Editor’s Note: October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the US. We’re taking a break from our usual (hopefully) humorous topics and looking at an issue that has hit our household. If this topic is too painful for you, please take a break this week and come back next Saturday.
Hello! It’s Onyx here. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. About a year ago, my human, along with Angel, Gypsy, and myself, had to escape a domestic violence situation involving my human’s former husband (I’ll call him loud human). He was really nice when I first moved in, but as time went on, he became loud, mean, controlling, and eventually, abusive, both physically, emotionally, and verbally. He was mean to everyone in the house, including the mini humans, and the cats. So I’m writing today to bring awareness to domestic violence involving pets.
- 71% of domestic violence survivors report that their abuser threatened, harmed, or killed a pet. The abusers will do this as a way to control or get revenge on their victims. Animals may also be used as weapons against the victims.
- Half of domestic violence victims would rather stay with their abuser than leave their pets. Thankfully, my human was in a situation where she could keep me (and Angel and Gypsy. Loud Human got Thunder, as she was his cat). She was able to move us all in with her mom. But it’s so sad to know that this is a choice that must be made by victims every day.
- 52% of survivors are forced to leave their pet with their abuser. Because of this, 25% of victims will return to their abuser; oftentimes, their abuser will use the pet as a means to get their victims back.
- 87% of battery perpetrated pet abuse is committed in front of the abuser’s partner; 76% is committed in front of children.
- 13% of animal abuse involves domestic abuse.
- 85% of domestic violence shelter workers report that they commonly encounter clients who speak about pet abuse; people in shelters are 11 times more likely to report pet abuse than people who are not abused.
- Pet abuse investigations are often starting points for social services getting involved in domestic violence situations.
- Domestic violence survivors who reported pet abuse also reported twice as many child abuse cases, as compared to survivors who did not report pet abuse.
- Animal abusers are more likely to be domestic violence perpetrators; additionally, these abusers are more likely to have been arrested for other violent crimes, have a history of delinquent behaviors, and often have a history of suffering abuse in their childhood.
- 55% of domestic violence survivors report that their pets are very important emotional support structures in their lives.
- 19.5% of victims without pets will postpone seeking shelter, whereas 33.3% of victims with pets will postpone seeking shelter.
- 65% of domestic violence survivors worry about what will happen to their pet upon entering a shelter; because of this, 40% of victims don’t leave their violent situation due to their pet.
- Only 12% of domestic violence shelters can take in pets, and only 24% of shelters can provide referrals for local animal welfare houses. Because of this, survivors have lived in their car for up to 4 months, waiting for a spot at a pet friendly shelter to open up.
That’s a lot to swallow. There are tips on getting your pet ready to leave a domestic violence situation. These tips include:
- Know what shelters around you allow pets, or at least have an established safe haven foster care program. Check out this website for statewide information on where you and your pet may be able to go: https://www.safehavensforpets.org/
- If taking your pet is not possible, try to arrange for your pet to stay with your vet, a local shelter, or a friend or family member. Try to avoid leaving your pet alone with your abuser.
- Create a safety or escape plan that includes your pet.
- If you do have to leave your pet with your abuser, and are able to go back for them, ask a police officer or member of animal control to escort you. Never go alone.
- Put vaccines and registrations in your name; if at all possible, leave your abuser’s name off of them.
- Prepare your pet for a quick escape; have all of their pertinent documents (including vet records, vaccination records, registrations, and microchip information) in one place.
- After you leave your abuser, there are still some steps you can take to protect your pet. These include:
- Not leaving your pet alone outside.
- Changing your vet.
- Bring as much food and medicine as possible for your pet when you leave (and favorite blanket or toy, if applicable).
- See if you can include your pet on any legal protection orders you may get. 30 states, including my state of Michigan, allow pets to be included.
Although resources vary from state to state, I found some national organizations (in the US) that may help your human and you in domestic violence situations. These organizations include the ASPCA ((888) 666-2279), The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (800-799 SAFE (3233)), American Humane Association (1-800-227-4645), Purina (972.487.2200), and Safe People Safe Pets (617-999-3055).
Domestic violence is atrocious for everyone involved. And it’s infinitely more difficult to escape when you have a pet. My paws are crossed that one day, domestic violence will no longer be an issue. However, for now, if you or someone you know is in need of resources, please try to access them as conveniently as possible. Stay safe, and have a safe and happy October (which is also Black Cat Awareness Month!)
