voles | Adventures in Cheeseland

Sgt Stripes: Hey, Snoops! I need to ask you a question.

Snoops: I suppose. What’s up?

Sgt Stripes: I really like the person you call Blondie. But I think she might be lying to me.

Snoops: She is a human. You can’t really trust them.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. I have kinda noticed that. Anyway, do you think they’re ever going to get me a vole?

Snoops: Why do you want a vole?

Sgt Stripes: They were the tastiest treats when I lived outside. But they are NEVER on the menu here.

Snoops: That’s true. I’ve never had one. What is it exactly?

Sgt Stripes: It’s like a larger, plumper mouse.

Snoops: Ooh. That does sound delicious. We have some pretty big mice around here when the seasons change.

Sgt Stripes: I’ve only seen a couple upstairs.

Snoops: Yeah. We don’t have as many as we used to. Kommando and I were a great team. She’d flush them out, and I’d finish the job.

Sgt Stripes: Anyway, Blondie said that she would talk to the other humans and get vole on the menu. But it never happens. Do you think she’s lying?

Snoops: I don’t think she’s lying exactly. I think she doesn’t want to disappoint you.

Sgt Stripes: That means no voles, right?

Snoops: Unfortunately, not.

Sgt Stripes: Rats!

Snoops: We don’t have any of those either.

Sgt Stripes: Hmm. Well I need protein to survive. What are my other options?

Snoops: Mom said you don’t like people food.

Sgt Stripes: You mean food made from humans? That sounds disgusting!

Snoops: No, silly. The food that humans eat.

Sgt Stripes: Well. They gave me some goose. That wasn’t bad. But I didn’t like the chicken they gave me.

Snoops: You need to be careful with food that our human brother cooks. It usually is mixed in with other weird stuff like tomatoes or beans. It’s really sad how badly he can mangle a chicken. He makes something called tikka masala. You can’t even tell it used to be chicken.

Sgt Stripes: He brings leftovers upstairs sometimes. They always seem to have a lot of beans or noodles or something burying the meat. Sometimes there isn’t even any meat.

Snoops: I know. It’s appalling, isn’t it? Do you like fish?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure. What’s a fish?

Snoops: They swim in water. They are pretty tasty.

Sgt Stripes: Maybe Blondie could get me one of those. I’d be willing to try it.

Snoops: Or maybe you’d like turkey. They only get the full turkey once a year, but you can get it from the store in slices. It’s pretty yummy. But my very favorite from the store is ham.

Sgt Stripes: What’s a ham?

Snoops: I’m not really sure. But you can get it in slices or a big hunk. I like the slices best. It’s the only edible part when the humans get pizza. I don’t get it very often. It’s like a treat.

Sgt Stripes: Before I moved into the house, I got to share some ice cream. It was extremely delicious. I haven’t seen any since. Do they still have that?

Snoops: They only eat that in the hot weather. But that’s coming up. Make sure you ask for it. The humans are okay with sharing, but they don’t always think about it.

Sgt Stripes: Okay. I want to try ham, turkey, fish, and ice cream. Thanks, Snoops! You were a lot of help. This might even make up for no voles.

Snoops: Glad to help. Now let me get back to my sun puddle.

Sgt Stripes here. I love being an indoor kitty. I have humans to take care of me and lots of windows to look out. I have plenty of toys and can pretty much get tummy rubs on demand. I even have an electric tummy warmer. (Mom calls it a bed warmer.) But there’s one thing that has taken a little getting used to: the food.

Back when I lived outside, I had to hunt for food. We live in a pretty open area. Mom has two acres and there’s forty acres on the lot next door. I didn’t have much trouble getting what I needed. (Don’t tell Mom, but I got a few treats from the neighbors too.) I was attracted to Mom and my human brother because they put kibble out regularly. It was a nice contrast to my diet of field mice and voles.

When I came inside, they tried to feed me kibble and wet food. I love the kibble, but the wet food tasted really weird. I didn’t like it. I kept trying to tell them that I really wanted a vole, but they never seemed to understand. I asked Mr Google to find me some vole-flavored food, but I didn’t have any luck. All I could find was ways to get rid of voles. I don’t want to poison them. If I poison them, I can’t eat them.

Right now, I’m eating mainly kibble. Occasionally, I’ll have some chicken and tuna stew and some treats, It’s not that I don’t like my kibble, but it gets a little boring. I’d really like something fresh. My human brother gave me goose one time. That was pretty tasty, but I really don’t like human food (except ice cream).

I talked to Snoops about it. She lived outside for a while before she ended up at the shelter. She understood what I meant. She says that’s the main reason she occasionally eats the mice she catches. It’s a flavor that none of the canned foods can match. We don’t really understand why there are vegetables in some cat food, but no mice or voles.

I tried eating a couple of the mice I found upstairs. (It’s one of the advantages of living in an old farmhouse. It’s easy for mice to get in.) They were pretty tasty, but they really didn’t taste like the ones I had outside. Snoops says it’s because of what they eat. Apparently the humans aren’t really good about keeping all the food in the pantry locked in airtight containers. It has come to their attention that mice love sweets. On occasion, they’ve eaten large (for a mouse) quantities of chocolate chips and baking chocolate.

I guess I prefer grass-fed mice and voles. There have been a few mice since I came inside, but no voles. I saw that one of the pet stores around here has voles. I tried to talk Mom into buying a couple, but she wouldn’t do it. She won’t buy any of the fun animals: no mice, no voles, no gerbils, no hamsters. So I’m kind of stuck.

I think Mom feels bad because I don’t like wet food. I think she’s tried every flavor they make. I don’t want to make her feel bad; it’s not her fault that cat food doesn’t come in the really good flavors. Maybe I could write a letter to the cat-food companies and suggest they try something different.