See Dick and Jane Get Real

I recently read that the original artwork from Dick and Jane is going to be auctioned. You may remember Dick and Jane. They were a part of early childhood reading programs for most of the mid-20th century. See Spot. See Spot run. See Dick and Spot play.

Dick and Jane had disappeared by the end of the 1970’s. Probably a victim to the fact that no one had been able to relate to them since at least the mid-1950’s. I thought it would be fun to see how they might look today:

See Dick and Jane. See Dick and Jane fight over the remote. See Spot chase Fluffy around the room. See Mommy come in the room. Mommy is mad. Mommy tells them to all stop being so noisy.

See Mommy and Daddy fight. See Mommy cry. See Mommy and Daddy yell. Daddy has a “special” friend. See Mommy tell Daddy to move out. See Daddy live with his special friend. See how beautiful and young his special friend looks.

See Dick and Jane cry. See Dick and Jane hate special friend. See Mommy sad.

See Mommy file for divorce. See Daddy’s special friend in court. See Mommy get full custody and the house. See Daddy sad. See Dick and Jane tell special friend that they hate her.

See Mommy realize she needs to get a job. See Mommy realize she has no skills after staying home with the kids. See Mommy take a job at a dollar store.

See Dick and Jane visit Daddy. See Dick and Jane make “Aunt” Jill cry. See Daddy frustrated. See Dick and Jane cry when they get home.

See Mommy look at her paycheck. See Mommy swear. Mommy knows she has to make more money. Mommy goes to night school to be a nurse.

See Jane learn to cook. Jane is not a good cook. See Mommy buy fast food. See Dick and Jane gain weight. See Mommy tired and grouchy. See Spot and Fluffy try to play with Mommy. See Mommy tell Dick and Jane to take care of their pets.

See Daddy fight with “Aunt Jill”. She does not like Dick and Jane. He loves Dick and Jane. See Daddy move out again.

See Dick and Jane visit Daddy. Daddy feels guilty about moving out. Daddy lets them do anything they want. Dick and Jane become spoiled brats.

Mommy is too tired to fight with Dick and Jane. See Dick and Jane do anything they want. See Dick play video games all day. See Jane watch TV all day. See Dick and Jane not learn to read.

See Mommy and Daddy speaking to each other again. See them to agree to joint custody. See Dick and Jane happier.

See time go by. See Dick and Jane living happily with Mommy and her new husband and their baby. See Dick and Jane visiting Daddy and his wife with their new baby. See them all living together peacefully.

See the Lifetime network make a movie about their family living happily ever after. See Dick and Jane laugh about it with their therapists.


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