Adventures in Cheeseland 
I’m glad everyone got out safely.
Thank you 🖤
I wish this writing today could go in newspapers as a guest column or even added to bulletin boards in doctor or vet offices for those who don’t know how to leave this nightmare scene in their own house– to read. I hesitate to call it, the house, a “home” it is so horrible. And…that old adage “marry in haste, repent at leisure” is true. When I went to the Pastor to arrange a wedding, he made us answer a long list of questions. It was to determine compatibility. Common to do then, not sure if such a preparation is still offered. Or if the couple would pay attention. However, such a thing before marriage has got to be a help. https://katieisabella.blogspot.com/
All of that is a wonderful idea. They would help those in need, and potentially help avoid bad situations 🖤
very well written post today guys; as we say in TT, 984 paws up for the information and bringing this to light. the gurl knew someone in this situation, back then though, resources weren’t “available” as it were and it wasn’t until years later; divorced. happy week ahead to all, we are glad your family members were able to …leave.. and here’s hoping thunder is ok 💙💚
Thank you so much 🖤
What a valuable post ! We send up some purrayers for Thunder even if she is :his cat” – how long until he turns on her ?
We are so glad you are all safe and had a place to come to all together.
Another problem to be aware of is that evacuation shelters opened for victims of storms like Hurricane Helene often to not allow pets, and in some cases people will not evacuate rather than leave their pet. There are a few rescue groups that come in during disasters and take charge of pets that cannot stay with their owners, but those groups are few and far between.
Thank you 🖤 I never even thought about other shelters- pet services should be more accessible everywhere.
I’m very sorry you had to go through that. I don’t know why some people get like that. I lived with a woman before I met my wife. She would get jealous for no reason and break things. I then learned that four of her last five boyfriends were dead. The father of her two kids died in a fire. Very suspicious. When we decided to split up, I tried to keep it as friendly as possible because I was afraid she would kill me in my sleep. After she moved out, she broke into my house twice. She went through my computer and wired it backward so it would short out when I turned it on. She also showed up at my work and made a big scene. I was lucky to get away from her.
I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that, and I’m glad you’re out now.
Thanks.
That’s so scary. I’m glad you got away from her and I hope you are safe now💜
I am so sorry you all went through that. I am glad you are all safe now. I hope poor Thunder is OK. XO
Thank you 🖤
I read parts, but it was too too sad for me to read it all. I pray for all who are involved in that kind of situation. To involve pets is just so cruel. So glad you all escaped that. I feel for all who can’t.
Thank you 🖤 I feel for those stuck, as well.
Mee-yow Onyx this iss a furry well dun post. Mee was a victim of Abuse bye THE preevious Human’ss I sorta lived with (when they let me inn THE house). Thanxfullee mee iss safe at THE Purrfect Pad. BellaSita wantss to meow to youss’….heer shee iss:
Hello Onyx & the Gang…I am one of those stats. Back in the mid 80’s I had to leave my 3rd ex-husband. He was violenty abusive. I’d left many times before & always came back for his children & Pyewacket the cat. When I left for the last time; I left Pyewacket in his care. She got out of the house & was bitten & contracted Distemper. He did nothing for her. She attacked everyone except me. So it was me to put her in carrier & take 3 buses to the Humane Society to have her put to sleep. He would not even give me bus money; let alone Cab fare! I’ve NEVER forgiven myself for leaving Pyewacket behind & what he allowed to happen to her. Thank you for giving us all a ‘voice’. ***blows kisses*** BellaSita Mum
***purrss*** BellaDharma
My heart goes out to you. That’s a really tough situation to be in, and I’m glad you came out of it 🖤
I got out of that situation but at the cost of Pyewacket’s life. When I arrived at Humane Society & surrendered her & explained; they REFUSED to let me be with her in her last moments. I’m haunted to this day…..
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how much that hurt and the trauma it caused. I hope you’re safe now and know it wasn’t your fault. You did all you could. You’re a lovely kind soul it seems and I do hope you’ve found the peace you deserve💜
What a terrible situation. I feel such compassion for those who can’t get out!
It is such a sad situation for some 🖤
This is very sad, but I am glad you are all well and in safe now, Much Love and Hugs to you All, nia
Thank you 🖤
Been there in my early years. Luckily, I had family and friends helping out with my cats. Wish they had these types of places, then. Sorry, Thunder was actually his.
