through the internet, it appears that the lovers greatly outnumber the haters. I discovered a variety of license plate holders: I LOVE CHEEZ WHIZ, I’D RATHER BE EATING CHEEZ WHIZ, ADDICTED TO CHEEZ WHIZ. Oddly enough, none of these plates have been reviewed. May be the same reason I have never seen one on a car. You can also order a variety of t-shirts, hoodies, caps, and mugs with various Cheez Whiz saying and pictures.
In keeping with the slightly perverse uses for Cheez Whiz mentioned above, a person named Vice Chick offers the following products (only 3 of each left):
1950s Ritz Crackers Kraft Cheez Whiz Retro Advertising Double-Sided Cigarette Case, ID Holder, Wallet with RFID Theft Protection –
- Double-sided case with strong spring-loaded clips
- Holds 14 credit cards or 16 regular or 100s length cigarettes
- Also keeps the essentials like condoms, cash
- Protects against ID Thieves stealing your credit card information!
Kraft Cheez Whiz Vintage Ad Stainless Steel Pill Box: Holds pills, coins, condoms
- Made in California
- Stainless Steel
- Holds coins, vitamins, medication, guitar picks, condoms
- Compartment insert is removable
Finally, there is Sexual (Deep Dish Cheez Whiz Dub), an MP3 track from Amber.
I’m sure all the Cheez Whiz lovers out there are wondering if I was ever going to get to recipes. Here are two of my favorites (both from the Kraft website):
Cheesy Beer Dip
What You Need : 1 jar (15 oz.) CHEEZ WHIZ Cheese Dip; 1/3 cup beer
MICROWAVE CHEEZ WHIZ as directed on label.
MIX CHEEZ WHIZ and beer in bowl; stir until well blended.
SERVE with pretzels or chips.
What you need: 1 pkg. (1 lb.) OSCAR MAYER Bun-Length Wieners; 1 cup CHEEZ WHIZ Cheese Dip; 8 hamburger buns, split
PREHEAT grill to medium heat. Slice wieners at 1/2-inch intervals, being careful to not cut all the way through the wieners.
GRILL wieners 6 minutes or until wieners begin to curl and are heated through (160°F), turning after 3 minutes. Meanwhile, microwave the CHEEZ WHIZ as directed on label.
PLACE wieners in buns (curl into circles). Spoon about 2 Tbsp. of the CHEEZ WHIZ into center of each wiener.
If you try these recipes and like them, please don’t let me know.
13 thoughts on “Cheez Whiz: Love It or Hate It?”
On Urban Dictionary, it always comes back to anal sex….
Honestly, I’ve never had cheese wiz (or SPAM), but I did like Vienna Sausages when I was a little kid. I’d like to think that we outgrow some of our nutrition suicidal tendencies, but then I find myself envying the guy on Man Vs. Food.
Y’know i almost left out the lubricant part. It’s kinda weird what types of food we still eat. It’s chocolate chips and peanut butter for me.
Cheez Wiz on Bacon….. My knees are weak……
You appear to have an obsession with bacon.
Bacon is love
A keg of Cheez Wiz…. oooooooooooooooh
eat it or bathe in it?
Hope you had a great National Cat Day yesterday!
Astounding. I’ve never had it. Not about to start, judging from what it’s done to Ervin.
Yes, but he also bathes in it. And it appears that he has nice skin. Perhaps it is better for external use.
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