Note from the Editors: The voters have spoken. Thomas Tabby was elected unanimously to be the Liaison to the Humans in Cheeeseland. Remy the Golden Retriever was gracious in defeat offering to help Thomas any way he could. Below is his first press conference.

Thomas: Thank you everyone. I appreciate your confidence in me. I’m excited to get to work improving our relationship with the humans. Before I take any questions, I have a couple of staffing announcements to make. First, I have had a long conversation with Remy about concerns that I will be too cat-centric in my policies. I believe that his concerns have some merit. I have asked him to be part of our core team as we move through the process.

Remy bounces onto the stage, obviously excited.

Remy: Thank you, Thomas. I am looking forward to giving an outside perspective to this very feline-leaning community. I’m not just here for the dogs. Anyone who feels they aren’t being heard is welcome to send me a message. You can find me on Chitter @reallyremy or email me at remy.retriever649@cheezland.com.

Thomas: Thank you Remy. I look forward to working with you. The other addition to my staff is someone you all know. I’ve asked Sgt Stripes to be my spokestabby. I’m still working full-time in addition to my unpaid liaison duties. Stripes will make sure you have someone to give you answers.

Sgt Stripes lands on the stage with a graceful leap.

Sgt Stripes: I am honored by Thomas’ trust in me. I will do my best to communicate effectively. I’m on Chitter @tabbylove or email sgt.stripes0909@cheezland.com. I am also happy to take your concerns to Thomas. He is a very busy kitty.

Thomas: Thank you both. I think we’ll have a great team. Does anyone have any questions?

Reporter 1: As a cat, are you going to be focusing on “cat problems?”

Thomas: I’m not really sure what you mean by cat problems.I ran on a platform of improving all animal relations with humans. I am a cat, but I represent all of you.

Reporter 2: Does that mean you will address the “vermin issue,” meaning the reality that humans think that some animals should be eradicated?

Thomas: Regarding some of the “less popular” animals, I intend to talk to the humans about the ways that we can all peacefully coexist. At the very least, we need to find a way to share the space we have. It is never acceptable to try to eliminate whole groups of animals.

Reporter 3: What will be the first issue you address after you take office on January 1?

Thomas: I want to have the humans help us drastically reduce the number of homeless animals. I’m not talking about the animals who enjoy living in nature. There are an alarming number of animals who have no real home. They at least need shelter in the cold weather.

Reporter 3: That seems extremely ambitious. Shouldn’t you start with something a little more realistic?

Thomas: Well, my daughter thought we should ask the humans to put treat dispensers on every corner. Maybe we should try that.

Everyone laughed. Several reporters held up their hands with questions.

Sgt Stripes: I’m sorry. That’s all the time we have right now. If you would like to send us specific questions, we will do our best to give you answers.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images