I’m glad you got out, and that everyone was safe. Luckily, Thunder seems to be safe and well.
It breaks my heart to read about your rough situation, but grateful that you’re all safe with the ones who love you and take care of you the way you deserve. We remember the post about Thunder and we purray for him that he’s doing well. We always have hope that the violent people learn unconditional love from their animals, but not effurryone is going to be so lucky😿Soft Pawkisses especially because we know that this wasn’t easy to write down, but you help effurryone who reads this who is in such a situation. Thank you for that🙏🐾😽💞
Thank you so much 🖤 hopefully one day, this won’t be an issue.
Thank you for bravely raising awareness about pet abuse. It’s something that is rarely talked about. I’m thankful that you found a safe place for yourself, your tiny humans and your beautiful kitties. Take care.
Thank you 🖤
People in positions of power who don’t understand people’s attachment to pets are seriously putting pet owners lives in danger. My latest experience was with fire evacuation where evacuation shelters wouldn’t accept pets, we filled our cars and stayed in carparks outside all night opening shops but were eventually taken in by family. But the local authorities were talking about the large number of people returning or not leaving their homes because there was no where to stay with pets.
It’s not normal to disregard the fate of living things, let alone beloved companions. But for an emotionally fragile survivor to be indifferent to the fate of one of their emotional supporters is ludicrous.
Why can’t the non pet lovers learn that violence to pets is not going to be restricted to animals? Even if they don’t care about animals (insufficient exposure perhaps) they have to realise humans are inevitably hurt when animal abuse isn’t handled properly.
Although I think violence towards animals and small children is so much worse.
I 100% agree. I am so glad that at your last evacuation, family was able to help, but there really do need to be more pet friendly openings. And you raised a lot of good points 🖤
I often think about how my cats handled the time with my abuser. He was good with them but I also know when he was on a rampage, chasing after me and screaming until he had me cornered in tears, the cats would run and hide in places I wished I could hide too.
When I finally managed to kick him out he came back and took one of the two cats we adopted together. I couldn’t afford to look after all three and he was particularly kind to this cat when he wasn’t yelling and doing scary things to me. I also trusted his new partner to help care for him.
I do often wonder about little Maverick. He was such a sweet kitty, and so funny. I worry that he had to give Maverick up because he couldn’t have afforded him if he didn’t have a woman he’d manipulated into taking care of him and all his anger.
I know his girlfriend from the time he left isn’t with him anymore. I’d done my best to warn her but he turned her life upside down too in the end and left her traumatized after spending nearly 9 months with her. I had two years with him and I’m still dealing with the trauma nearly two years later.
I know his other x-girlfriend and I have found camaraderie together. We speak occasionally and get together and laugh and cry about what we went through and we both wonder how Maverick is and hope he’s ok. I do feel a sense of guilt for letting him go and not rehoming him elsewhere but he didn’t hurt the cats aside from causing them to fear for me. I hope I’m right in thinking he had to rehome Maverick eventually because he couldn’t find a place to live with him and/or couldn’t manage to get another girl to pay the vet bills.
I’m saddened by the thought of not knowing how Maverick is doing or where he’s doing or with whom… the worry sends me spiralling though so I must focus on my own and how peaceful they are. One is still a little skittish but she was from the start. She tends to be afraid of men, especially with loud voices. It takes a while for her to come out and introduce herself to someone new. She does trust eventually.
My other boy has been with me for longer and he’s the sweetest, mellowest, kindest cat I’ve ever known. He just adapts to whatever or whoever as long as they don’t yell at me, 88or call me names, or do any of the other terrifying things my abuser did to me. He’s still the same sweet little guy that I’ve had for years now. I feel bad he went through the scary time he went through. I feel bad my little girl cat went through it too. I remember she used to start shaking when he would yell and berate me. Sometimes I could point this out and deescalate things. He’d still blame me for making him act that way but at least I could pick her up and calm her down and have her start purring to calm herself and me too I think. She’s intuitive like that.
I just feel lucky we made it out the other side and we’ve bonded and begun to heal together.
I can only hope Maverick is safe and loved. He deserves that. I hope he forgives me for having to let him go. I know he was close to my abuser and seemed calm with him. If they’re still together I hope he’s maybe turned him into a less angry and scary man… I hope❤️