Dear Human
What happened to you? You’ve gone away before but you’ve always come back. The other humans said you will be gone for more days than all of us cats have paws. (5 cats x 4 paws = 20 days) They said you were safe and not to worry.
However, the big tabby and I are a little concerned. I’m you emotional support cat (your doctor said so), and he’s head of TheraPaws. We don’t think you should have gone on some kind of extended vacation without one (or both of us). Of course, Sarge and I really don’t get along, so I think you should have taken me.
Of course, I really hate to travel, so I probably would have needed my own support cat.It would have needed to be a different cat. I really don’t particularly like any of the cats who live here. Hmm. I wonder if Mr Google knows any support cats I could audition.
Things are getting really annoying around here. You know how we share the same bedroom? Since you’ve been gone, Gypsy wanted to move into your space. But she didn’t want to share with me. She wants to keep it for herself. Except when she goes to bed with Mom or does whatever she does in the male human’s room.
It would have been a whole lot quieter around here if you would have taken the small humans with you. They’re not continually noisy anymore, but there are times. Mom bathes them every night, but they still smell like human. You might want to look for some Eau de Chat before you come back.
I am seriously short on cuddles since this all started. I have to look for the other humans to get any attention. I’ve been spending a lot more time downstairs. It gets kind of crowded down there. I’ve been spending some time in the basement. I don’t really see why Gypsy likes it. It’s chilly down there.
Which reminds me. I do have a new favorite hangout. The inside porch has lots of spaces to hide and gets nice and warm. It also has excellent Cat TV. And sometimes one of the little humans holds the door open so I can go outside. The big humans don’t like that and always bring me back inside immediately.
I don’t really understand the fuss. Outside looks like a lot of fun. There’s a really big yard and lots of bugs and other things to play with. They said they’re afraid I might get lost. They also think I might get eaten, but I think they’re just trying to scare me. There are regular mice out there and big mice with stripes. Mom says those ones are called chipmunks.
Anyway, I miss you. I’m having trouble working out a timeshare with the rest of the cats to get in the rotation for cuddles with Mom. She seems kind of busy. I don’t have my own food and water like when you’re here. She keeps kibble and water in her room for any of us who want it. And she expects me to share a litter box. (That’s actually not bad. It’s really clean.)
Hope I don’t have to start auditioning new humans. I have you trained.
Purrs & Cuddles,
Onyx
Adventures in Cheeseland 
I’ve often wondered when I have to travel whether my kids even knew I was gone. Never had to wonder about the pets, though.
That’s the truth
Onyx we’re really sorry you’re going through all this your human shouldn’t be leaving you for such a long time we wish we could help only hope the human will be back soon with lots of cuddles and treats x😽🐈⬛🐈🐾💓
Thank you! Sometimes it’s really hard being a cat
I’d help you in a flash if I only could.
Thank you! I just discovered a basket of her clean clothes. I need to make sure they all smell like me when she gets back.
onyx…sorree yur purrson haz been gone 22 bazillion dayz…may bee ewe could look on human finder…kind like …pet finder…but with peepulz….ta find nother purrson….tho in de long run…eye think yur mom iz de bezt choize…hope her getz home soon and bringz lotz oh treetz for ewe…happee week end two everee one 🐟💙‼️😸🦋
Happy weekend! I think I’m stuck with these humans. Another escape attempt was foiled today
oh onyx, we r so sorry yoo haz bin abandoned like that. come over here and me and dee mum will cuddle yoo lotz!
I love that Gidget. My mom and me…we wanted to also. XX
Thank you all. It’s nice to know someone cares. I haven’t even gotten a catnip mouse from my human
Ooh! Thank you!
Hi onyx 😀 this is max. Is your human okay? I am so sorry you miss her 😢 do you like to cuddle with her a lot? Don’t worry, your human will be back 😀 my human left me overnight for one time, I was a little scared, but I was alright! You will be fine 🙂
Thank you. She is in a place called Georgia getting specialized help for something called ED. I don’t know who ED is, but I hope he lets her go soon. We are totally bonded when she’s here.
My goodness, I really hope your human will be okay 👍 just be patient 🙏 and I’m sure the other humans there will help 😊
Is that a wallpaper with vintage baseball cards, or a box? I see tiling so I’m guessing wallpaper. Either way, that’s pretty cool, I’ve never seen anything like it.
Your poor pride misses you. I wonder sometimes how cats perceive the passage of time. Of course we think the way we perceive time is the “standard,” but thanks to Einstein we know there is no objective time, just time as it flows in a local reference frame.
I’m not saying cats experience time dilation or anything like that. That’s not the way it works. But do they subjectively perceive it differently? Does a day feel like a week to them?
Anyone who claims cats are unaware of time or incapable of understanding it has not lived with one and hasn’t experienced their uncanny timekeeping when it comes to meals.
It is wallpaper with Ty Cobb-era baseball players. We never changed it because we rarely used the room. The house was built in 1926 and it was added somewhere along the line.
When we brought Sarge inside, we kept him upstairs away from Snoops and Kommando. It was just my son and I here human-wise. We’d go upstairs at 8p every night te o spend some time with him. It wasn’t long before we started hearing a thud every night around 7:55. It was him bouncing off the French doors to get our attention. I would say it’s the position of the sun, but it lasted for several months. (He and Snoops had trouble acclimating to each other.)
The wallpaper could be worth something. I doubt it’s as old as ’26 because some of the players would have been barely in the league by then, but it might be worth snapping a few photos and reaching out to some online appraisers.
Sarge is a good boy. I can’t believe he’d have any trouble getting along with anyone!
He is a sweetheart. We think he was trying to play
I don’t hope your Human comes back. Is all her stuff still there? Did you see any boxes being packed or moved out before she left? Maybe you should get to know the small Humans a bit more before your Mom gets back. They might give you some extra attention.
She took a suitcase, but none of her important stuff (like me). I’m going to leave the small humans to the other cats. They don’t mean it, but they pat really hard for a small cat like me.
DO HOPE. Stupid texting
We figures. Auto-correct has gotten even worse since they introduced AI
Oh, Onyx, I hope your human returns soon. It sounds like you really miss them. And yes, you should stay inside. It’s a scary world out there!
Thank you. She’s in a place called Georgia. Mom says it’s too far to walk from Michigan. At least the food, treat, and litter situation is adequate. But my humans better be bringing me something really good.
Funny. I’m sure they will bring you back something to make your suffering worth it!
That is a long time to be gone, especially without getting preapproval form the kitties. XO
I know, right? Luckily Mom has an opening on her bed, so I’ve moved in.
What a heartfelt lettur you wrote yore Hu’man Oynx! If mee wrote that to BellaSita shee’d bee back inn a flash… Shee has nevurr gone away more than 10 hourss…..mee iss lucky that way! Pawss crossed yore Hu’man reeternss soon Onxy!
***nose rubss*** BellaDharma an **blowss kissess** BellaSita Mum
I really miss her. I’m trying to make Mom my temporary human
Go fore it Gypsy!!! 44 pawss UP!